“We’ve known each other for so long”
That’s what Ron said when he asked her out. And she liked that about them. He knew her. He knew she studied too much and didn’t dress up or wear makeup. And he still liked her for who she was. They were meant to be.
When they told Harry they were dating, he broke out in the biggest smile, patted Ron on the back, and smiled softly at Hermione. He had noticed how lonely she was and he was happy she was with someone, especially it being his best friend. When Molly found out they were dating, she sent Hermione a letter congratulating them and went on and on about how she knew they would get together and that they were soulmates. As she went on, she felt more pressure to make the relationship work. Ron set down the letter he got to finish eating his breakfast and she glanced at it. She saw terms like “your future wife” “I will start looking at rings” and “maybe start thinking about where you want to propose” and she felt sick because they had just started dating a week ago.
She caught Ron later in the day and pulled him into an alcove. He looked at her with desire and before he could bend down to kiss her, she stopped him. “Ron, I want to take this slow. We need to take this slow and figure us out” she says hesitantly. “How slow are we talking Mione?” He says cocking his head. She swallows a lump in her throat, the anxiety and insecurities rising. “Just slow, there is no need to rush us, it’s only 5th year,” she says shyly. He seems to sigh in defeat and she braces herself for him to yell but he nods and they exit the alcove. The air around them feels tense and she feels alone. She wants to take her words back. He seems mad now.
She hears him talking to Harry later that day about how she is “cockblocking him” and wants to go at a “glacial pace”. Harry comforts him and she pretends her feelings aren’t hurt.
Per her request, they move slowly and she appreciates his patience. Weeks passed and their first kiss was in the astronomy tower after she had told him about different stars. He didn’t seem to pay attention to what she was saying but the way he looked at her made her feel appreciated. When he leaned down toward her, she let him kiss her. It felt comfortable and peaceful. She felt giddy and excited and she went to sleep with a smile on her face.
She doesn’t know the exact date that it went downhill but the private moment in the astronomy tower was the best it was. He took their kissing as a fast pass for them to go faster in their relationship. She didn’t like that. She pushed him away when he tried to take it farther than a simple kiss in public. When he tried to take their snogging to the next level, she would pull back and smile softly at him, trying to nonverbally communicate that she didn’t want to go farther. She moves his hands away when they try to grope her breasts or when they try to grab her ass. She even built up the courage to tell him that she didn’t want to have sex yet and she would appreciate it if he wouldn’t try to go further without them talking about it first. He rolls his eyes and pushes her away before playing with his wand. She feels like a dirty toy that was used and thrown away but they haven’t even done anything yet.
She felt like she was being shown off in the hallway. Whenever they were around other people, he held her hand and tried to kiss her against the wall. He put his arm around her shoulders and instead of being comforting, it just made her feel small and insignificant. He tried to show everyone she was his. He treated her like a prize he had won and paraded her around as such. She was so uncomfortable that she started going places without him. She tried to avoid walking with him to classes or meals. When he brings it up, She tries to tell him that she doesn’t like being so public with their relationship and wants to keep their affection private. He pretends to understand but the actions continue. She feels as though she is made to understand other people but not made to be understood.
He always interrupts her studying. Ron and Harry have always cared about academics less than her but it is very obvious once they start dating. She thinks Ron didn’t realize how much time she spent on assignments, notes, and studying. He will offer to come with her to the library and then spend the whole time complaining and distracting her. He would shuffle around her parchment and accidentally spilled a few ink pots on her essays. She works hard to keep her patience but it is hard with his clumsiness and his disrespect for academics.
Ron asked her to go to Hogsmeade one weekend. She glances over at Harry who is sitting on the couch. “What do you mean Ron, we always go to Hogsmeade together,” She says curiously. He stepped closer to her and glanced to see if Harry was listening. “I mean we go there on an official date” Ron whispers in her ear while running his hand down her side, starting at her ribs, dipping into her waist, and then settling on her hip. Instead of the desire she should be feeling, she wants to yank her body away. His touch sends flames through her body but not the right kind. Not the good kind. She steps back to try to avoid him groping her more. “Who would Harry go with then? We can’t just leave him.” She says softly suddenly overly concerned with making sure Harry is included. She calls out to Harry before Ron can get another word in “Hey Harry! Are you planning on going to Hogsmeade this weekend?” She said, praying he would say yes. “Why Mione? You and Ron going on a date?” He yelled back. She began to respond but Ron interrupted her “Yeah mate! I wanted to take her out on the town! “ She cringes as he shouts louder than necessary. It was like he was trying to alert the whole world that he was going to take her on a date and she was his. She tries not to let her heart sink when Harry says “You guys can go without me!” and winks at Ron.
It takes until late at night when she's sitting in bed that she realizes that she shouldn’t be dreading going on a date with her boyfriend. She should be excited and unable to sleep from planning and fantasizing about what they are going to do. She can’t sleep because the whole day will likely be him showing her off, wandering around, convincing her not to go into the bookstore, and trying to kiss her at random times. She sighs and turns over in bed. Why doesn't she want this? Why doesn't she want random kisses from him? What is wrong with her? She doesn’t want to be shown off like a trophy he has won. She falls asleep wondering why she is upset in a relationship with one of her best friends.
Hogsmeade was a disaster like she imagined it would be. She got dressed in modest robes before heading down to meet him in the common room. She made sure to wear robes that did not show her figure off and had limited space for wandering hands to “accidentally” slip under. She tried to put a smile on her face as she descended the stairs. As soon as she was in the view of the common room, she could feel his eyes on her. She felt like she was being judged, like a cow at an auction. She tried to brush off the feeling and made her way to him, smiling softly. She tried to move to stand next to him so they could peacefully walk down together but before they started walking, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her hard. She freezes. Everyone can see them. Everyone from Gryffindor who is going to Hogsmeade is in this room and watching them. His mouth is like a rock pushing on her face and he realizes she is not kissing back. Instead of pulling away and asking her what was wrong, he tried to kiss her harder and sneak his tongue into her mouth. She put my hands on his chest and tried to push him away as discreetly as possible. This is exactly why she does not want her relationship public because then everyone is in their business. He stops kissing her and his face is confused and slightly angry as he pulls away. She stares at the ground trying to avoid his gaze. He grabs her hand tightly and pulls her out of the common room.
The walk to Hogsmeade is too fast. It is like he is sprinting to get away from the castle. Like it is suffocating him. She is the exact opposite, the farther from the castle she gets, the more anxious and nervous she is. Out here, there is less protection and more danger. Nothing she can’t handle but it is still unnerving. Her hand is numb with how tight Ron is holding it and it feels like her bones are being crushed. She tried to shake him off a few times during the walk and force him to release her hand but he just held it tighter. She glanced around to see if anyone noticed her discomfort and no one was looking her way. She sighed in defeat and continued to be dragged along.
Finally, she saw the little village come into view but instead of sighing in relief, it was just the start of a tiring day. Ron takes them to Honeydukes and instead of peacefully shopping for the sugar quills she loves, he holds her close with his hand digging into her waist and it feels like she is suffocating and trapped in Devil’s Snare. As they shop for sweets, his hands wander and as she is moving toward the large selection of sugar quills, he grabs her hand, pulling her back toward him and she finds herself centimeters from his chest. All of a sudden his hands are on her ass, kneading it in front of everyone in the local shop. She tries to pull away but then he is leaning down to kiss at her neck. Usually, this would feel great but not here, not in such a public place. She thinks he would have gone further but they hear Fred yell “Oi mate! Get a room!” and she immediately uses his distraction to pull away and put distance between Ron and her. They end up walking out with sweets that he likes but none of her sugar quills.
They head to the Three Broomsticks next and she is hesitant to enter the dark, bar-like atmosphere that hides unwanted affection all too well. They settle into a booth in the back and his hand slithers onto her upper thigh. She fights back the urge to pry his hand off of her and she politely orders butterbeers for them. He removes his hand from her thigh to receive the butterbeer from the woman and takes a sip. He sets it down and before she can process it, he is settling his arm over her shoulder and pulling her even closer. Their bodies are pressed together and her mind is chanting ‘Get away, get away, this won’t go well’ but she stays put. She sips on her butterbeer as they chat quietly about upcoming exams and how Harry is doing and it feels like normal again. She is almost smiling when she feels the hand that is not around her shoulders make its way to her thigh again. It strokes up and down and inches higher every time. By the time it reaches the crease where her thigh meets the rest of her body, She is trying not to flinch away from his touch or rip his hands off of her body. His hand starts to move closer to her center and she grabs it before he can touch her in one of the most intimate places. “Ron no” she grits out quietly. She digs her nails in as she uses all her strength to rip his hand away but he is strong and tries to keep his hand where it is. She digs her nails in harder and he finally removes his hand muttering “Bloody hell Hermione, this is what couples do” “I told you I wasn’t comfortable with that yet! Especially not in public!” She says, trying to keep her voice down. “I know but we’ve been dating for two months now, can’t we do something,” He says suggestively, and his hand returns to her thigh. “No, Ron, I told you I’m not comfortable yet and I won’t be for a while. I’m sorry but I want to wait” She says meekly, looking down at where her hands are pressed together tightly. He sighs angrily and leaves his hand on her thigh even though he knows how uncomfortable it makes her.
She is emotionally and physically exhausted by the end of the day from pushing him away and trying to handle the embarrassment of being shown off like a trophy. By the time they get back, she trudges up to her dorm, no bags in her hands. They just visited shops that he enjoyed and he rolled his eyes when she suggested going to the bookstore. She sinks into her mattress in defeat. Is she being too prudish? Should she just let him have his way? She feels like their relationship should be working out better than it is currently but every one of his actions is wrong. It doesn’t feel romantic, it feels forced and is not what she wants. She falls asleep wondering when he will get tired of her abstinence.
It was sooner than she imagined and the final straw happened during a study session in the boy’s dorm. Harry was out doing who knows what and she was lounging on Ron’s bed. He slides the book she is reading out from under her and she can barely get out a “Hey!” before he kisses her, hard. She can tell this time is different than the others. It is more forceful and pushy. She tries to pull away from the kiss but he pushes her down on the bed and pins her there as he continues to kiss her. She distantly thinks ‘Maybe I should just let him have sex with me, it will make him happy’ but she dismisses that thought as it comes into her mind. She shouldn’t lose her virginity just because she wants someone to be with her and love her. He holds her arms down as he forces his tongue into her mouth. She struggles to pull her face away and he moves to kiss her neck. She can feel him trying to make hickeys and it disgusts her. He wants people to see that she is his. That he owns her. She starts trying to throw him off of her and she hears him grit out “Just stay still”. She freezes because he sounds furious. He rips open her shirt and shoves down her bra. She barely registers him leaning down before he is biting into her breast, hard. She let out a scream of pain and his hand released one of her arms to grab her throat. “Shut up, that didn’t even hurt, this is what couples do and we should have been doing it forever ago,” He says looking into her eyes, daring her to challenge him. She is frozen as he pushes hard on her windpipe. She knew biologically men were stronger than women but it never came to her attention before this very moment. He is hurting her and she can barely breathe until he lets go and she is gasping for air. It feels like her throat is bruised and his body is crushing hers. His left hand is squeezing her breast so hard like it is a stress ball while he leaves bites and hickeys on the other one. He starts reaching for her pants and her heart leaps into her throat ‘he’s going to fuck me whether I like it or not’ She thinks. Her heart rate is skyrocketing and her panic must be visible on her face. He looks up at me and before he can do anything else, he is flying backwards and hits the opposite wall. She scrambles to get up, grabs one of Harry’s robes that are hanging on a chair to cover herself, grabs her book bag, and flees from the room.
She runs to her room so fast, praying that no one saw her. No one is in her dorm as she bursts into there, closing and locking the door. She puts several wards on the door that she learned from a book in the restricted section that needs to be removed from Hogwarts library, internally apologizing to her roommates who won’t be able to get in before scrambling to the bathroom. Her hands are shaking as she reaches for the shower but before she can turn it on, she sees a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Dark hickeys sucked into her collarbone, the harsh bite mark on her breast is already purple and the ring around her throat where he choked her is bright red. She tries to hold in a sob but it is too much, everything is too much. She sinks to the floor, sobbing with her arms around herself, trying to provide some bit of comfort. Her best friend did this, one of the people she trusts most in this world. She sobs harder and she can feel the places he hurt her throbbing as if they were mocking her because she allowed herself to get into this situation. She doesn’t know how long she sits on the floor before climbing into the shower and crying as the cold water falls on her. She can feel his hands on her skin, on her breasts, and on her throat even as she tries to scrub him off of her. She only gets out of the shower when she is so cold her teeth are clacking together.
She tries not to look in the mirror but she sneaks a glance at herself. The bruises look even worse than they did when she got in the shower but she won’t allow herself to cry more. She runs her fingers over the skin lightly and trace the bruises that her friend of five years left because he thought he “deserved” to have her. She shakes her head to try to dissolve those thoughts and she hears a faint knocking on her door. Shit, her roommates. She throws on a long robe from home and tries to get her hair to cover her neck. Her wand is somewhere in the bathroom. The knocking gets louder and she lets out a small “I’m coming” as she hurries to the door. After undoing the wards, which doesn’t take long, she opens the door a bit to see which of her roommates has come up to rest and come face to face with Harry. Her body goes into fight or flight. Why is he here? Did Ron tell him that she refused him? What if he was here to tell her she was wrong? She knows he can see the fear on her face when his expression turns worried. “Mione, what’s wrong? I just saw Ron in the dorm and sent him to the hospital wing but he kept saying your name while I was taking him there so I wanted to come check on you” Harry says. She sighs, not knowing what to say. Does she tell him what happened? Will he even believe her? Will he side with Ron? He can clearly see that she is lost in thought and tries to move to get in the room but she is faster and is blocking the door. “You can’t come in here!” she screeches. “Hermione, what is up with you? What happened with you and Ron?” He asks. He looks sincere and she is hurting. She opens the door and when he goes to touch her shoulder, she flinches back and he retracts his hand like he almost touched a flame.
He tries to lead her over to sit on the bed but she refuses. They end up sitting on the ground against the wall and he looks perplexed. She just wants to comfort him and say that it is all ok. That he doesn’t have to worry about her but it is not ok. “Ron wanted to have sex….” That’s all she can get out before tears start to fill her eyes again and she leans her head back, letting her eyes fall closed. She hears him gasp. Her eyes shoot open and her hands fly up to cover her neck. His eyes are bugged out of his head and he looks ready to murder someone. “Who did that Hermione?” He asks angrily. She shrinks away from his anger and manages to squeak out “Who do you think?”. He starts to get up but she grabs him and drags him back to the floor. “Harry, you can’t tell anyone. No one can know.” She pleads with him. “Of course, I have to tell someone! You were..” He stops his sentence abruptly to not say it out loud. “You can’t tell anyone Harry. Even if Ron was to blame, I would be the one looked down on,” she says, avoiding eye contact. “If Ron was to blame? Of course Ron is to blame! He was the one that made the marks on your neck!” He yells. She swallows the lump in her throat because Ron is the obvious one to blame but if I had just let him have sex with me, this whole mess would have been avoided. Harry sighs “I am not going to ask you to detail what happened but it isn’t your fault. It will never be your fault.” She picks at her nails because he is right but it is hard to not blame herself. “Can I take you to the hospital wing so that Madam Pomfrey can heal you?” He says kindly. Her heart rate skyrockets. “No no no no no, Ron is there Harry I can’t, I can’t go near him he will be so mad. I threw him against a wall for heaven's sake!” She hurriedly gets out. Harry carefully takes her hands and calmly says “Ron deserved to be thrown into a wall. We won’t go to the hospital ward but would you be willing to have her come up here to heal you? Your throat doesn’t look too good and I don’t know what other injuries you are hiding and I do not expect you to show me.” she nods in agreement “She can come up here but if she is busy at all, tell her to just send the spells and supplies with you and I will figure it out.” “Hermione, you can let someone else take care of you. I will go and get her and be right back up” He says with a reassuring smile. He moves to get up again but before he can leave, panic rises in my chest again. “Do not tell anyone what happened. Do not tell her what happened before she gets here. Only say that there are a few bruises and bites that need to be taken care of.” she says faster than she can think. Harry pales when she says bites but she can see him gathering the courage to be strong for her. She gathers a small amount of courage and before he leaves to get the healer. She says “And if Ron asks about me when you are down there, feel free to tell him that our relationship is over.” She sees Harry smile and nod before shutting the door behind him.
Madam Profrey heals her without question and gives her a reassuring hug before she leaves.
The next few days are awful and filled with applying the essence of dittany and learning how to cover up her bruises with magic. She passes Ron in the halls and sees him sporting two black eyes and limping a bit. Fred and George wink at her in the Great Hall and she offers them a small smile.
Ron approaches her the next day and she is hesitant to be around him but she sees Harry in a nearby alcove. “I’m really sorry about what happened, I don’t know what came over me while we were together,” He says shyly, not making eye contact once. She doesn’t know what to say. She's not sure she forgives him but she knows she must try to move on for the sake of their friendship. “Thank you for apologizing, I want it to be like before we were together when it was us three as friends,” She says hesitantly. “Anything for you Mione,” He says with hope in his eyes.
Harry becomes a mediator for their little group and is the stitching that holds them together. She doesn’t truly trust Ron anymore and doesn’t allow herself to be alone with him but she is slowly forgiving him. He got a little too excited too fast and it caused harm to her and the relationship. Their friendship is torn and she is alone yet again.