still here
A few days have passed, and I haven’t heard a word from Cardan.
No snide remarks, no cryptic messages, no thinly veiled threats. Nothing. It’s as if nothing happened. Not that I mind, of course. This is what I wanted, to be left alone. Still, the silence feels heavier than I expected.
Today, however, I’m forced to leave the safety of my house.
Talia has roped me into attending some event about her and her friends—a celebration of “promising young faeries” or some other nonsense. It’s not officially a ball, but everyone knows it will be. The folk can’t resist an excuse to dress up and drink.
I’d rather stay home, but Talia insists it’s important, and I can’t say no to her. Not when she looks at me with those wide, hopeful eyes. Besides, Jude and Taryn will be there, since Oriana, their step mom, is Talia’s godmother. At least I won’t be completely alone.
The event is held in a clearing behind some noble’s villa, the kind of place that screams wealth and excess. Lanterns hang from the trees, casting a glow over the scene. Music drifts through the air, a haunting melody played on strings I can’t name.
“How do I look?”
Talia asks for what feels like the hundredth time since we arrived. She’s breathtaking, as always. Her gown shimmers like starlight, and her hair is woven with tiny golden flowers that catch the light. I might be biased, but she’s one of the most beautiful creatures in all of Elfhame, inside and out.
“You look great” I say reassuring her, smiling
She seems tense, her fingers twisting together in a way that betrays her nerves.
“You’re beautiful”
Kiki tells her, squeezing her hand
“Breathe, dear. It’ll be fine.”
Talia nods, taking a deep breath as if to steady herself. I wish I could reassure her more, but my words feel hollow even to me. Joaalk appears then, trailed by a goblin carrying a tray of glasses. He’s all smiles, his sharp teeth glinting in the lantern light.
“Here we are”
he says, handing out glasses with a flourish. He even gives one to me, which surprises me. I’ve been taught never to accept food or drink at gatherings, and Joaalk seems to sense my hesitation.
“You can drink this one” he assures me
“It’s a human grape-based liquor. I made sure of that personally.”
I eye the glass suspiciously, bringing it to my nose to sniff the contents. The scent is sweet, almost cloying, but not unpleasant. I take a cautious sip, and the taste is surprisingly good, rich and fruity, with a hint of something earthy beneath.
“What are you drinking?”
Jude asks, appearing at my side like a shadow. Her eyes widen comically as she stares at the glass in my hand.
“I don’t know” I admit,
“but it’s good. Joaalk gave it to me. He says it’s human-made. Try it.”
She takes the glass from me, repeating my earlier actions: sniffing, scrutinizing, and finally tasting.
Her expression softens.
“It’s good” she says, sounding almost disappointed.
“Told you” I reply, smirking
Madoc and Oriana join us then, their presence commanding immediate attention. They start asking Talia questions about the speech she’s supposed to give later, the one that is making hes so anxious, and I tune out, my gaze drifting over the crowd. Someone’s missing.
“And Taryn?”
I ask Jude, who’s still sipping from my glass.
“She stopped to talk to Locke on the way here”
she replies, her tone casual
“He said he had something to ask her.”
I raise an eyebrow, surprised about her being so calm about it.
“And you just let her go?”
Jude shrugs.
“She’s a big girl, Lili. She can handle herself.”
I’m not so sure about that, but I let it go for now.
“Can I have my glass back, or are you going to finish it all?”
I tease, holding out my hand.
Jude pouts, clutching the glass like a child with a toy.
“But it’s good. I want it too.”
“Then go get your own” I tell her, laughing softly.
She huffs but relents, turning to Joaalk to ask where she can find more of the liquor. He offers to accompany her, and Madoc follows.
“While you’re at it, could you get me another one?”
I ask, before they get too far away.
Jude shakes her head, looking at me challengingly.
“Sure” Joaalk says.
Jude reacts to this by rolling her eyes and smiling.
In the meantime I join the ongoing conversation of Talia, Oriana and Kiki. Their conversation turns to Oak, Oriana's son and Jude's little brother, they talk about how he is growing up too fast. I wonder how he is, the last time I went to their house I didn't see him.
When they return, Jude is carrying two glasses and wearing a look of pure disgust.
I put my now empty glass on a near table and approach her.
“What’s that face for?”
“You have no idea of what I just saw”
her expression is still disgusted, handing me one of the two glasses.
“And what did you see?” my curiosity piqued.
“I went to check on Taryn and Locke”
she begins, her tone sharp
“I went to them for a moment since I saw them while we were on the way to get the drinks. They were in the outside garden near the bar area”
“And?” I press.
Did she see Taryn and Locke in suspicious terms? Did she hear them say something?
“I saw Cardan”
she spits the name like a curse.
“With two pixies. They were all over him.”
I freeze, the glass halfway to my lips. I don't react externally, but I do internally.
“Oh”
I say, my voice carefully neutral. I don’t know why the mention of his name sends a jolt through me, but I push the feeling down, burying it deep.
“And what were they doing?”
though I’m not sure I want to know.
Jude’s expression darkens.
"The real question is what they weren’t doing."
She lifts her own glass and takes a generous gulp, like she needs to wash the memory away.
"One of them was stroking his arm, her face practically pressed to his, while the other was whispering something in his ear. And all the while, he was smiling, as if this were all perfectly normal in the middle of a crowded event. They were practically glued to him."
The words paint an image in my mind, unbidden and unwelcome.
I see him standing in the moonlight, the sharp cut of his cheekbones softened by the glow, his dark curls tousled in the way that makes him look careless and untouchable at the same time. His wine-dark eyes half-lidded, lazy, amused. One pixie leans in close, her lips brushing against the shell of his ear, her wings fluttering lightly as she whispers something just for him. The other drags her fingers along his forearm, tracing patterns like she’s memorizing the shape of him.
And he is letting them.
I don’t know why the thought irritates me a bit, but it does.
I picture that smirk of his, the infuriating one he always wears when he knows someone is watching. The one that makes it impossible to tell if he actually enjoys what’s happening.
I force myself to push the thought away, blinking back to the present.
"So what? You always say he does whatever he wants."
Jude gives me a look, one eyebrow raised like she doesn’t quite believe my nonchalance.
"Yeah, well. I take back everything positive I might have said about him."
I huff out a laugh.
"Did you ever say anything positive about him?"
"I might have, once. In a moment of weakness. But consider it revoked."
I hum in agreement, though my mind is still snagged on the image of him, surrounded by those pixies, smiling in that way of his.
I should have expected this. Of course he wouldn’t dwell on being left alone in the gardens.
The evening unfolded smoothly, much to my surprise. Talia was nothing short of radiant during her speech, her voice steady and commanding, her words weaving a spell over the crowd. I found myself unexpectedly moved, a lump forming in my throat as she spoke of ambition, resilience, and the unyielding spirit of the Folk. For a moment, I forgot she was my sister and saw her as the rest of the world must see her: a force of nature, a star burning bright in the night sky.
The sponsor of the event, a tall, elegant faerie with antlers like gilded branches, handed out awards for various achievements: fight discipline, literature, artistry, and more. Talia didn’t win anything, but she didn’t need to. The way the crowd erupted in applause for her, the way they sought her out afterward to offer their compliments, was its own kind of victory.
She glowed under their praise, her cheeks flushed, and I couldn’t help but feel a swell of pride myself.
She has that effect on people, making them feel as though they are witnessing something extraordinary.
I hadn’t expected this portion of the event, but it turned out to be the best part of the evening. For a brief moment, the politics and posturing faded into the background, and it felt like we were celebrating something real.
Of course, it didn’t last.
As the formalities ended, the celebrations began in earnest. Rivers of alcohol and elixirs flowed freely, their colors shimmering like liquid gemstones in the lantern light. The music grew louder, more insistent, and the dance floor filled with bodies moving in time to the rhythm. It was chaos and beauty all at once, the kind of scene that made you feel alive and overwhelmed in equal measure.
I lingered on the edges, content to watch.
Talia is still radiant, even without an award in her hands. She now sits with Oriana, gracefully accepting compliments from those who stop by to speak with her, her smile warm but tinged with something wistful.
And then there’s Jude and Taryn, standing at the edge of the chaos, deep in some heated conversation. I can tell from here that whatever they’re talking about isn’t pleasant. Jude’s face is tight with irritation, and Taryn looks like she’s barely holding back an eye-roll.
I hesitate before walking in their direction, debating whether or not I want to get involved.
Joaalk and Kiki are lost in the music, spinning and laughing, flushed with the heat of the dance. The energy on the dance floor is intoxicating, wild and free.
Nobles twirl on the polished floor, their laughter like chimes in the air.
I end up staying near the edges, as always, sipping from my goblet and looking at the dances.
I then spot him across the room by chance, and for a moment, my breath nearly hitches.
Cardan stands among the crowd like a figure painted from some decadent, otherworldly dream: a dark blue jacket, embroidered with silver filigree that shimmers under the light, cut perfectly to frame his lean form. The deep shade contrasts beautifully against his pale skin, and his black trousers fit with an effortless elegance, hugging his frame just enough to make it infuriatingly clear how well he wears them.
His hair is pulled back at the sides, loose strands curling against his sharp cheekbones, and his eyes rimmed in dark blue and white makeup, the pigment feathered out like the foam of sea waves breaking on a shore.
I almost sigh at how infuriatingly good looking he is.
He glances up, his lips curling in amusement before he lifts his brows slightly, a wordless greeting.
I turn away, moving across the room toward Jude and Taryn, who are still deep in conversation.
I try to listen to them. I really do. But my thoughts wander back to him, to that smirk, to the way his eyes lingered as if he knew exactly what effect he had.
Annoyed at myself, I glance around, not so obviously, just a casual sweep of the room.
He’s gone.
My stomach tightens slightly, and before I can stop myself, I take a small step, or not so small... away from my friends, just enough to get a better view.
The crowd shifts, figures moving in and out of my line of sight, but still no sign of him.
"Looking for someone?"
The voice comes from just behind me, smooth as velvet and too close.
I turn, and there he is.
Up close, the effect of his presence is worse. The shimmer of silver embroidery, the careless elegance of his form, the sea-dark gaze that watches me as if he’s in on a secret I don’t know yet.
I kinda get those pixies who were all over him now.
It unsettles me for a moment, and I hate that it does.
"Yes, actually" I say, recovering quickly.
"I’m looking for my sister"
His lips curve as he lifts a hand and casually gestures toward Talia, she's across the room conversing now with some redhead dude with horns.
"She’s right there. Couldn’t you see her from here? You seemed very… thorough in your search."
I cross my arms, tilting my head.
"Maybe I have vision problems, and you’re making fun of me."
Cardan lets out a quiet chuckle, shaking his head.
"Oh, I would never mock something so tragic. How terrible for you."
I narrow my eyes, whispering "You are a bully"
"If I bully you"
he muses, sipping from his goblet before letting his gaze flick lazily back to mine.
"Then you shouldn't be somewhere frowning at me? Or is there someone who deserves it more?"
I huff, more annoyed than I should be.
"What are you doing here, prince? Don’t you have a pixie to seduce or something?"
Gosh. I don't even know why I said it.
His smirk deepens, slow and lazy. Dangerous.
"So you imagine me seducing"
"I don’t have to." I say, looking at him in the eyes
"I think everyone has already seen you."
"And were you there as well, watching?"
His voice is rich with amusement
"I haven’t had the pleasure, no"
My voice dripping sarcasm.
He hums as if considering something, then takes another sip of his drink. My eyes betray me.
I watch the way his lips part against the rim of the goblet, the way his throat moves as he swallows. It’s entirely too much.
I bite my lower lip, more forcefully than necessary, trying to anchor myself.
Cardan tilts his head, studying me as if I’m some fascinating puzzle he’s trying to piece together.
"I imagine you would have had much to say about it."
I let out a sharp laugh
"Oh, I’m sure I would’ve been utterly enthralled."
"Pity"
he says, eyes glittering with amusement.
"I was quite sure you had some interest in my extracurricular activities."
"You wish"
I say, already regretting the conversation.
He tilts his head, watching me. It makes me feel like he’s dissecting me, peeling me apart with nothing but his gaze.
"I’m merely analyzing the words you give me" he says smoothly.
"But if you must know, I’m here because I was invited. It would be terribly rude not to make an appearance."
I exhale sharply, shaking my head.
"I don’t question that"
my tone heavy with irony,
"I mean: why are you here now?"
he hums, as if considering it.
"I might enjoy seeing your reactions."
I narrow my eyes at him, unimpressed.
"You should find a new hobby."
Cardan leans in slightly, his smirk deepening, his voice dipping softer
"Am I not allowed to be here?"
"I would never dream of denying His Highness the pleasure of delighting everyone with his charming presence."
my voice is saccharine sweet, laced with just enough mockery to make it clear I mean the exact opposite.
He turns fully toward me, his expression shifting into something almost amused, almost pleased, but mostly insufferable.
"You finally admit that you find me charming" he muses.
"It took less time than expected."
I scoff, rolling my eyes.
"I wouldn’t get too excited. Even some creatures in the wild use their charm to lure their preys. I was merely acknowledging your… survival skills."
What nonsense am I even spitting?
Cardan chuckles, taking another slow sip of his drink.
"So I’m a predator now? Should I be flattered or concerned?"
I shrug. "I suppose that depends. Do you bite?"
His smirk is slow, dark amusement flickering in his eyes.
"Wouldn’t you like to know?"
For a fraction of a second, I forget how to breathe.
Certainly not. The answer should be easy, immediate, and yet—
My traitorous mind conjures an image before I can stop it.
Cardan, impossibly close. His breath warm against my skin. The brush of his lips at my throat, his fingers curling at my waist, steadying me. A murmur of something wicked, something meant only for my ears. The slow, teasing graze of his teeth—
I snap out of it so fast I nearly flinch.
Absolutely not.
And yet my pulse betrays me, hammering wildly as I meet his gaze again.
He's still in front of me, watching me, head tilted, waiting for my retort.
Amusement plays at the corners of his mouth, but there's something else in his expression, something knowing, as if he can tell exactly where my thoughts have strayed.
I need to say something. Anything. But my tongue refuses to cooperate.
"Cardan!"
The sudden call from across the room saves me.
I exhale, grateful.
I don’t even look at the person approaching.
But I take advantage of the moment, slipping away before I can get dragged into whatever this is.
“I was just looking for you” the newcomer says.
I turn, but something makes me glance back, just once.
Cardan is still looking at me.
I give him a slight bow in farewell. He doesn’t return it.
I turn again and leave, not daring to look at whoever is standing beside him. Half because I don’t care. Half because I have a feeling it’s one of his firends, someone who doesn’t like me.
By the time I return to Jude and Taryn, they’re still deep in conversation, voices animated.
“Oh, you’re back,” Taryn says.
“Where did you go?”
“I was looking for Talia” I lie again, smoothly.
Taryn frowns.
“Why? She’s right there.”
She gestures across the room—just as Cardan did
I ignore that.
“What are you two talking about?”
Taryn grins.
“The time I used Jude’s books to prop up a table leg.”
Jude glares. “Unforgivable.”
I let their conversation wash over me for a while, only half listening.
Then something shifts. Jude goes quiet.
I notice the way her gaze sharpens, fixed on something over my shoulder.
“Jude?” I prompt.
“What are you looking at?”
She doesn’t answer, so I turn.
Cardan is still standing where I left him. Now in conversation with Nicasia who joined them.
And the person who had called to him before—
He's a redhead and his back is turned, making it impossible for me to recognize him.
“Who is the one talking to Cardan?” I ask.
“Locke” Taryn answers.
“Wait, you’ve never seen him before?”
“I have” I admit.
“I'm just… not looking carefully now”
Jude is still staring.
I glance back at them as well.
Cardan looks… indifferent. Bored. He nods at something Locke says, swirls the wine in his goblet, glances absently around the room as if everything else is more interesting than that conversation.
“Nicasia’s dress is beautiful” Taryn comments.
“Yes” Jude says, but she’s still distracted.
I should stop looking.
Cardan’s gaze shifts, as if he can feel us watching them. His gaze flicks toward us, finding mine.
The moment stretches longer than it should, long enough for my breath to hitch before I remind myself to act indifferent. But there’s something in his expression, something smug and unreadable all at once. Amusement, certainly. Challenge, perhaps.
Then, with infuriating ease, he lifts his hand. It’s not a wave, not anything overt, just the barest motion of his fingers. A silent acknowledgment.
And then, as if considering something, or savoring it, he drags his thumb across his bottom lip, slow and deliberate, while still looking straight to me. The movement is subtle, precise. So effortless that the ones speaking in front of him don’t even notice.
The faintest tilt of his head follows, like he’s waiting for a reaction. Or expecting me to remember something I shouldn't.
He touched his lower lip, right in the same spot where I had bitten myself earlier while I was watching him. Reminding me of that moment. To let me know he noticed.
Heat prickles at my skin. My stomach twists in a way I refuse to acknowledge.
And just as quickly, he turns away, back to his friends' conversation.
I release a slow breath, but my chest still feels tight.
“Ehm” Taryn hums. “What was that?”
I blink, playing dumb.
“What was what?”
“That lip thing” she says, glancing between me and Cardan.
“It's obvious it was directed at you. He didn’t even look at us. Just you.”
Jude finally turns away from them, fixing me with a look.
“Are you two at the stage where you exchange glances and gestures in public now? I thought you two hadn't spoken since you refused his token.”
“I don't know what you're talking about” I say quickly.
I still didn’t tell Jude and Taryn about what I found when I got home that day. I came so close to telling Jude—so close that the words were on the tip of my tongue, ready to spill out. But then I stopped myself. I’m not entirely sure why. I trust Jude, more than almost anyone, but I don’t trust Taryn as much when it comes to these things. And I’m afraid Jude will tell her. They’re twins, after all, and secrets have a way of slipping out, no matter how tightly you try to hold onto them.
"Maybe he did it just to get her attention"
Taryn muses, twirling a strand of hair around her finger.
"You should go talk to him."
But they don’t know that I just walked away from a conversation with him.
"And why should she be the one to do it?"
Jude counters, arms crossed.
"If he wants to talk to her, then he can. There’s no need to play this teenage eye game."
I love how Jude always has my back.
"Well, of course" Taryn says, unfazed.
"But if Lili wants to talk to him, then she could be the one to go over."
"But I don’t think she wants to"
Jude says. Then she turns to me, sharp-eyed.
"Or am I wrong?"
I hesitate. It’s true that I’m much more relaxed when I don’t have to initiate conversations, especially ones where I feel like I’m constantly on the back foot, trying to keep up. But it’s not that I’ve minded talking to Cardan. So far, he hasn’t been as annoying or mean as I expected. There’s something about him that’s almost… intriguing.
"You know what I really want?" I say, smoothly dodging the question.
"Another glass of that liquor." I glance between them.
"Anyone else?"
They both shake their heads.
“Fine” I say “I’m going.”
I turn and walk away before they can press me further, weaving through the crowd toward the bar area.
Once there, I pause, looking around uncertainly. The problem, of course, is that I have no idea what the liquor is called. Joaalk brought it to me the first time, and the second time Jude had gone with him. Now I find myself hesitating, scanning the bar, unsure who to ask.
"Lilia, right?"
A voice cuts through the noise, smooth and confident. I look up to see Locke standing beside me.
His hair is a tousled mess of red, his eyes a warm. He’s dressed impeccably, his jacket tailored to perfection, and there’s a glint in his smile that makes me understand why people are so taken with him.
"You’re Taryn and Jude’s friend, aren’t you?"
he asks, smiling in a way that feels both warm and knowing.
"Yes" I say, studying him.