Liliac
I wake to the rustling of curtains and the soft chime of bells woven into the hem of my maid’s dress. The scent of dusk air fills my lungs, tinged with the sweetness of blooming nightshade.
“Up, my dear”
her voice is like leaves brushing over stone.
“The sun is setting, and breakfast is waiting.”
I push myself upright, the sheets cool against my skin. Outside, the sky bleeds orange and violet, streaked with the last traces of daylight. I wonder, not for the first time, what it would be like to wake in the morning instead of the evening, to spend my hours in the sun, to live in the human world where I belong.
“Miss Lilia”
the maid chides, snapping me back to the present.
“Wash yourself and go eat before the food gets cold.”
I groan but slide out of bed, dragging my feet to the washbasin. The water is cool as I splash it over my face, droplets slipping down my neck. When I lean over to stare into the basin, my reflection wavers in the ripples.
So human. So fragile. So sweet.
I don’t mind my features, I never have. But there was a moment when I was little when a group of pixies at school insulted me because of the shape of my eyes and ears, I went home crying and cursing myself for not being like everyone else. Joaalk consoled me and told me to never repudiate who I was, that each of us is beautiful for what we are,
"I see you for your beauty, don't you see the same thing when you look at yourself in the mirror?"
I was always unsettled by the difference in affection and love with which I was treated at home by everyone, including the servants, and the contempt, hatred and indifference with which I was treated everywhere else.
But I’ve always wondered what my parents looked like. What my real parents looked like. How would their skin be compared to the lilac of Joaalk, Kiki and Talia? Would their skin be light pink like mine? Or more amber from the time they spend in the sun? Do I have my mother’s eyes? My father’s nose? Would they be even alive?
Still lost in thought, I drift downstairs in my pink nightgown, sinking into my usual seat at the long wooden table. Joaalk beams at me, his tusked grin warm and familiar.
“Good evening, little Lili”
he says, as if I haven’t been living in his house for as long as I can remember. Joaalk found me when I was just a 5 years old child with no family nor name, and took me in as his own. That alone made him an oddity, magical creatures don’t adopt humans. Humans are taken, bewitched, and used. But Joaalk raised me, taught me the dangers of this world, and defended me when others scoffed at the idea of a faerie treating a human as family.
I’ve often wondered why. He already had a daughter, Talia, and though she was always kind to me, our age gap kept us from ever growing too close like real sisters. But it was through her that I met Jude and Taryn.
Talia was friends with Vivi, and she had humans twins as sisters. I remember Jude being thrilled meeting me the first time, another human girl trapped in a world where she never quite fit. Taryn, on the other hand, has always been harder to grasp. We can spend hours together when Jude is around, but if it was just the two of us, I think sometimes silence would settle between us like mist, thick and unspoken. Still, I consider her as one of my dearest friends. Not that I have many anyways.
“Are you excited for today?”
Joaalk’s voice cuts through my thoughts.
I blink at him. “About what?”
He raises a dark purple brow, amused.
“The Spring Ball announcement, of course. Today’s the cards reveal. I remember when it was Talia’s turn at your age, she was so excited she barely slept.”
I think about Talia: beautiful, graceful, accepted in this world. She had every reason to look forward to something like this. She belonged here. She had friends, suitors, prospects.
“I don’t think I’m actually going”
I say, picking at a piece of bread with seeds on top.
Joaalk frowns.
“What do you mean, not going? Your mom had your dress picked out, she even got you new makeup to match—”
“I mean the spring party” I interrupt.
“I’ll go today because Jude and Taryn will be there. But the real Spring Ball?” I shrug.
“I don’t really care about that”
Joaalk sighs, shaking his head.
“You’re young, Lili. You should enjoy these things while you can.”
But he doesn’t understand. None of them do. Because no matter how much they pretend otherwise, this world isn’t mine. And no dance, no gown, no suitor will ever change that.
I take another bite from the bread when Kiki’s voice breaks the silence, as gentle and brisk as the evening breeze.
"Good afternoon my dears"
I hear Talia and the staff murmur their greetings, their voices floating through the dim room like a soft chorus. But I focus on Kiki, who glides over to Joaalk with a smile, as easy and effortless as the air they breathed. She kisses him on the cheek with that same loving tenderness that always seemed to pull at something inside me, a tenderness that, despite its beauty, feels too foreign, too unattainable.
It is a rare thing, this public affection between two faeries. Most of them are so cold, so closed off. But Joaalk and Kiki, they wear their love like a banner, unashamed, unbothered by what anyone else thinks.
They had been my parents, in every way that matters. In my mind I am so grateful to them and I love them very much, but I find it hard to call them Mom and Dad, but sometimes the words slip out on their own. They’ve always told me to address them that way, so in front of them, Talia, and the servants, I do. But in my head, and when I’m with Jude, I use their real names: Kiki and Joaalk. And I know, in some way, Jude understands me.
There are moments when I wonder if they truly see me. The human girl who somehow slipped through their world like a shadow too fleeting to be touched.
Joaalk shifts his attention from Kiki, a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth, like he had been waiting for this.
"Lili is saying she’s not going to the Spring Ball" he says matter-of-factly.
The words hit me harder than I expected. I don't want to be the focus. But Kiki’s sharp gaze lands on me, accusing, questioning. Her dark eyes narrow.
"And why not?"
her voice is a mix of concern and something else—something that feels like disappointment.
I inhale, steadying myself, trying to keep my voice even, unshaken.
"It doesn’t make sense for me to go"
My fingers trace the rim of my cup absently, but my eyes never leave her face.
"I have no suitors, and my friends aren’t going either"
The words hang in the air, heavy and final.
Kiki is quiet for a beat, and when she speaks again, there is a glimmer of something, hope perhaps, flickering in her gaze.
"You don’t know that yet, Lili. The couples will be chosen tonight, as tradition wants. And knowing Madoc, it’s unlikely he’ll allow his daughters to stay home. You may yet find someone, there's still time"
I bite my lip, trying to hold my ground. It's not about finding someone. It is about never having been found in the first place.
"Still, I don’t want to go" I repeat
"I don’t feel the need to. I’m not going."
Kiki’s expression shifts. She leans a little closer, her voice softer now, coaxing.
"Lili, don’t be so quick to decide please. You don’t know what will happen tonight"
But I already know. I had seen it too many times before: the dances, the gatherings, the couples, their beautiful faces, their perfect matches. Even if they invite me to dance, it is because they are forced to be respectful to my parents, or to mock me right after and go make fun of me with their friends.
My thoughts turn cold, and before I can stop myself, the words spill out, cutting through the careful silence.
"Why should I delude myself? I have no place here anyway"
I say, the bitterness in my throat hard to swallow.
"And no one is ever going to like me. So why should I even try?"
I immediately regret it, the words too raw, too unguarded. The room seems to fall silent.
Joaalk’s voice breaks the tension, soft but firm.
"What do you mean by that, Lili?"
His eyes are wide, a touch of disbelief in them.
I look at him, at both of them, and feel the walls inside me begin to crumble. They love me, I know they do, in their way. But they don't understand. They are not human. They don't know how it feels to be considered something other, something less.
Kiki’s voice is sharp, cutting through the air like a blade.
"Never say that again."
Her gaze is full of fire, something fierce and protective.
"Never say you don't belong here, you are part of our family. We are your family, we do like you."
I know she means it, magical creatures can't lie. But I can't help to still feel like something in those words is forced, not real.
"But it’s true."
I say, finally, like a confession.
"Even if you treat me like your daughter, I still don’t belong here. I have nothing in common with you. You have your beauty, your elegance, your grace, and I—I what do I have? I simply don’t-..."
I sigh.
"To even be close to your level, I have to mask myself and use makeup. I can’t even show my face without making myself something else."
The silence that followes feels like an eternity, thick with everything unsaid. Joaalk’s face softens, and there is a sadness in his eyes that make my heart ache.
"Lilia"
Joaalk murmurs, his voice softer now, regret hanging on the edges of each syllable.
Kiki doesn’t say anything. Her expression is unreadable. But I can feel the weight of her gaze on me, the disappointment heavy in the air.
I want to say something more, something that would make it better, but all I can do is sit there, feeling smaller with every passing second.
The air in the room still feels thick with tension when Talia speaks up, her voice soft but insistent.
“I think Lili is just a little nervous about tonight. I remember I was too. After all, it took us a while to decide what to wear for tonight and everything. Right, Lili?”
Her eyes flick to me, a gentle nudge, trying to ease the weight of the moment.
I nod, a resigned sigh slipping past my lips.
"Yes, I’m just a little nervous."
The words feel weak, inadequate, but they’re all I can manage. I glance at Kiki and Joaalk, their faces still full of concern, and I can’t help but feel the faintest pang of guilt for making them worry.
Kiki’s voice cuts through the silence, tentative yet kind.
"There’s no problem, It’s normal to be nervous when you’re young."
Joaalk, always the reassuring one, adds his own comment with a smile.
“You’re beautiful, Lili. You’ll have no trouble finding suitors at the party. It’s perfectly natural to feel nervous.”
I bite my tongue, the words threatening to spill out before I can stop them. They love me so much, don’t they? Maybe they don’t see the problem—or maybe they choose not to see it. They gloss over it, thinking it’s just a passing thing, a silly worry that will fade once I step out in the dress they’ve carefully chosen for me. It’s sweet, in a way, but also irritating. How can they not see the truth? How can they be so blind to the way things are?
Instead of speaking, I just nod, forcing a smile that feels foreign on my lips.
"Thanks"
I mutter quietly, hoping they can’t hear the bitterness underneath my words.
Talia looks at me with an expression of gentle concern.
"Come on, Lili, hurry up and finish eating. We still have to get ready."
I force myself to push my plate away, not really hungry anymore. I can feel the weight of tonight’s expectations, the pressure building as we move toward the inevitable.
In my room, Talia bustles around, her hands quick and precise as she prepares the makeup. I watch as she selects shades of purple and pink, the colors a nod to Joaalk and Kiki’s lilac skin and deep purple hair. The subtle silver accents in the makeup make it feel like we’re connected, like I’m being pulled into their world, a little closer to something I’ve never quite been able to reach.
Talia is a blur of elegance as she brushes color onto my face, making me feel almost like I’m someone else. A version of myself that is softer, more polished. She brushes a silver powder across my cheekbones and adds touches of lavender to my eyelids. When I look at myself in the mirror, I almost don’t recognize the person staring back. She’s beautiful, someone who belongs in a world that is too cold for me.
The delicate scent of jasmine and roses clings to the air as she finishes my makeup and starts working on my hair. She weaves my hair into an intricate updo, silver pins twinkling like stars among the strands. The whole process is meticulous, graceful, like she’s trying to make me into something prettier. Her fingers work quickly, threading gems into my hair, giving me a look that’s both royal and delicate, an image of beauty that feels so foreign to me.
As she works, I watch her—really watch her—taking in her flawless skin, the lilac glow of it that reminds me so much of Joaalk and Kiki, the light blue undertones that ripple beneath the surface like the softest ocean waves. Her deep purple hair falls in waves around her face, and her lips are full, perfect, a picture of everything I’m not.
"I wish I was as beautiful as you"
I whisper before I can stop myself.
Talia pauses, her hand hovering mid-air as she turns to look at me. Her eyes soften, her expression becoming almost tender.
"You’re already very beautiful, Lili"
I shake my head, the words coming out bitter and raw.
"Don’t lie
I reply quietly, not meeting her gaze.
Talia’s fingers are steady as she slides the final pin into my hair.
"You know I can't" her voice gentle but firm.
I hold her gaze in the mirror, my fingers curling slightly against the polished wooden surface of the vanity.
I glance back at my reflection, scrutinizing the girl in the mirror. She isn’t bad-looking. My pale skin is smooth, my brown hair glossy under the silver pins woven into it.
But I look human. There is nothing otherworldly in my features, nothing sharp-edged or luminous, nothing that makes people stop and stare the way they do with the fae.
I wonder, briefly, what human beauty standards are. Would I be considered beautiful there? Would I stand out in a crowd, or would I blend in, just another girl with brown hair and a too-soft face? The thought is strange, disorienting, but I push it aside as Talia squeezes my shoulder lightly.
"Come on" she says. "We have to go"
The Spring Cards Gala is a spectacle of impossible beauty.
The great hall of Yonder Residence shimmers under the glow of enchanted lanterns, suspended in midair like captured stars. The guests are dressed in extravagant silks and velvets, their outfits dripping with gold thread and iridescent gems. A group of faeries near the center of the room sip a golden liquid from fragile crystal goblets, their laughter light and airy, as if it could float away on the breeze. At another table, a woman with ivy-green skin and hair made of woven silver strands plucks a fruit from a plate, biting into it with languid pleasure, the juice staining her lips deep red.
Everywhere I look, there is elegance, beauty, perfection.
I scan the room for Jude and Taryn. Knowing Madoc, they must already be here, he would never allow them to be late.
Beside me, Talia drifts toward a group of her friends, her movement effortless, like a petal caught in a breeze. I watch as they welcome her with smiles, compliment her dress, her hair, her effortless grace. It’s easy for her to be accepted. It’s easy for all of them.
I’m about to turn away when suddenly—
A pair of hands wrap around my waist, and a voice murmurs in my ear, low and teasing.
"Boo!"
My body reacts before my mind catches up. I throw my elbow back, aiming for the ribs.
Jude barely has time to move, but she isn’t fast enough. She takes the hit with a grunt, stumbling back a step before letting out a low laugh.
"Oh, so now you know how to defend yourself."
"I told you not to do that, you deserve it." Taryn sighs, shaking her head.
I glare at Jude, still trying to slow my racing heart.
"You scared me. Be thankful I didn’t pull out my blade."
Jude grins, mischief dancing in her dark eyes.
"You have a blade?"
"Of course not" I admit, rolling my eyes.
"But I’d really like to have one. And if I did, I’d definitely use it."
"Then let’s be thankful you don’t actually have one"
Kiki interjects, stepping up beside us with a glass of something deep violet in her hand. She takes a sip, her eyes sparkling with amusement.
Jude and Taryn turn to greet her, and she nods in return.
"Where are Madoc and Oriana?" she asks.
"I saw them speaking with a senator, I think"
Taryn replies, glancing toward the far side of the room where the high-ranking nobles have gathered.
Joaalk approaches, his own goblet of indeterminate liquid in hand.
"Why are you all standing here?" he asks, eyes flicking between us.
"Shouldn’t you be turning in your cards?"
Taryn lifts her chin.
"I already did when I arrived. Jude was waiting for Lili to get here."
"Good"
Kiki says, smiling warmly.
"That way, you won’t have to do it alone. Now go on, Lili"
I exhale sharply, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.
"Okay, okay. See you later."
I grab Jude’s arm, leading her toward the doorway, Taryn following close behind. We make our way across the hall, heading toward the chamber reserved for the younger courtiers—the ones still expected to prove themselves, to maneuver for favor, to flirt and fight and form alliances.
We’re almost at the entrance of the chamber when I stop so suddenly that Jude nearly crashes into me.
I take a breath, glancing at them both before saying,
“I have to confess something.”
Jude folds her arms, tilting her head.
“You really have a blade hidden somewhere”
“No” I sigh. “Unfortunately.”
Taryn exhales in relief, but I’m not done.
“I have no intention of participating in the Spring Ball. So, you have to help me make people believe that I actually handed in the card.”
Taryn blinks, her expression shifting from surprise to outright disbelief.
“What? You don’t want to participate? But it’s the moment we’ve been waiting for since we were little!”
“Exactly” I say.
“When we were little. When we still had hopes of being accepted by them.”
I gesture toward the glowing room beyond the doorway, full of gilded, laughing folk.
“But now? I don’t see the reason for me to participate.”
Jude watches me carefully, like she’s weighing my words, weighing me.
“I think you should do it anyway.”
I shake my head.
“It wouldn’t make sense. I wouldn’t have any suitors, and even if I did, I certainly wouldn’t like them.”
Jude’s lips curl slightly, that sharp knowing smirk of hers.
“You do know that the couple only forms if both people choose each other, right?”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
Jude shrugs.
“Even if someone chooses you, you’d still have to choose them back for it to count. So, if you really want to get out of this, just put a random name on the paper. No one would know, and you wouldn’t have to worry about anything.”
That makes me pause. I had remembered the rules differently—something about pairings being finalized the moment the names were written. I exhale, feeling lighter now that I know I can still slip through the cracks of this ridiculous tradition.
Taryn, seizing the opportunity, nudges me toward the entrance.
“Come on, Lili. You’re already here.”
I grumble, but let her guide me inside. The air in the chamber is thick with honeyed wine, the glow of enchanted lanterns casting soft shadows over the groups of fae lingering around polished tables, sipping golden drinks.
Taryn, ever persistent, leans in conspiratorially.
“So, what name are you going to write?”
“I don't know. If I could, I wouldn’t put any” I say, rolling my eyes.
She huffs. “You’re no fun.”
Then, turning to Jude, she asks, “What about you?”
Jude’s expression doesn’t change, but there’s something too casual in the way she shrugs.
“It’s a secret.”
Taryn frowns.
“I don’t think it should be.”
She tilts her head, her eyes gleaming.
“I put down Valerian’s name.”
Jude and I stop dead in our tracks.
“VALERIAN???”
The word leaves our mouths at the same time, loud enough that a few heads turn.
Taryn’s eyes widen in alarm. She lunges forward, clapping her hands over both of our mouths, her gaze darting around the room.
“Are you insane?” she hisses.
I pull her hand away.
“Insane? Us? Have you by any chance lost your mind?”
Jude’s voice is lower but just as sharp.
“Have you forgotten what dude we’re talking about? Have you gone crazy?”
Taryn groans, rubbing her temples.
“Okay, okay. Maybe it’s a good thing we don’t share the names we choose.”
“Well, if names like that are going to come out, then some of us should be banned from participating altogether” I mutter.
“You don’t understand,” Taryn says.
Jude raises a brow.
“Enlighten us, then.”
She nudges me, laughing—and promptly bumps into something.
Or rather, someone.
“Watch where you’re going” a voice drawls.
Jude doesn’t even hesitate.
“I could tell you the same thing.”
I look up, and my stomach tightens.
Because standing before us, dressed in deep green and gold, looking every bit like a prince, is none other than Prince Cardan.