Chapter 1
Christmas with the Potters was nothing like Christmas at Grimmauld Place. Firstly, there was the distinct lack of screeching. His mother’s high pitched voice screaming at him, Kreacher, his father or really anyone who would listen had almost become background noise to him, so much so that now he felt as though the potter's house was unnaturally quiet. Which was definitely not the case. Sirius and James never seemed to slow down, even for the stairs which they took two at a time or just jumped down. And every-time they did Mrs Potter would scold them. Which was a lot. And if his brother crashing around wasn’t enough, the constant Christmas music was. It started the moment Mrs Potter awoke and continued to merrily chime through the house until she went to sleep.
Regulus shook his head. Christmas music. The closest thing they had at Grimmauld Place was when some cousin sat at the piano to show off. But even then, it wasn’t Christmas music. It was Bach, or Tchaikovsky. And then there were the decorations. Bright greens, reds and golds. Every surface was covered in something, whether it was twinkly lights or a waving santa or baubles. Frankly, he found it tacky. Yet somehow it added to the warmth and homely feel. Which is to say, it made him feel incredibly out of place and not at all at home.
He flopped onto the bed behind him. The potters had very kindly offered him his own room for the duration of his stay. Much like his brother he supposed, who also had his own room. Regulus laid there, letting his eyes close as he remembered the events that had led to this strange position he was now in.
Regulus had turned up outside the Gryffindor common room late at night, the night before he was meant to be returning home. Fortunately he had coerced a first year into sharing the password earlier that month. The portrait had looked at him suspiciously but swung open nonetheless. He had hurtled up the stairs and thrown open the dorm room door. Fortunately it didn’t take much to spot his brother. He was sprawled out over an already occupied bed. The bed's original owner was tucked up on their side, face pressed into Sirius’s neck. He knew it wasn’t Sirius's bed as that was across the room and very obviously decorated by him.
Without much thought he’d dragged Sirius out of bed. Bleary eyes had struggled to focus on him as he continued to haul Sirius along with him, out of the room and down into the common room.
“What the fuck.” Sirius eventually managed, yanking his arm free of Regulus's grip. They weren’t exactly on good terms at the moment. Hadn’t been since Sirius had left, and things had only gotten worse after he had received the dark mark.
“Sirius.” Regulus had hissed back, but he had nothing else to say. It was very unlike him to act with such little thought but the idea of having to return home for Christmas filled him with anxiety and horror. He had tossed and turned and eventually had gone for a walk which ended up with him running to his brother.
“What the fuck Regulus?” Sirius repeated,
“Heard you the first time.” Regulus muttered.
“Well?” Sirius demanded, “What’s going on, why are you here?”
Regulus hesitated before answering truthfully. “I don’t know.” He shrugged gracefully, “It was a mistake.” He had turned to leave but Sirius had grabbed a hold of him,
“Reg? What's going on?”
Maybe it was the time, maybe it was the use of the old nickname but tears welled unbidden in his eyes and whilst he fought them back, it was a battle he quickly lost.
“Bloody hell Reg, what's wrong?” Sirius pulled Regulus in closer, wrapping his brother in a warm embrace.
“I can’t… I can’t… Please.” Regulus gasped out in between sobs, “I can’t.”
“Can’t what?” Sirius pulled back slightly to look his brother in the eyes, “Has he asked you to do something?” Sirius asked, nodding at Regulus’s arm.
Regulus froze up, whipping his arm away from Sirius and clutching it to his chest.
“Reggie?” Sirius murmured,
“I can’t go home” Regulus muttered,
Sirius’s brows drew together, “You don’t have to.”
“I do.” Regulus argued. “This is a mistake.” He muttered again, pulling back, but he didn’t mean coming to Sirius. His hands trembled.
“Reg-”
“I wanna take it back. All of it.” Regulus stumbled backwards, his vision blurred and heart beat erratically. The mark on his arm seemed to burn and he wanted it gone. Gone. Gone. He scratched his nails over it, pain blooming in their wake. The mark stayed there stubbornly. He drew his wand but before he cast a spell, any spell, Sirius grabbed it.
“Reg no.” He said, taking Regulus’s wand. “You can’t get rid of it. And you’re not blowing off your arm either.”
Regulus made to snatch back his wand, but Sirius just moved back.
“They were so proud, Sirius.”
“They would be.” Sirius snorted scornfully,
“Give it.” Regulus reached again but Sirius held it behind his back,
“Promise me you won’t do something stupid.”
“Already have.”
“Well you’ll hear no argument from me there. But promise you wont hurt yourself with it.”
“Fine.” Regulus snapped. Sirius handed his wand back over and Regulus clutched at it.
They stood in silence for a moment. Just two brothers trying to figure out how to move forwards.
“You don’t have to go back.” Sirius told him,
“I do.”
“You don’t.” Sirius shook his head, “I didn’t.”
“Then what? Just stay here? I can’t stay here forever Sirius. They’ll kick me out for summer anyway.”
“Then come with me.”
“You live with the Potters.”
“... So?”
Regulus rolled his eyes.
“Wait right here.” Sirius had said, turning towards the dorms, “I mean it Reg, don’t move.”
Regulus rolled his eyes again. Sirius had disappeared upstairs, re-emerging a few minutes later with a sleep rumpled James.
James had laid eyes on Regulus and immediately turned on Sirius.
“What, and I mean this Pads, the fuck?”
Abruptly Regulus was brought out of his musings by his door banging open. Well it wasn’t really his door but that was besides the point. Sirius was standing in the doorway beaming at him.
“Come on, James says you have to help us decorate the tree.” Sirius waved him over,
“I, the what?” Regulus stuttered,
“The tree, Reg.”
“Don’t the house elves do that?”
“Nope.” Sirius said, popping the ‘P’, “Now come on!” And as quickly as he’d arrived he’d left, bounding downstairs with all the energy of a dog on red bull.
Regulus dragged himself from the sanctuary of his room. He had barely left since arriving yesterday afternoon. He didn’t really dare to. At any moment the potters could change their mind and kick him out. He trailed slowly down the stairs, dragging his feet. In the drawing room, a bomb appeared to have gone off. A very Christmassy bomb. James and Sirius were surrounded by chaos, baubles, lights, trinkets, bells and something they’d called tinsel, were scattered around them. Sirius seemed to be in the process of tangling, or maybe he was trying to untangle James in the lights. Honestly, he wasn’t sure. It was a far cry from the formal balls and formal suppers he was used to.
“There you are dear,” Mrs Potter called warmly to him. In her hands she grasped a tray of cookies and hot drinks, “Maybe you can help control these two.” She laughed, placing the tray on the barely visible table.
“Maybe.” Regulus agreed quietly, managing a small smile.
She threw him another bright smile before turning on the other boys, “Sirius stop tangling James! And James, stop letting him!” She exclaimed,
“I’m untangling him!” and “I'm not!” They both protested at the same time,
“You are?” She looked bemused, “Then how did you get tangled in the first place James?”
“Ah… About that.” Sirius started, launching into a convoluted explanation of how they had tried to use magic to place the lights but then James had thought it would be fun to make them into a reindeer first so they’d tried that out and somehow the lights had gotten tangled so James had gone in to untangle them and… They’d ended up here.
Mrs Potter shook her head fondly, bustling out of the room.
“Just hold still!” Sirius chided,
“I am!” James exclaimed,
“You are not!”
“Am too!”
“Are not!”
“Am too!”
Regulus sighed heavily, picking up some so-called tinsel.
Christmas day was an interesting affair. Regulus had tried to stay out of the way as much as possible but he barely had a moment alone before someone was dragging him out of hiding. Whether Mrs Potter asking for help in the kitchen, Sirius demanding he join in, James asking him to wrap presents, sign cards and spend time with Sirius or even Mr Potter who had tried to include in putting lights up on the outside of the house. Between them Regulus hadn’t been alone for almost 5 days. Finally, Christmas day had arrived and he thought he might have some time to himself whilst they celebrated as a family. But in the early hours of the morning Sirius had leapt onto his bed, startling him awake.
“Fucking hell Sirius!” He yelped, shoving his brother off of his ribs,
“Merry Christmas!” Sirius yelled, “Come on,” And dragged him out of bed, down the stairs and into the very poorly decorated drawing room. They truly had done a terrible job. The tinsel stuck to the fireplace was already coming down, the tree was unbalanced and the greenery was wilting and oddly placed.
In the drawing room, James was seated on the floor in front of his parents who were nestled on the couch, mugs in hand.
“Happy Christmas!” James yelled as they entered,
“Happy Christmas!” Sirius parroted, the Potters just laughed and smiled as Sirius joined James on the floor.
Unsure of what else to do, Regulus sat beside Sirius.
“This is from us,” James said, gesturing to a gift Regulus recognized as one he had wrapped.
“Ohhh Darling!” Mrs Potter cooed, “Thank you boys!”
“You haven’t even opened it yet mom,” James groused,
“Well I know you didn’t wrap it,” She teased James,
“Nope, Reg did.” Sirius answered as James spluttered and argued that his wrapping was perfectly fine.
She laughed and pulled off the paper, revealing a hard back, beautifully bound book, “Oh! Oh I love it!” She pulled James into a hug, then Sirius and then -to Regulus’s surprise- him too. “Thank you boys!”
“You’re welcome!” Sirius and James chimed in together,
“And this is for you dad,” James said, chucking him a present.
Regulus didn’t pay attention to what the gift was, still reeling from the hug. But Mr Potter thanked them all too.
“And the card!” Sirius exclaimed, passing it over to Mrs Potter, a card Regulus recognized as one James had thrust under his nose and demanded he sign. He felt a little set up.
“Alright boys,” Mrs Potter beamed, handing over presents to James and Sirius, “
We didn’t know you were coming dear, so it's a little rushed, but here.” She smiled softly as Regulus, passing him a gift.
“Oh.” Regulus froze, “You didn’t need to get me anything.”
“Nonsense,” She waved him off,
“Thanks mum!” James yelled pulling out a bright red and gold scarf with the emblem of a broom on it and wrapping it around his neck,
“Thanks!” Sirius yelled, pulling out a simple black scarf with a hippogriff on it.
With shaking hands Regulus unwrapped his. A green and silver scarf stared back at him. He carefully put it on, wrapping it around his neck.
“Oh great!” James yelled, clutching a new broom, “yessss!”
Sirius screeched, gripping a leather jacket and holding it up in delight, “Thanks mum!” he yelled, seeming not to notice his mistake. James didn’t notice either. But the look Mr and Mrs Potter exchanged, showed that they did. They beamed at Sirius.
“Thank you.” Regulus blurted out, suddenly aware he hadn’t thanked them, “It's lovely.”
“You’re welcome dear.” Mrs Potter smiled at him.
Sirius and James spent the rest of the day babbling about their gifts, arguing over who got the best one. Eventually they settled in for Christmas dinner. They pulled the crackers, told the horrible jokes and wore the paper hats that slid down over their eyes. Regulus ate quietly, letting the noise wash over him. He helped Mrs Potter clean up as the others left for the drawing room. She turned to him, a sad smile in place.
“You don’t need to help me dear.” She promised,
“I’d like to.” He argued with a polite smile.
She sighed, “Sirius was exactly the same when he first came to us. Tried hiding in his room and making himself as helpful as he could be.” She shook her head with a fond smile, “Truth be told he mainly just ended up getting underfoot. My point is though, you don’t need to help, you don’t need to earn your keep. You are welcome here. You can stay as long as you like.”
Regulus fought to keep his polite mask in place, pretending her words hadn’t affected him. But she noticed.
“Come here,” She murmured, pulling him in for a hug. “It's alright dear. You’re safe now.”
Tears rolled down his face, he bit his lip harshly, trying to stop them.
“I’m not.” He managed,
“Yes you are.” She argued, gently rubbing his back.
Guilt overwhelmed him. “I’m not, and I’m putting you all at risk too.” He drew back and yanked up his sleeve.
She froze, eyes locked on the mark. “Oh.” She breathed, “Oh darling,” She gripped him tight, pulling him back in. “You’re safe here.” She repeated firmly.
Regulus cried.