ice machines

Here’s a secret - one Remus has clinged to and pushed down and ignored and wished and wished for - he's always longed for magic. For what he read in books as a child to be real. For fairies and witches and vampires and magicians. For something wild and beautiful and wonderful like that to really exist. He can feel his lips tugging into a smile just before he shivers and he remembers that he's in pyjamas in the snow.

“Lily?” It feels almost sacrilegious to be loud but surely she’s here too? This looks exactly like the place she’d described. Nothing. Maybe, understandably now that he is now here and can see (and feel - god does it really have to be so cold?) that she hadn’t been lying, she’s mad that he hadn't believed her. In all honesty he's still not sure he does.

 He hesitates, shooting a wary look behind him before stepping forward, deeper into this strangely still world. The quiet is unsettling, as are the long shadows between the trees, no birds or even rustling in the trees, just falling snow. The only sign of life is a pair of fading footsteps in the snow, leading to the lamppost. Lily.

It feels wrong to leave Lily here alone, but also to be here alone and he wishes he knew where she’s gone. She surely cant have gone far? The snow is coming down stronger now, quickly erasing her footsteps even as he stumbles clumsily through the deep snow in his slippers after them, cursing the fact that he doesn't trust the forest would still be here if he went to get a pair of boots and a jumper. The thought gives him a pause and a spike of panic shoots through him, settling into an anxious ball in his stomach and tension in his shoulders - are they guaranteed a way out of here? Lily. Lily, Lily, Lily, he reminds himself and pushes forward somewhat more desperately now, breaking the silence only to call for Lily and receive no response. 

He follows her footsteps past the lamppost, putting a hand out on it to catch his balance when he almost slips on some ice, gratefully surprised if a little freaked to find it warm to touch. He clings onto it for a moment for the courage of warmth before continuing. Lily’ footsteps become much harder to find and follow in the forest where the evening shadows between the trees hide their passing. At least, he thinks, its evening here instead of the middle of the night like back home. Regardless, he soon, unfortunately soon, finds himself completely lost with no clue when he last actually saw a footprint and whether or not he’s going in the right direction at all.

“Fuck.”

He scrambles upwards through the trees, hoping for some sort of view of where he is and trying to think of anything except for the sharp cold of the snow on his hands when he finds himself beside a sort of road through the trees. A good sign? A sign of civilisation anyways. He's standing between two identical looking trees, right at the edge of it, praying he isn't so lost that he can’t find his way back to the wardrobe and that he and lily haven't been locked into a winter forest in the back of some old madwoman's wardrobe forever and that he won’t die of hypothermia before getting to find out either of those things when he's suddenly knocked violently backwards and falling into one of the trees with a small scream he isn't entirely proud of and a groan. 

What - blinking, Remus stops halfway through untangling himself from the fir tree ( covered in snow, he's soaked) that he’d fallen into. He’s been run over by a wolf pulled sleigh. He's gone madder than Lily, he thinks dazedly as he watches it come to a halt several feet from him. What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? 

A very (very) short man with a very long beard tucked into his belt leaps from the front of the sleigh and turns to and begins to menacingly trudge to Remus who awkwardly tries to pull himself out of the tree, wishing he was back safe and warm in bed and had never even met Lily Evans. 

“How dare -” begins the man, voice filled with unbridled fury as he stomps towards where Remus has once again frozen in mild panic, before he pauses, stares, and turns back towards the sleigh. A quick, hushed conversation happens as Remus watches disbelievingly, now free from the tree, soaking, freezing and shivering. Should he just make a run for it? Maybe he had broken some rule of law of wherever this place is. Or they could just tell he wasn't supposed to be here. He should -

A lithe figure twists and leaps from the back before stalking towards him and oh- 

Remus is suddenly even more aware of the fact that he’s in his pyjamas. 

The boy advancing on him like he’s a prey that stumbled straight into its predators den is by far the prettiest person Remus has ever seen in his life. He’s beautiful - dangerously so, all sharp edges and harsh lines and colours, whites and blacks. Even over the snow, he’s graceful and sure footed, coming up to Remus easily, with none of the struggle the other boy had spent the last few minutes demonstrating. His long black hair falls and frames his face perfectly, contrasting shockingly with his skin - so pale it looks perfectly white, unmarred by any mark - the only colour in his face coming from his pouting red lips. He looks like an ink drawing made in precise sharp lines, high cheekbones, poised eyebrows and a defined jaw paired with a long elegant neck, his long lovely eyelashes peering down at Remus disdainfully. There’s a more than a hint of arrogance in his lifted chin and the subtle way he carries himself that seems to scream ‘I’m better than you’ but Remus feels sure that he’s done something to deserve it. 

Remus swallows and tries to breathe.

The boy looks him up and down slowly. He seems to be waiting for something. Remus stares back. 

“You don’t bow to royalty?” There’s a slight haughty drawl to his voice, low and smooth. Remus blinks and takes a moment to understand what he’s saying. 

“Er uh well-“ oh he’s so fucked, “-you’re not wearing a crown.”

He’s going to be beheaded. The boys lips twitch and he looks like he’s trying not to smile for a second before the emotion falls from his face again. 

“I don’t usually need it,” he says pointedly.

“Might want to rethink that,” says Remus wishing he could just shut the fuck up, he doesn’t even know why he’s still talking - he really wishes he wasn’t still talking. And suddenly there’s a knife at his throat, which might actually at this point be deserved, tilting his head up almost gently which is unnecessary given that, now that they are this close, it’s clear Remus has at least a full head of hight on this boy-prince. It’s a long thin hunting knife, leaving still some space between them and reflecting the sun right into his eyes. He’s trying to blink the glare away when the prince speaks again.

“Consider this a lesson in the Black Family the rest of the kingdom has learned a long time ago,” he says lightly, “Your freedom is bought at a price. I am Sirius Black, the royal heir. You are alive because I haven’t decided to kill you yet.” Perfect. Remus is going to die in his pyjamas.

“Yes, your – your majesty.”

“Your royal highness.”

“Right. Yes. Your royal highness.” Having assumed he’d never meet the queen of England – a rather reasonable presumption he thought – Remus had never bothered to learn any of the etiquette surrounding royalty. He’s a idiot.

The knife is removed from his throat and the prince takes a step back with a tilt of his head that seems strangely animal-like as he examines Remus again, no doubt coming up with an extensive list of flaws.

“What are you wearing?”

God strike him down right now if there is any mercy in this world. There is none so Remus remains intact.

“My pyjamas uh sir.”

The prince is smirking now, a sparkle in his eyes.

“Why?”

“Well,” says Remus, wondering if magical wardrobes are maybe a common occurrences around these parts. “I wasn’t really expecting this weather.” The prince blinks.

“You.. weren’t?”

“Err”

“Where have you been for the past 75 years?”  Oh Lily had said something about an eternal winter hadn’t she? Though 75 years was hardly eternal and – how do you get rid of the rest of the seasons? Or did this world just turn more slowly? “In bed?” adds Sirius with an amused raise of his eyebrows. Remus winces. If only.

“No, no I’m not from here – I’m from… earth?”

“Earth?”

“Like… England?”

“England,” repeats the prince slowly, with a frown that makes Remus worry for his throat and its ability to remain attached to the rest of him.

“I came through a wardrobe,” Remus explains hurriedly, “From a different world? I guess? This is my first time so I’m not really sure honestly – or sure how it works. We don’t have um have magic where I’m from, or not usually I guess the wardrobe is –“

“A different world?” says the prince suddenly intent, leaning towards him, a strange hunger in his face. Remus nods slowly and for a moment they just stare at each other, Sirius clearly trying to judge if he’s telling the truth. The dangerous silence is broken by a call from the sleigh.

“Sirius. What is taking so long?” A sharp female voice that carries effortlessly over to them and has the prince immediately straightening any hint or hope of emotion so thoroughly washed from his face Remus doubts he ever saw it. The only reason Remus is given to think that Sirius thinks over what to say next is the slight pause before he speaks, slightly louder than he had been to Remus.

“Nothing, Mother.” But they must have struck some sort of curiosity because the small man yells out without warning, a harsh order of sorts, and Remus jumps, startled enough that he nearly falls back into the tree, stopped only by Sirius. Who reaches out and catches him before immediately letting go and taking a large step backwards.

The sleigh slides gracefully backwards (is that even possible - Remus didn't think-) coming to a stop right beside them. The sudden sound and movement had jumpstarted Remus’ heart rather violently and so he's feeling disorientated and slightly panicked when he looks up

to the woman in front of him. Maybe he thinks semi-hysterically they're going to kick him out for not being beautiful enough. The woman looking down at them is also stunning. She bears a strong resemblance to Sirius, sharp features, shockingly pale skin, but her hair is far wilder, pouring over her shoulders in black curls. She's wearing a glass crown and a narrowed expression as she take him in. 

Sirius forcibly shoves him to the ground when he takes a disorientated moment to react and he falls to his knees with a grunt before gracefully hopping back into the back of the sleigh, behind his mother.

“You don't kneel for your queen?” she asks and Remus has a very strong feeling that he's going to be actually beheaded this time. 

“Sorry?” he tries and it sounds wrong and clearly not enough the minute it comes out, “Or I mean!” what did he mean? Who the fuck was she? Queen of what? “I'm a little lost.” what follows is a very unimpressed silence. When he risks a glance upwards, Sirius is very clearly trying to hold back laughter. It makes him look far more alive, warmer. He hurts to look at. His mother however does not look amused.

“Lost?” 

“I came through a wardrobe,” he explains again and Sirius winces and shakes his head slightly but it’s too late, “Not on purpose or I would've dress more appropriately. Your… hi” Sirius violently shakes his head “-…majesty?” He risks another glance at the prince who gives the slightest nod.

“From where?”

“Um. England.”

“He claims it’s another world,” says Sirius leaning forward to rest his elbows on his mother backrest, the picture of casual elegance. “Without magic.”

“And what are you?” snaps the queen looking unimpressed and still a little to murderous for Remus’s liking.

“Uhhh.” Was he supposed to say stupid? A criminal? 

“You’re not a dwarf clearly, or a fawn - are you a werewolf or vampire of some sort?” She is clearly losing patience. What the fuck. 

“I'm human,” he says through it comes out sounding unsure. They both go completely still.

“Human? A son of Adam?” 

“My dad’s name’s Lyall,” he says before thinking and curses himself. This is not his best conversation. He wishes he’d slept a little more before all this. She looks like she thinks she's an idiot and he's tempted to agree. Even Sirius doesn’t look amused. In fact, he looks strangely stricken.

“Are you alone?” He thinks of Lily and decides it best to leave her out of this and the possible subsequent beheading, nodding. The queen relaxes a little. “And you've never been here before?”

He shakes his head squirming under her gaze.

“My… sister did,” he offers when the silence stretches and she continues to look at him like she's imagining his head rolling across the snow but that seems to be the wrong thing to say because the deadly stillness is back.

“Your sister?”

“Well-” He doesn't really feel like explaining his relation to Lily but ‘friend’ sounds a little silly for some reason.

“How many of you are there? How many siblings?” She looks like his head resting on his shoulders depends very heavily on his response. Remus doesn't know how to respond. He’d started a sort of lie, why not go all in? 

“Four,” he says the number sitting strangely on his tongue. He's always been an only child. 

“Four?”

He nods hurriedly, “Two boys, two girls.” 

The following silence feels strangely dangerous. Then the queen smiles. 

“My dear boy,” she says sweetly, “You look freezing.” He is. He really really is. In fact Remus is half convinced that the only reason he’s still alive and hasn’t just frozen to death is because of how much these two conversations have accelerated his heart rate. “Join us, tell us about your world.” And with an inviting smile she moves to the side, opening her arm to reveal a place among thick fur and wool blankets. It doesn’t feel like an offer he can refuse so, if a hesitant glance towards Sirius, whose face gives nothing away, he climbs in.

The queen immediately wraps him in the blankets and he gratefully hugs them towards himself, warmth seeping painfully into his numb skin. Pins and needles run through his entire body and he holds back a whimper.

“You are in Hogwarts now, and we are the royal family here – as I’m sure Sirius told you. I hope he wasn’t too harsh, he can be a little over emotional.” Remus shakes his head, not daring to look at the prince. “Good,” she smiles. “I am sorry for the cold welcome, we’re all a little on edge these days. There’s been some … well, it’s a good thing you ran into us instead of someone less friendly.”  Remus nods. The Queen waves a hand and the sleigh starts back up.

“We’ll leave you back here again,” she promises catching his worried look behind them .

“Thank you, your majesty,” he says, not feeling particularly comforted.

“Of course – we wouldn’t want you to be separated from your family now would we? Family is very important to us, isn’t it Sirius?”

“Yes, Mother.”

The Queen smiles. “Sirius and his brother are very close. Are you and your siblings also close?”

“Yes,” answers Remus truthfully, wishing Lily would come out of the trees and save him from this conversation.

“You said your sister had already been to Hogwarts?”

“Only once,” he says uneasily, “We didn’t believe her afterwards. But um she came here a while ago – about a week? She wasn’t here long though.” He shuffles slightly in his blankets then remembers to add on – “Your Majesty.”

“Oh none of that,” she waves, “Call me Walburga.” Remus blinks really wishing he could see Sirius without very obviously turning his head but the prince remains silent behind them. He nods weakly and she looks at him carefully before saying – “Are you hungry?”

“Oh no,” he says hurriedly.

“oh but surely you would like something to warm you up? A treat? Whats your favourite treat in the whole world?” He feels like she’s speaking to someone far younger than him. “look.” And from her cloak she takes out a very pretty looking vial. “Its magic. Whatever food you’d like. I can make it for you.” This is starting to feel like another offer he cannot refuse so he nods awkwardly.

“well, what would you like?”

“Uhhh-“ Remus thinks desperately, “Some chocolate?” He’s tried chocolate twice before, both times from a rather awful aunt but it tasted amazing.

“Chocolate,” Walbuga smiles, “Of course. Stop!” The sleigh pulls to an immediate halt. She turns and her smile seems to turn more sinister as she faces Sirius. “Sirius, why don’t you do the honours?” Sirius stares stonily at her and his movements seems more robotic and less graceful as he takes the vial. For a moment, as he clutches it, Remus thinks he’s about to smash it but he doesn’t. He jumps from the sleigh and pours a drop onto the snow, eyes shadowed and jaw clenched as he stares down. Remus is too busy watching him to notice the moment whatever liquid fell from the vial turns into the silver box the prince picks off the snow.

He's feeling decidedly uneasy as he accepts the box about his chances of surviving whatever food it contains.

“Go on,” encourages Walburga, a placid smile still intact on her lips but behind her a wide-eyed Sirius shakes his head. Remus hesitates and the smile on the queen’s lips gets more tense as she watches him. With shaking fingers he fumbles to open it and is presented with an array of different chocolates, like the kind he’d see in shop windows back in London. A pretty way to be poisoned at least, he figures. It’s become quite clear that he has no way to get out of at least trying one so he chooses one at random and takes a tentative nibble.

And it’s.

It’s the. The best thing.

The best thing Remus has ever tried in his life.

He might die if he doesn’t eat these all right this moment. He might die if he doesn’t get to try this again.

He. Its. The taste. In his mouth.

“Did your sister meet anyone while she was here?” asks the queen conversationally and Remus will tell her anything so long as he gets to keep eating. He hadn’t realized how bad he felt until he’d started eating and now, now he feels so good he feels so so good, all he needs to do is keep eating – “Remus?”

“Yes.” What had Lily said? “Some witch? Of… hedges? Mary I think.”

“Hmmm. Did she say anything else?”

“Uhhhh.” Focusing on anything other than the chocolate in front of him Is hard. He feels… fuzzy. He feels good. “Not really. They had tea? And something about Mary being scared of something.”

“I see. Well, we rarely get humans around here, do we Sirius?”

“No, Mother.”

“So I’d love to meet you all.”

He’s finished all the chocolate. All of it. He tips the box over to be sure but nothing falls out. A hand reaches out and grabs his chin forcing him to look away from it. Walburga smiles when his eyes meet hers.

“You can have some more next time,” she promises benevolently, “If you bring your siblings with you – I do sowant to meet some other humans.” Remus blinks at her slowly.

“You want me to bring them to you? To meet them?” Something about it feels off but he can’t quite figure-

“And you can have some more chocolate.”

Remus nods, smiling. Of course. He wants more. That seems like a fair price.

“Look over there,” Walbuga tilts his head in the direction she points to, “See the mountains?” Remus nods obediently the best he can, still in her grip. “See the two peaks that are higher than the rest?” It is hard to miss them. “I – we live there. Next time you come, bring your siblings there with you and you can have as much chocolate as you would like.”

“Yes,” he agrees, the chocolate, and she lets his chin go. She really is so beautiful, he thinks, and an amazing ruler. More chocolate.

“Perfect. Look at how good he is, Sirius – my boys could use some lessons from you, Remus. Now, here we are. Can you find your own way back?”

And they were indeed back where they had begun – or at least somewhere that looked like it. Remus feels dazed as he looks at the trees. They could in all honesty be anywhere in this forest and he would have to assume it was the right place. The snow covered fir trees all look the same to him. He trusts the queen. If she says this is the place, then it is.

“I can’t have some chocolate for the road?” he asks but she only laughs. A movement from behind startles them both before she gets to answer and Sirius jumps from the sleigh and offers Remus a hand down. Surprised and slightly annoyed, he accepts it, then stumbles and half falls on top of the other boy, when he yanks on his hand, hard. The prince catches him, whispering into Remus’s ear, quiet but unmistakable –

“Don’t.”

-before pushing him back off him with a disgusted look. Remus frowns, confused and opens his mouth to ask before Sirius speaks again, out loud this time.

“You should be on your way home before dark.” He climbs back into his place in the sleigh and his mother’s eyes track him as he does but neither of their faces betray a single emotion. Was he trying to keep the chocolate for himself? Was that what this was? How dare he.

“Ok,” says Remus, fighting back a snarl of anger at the prince. “Goodbye then.”

“See you again soon,” says Walburga with a smile and the sleigh takes off. He stands and watches them leave before realizing that Sirius has a point and it’s starting to get concerningly dark. He starts to walk back, hopefully in the same direction he came in, shivering once more, feeling worse and worse as he does. He hates Sirius, he hates him, why couldn’t he just have a little more?

He’s sick with hunger and staring at where the two mountains are visible in a gap between the trees thinking of that chocolate and wondering if maybe he could just go there now instead of waiting, if maybe he begged hard enough he could have some more, when Lily finds him.

“Remus?” He blinks and she’s emerging from the trees in front of him like a bright sunrise in the creeping dark. He’s surprisingly numb at the sight of her marching delightedly through the woods towards him, a smile finally gracing her face, cheeks flushed and eyes bright. He wishes he could have some more of that chocolate. “Remus! Oh, you’re here too!” She ploughs into him full of warmth and bright eager energy and he stumbles back slightly before catching her. “I can’t believe it! Isn’t it wonderful?” Remus isn’t sure it is. He feels overwhelmed suddenly and wishes she wasn’t touching him or speaking so loudly and he’s still so hungry. He wants more chocolate.

“Did you meet anyone?”

“No,” he snaps, thinking of Sirius stopping him from having any more and trying to keep it for himself, then sighs when she take a careful step away from him, “I’m sorry – I’m just –“ so hungry “- very tired and very very cold and I’ve been looking for you for ages..”

“Oh,” says Lily, “Oh I’m sorry, I hope you weren’t lost for too long? I stole one of the coats from the closet see? Figured it wasn’t really stealing since I haven’t left the wardrobe.” She twirls showing off the catastrophically ugly long fur coat she’s wearing and Remus laughs a little and she smiles. He had honestly not been paying attention to what had been in the wardrobe behind the entire world hidden down the back and he can’t help but feel slightly embarrassed.  “C’mon, let’s go back now then.” He lets her link arms with him and they make their way through the snow together.

“I'm so glad you’ve found it too, even though you didn’t get to meet Mary,” says Lily eagerly prattling on, “Now you know I’m not actually mad, now I know I’m not mad.”

“Maybe we’re both mad,” says Remus and Lily rolls her eyes but her smile doesn’t dim. 

“Isn’t this place amazing? I saw Mary again and she’s ok, thank god-“

“Is there any reason Mary wouldn’t be ok?” he interrupts, confused. Lilys smile finally dims. 

“Well there’s a reason it’s winter - it’s always winter in Narnia - there’s an evil witch who calls herself the queen of the land even though she’s got no rightful claim to the throne who’s put a curse over the whole country to make it always winter but never the solstice – which is a big holiday here apparently.” Lily frowns looking like she’s trying to solve a problem. “Though I’m not really sure how that works. Anyway everyone’s terrified of her and, well, Mary was supposed to turn me in when she found a human but the witch hasn’t found out so it’s ok!” Remus feels sicker and sicker, a feeling of dread rising as he considered the sleigh that had just pulled away and the two royal figures on it. 

“How do you know she’s telling the truth?”

“Why would she lie?” Lily asks and Remus shrugs. “You’re sure you haven’t seen anyone?” She’s very perspective, Lily. But Remus doesn’t hesitate when he shakes his head, unsure why he’s lying. The queen and prince feel like a dream now except for the ache in his stomach. Lily’s Mary has to be lying, he thinks, she’s a traitor to the crown and her country and deserved whatever punishment Walburga decides is just. The queen is good. She is. He’s going to bring Lily to her with the others and then they’ll all see.

He's incredibly relieved to be back and out of the wardrobe, half convinced as they tramped through the snow that it would’ve closed forever, for all of five seconds, the time to feel the now familiar damp of the old house and comfort of its tranquil sleepiness now back to the middle of the night, before he’s hit with a raging headache. His hands, when he looks down at them, are shaking, and he can feel his nausea rising. All he needs, he thinks, is a piece of that chocolate, and he would feel better. He’d felt so good when he had it and has felt increasingly terrible since.

“Lets go!” says Lily, looking far too alert and awake and happy.

“Go where?” he asks, confused.

“To tell the others of course! Come on!”

“Maybe we shouldn’t – we should, we should let them sleep,” he hisses as he lets himself be dragged back towards their rooms, comforted, despite himself, by the familiarity of the corridors.

“What? And wait until morning? James would kill us.” He wouldn’t, Remus thinks, sulkily. “And I couldn’t sleep right now and it might close! If we tell them fast enough, maybe then we can all go now! Wouldn’t that be amazing?” Remus has never seen Lily as jubilant or heard her speak as fast as this moment.

Don’t, rings through his head and a dizzying dread rises the closer they get to their sleeping friends. He thinks about telling Walburga Mary’s name.

“Lily I don’t think-“

“Don’t be ridiculous Remus, come on!”

He really really doesn’t want to do this. He doesn’t want to tell the others, he doesn’t want them to know about it, he wishes no one else knew, he wants to be able to go back alone and take the chocolate, all of it, for himself and never have to share it or talk to anyone again and he doesn’t want them to feel like this and he wants lily to stop smiling so much and talking and –

Lily bangs on James’s door, hard, before bursting in, finally letting go of Remus’s hand. He stands outside, wishing with everything he has that he could just go back to bed and sleep everything away, before reluctantly following her inside.

James is half sitting up in bed, staring very blearily at an increasingly excited Lily, his hair sticking in every possible direction. It’s strange to see him without glasses. He looks younger and even more wide eyes. Its hard to tell if he can understand a word of what Lily is telling him but he nods along all the same, very clearly still half asleep.

“- and Remus was there too,” Lily says throwing an arm out towards him. Remus doesn’t say anything as James’s tired eyes turn to him and immediately squint – god he must be blind – but Lily doesn’t seem to notice anything is wrong as she keeps talking. He wishes he were anywhere else. He feels sick. He feels sick. He feels sick. He feels –

“What is going on in here?”

For a second he thinks that it’s going to be McGonagall and relief fills him at the idea of being ordered back to bed under her watchful eyes but it’s Marlene who steps in and looks at them all.

“Are you having a meeting without me?”

“I don’t know what’s happening,” says James sounding semi-hysterical.

“No!” exclaims Lily, “No – me and Remusboth went to Hogwarts. Just now! I’m not crazy, he saw it too – if we go to the wardrobe right now we might be able to get back in if we just –“

Don’t.

Don’t

Don’t.

Remus’s headache is getting worse. He wants Lily to stop speaking. He wants to stop wanting that fucking chocolate so bad. He wants to go to bed and pretend none of this happened. He wants to go straight back and hike all the way to in-between the two peeks and throw himself at the queens feet. He wants –

“Remus?”

“Huh? What?” He looks up to find all their eyes on him.

“Did you go to Hogwarts with Lily?” asks James, much more awake now (how much time had just passed?), sitting upright with all his usual trust and curiosity. You shouldn’t just trust people like that, Remus wants to spit at him spitefully, you can’t just let everyone know everything you’ve ever felt right there on your face.

“Remus?” repeats Lily impatiently and Remus really really wishes they would all just leave him alone.

“No,” he snaps, lying for the second time that night, “No, I have no idea what she’s talking about. She’s probably dreaming again.” There’s a startling quiet after that sentence. The sudden, complete, and tense, kind that he’s never experienced around any of them.

“What?” says Lily, staring at him, hurt pouring out of her and when he doesn’t reply, brows twisting with incomprehension and anger, “What are you talking about? We were just there!” When he still says nothing she takes a shaken step away from him mouth opening and closing a few times before she lands definitively on anger and she’s throwing herself at him with a snarl.

“How dare you, you liar, you –“ She might actually cry, he thinks distantly as both Marlene and James drag her away from him.

“Hey, hey, hey,” says James softly, throwing him a confused and conflicted look, “Hey, Lils, stop. Stop. We’ll go there now ok? See for ourselves.” This calms Lily down enough to stop fighting them and they slowly release her. She storms out of them room without so much as a glance towards Remus. Marlene and James exchange a look and hurry after her.

Remus stays a moment alone in James’ room, a hand clutched to his stomachs. He can’t – he can’t think properly. He tries to take a deep breath and feels too alone in the room. The idea of the others nauseates him. He needs to follow them. He does.

It’s clear from the moment he steps into the wardrobe room, that the wardrobe has stopped leading to Hogwarts for the night. Lily sits collapsed just in front of the it, her head in her arms, sobbing while James hovers above her, clearly panicked and confused and Marlene is, he assumes, still in the wardrobe. He stays by the door both horrified and dismayed and relieved by this revelation, sure that is presence isn’t wanted as he watches the wretched scene.

“It was real. It was,” says Lily and James nods helplessly. Marlene is the first to notice him when she come tripping out of the wardrobe and her eyes narrow, her mouth opening but Lily catches it before she has the chance to say anything, whipping around to face Remus, tear stains streaking her face. A drastic change from how she’d been only minutes ago. Cruelly, some part of him is relieved.

“Tell them Remus, tell them the truth.”

He says nothing.

She drags herself to her feet and marches right up to him, brimming full of anger and good, good, good. He is angry too.

“I will never forgive you,” she says.

And she leaves.