ice machines

Remus is uncomfortable. And overwhelmed. The station is redefining his definition of crowded, even after a childhood spent in the city. Beside him – glued to his side given the lack of space – a mother is trying valiantly to pretend she isn’t sobbing as she hugs her son. Remus is trying his very best not to look at either of them but, as he wriggles through the crowd, it’s not a scene he can escape. The platform is filled with tense, tearful parents and wide-eyed confused children. He tugs at the tag around his neck and thinks of the quiet house and even quieter mother he’s left behind. The letter still open on the kitchen table. She hadn’t come to drop him off.

The controller checks he has a tag before letting him on with a nod. Remus rolls his eyes as he slips past. What a stupid system – he’s seventeen, he hardly needs a nametag to remind him of his own name like some sort of errant puppy. Still, he reminds himself to be grateful as he goes down the train checking for an empty- or at least not full of yelling children – carriage. He’s old to be escaping to the country, away from the rubble and silent houses and open letters and late night bombs, to be allowed to flee to safety. In fact he expects to be the oldest on the train by far, so he’s surprised when he finally manages to find a carriage with space left and is presented by a boy who must be around the same age. He’s even more surprised by the brown colour of his skin, the five small children clinging to him and the wide, bright smile on his face that he immediately directs at Remus.

“Hello! Feel free to sit.”

“Er, thanks,” Remus replies awkwardly, swinging his case above him, pausing, hesitating, then putting three more trunks – presumably the children’s – up beside it which yearns him a grateful look from the boy whose arms are rather occupied by said children - and slumping down opposite, beside the window. Six wide pairs of eyes watch him and he begins to wish he had just sat in the corridor.

“I’m James,” says the boy his age warmly. The children clinging to his arm look at him like he’s a saint come to save them and Remus can understand it a bit. There’s something very comforting about him, very genuine.

“Remus,” he says with a nod and the smile widens.

“Remus! Lovely to meet you.” He sounds like he means it. There’s an ever so slight accent to his words but Remus has never been good with those so he can’t tell from where.

“You too?” It sounds uncertain to his own ears and he winces, looking down at James’ shoes. They’re nice shoes. Very nice shoes. He suddenly feels very aware of the shabbiness of his dress, the way everything is clearly a few sizes too small and been repatched several times.

“I love trains,” says James and it becomes clear that this whole conversation is for the benefit of the scared small children and not Remus. He feels oddly relieved by it but still thankful when it’s cut short by the door of the carriage being ripped open by someone else who looks about their age, sporting an oversized smile. The girl who careens in is the sort of person who fills up space by existing and seems to move as loudly as she can with the most adventurous haircut Remus has ever seen and a strangely high pair of boots that she stomps rather than walks in.

“Potter!” she exclaims, her blond hair flying around her face as excitedly as her gestures. “There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you – thought you were ignoring me, you bastard.”

“Language,” chides James with a look at the children now looking at the newcomer with round eyes.

“Ok mum,” she says rolling her eyes.

“Marls-“

“No swearing in front of the kiddos, got it.” She winks and James gives up with a smile.
“How was the drive?”

“Oh fine, dad was just well you know him-“

Remus watches her with interest. He’s never seen a girl – or woman – act the way Marls acts. In fact he doesn’t think he’s seen many people generally act so casual but the way she throws herself onto her seat  beside him as a definitely boyish quality to it, all loose limbs and comfort. She throws her hand at him to shake still leaning towards James and speaking the entire time, with barely a glance at him. She has a surprisingly strong grip. He drops her hand as soon as he can without seeming rude and turns to look out the window, doing his best to ignore the emotional farewells, as the train pulls away from the station. Part of him hopes he never has to see London again. Maybe the Germans will just blow the entire place up.

Marls and James bounce off each other the rest of the ride, keeping up a steady stream of chatter and gossip and he quickly figures out that they’re cousins. Marlene tries encourage him into the discussion but when his answers remain short and dry, gives up and leaves him in peace to read (re-re-re-read) his battered copy of Pride and Prejudice, his pride and joy. Still its surprisingly nice to have them there, talking their heads off, comforting actually, calming. He quickly stops listening but the sounds of their voices makes it more bearable.

The children James had adopted get off before them one by one until its only Remus, Marls and James. He can feel them sending glances his way but ignores their looks in favour of his book, trying to force away the anxious tug in his stomach. He must radiate stay away pretty strongly because they don’t try to talk to him. He only starts to regret this decision when it becomes clear that they’re all getting off at the same station, awkwardly gesturing for them to get out first. He regrets it even more when they get off at the most deserted place Remus has ever been too and they and a very pretty ginger girl are the only ones at the platform. Platform is probably generous he thinks, it’s a few suspended rickety floorboards that don’t inspire much confidence in their ability to hold the weight of four people, overshadowed by a massive tree.

There’s a moment of silence as they all take in their desolate surroundings. It’s a strangely… healthy silence, filled with the sounds of birds chirping and the whistling of the wind compared to the tense quiet of London. Its broken first by James. Remus can’t say he’s surprised.

The other boy turns to the new girl with a charming smile and an intense look. “Hello, are you also going to be staying with the professor? I’m James.”

“Lily,” she looks over them all with a careful smile, “I am – I didn’t know there would be anyone else.” Neither did Remus.

“Happy coincidence,” says James, looking actually happy.

“Marlene,” the blond girl leans forward to shake Lily’s hands, who looks mildly surprised, and Remus adjusts her name in his mind. Marls must be a nickname. Lily turns to him, a slightly challenging tilt to her face.

“Remus,” he coughs, “Remus uh Lupin.” Doesn’t know why he felt the need to add his second name when none of the others did. Regrets it immediately. The smile he gets in return is genuine though. It illuminates her entire face, dimpling her round cheeks and making her green eyes sparkle. Beside him, James inhales sharply. “I didn’t either.” She nods, looking comforted.

“You don’t all know each other?” Remus shakes his head and James rushes to explain.

“We just met Remus on the train but me and Marls go way back.”

“Cousins,” agrees Marlene.

“Sort of.”

“Basically.”

“Long time family friends.”

Lily nods, laughing slightly. Her bag, Remus notices, looks as shabby and small as his own and he feels his own wash of relief. James has both a case and a satchel, both gleaming smartly and clearly nice and expensive. New too, not a hand-me-down. Marlene’s case is the same size as his and Lily’s but as nice as James’ and her coat looks new.

“Are we supposed to make our way there from here?” asks Lily with a small frown as she looks around the clearly empty station.

“Do you know the way?” Marlene is already walking to the small dirt road leading to the platform.

Lily shakes her head as she replies, “No idea – I’ve never been.”

“Me neither.” They look over at Remus who shakes his head.

“They must be just running a little late,” begins James but Marlene cuts him off.

“There’s a car!” The other three rush to join her but it drives right past. Remus wishes he wasn’t so stressed, unsure why he even is, only that his shoulders feel painfully tense. “Well. Not him then.” He smirks slightly at her dejected tone. James behind him his bouncing up and down and Remus sort of wants to grab him by the shoulders and force him to stand still.

He’s distracted from the thought by a yell and the sound of hooves. They exchange glances and lean further into the small road to attempt to see. Soon a cart, drawn by two massive brown horses comes into view. A mousy strict looking man with an unpleasant turn to his mouth holds the reins calling out for a stop right beside them.

“Potter, Evans, Lupin and McKinnon?” he asks eyes sweeping over them with a disdainful look. Remus nods along with the others and he’s ushered into the back. Its uncomfortably small at four, especially with his long legs and Lily makes an awkward uncomfortable smile at James when he has to squeeze in beside her, causing him to apologize at five times more than necessary. They all take a moment to try to arrange themselves all to fit with their bags and only half manage, his elbow half hanging out over the edge. Despite that, it’s a nice ride, the day surprisingly sunny, through small tree lined country roads, and thankfully short. Soon they’re pulling into the drive way of the biggest house Remus has ever seen. It’s a mansion – maybe a small castle given the small turret in one of the corners, beautifully covered in ivy, windows gleaming in the sun. The surrounding garden is impeccably upheld, trees perfectly trimmed, grass clearly recently cut, roses in the perfect pretty lines along the drive. He exchanges an impressed and shocked look with Lily.

They’re led through the main doors and into the hall, which is so clean it gleams and Remus feels immediately worried about touching anything. Art works and old looking artifacts line the walls in between very elaborate and expensive vases filled with tastefully arranged bouquets. Flitch, as the housekeeper introduces himself, looks equally worried that they’re about to touch any of it and starts immediately marching them through a long list of rules many of which seem, Remus has to say, a little intense. He sees James and Marlene exchange a worryingly mischievous look but decides quickly that whatever they get up to isn’t his problem. It’s a very big house.

“Finally,” concludes Filtch, “No disturbing the professor in any way – stay clear of her rooms, do not go bother her under any circumstances, do not speak unless spoken to and no loud noise anywhere near the west wing of the house.” Remus doesn’t bother saying that he has no idea which direction west is in.

Filtch keeps a close eye on them as he leads them though the house, as though he expects them to start smashing or stealing the precious vases and paintings. Remus honestly wouldn’t put it past Marlene who looks like she wants to touch something just to see Filter react but they get to their new rooms without issue. Filtch stops in the middle of the corridor and gives then one last distrustful look before telling them that they can choose to divide the four rooms on the corridor between them however they like and leaving with a huff and a last –

            "Dinner is at seven - don't be late.”

There's a pause when he leaves then Marlene leaps to action, ripping open each room one by one and glancing inside before - after a brief tussle with James - gleefully claims be biggest as her own. While she and James squabble, Lily slips into and claims the second biggest for herself with a sly smirk in Remus’ direction.

He can't help but smile back, he likes her already. He takes the smallest for himself - smallest but best view, placed on the corner of the house giving him two windows and a view of the garden. He collapses onto the bed – far nicer and cozier than his own back home – with a soft groan, inexplicably exhausted.

Not five minutes later, James wanders in (after knocking) an easy grin on his face. It’s impossible not to smile back at him and he seems to take this as an invitation to settle into the desk chair beside the door, sitting on it backwards so he’s facing Remus, arms resting comfortably on the back rest. His glasses are crooked. Remus resists the temptation to reach out and fix them.

James stares at him for a moment before the smile slides off his face and he looks distinctly uncomfortable, looking down at his fidgeting hands. Remus’s stomach drops.

“Hey we don’t … we don’t have a problem do we?” When James looks back up there’s a determined look on his face and he juts his chin out a little, squaring his shoulders like he’s preparing for a fight – one he’d probably lose, Remus thinks, James doesn’t look like he’s ever been in a fight in his life.

“Uhhh-“ says Remus, racking his brain for why they would have a problem.

“Because,” James powers on, “I might be Indian –“ so that’s where the slight accent came from – “but I’m also English and even if I wasn’t I have just as much a right to be here as you, if you didn’t want to see black and brown people you shouldn’t have colonised half the planet! And I’m not – I’m not going to put up with someone I live with who hates me for my skin colour again so –“

“Woah, woah,” says Remus, who’d been to stunned to interrupted once he understood what was happening, awkwardly putting up his hands. “I’m not – I don’t … what?”       He feels slightly sick as he looks at James – not smiling for the first time in the short time since they’d met – but he can’t think of what he’d done to make him think that. Had he said something offensive without realising?

“You just, when we met,” says James unhappily, still tugging at his fingers, “You seemed – standoffish? And I don’t know, but usually when people are like that with me..”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Um,” says Remus wincing and internally cursing himself – he’s such a dick – “I’m sorry – I don’t, I don’t have a problem with you or” - god he’s making this worse - “Or anyone because of their skin colour, really – I just… um, I’m just like that with everyone? And I guess I was in a bad mood which didn’t help, it wasn’t…” He trails off.

“You weren’t like that with lily,” says James, looking at him carefully which – fair enough. Remus tries to remember how he was when meeting Lily.

“We were out of London,” he says, which has to be the worst explanation possibly ever used for anything ever, “And it was obvious we were going to be living together I guess. I’m –“ he sighs and looks up at James “I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to give you that impression, I’m just a dick to everyone I guess.” There’s a pause, then James smiles. Its smaller than his usual one, but genuine and even more warming somehow.

“Ok,” he says, “Good. I was just – worried. But that’s good. So long as it’s to everyone.”

Remus can feel himself smiling back and he slumps out of the tense pose he’d straightened into in relief. They sit in silence for a moment while James clearly thinks a little but its less awkward than Remus would have expected. He lets his eyes wander back out the window. To no one’s surprise, its James who breaks the quiet again, seemingly willing to move on and onto lighter topics.

"Well, now that that’s all good and out of the way, this seems like a good deal, " he says eagerly, "Basically so long as we don’t break anything or disturb the prof., we can do whatever we want." Remus nods, although in the middle of nowhere that they’ve found themselves he’s not really sure how much there is to do and even though he can’t say he listened to Filtch, he’s pretty sure the housekeeper would not agree with that assessment, but James continues happily on. “We’ll have to explore the gardens – and the house, though we might have to avoid Filtch, but me and Marls were gonna head down to the village tomorrow – you’ll come?” He looks so eager it's impossible to turn him down even if Remus would rather never wake up as early as ‘morning’ again. James brightens even more when he nods though, which makes it worth it.

"I hope the foods good, "he says longingly and Remus groans in agreement, making him laugh.

"I'm so hungry.” Remus has reached (it feels forever ago) that teenage boy stage of always being hungry, although you wouldn’t be able to tell with his thin awkward frame. James – though shorter (if not short) – is broader, with proper shoulders. He perks up.

“I’ve got sandwiches! I completely forgot, my aunt packed them for me for the train ride – we can share?”

When the girls come and join them a little while later, both boys are sitting on the floor devouring the sandwiches like men starved. Marlene rolls her eyes.

“Didn’t keep us any?”

“Slow down, you’ll choak,” Lily adds dryly. James just swallows – with difficulty – before sticking his tongue out at both of them but Remus forces himself to eat his half a little slower, blushing. Lily sits down beside him, leaning back against his bed while Marlene collapses onto the floor beside James with enough force that Remus spares a thought for her knees.

“What do we think?” says Lily, “the professor sounds…”

“Like a bitch,” Marlene fills in helpfully.

Remus snorts.

“No! Or well – maybe. I was going to say strict? Scary?”

“A bitch.” This time they all laugh.

“I wonder how she got the house,” says Remus, surprised to find himself talking, when they stop, “I mean… it’s not exactly professor salary standard, is it? I was expecting something…”

“Smaller,” agrees Lily.

“The place is huge,” Marlene flings an arm out as if to try encapsulate the size in agreement, “I bet being a professor is just a cover.”

“Cover for what?” asks Lily, clearly amused.

“I don’t know, secret government work – maybe she was a spy!”

“Or blackmail,” offers James.

“She could be a pirate.”

“Secret nobility!”

“A drug smuggler.”

Remus finds himself laughing again, despite himself at their ridiculousness, feeling himself relaxing into the easy good mood. They continue to talk until dinner, on Remus’ floor, musing about the size and price of the house, how a professoracquired it, how big the village is. It’s a little awkward – the way conversations with new people always are as they try to figure each other out, learn how they fit, but Remus feels himself relaxing more and more the longer they talk. He actually likes them he finds, James and Marlene’s loud and outgoing personalities balanced out by him and Lily’s more reserved ones, and they all bounce off each other well, the conversation never dying. He’s actually enjoying himself. By the time they head down for food, he feels comfortable and relieved. He can definitely live with these people.

James is very very determined that they all bond and become best friends forever apparently because their very first morning in the mansion is started with him anxiously flittering in between their rooms trying to get them all down to breakfast together before the girls firmly kick him out to get changed. He then stands there looking disappointed and earnest and rather like what a puppy looks the moment their left home alone, already fully dressed, although its far earlier than Remus would ever get up if left to himself, and bouncing full of energy. He forces himself out of the bed he’d up till then been refusing to leave with a groan and lets James chose what he should wear while he blearily brushes his teeth much to the other boys delight.

Remus wonders, as he lathers jam onto his toast, if James has slept at all or if his entire night had been spent planning the next few weeks and months. He had a list of things to do long enough for it anyway. Most of which consisted of exploring the grounds and neighbouring village, fields and forests. Remus thinks James is likely about to be very disappointed by the mundaneness of the countryside but he doesn’t say so, nodding along to their plans for the day only half listening, mildly surprised to see Lily just as invested in his plans.

            Which is how he finds himself being dragged through a field not an hour later. It is, he thinks, far too early for this. Far, far too early. The village they very quickly realized held nothing of interest. Small and suspicious of the big city kids, it had only a shop, two pubs and an endless supply of judgmental elderly. But he’s pleasantly surprised by what they find to do anyway.

The next few days follow the same pattern of James acting as a human alarm clock for a day of wandering. Lily, to Remus’ surprise, is the most determined and thorough in their exploration efforts, dragging them down every road and through every field with the look of someone looking for something precise, something greater and grander than the small fields and little streams, though they never seem to find it, leaving her quieter and thoughtful as they make their way back for dinner. She has the best internal navigation Remus has ever seen and doesn’t seem able to get lost no matter how far they go or how many turns they take, the opposite of himself.

They might not find whatever she’s looking for but they do find enough to keep themselves well entertained. They find a small river that Marlene immediately throws herself into with obvious delight, narrowly avoiding falling over and hurting herself on one of the main sharp stones lining the bank, where they spend a lot of their time cooling themselves down and skipping stones. They find blackberries almost everywhere, staining their fingertips and mouths a purple-red and leaving a sweet taste in their mouths. They find a tree perfect for climbing – Lily gets the furthest up - that has James immediately planning a treehouse. Remus finds a kind of friendship he’s never had before.

They offer the remains of their blackberry hunts to Filtch, who scowls at them mistrustfully but makes a blackberry crumble nonetheless that, after years of sugar rations tastes nothing less than heavenly. A mistrust that Remus has to admit is rightfully earned. James has a mischievous streak deeper than anyone Remus has ever met, a seemingly uncontrollable urge to show off around Lily and a very very convincing… something that has Remus thoughtlessly agreeing to help him in his mayhem. It’s mostly harmless fun like pretending to have different names every time they speak to Filtch and acting confused whenever he uses their real names or replacing all the flowers in the sitting room with forks, but puts them all very definitely on his bad side.

Of course the British weather can only hold so long and at the end of their first week a grim, grey cloud settles over countryside. A cold miserable drizzle traps them inside and as it turns out, as beautiful as it is, the old house is not ideal for heating purposes. Remus feels damp even when he knows it’s not possible. The first day of their ‘captivity’ as Marlene puts it, is actually good fun as they explore the house and avoid Filtch, making elaborate stories for the people in the paintings and poking around all the rooms they had ignored in favour of the outside. But by lunchtime of the second day of bad weather, he isn’t the only one bored. As big as it is the house isn’t endless, but the amount of objects they are banned from touching feels like it is.

James is the one who comes up with the idea to have a paper aeroplane contest to celebrate the ‘one-week anniversary’ of their arrival in the house. He insists this warrants celebrating  - “although I obviously don’t mean that the war is a good thing, I mean us together, but not not the bombings I just” – “we get it James” – which Remus goes along with partially out of amusement and a refusal to let James down (awful awful experience the man has the most pathetic puppy dog eyes) and partially because he’s actually quite touched.  

They wait for Filtch to be on the other side of the house before crowding around the railing overlooking the main entrance hall and James ceremoniously hands them each a piece of lined A4 paper from his notepad. Remus can feel a spark of competitiveness light up in him as he flips it over in his hands. It’s been a while since he made a paper aeroplane. He lets the others argue over how long they should have for their creations knowing that Lily will get what she whatever she wants and is proven right when they settle for three minutes.

Marlene launches straight into folding and, from the complicated looking things she and James are doing with their paper, it’s quickly obvious that this is a regular activity for them. He shares an amused look with Lily and folds the most basic aeroplane there is the best he can, privately admitting defeat to himself. It comes out looking slightly wonky but the more he attempts to fix it, the worse it gets so he gives it up which gives him time to watch the others make theirs. James keeps stealing glances at Lily which is slowing him down but both girls are completely absorbed in their efforts.

There’s another squabble over the order of who gets to throw their plane which, given that he once again does not engage in, leaves him last. James goes first with his signature blinding grin, launching the plane out as far as the banister will let him, leaning over precariously enough that Lily grabs onto his leg. They all watch as it does a full upwards loop in the air before leisurely making its way downwards. It skids a little along the floor when it lands, prompting Marlene to immediately begin to complain that it’s added distance doesn’t count, making it just over halfway across the room. Marlene is up next and she makes a whole fuss about finding the ‘right angle’ at which to throw hers, but it turns out to be the right approach because her plane makes it almost to the opposite wall, well beyond James’, who immediately begins calling for a remake as she openly gloats. Lily shuts them both up by stepping forward but, although it makes it further than james’, her plane doesn’t get as far as Marlene’s, and James puts his head in his hands in despair as Remus awkwardly prepares himself.

He awkwardly steps up to the same part of the banister the others had thrown from and almost drops his plane. He takes a deep breath and corrects his breath before he flings it out with as much force as he can and the others hush for a moment as it rises – before turning immediately into a nosedive downwards – straight into one of the enormous, precarious, china pots full of flowers.

Which wobbles.

And wobbles.

And tethers dangerous at the edge of its pedestal.

And goes crashing down to floor, smashing into pieces the moment it hits the ground with a loud, unmistakable bang.

For a moment they all stand in silence, looking at the fallen vase. There’s something … almost poetic, artful even, about the gorgeous bouquet, lying scattered amid the pieces of ceramic and water. And Remus’s terrible god awful fucking bad luck.

Then he feels someone tugging on the back of his jumper and Marlene is half dragging him and James away from the crime scene and whisper shouting “run, run.” This breaks them all from their stupor.

They run.

                  Lily

Lily cannot believe they’ve already broken something. She can just imagine Petunia or her mother’s voice – “Really Lily? You couldn’t even last a more than a week?”

She stumbles over her feet as someone pushes her in their mad dash away but James grabs her and stops her from falling over. She gives him a grateful smile but ignores the hand he offers her and continues to run after Remus. She flattered but there’s no point in encouraging anything there. “You’re such a freak, Lily”.  

There’s a moment of hesitation at the hallways end before Marlene is bolting in one direction and Remus in another. She follows Remus and immediately regrets it when it leads to them sprinting up two flights of stairs. They both pause to gulp in breathes of air at the top when they hear a very Filtch-like shriek. Exchanging panicked glances they go on, gasping even as they run. She really does have to exercise more. They’re not in a part of the house Lily recognises – the west wing??? – she doesn’t have time to think about that – which impedes their knowledge of hideout places but they move blindly onwards, peeking into each room before dismissing it. Come to the end of the corridor, Remus goes in one room and Lily into the other. She closes the door behind her before looking.

And blinks, surprised. It’s not like any of the other, elaborately decorated and filled rooms in the rest of the house. In fact, its completely empty expect for a massive, beautiful wood wardrobe. For a moment, she forgets about the circumstances that brought her into the room and, hand still on the door handle all she does is stare.

It’s quiet expect for the rain on the windows.

Then a loud yell, muffled through the house shakes the walls and she’s sprinting across the room and opening the wardrobe without second thought. She leaves it a little open, hoping Filtch wouldn’t notice if he was to check the door but unwilling but be accidentally shut inside.

And into the wardrobe Lily goes.