Chapter 5
The first three days at the Potter house had been pleasant.
No one had disturbed him beyond what was necessary.
Not even Sirius who after his initial outburst had calmed down, limiting himself to asking him normal things, but even then, to a limited extent.
He only saw his brother give him sideways glances sometimes, as if wanting to start a heavy conversation but without actually doing so.
It was weird.
Patience was not Sirius’ virtue.
He still had to figure out how to handle it.
Otherwise he got up every morning at 6:30.
He swept, dusted and washed his room and the bathroom connected to it and by 7.30am he had come down to prepare breakfast, like a mantra.
Like everyday at his house.
He immediately understood the habits in the Potter household so he always tried to prepare everything to perfection.
Two eggs for Fleamont and pancakes for the rest of the family.
He couldn’t do wrong.
He must be flawless.
For the rest of the time he had brought his books to read and his homework to do.
He had to try to get into a prestigious university so he was progressing in his studies of economics, mathematics, trigonometry and logic.
He was doing the same things he did at home.
One might have thought that Walburga would have had a housekeeper to do those household chores, given their wealth, but in reality he took care of many things himself.
At least, lately.
After he got a particularly bad grade in math she had grabbed his hair so hard that he hadn't been able to repress a groan of pain.
This had infuriated his mother even more and she had thrown him against the edge of the table, leaving him with a bruise for the following days.
And then she come up with this marvelous idea.
She ordered him to do all the housework.
-Like a fucking peasant- she said. -Given your uselessness, you won't do anything else in life anyway. Better to start earlier than later, right? Maybe in this you will stand out. Don’t worry, i’m kidding, you are too worthless. -
And then she laughed and laughed.
Like she hadn’t just destroyed him.
Painfully.
Slowly.
But then she went ahead, degrading him, making him feel miserable, a nothing.
Like always.
-He would always be a subordinate.-
She had said one time.
-Useless.-
Claimed another day before slapping him.
-No one would follow a leader like him.-
It was at a family dinner so he felt even more worthless.
-And he would have brought all the family's properties to ruin. Regulus will destroy all our hard work.-
-Even your brother who ran away from home, so he was the scum of the scum, was better than you.- she said one day drunk. She must have been very drunk because she didn’t talk about Sirius. Ever.
-At least he had a mind. He opened his mouth. You, on the other hand, just obey.-
So from that day on he had been forced to wake up two hours early every day to complete the chores.
When he couldn't do it because he was in pain or sick or wasn't 'well enough' he had to skip breakfast.
Maybe even lunch and dinner.
It depended on his mother's mood.
-It wouldn't hurt you to skip a few meals anyway-. She always said.
-Nothing unimaginable.-
-Stop complaining.-
And so he stopped.
He was nothing anyway.
Actually worse than nothing.
He didn't deserve that privilege.
His brother had always been the heir right to his role.
Proud. Intelligent. Fitted. Talented.
But he had abandoned them and so remained the spare.
He had always been told that he was undeserving, and that everything would go to his brother anyway. So he didn’t need to be useful.
He didn’t need to worry.
But they were all wrong.
His brother run.
And now they were forced to have him as heir.
A nothing.
This was why he worked to the bone every day.
He had to show that maybe he could do it.
He wanted to see if for once in his life he would make his parents proud.
That morning too he was preparing to make breakfast, but he hadn't expected to find Euphemia in the kitchen.
Euphemia was a woman in her fifties, still as beautiful as in the flower of her youth.
She certainly made guys fall in love with her a lot.
The long, black hair was still shiny and the smile was full.
She had a slim and elegant figure, which moved almost dancing around the kitchen shelves.
Regulus frowned in confusion.
He didn't like changing his plans.
He HAD to prepare breakfast.
Only in this way would he have deserved their hospitality.
“Hi Regulus, how are you? Did you sleep well?"
Regulus nodded even if it wasn't exactly true.
He slept little and badly almost every night, but better here than at home.
His brother had thought about writing his name on the door, perhaps to make him feel welcome.
Sirius had also bought a bedspread blue with shiny stars and Regulus had to admit he was almost emotional. He almost cried.
He missed his brother. His big brother.
“How come you're already up? Do you always wake up this early? Don't you want to rest a little longer since it's summer?" She continued nicely, starting to shuffle around with the pans.
He was ready to answer that question.
As if it were written in a script.
"No Mrs. Potter, I always wake up early, to wash and dust my room and bathroom so I can prepare breakfast for you." He smiled almost looking like a machine but he wanted to understand if what he was doing was enough. He was satisfied with himself.
Could he win them over like that?
Regulus yearned for everyone's approval like a man in the desert yearned for water.
“Oh Regulus, but there's no need, just fix it up a bit. The housekeeper comes to us one day a week to help us.” She smiled back and Regulus was troubled by this too.
She didn't seem satisfied.
“No, I have to do housework.” He replied almost harshly.
Euphemia had to understand.
He was doing that for them.
To show them he was capable of being polite and- and grateful and a good guest.
"Why?" She asked confused.
She seemed to him a little fool.
Why would he do that?
“Because I have to deserve your hospitality!” Regulus finally said.
Did he have to write it down to her? What was there to understand?
“No, I absolutely don't want you to do these things Regulus.” Euphemia stopped preparing breakfast to turn completely towards him.
A frowning, almost sad expression on her perfect face.
What did she mean by this?
Was he wrong?
Why not? Did he not do good? Why?
And suddenly he understood.
He really had it all wrong.
He had adopted his routine from the Black house into the Potter house.
They had other habits.
They wanted other things.
Of course, stupid, silly boy!
They didn't care that he cleaned his room.
He had to do something else to them!
To earn their approval.
“Oh God, Mrs. Euphemia I'm so sorry, do I have to wash the dish? Dusting the furniture? Cut the grass? Going shopping? How stupid I should have thought of that before. I should have asked you. I'm so sorry. My mom is right, I'm just useless."
What could he do to fix it?
He would skip breakfast.
Also lunch and dinner.
So they wouldn't have to worry about preparing food for him.
Maybe they would keep him nonetheless his mistake.
“Regulus! Dear” Euphemia had raised her voice slightly to get his attention, but she didn't sound angry.
Just sad and worried.
She knelt at the foot of the chair he was sitting on.
He couldn't let her kneel like that.
He had to respect his helders.
But she gently took his hand and placed it back in his lap.
“Regulus listen to me carefully okay?” He couldn't do anything but nod.
He was so embarrassed.
Pathetic, little, child.
Euphemia breathed as if preparing to give an important speech.
Here he was.
He had ruined everything.
Now she would tell him he had to leave.
He didn't want to go to his cousin Bellatrix.
She was mean to animals and he couldn't stand it.
Especially since she discovered that he liked cats.
“Regulus, you must understand that you do not have to earn our hospitality by doing chores. We have offered you our home and you can do what you like here. You have no strings attached, okay?”
He nodded again, though now he was confused.
In what sense?
Could he do what he wanted?
What?
“What I'm trying to tell you is that you're seventeen dear, I'd like to see you experience these moments, okay? Go out with Sirius, go to the cinema, to the bar, to the lake, to the sea, whatever you want, you can do it in these three months." She explained kindly.
"Anything?"
He found himself whispering.
It would have been nice not to have to study for a few days.
Just a few days of rest.
It wasn't bad, was it?
Until now his mother had only let him go out with Barty, Evan and Pan.
But they had always hung out in the same places.
Very formal.
Except when they bought a bottle of vodka together and went to a park.
They hadn't done it in a while.
He hadn't done anything for a while.
Perhaps-
No Euphemia was lying.
Why would he enjoy himself?
He was in THEIR house.
“Yes Regulus, any.” She looked into his eyes and seemed so sincere that he wanted to believe her.
How pathetic.
Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic.
"Impossible"
She suddenly started laughing.
A beautiful, crystalline and celestial laugh.
The same laugh as James.
He smiled a little too.
It was impossible not to.
“Regulus, trust me!” She took his hand again, squeezing it tightly.
“So.. you're telling me I can get books from the library?” Regulus asked, cringing in his seat.
He didn't want to push his luck.
But he had seen that bookcase from the first moment he set foot in the house.
It was beautiful.
It ran along the entire wall of the living room, made of ancient wood and filled with even older books.
Some he had always wanted to read.
Others he had never heard.
He almost felt the need for it.
To get closer.
To touch them. Feel them. Try them. Read them.
“Regulus, God, if Monty wasn't so fond of that library I'd give them all to you! Of course you can take them!” She smiled again as she stood up and hugged him.
He tensed for a moment but then melted into that embrace.
Warm. Sweet. Loving.
Was this what his brother felt?
“So.. I don’t get punished and i don’t have to go to my cousin, do I understand correctly?” He found himself asking again, just to be sure.
Was it a miracle?
An unworthy person like him could decide what to do.
Maybe she was going to change her mind soon.
Euphemia caressed his cheek, her sad gaze returning to frame his beautiful face.
“Go Regulus, go see what you like in the library, okay?”
Happy with her answer, he trotted towards his new significant other.
His summer had suddenly improved.
Later that day he heard a knock coming from his door.
He was reading one of his new books and he adored it.
“Come in.” he said but with his nose still buried in the book.
“Ei, Reg, hum, hi.” Oh it was Sirius.
He hoped he didn’t come to ruin his good mood.
Didn’t know what to expect.
“I need to tell you something” he was hesitant, still between the door, as if to protect himself. His long hair pulled up in a messy bun, like the aesthetic artists you see on pinterest. His brother was truly a piece of art. Something to keep near and never lost sight of.
“Yeah i gathered that. So speak on.” he was anxious about his hesitation, but didn't want to be seen as too interested.
“Uhm well, do you know.. uhm gay people” ugh his brother was going to tell him he was gay not knowing he already knew.
After all, if you have an open profile on IG, where you post photos of your boyfriend, it's quite normal to know.
Or maybe he was just nosy.
But he was appreciating the purpose so he played with him a little more.
“Yea i know what gay stands for” he said finally putting the book down and giving his brother full attention.
“Oh well yes, you’re very smart”
He snorted.
What the fuck was he saying?
Pleasantries certainly wouldn't have softened him
“Well It doesn’t take much effort to know what gays people are.” He stopped himself from giggling. He had to keep the facade.
“Uh yes, i mean, you’re right”
Silence again
God, Regulus really hopes this conversation isn't so freaking awkward because Sirius thinks he's homophobic.
“Well?” Regulus pushed him. It’s true he already knew but he wanted to hear it from Sirius. He needed to know that his brother trusted him whit this news.
“Oh right yeah ehm sure, I just want to tell you that imgayandimseeingsomeone”
He probably had an ictus in trying to understand.
“Sirius, slowly” Regulus rolled his eyes.
His brother was an idiot. Period.
“Okay, Regulus, Reg, Reggie, your big brother is gay. And I’m seeing someone. Like, seriously, very, very seriously.”
“Thanks Sirius for telling me.” He smiled at Sirius “But i want to know if you were scared to tell me because you thought that i would not accept you” he needed to know this.
If Sirius really thought so little about him.
Otherwise it would have been yet another person that Regulus had disappointed. Even more than he could have imagined.
“Oh no, well a little, but I was scared even with James the first time, so it’s not a you thing, you know. It’s- anyway not now, it’s not the time- i wanted to ask you if do you mind to meet Remus, my boyfriend. He will arrive in like ten minutes. He’s very nice, and tall, and beautiful, he likes to read and- no okay stop. So? Do you want to meet him?” He started rumbling and Regulus smiled to see his brother so happy.
He liked him better this way.
“Yes, Sirius, i really want to meet your boyfriend.”