Soul Love - 2012 Remastered
All love, through reaching up my loneliness evolves
By the blindness that surrounds him
Love is careless in its choosing
- Soul Love by David Bowie
“Lupin, Oi, Luuupin” the voice rang through the class filling Remus with dread as he turned to find the source of the outburst. He was met with the ginning face of his class mate he knew to be James Potter. “Congratulations on beating Sirius” the bespectacled boy gestured to the frowning boy tucked under his arm. The boy, Sirius did not even acknowledge the statement and only turned briefly looking thoroughly perplexed by Remus his frown deepened seeing the boy who had bested him. Remus nodded as he pushed past towards his seat. He deduced two things from the interaction, firstly that James didn’t really care about his accomplishment and only matched the name to his face in order to pester his friend, and secondly Sirius fucking Black was pissed. Remus spent the past three years of high school avoiding people like Sirius for a reason and his school had plenty of them. The Black family was known for being above everyone in everything they did, be that wealth, academics, or appearance. Sirius was objectively the most beautiful person Remus had ever seen, the way all his featured blended together perfectly and his dark hair seemed to fall as if tiny fairies placed them there intentionally. It would be nearly impossible to find Sirius not surrounded by people enamored with his charisma and humor, both of which Remus found incomprehensively aggravating. How could people spend so much time obsessing over someone and not notice the obvious web of lies surrounding him or the suffocating overcompensation of his facetiousness. Remus tried his best to ignore the interaction and continue with his day, and to his surprise nothing else came of it. He settled into bed that night content that Sirius Black had forgot all about Remus Lupin, or he truly hoped that was the case.
The world must be against him, Remus couldn’t help but think the following day. As if the piercing green eyes of one black brother wasn’t enough, the sight of all the younger Black brother’s books splayed like a Rorschach Inkblot Test on the hallway floor was just to much. Students parting like the sea with no one batting an eye as they rush past, no one daring to look down on the great Black family. Remus really shouldn’t have helped him, but truthfully, he thought Regulus would forget his face and the name Remus in a matter of hours with how trivial the whole event was. Remus knelt down with his good knee and began to pick up loose papers and a couple pencils.
“What the fuck are you doing?” the boy said with a visible sneer, a face Remus couldn't help but compare to another familiar face. While Regulus' hair was shorter and more put together than Sirius', the color contrasted their green eyes in the same way, and their strong jawline and cheekbones were flawless in the same way all the Blacks were. Remus also noticed the blue and purple mark on the side of his face, no one would see it unless Regulus allowed them to get this close, and unlike his brother, Regulus was not know to be close with many people. He was often referred to as the 'embodiment of the Black family ideals'.
‘I am helping you Regulus; you are very welcome.” Remus handed the papers and tried to stand unsuccessfully, piercing pain shooting from his hip.
“Do I know you? Why are you addressing me so informally” Regulus was now standing over Remus looking down on him, but he briefly looked away and Remus could tell someone caught his eye. He then extended a hand to Remus helping him to stand, intentionally looking anywhere but at him as he took his hand and stood shakily.
“No, you don't know me, I’m no one. But everyone knows who you are, Regulus. So maybe watch out for your relatives’ feet next time.” Remus says in a hushed voice then smiles and walks away. He knew that might have been a cold thing to say to someone who was very obviously being targeted by his own family, but well he had been an ass to Remus so he felt it was within his right.
His walk home that day felt colder than usual, and his knee ached with every step he took. He walked past James on his way out of the school and he could tell he wanted to talk to Remus, but Remus really was not in the mood to be the butt end of a joke today so he walked right past him as if he did not exist just as everyone had done to Remus all his life. “Whoa Remus” Lily chuckled catching up to him, “Never thought you’d be the cold sort of guy, I should introduce you to my friend Mary she loves that kind of guy” Remus thought lily was only half kidding which was %50 to much, so he smiled in hopes that would be enough to rid him of any possible future introductions.
“I’ve also got a type and unfortunately I don’t think Mary ticks any of the boxes” Lily laughed and they began to talk about their new classes. She was so easy to talk to and Remus found himself wanting to continue talking to her which was almost a first for him. One coffee shop and two book stores later he finally convinced Lily to let him go home, almost willing to use his knee as an excuse, but Lily settled for his phone number and left with a wide grin. If it were anyone else Remus would have been concerned by how happy she had seemed just to get his phone number, but he could tell Lily was just a genuinely happy person. Remember how the world was against Remus today? Well, the thought returned when Remus stopped in front of his apartment building to see Sirius Black leaning against the door, frowning again, but this time because he couldn’t manage to light his cigarette with the gusting winter breeze putting out his lighter over, and over again. The leather jacket hardly seemed like enough to break the wind, but he finally managed to light the cigarette by creating a shield with his hand. And maybe that small flame was enough to warm him up, that or his big ego, Remus thought to himself. Remus couldn’t help but stare at Sirius, the way his jaw clenched in annoyance and how the black leather complimented his high cheek bones. After watching Sirius take a long drag of the cigarette and the way his shoulders relaxed Remus felt like an utter creep. Pulling out his key he walked towards the door avoiding the emerald eyes tracking his movements. Sirius grabbed Remus by the arm and pulled him face to face. Sirius had once been one of the taller boys in the class but now he had to tilt his head up ever to slightly in order to scowl properly at Remus. “Can I help you with something?” Remus tried to pull his arm free and turn away but Sirius only tightens his grip.
“Your so rude. Did you know that? Who just ignores someone like that? I came here to tell you leave my brother the fuck alone and then you don’t even look at me.” Sirius seems completely dumbfounded by the idea of someone ignoring him.
‘’I’m sorry?” Remus was more confused now then ever, “What did I do to your brother?” this time he yanks hard enough to break the grip and steps back towards the door.
“Don’t play innocent just because no one knows who you are. I know you fucking tripped him, and now that I see you up close, I can see that your actually pretty strong, no wonder he’s been coming home all bruised. I can’t believe I thought you were actually a decent person Remus. Congradu-fucking-lations on your exams.” Sirius eyes go dark and his attitude shifts to genuine anger. “maybe, just maybe if you would have been honest we could have just talked this over, but now..” he tries to stand even taller as he leans forward, “if I ever see you, or even hear that you have been near my brother I will not hesitate to ruin your life.” Sirius takes another drag of his cigarette and blows the smoke in Remus face and walks away. How did he remember my name? Was the first thing that crossed Remus' mind, followed by,
shit.