She knew it was forbidden to kiss her. For a woman to kiss a woman. Lily didn’t care. She never did, she just wanted to be with her. Always. That’s why she kissed Emma last week. She ran off, of course, and she has been looking for her ever since.
So here she was, following Emma around the prairie as she tried to run away from the dreading confession she had in store.
“Will you just wait?! I love you, for heaven’s sake! So please.. stay” She exclaimed and panted, tears running down her freckled face.
“Lily this is wrong.. like really really wrong” she whispered between her teeth with a frown, finally stopping at her words and grabbing her arm to lead her to a lonely alley so no one could hear them
Lily went silent, as she let her lead her into the alleyway. She was shaking, from the cold night and the fact that this might be the end of everything she’d ever know.
“I.. I know it’s wrong. That’s why I didn’t say this sooner, but I couldn’t hold this any longer.” She started, not wanting to meet her gaze anymore.
“Lily..” she took a deep breath trying to think straight and say the right words in this situation, all she could think of since the kiss was her and what should she do about the feelings that she tried to deny to herself.
“I don’t have a problem with this, but the society does… and I’m sorry, but im not willing to take the risk of getting murdered because of this” Emma said with a hint of fear in her voice, she did care about the people’s thoughts and the rumors in the streets, that could be very dangerous if they went to the wrong people.
Lily looked straight at Emma then, her eyes lost and hurt as they’ve ever been. Her mouth parted almost imperceptibly, as she swallowed down her own words.
“So.. you’re just throwing me away.. for their sake?” She asked incredulously, tears running down her cheeks now.
“You care so much about what they think of us more than what I feel about you?” She asked in a hurt tone with a frown whipping her tears away.
“Lily, i love you, a lot..” she said cupping her face for her to look into her eyes that were trying to not get watery by the situation.
“.. but i love more my life” she said it with a knot in the throat. She really did love her, but not enough, and deep down she felt like a bad person and guilty for it.
Lily went silent, her face flushing and contorting into a pout. She didn’t want to believe Emma, but she did. Maybe she was being irrational. Wanting her to risk it all, for a feeling that could be just as temporary as it could be eternal.
“Do you really love me? Really?” She asked then, her tone laced with hope and pain at the same time.
Emma took a deep breath as she thought about the right answer to that, of course she did, so much that it hurt not being brave enough to express it.
“More than i should, but not enough to do something about it” she said with watery eyes trying to hold her tears. She wished she wasn’t such a coward, but she was.
Lily swallowed, tears falling down her cheeks in spite of her strong will to hide them from her.
“If you really loved me, you’d do whatever you need to, to make me happy. Even risk it all.” She said, her voice almost sounding too cold and distant for all the emotions crashing inside her heart
“You don’t love me like I love you.” She said then, her eyes narrowing as she gave her the ultimatum, and tired of the useless discussion, she turned around and started to walk away in firm steps.
Emma just stood there with a lost look in her eyes that finally started crying when she left, feeling like she just lost one essential part of her soul, even tho she thought that it was for saving herself.
•••
That night in her room, Emma wasn’t able to even sleep as she cried curled up in the bed, feeling guilt and sadness about the situation, realizing what a coward and selfish decision she made.
Lily stayed up that night, her eyes growing red with exhaustion. She was furious that nobody would let her be happy. That the world was so harsh and cold that it had to push her away from the one thing she wanted and needed.
•••
At 3 a.m Emma made a decision after a lot of thinking, that could be the best or worst decision of her life. She got up and walked out of her house on her way to Lily’s house, determined to fix everything with her.
When she got there she threw a couple of small rocks to her window for her to come down, noticing she was awake by the lit candles inside her room.
Lily looked outside and saw Emma from her window. She gulped down her sobs, and blew out the light. She went downstairs to the front door and opened it quietly. Just like she knew she’d want her to do.
When Emma saw Lily opening the door her mind went completely blank, the whole speech she had prepared in her mind on the way there was gone.
All she could think of was how beautiful she looked even with her eyes and nose red from crying, and her brain just told her to grab her face and kiss her, so she did.
Lily kissed Emma back in a second, her arms coming around her body. Everything, all her pain, all her rage, all her sadness. Everything had led up to this moment. She felt your warm breath on her skin, the way your lips softened against hers in the sweetest way.
When they finally pulled away, against their wishes, they rested their foreheads against each other’s, before Emma moved her head away, decided to fix everything with something more than a simple kiss.
“i know i don’t deserve it, but i want to ask you for a second chance, I’ll make it right this time” Emma started her speech and her voice sounded almost like she was begging her for forgiveness under Lily’s gaze.
“We could go to some place in the middle of nowhere, to live in peace without anyone judging us for who we are. Just let me make up got this” Emma proposed the plan. She loved her so much and all she wanted was for them to be happy, with no need for someone talking about if it was right or wrong.
Lily’s heart felt as if it were going to burst from the overwhelming emotions. She was too relieved to even know what to say. She wrapped her arms tightly around Emma and buried her face in her neck.
“Just never leave me again. Ever.” Lily muttered into her neck.
“I don’t care if it means we have to run far away and start a new life. Just.. just please don’t leave me alone again.” She whispered into Emma’s skin, as she immediately hugged her back with an immense relief filling her body
“I won’t, dear” Emma promised in a whisper with a soft smile and sudden calm feeling, the knot in her throat was now gone and all she could think of was her future life with Lily.
Lily got out of the curve of her neck and looked deep into her gray eyes with a smile on her face, more than happy for finally getting what she had always wished for
“I love you” Lily simply said in a soft whisper, with her heart pounding hard in her chest.
“I love you too” Emma answered with a smile on her face, before she cupped her head and sweetly kissed her again.