Fuck The World, I Only Care About You
Evan
Two days.
Two whole days without him had been enough to make him crazy. Always thoughtful and extremely lunatic.
Evan spent his time between some chatting with Narcissa, books, and a heavy sense of guilt. Guilt for having left him alone, in the hands of their enemy.
He’d practically begged Narcissa to let him out, to allow him to go and save him before it was too late, though she’d shook her head and forbidden him from leaving his room. “Your wounds and your sprained wrist are healing Evan, you wouldn’t want to make them worse” she’d told him the previous day.
“It was just a stupid spell” Evan had snorted. “I’m perfectly fine now”.
“Be patient”.
Waiting had become unbearable.
That morning, he’d woken up particularly early. He was perfectly fine, sure his wounds had completely healed. Well, except for the fact that he occasionally got migraines throughout the day, but that wasn’t relevant.
He was lying in bed, a book in hand. One of the poetry collections Narcissa loved so much. He’d read three whole chapters of Sappho’s most well known compositions, though he couldn’t quite seem to focus. He’d read the first sentence of the paragraph three times already, without acknowledging a single word.
He put the book down with a sigh, then pinched the bridge of his nose.
He couldn’t stand being in that room any longer. He needed to get out, to go look for Barty, no matter what Narcissa said. He was pretty determined to get up and leave, when the door opened and she walked in. “How’s my patient doing?” she smiled.
“Perfectly well and ready to go” Evan declared. “The healing spells you cast on me worked perfectly, I’m completely fine”.
“You can’t go on your own, it’d be too dangerous. Nobody would risk their lives over someone they barely know, Evan. The Dark Lord doesn’t seem to care, so why would the others?”.
He scoffed. “Of course he doesn’t care. What did Barty think, that he would really keep him by his side at the end of the war and provide for all his needs?”.
“We’ll come with you. Though Lucius would never accept to go knowing the percentage of failure is so high. Regulus should come by later, we’ll come up with something” Narcissa said.
“Lucius wants to come too?”.
“You know Evan, I get why he may seem… hateful, most of the time. He’s often standoffish, reluctant to trust people, an able deceiver, opportunist, arrogant” she began to list. “Obsessed with the idea of power and glory, egocentric… but I still married him. And you know why?”.
Evan shook his head, inviting her to continue. “Of course, my family thought we were the perfect matching. Two pure-bloods coming from rich and noble families, what was there better to keep up the family honour? I didn't like Lucius either, at first. I’d met him at Hogwarts for the first time, and thought he was too focused on himself, that someone like that would never be able to give me the love I’d always dreamed of. Though my mother wanted me to get to know him, to give him a chance. So I grew to know shades of him he’d never shown anyone else. He often invited me on dates, bringing me to his favourite places and telling me why he liked them so much. He listened to me, and remembered everything I told him. He soon started giving me gifts that matched my likings: white roses, pearl necklaces, poetry books, silver hair pins, chocolate pastries, rings, perfume… he would keep notice of everything I mentioned to accomplish my desires. He later began to open up to me, telling me his story, his secrets. I became his closest confidant. And we both ended up falling in love”. Narcissa met his eyes again, a smile bloomed on her lips as she recalled those memories. “What I’m trying to say is not to judge Lucius too quickly. He’s a good man, deep inside”.
Evan nodded. “I’m sure he is”.
“I’ll go talk to him. And I’ll call Regulus. If you’re really sure you’re fine, we could act tonight”.
“Narcissa” Evan stopped her when she was about to leave the room.
“Yeah?”.
“Thank you. For everything”.
She smiled. “That’s just what friends do”.
⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅
But come here, if ever before,
when you heard my far-off cry,
you listened. And you came,
leaving your father’s house,
yoking your chariot of gold.
Then beautiful swift sparrows led you over the black earth
from the sky through the middle air,
whirling their wings into a blur.
That was definitely Evan’s favourite piece from Sappho’s poetry. He understood why Narcissa loved her works so much: her words had overcome time, and were still able to touch people’s hearts. He wondered if that was what Regulus wished his poetry would become, someday. He’d never let him nor Barty read much of it, though Evan had instantly noticed how beautiful his writing was from just a couple of paragraphs. Perhaps, someday he’d open to the world and bless it with them.
His mind went back to Barty.
Narcissa still hadn’t come back, leaving him alone with his thoughts and fears.
What if he arrived late?
What if they killed him before he could even lift a finger?
What if he was destined to never hear the sound of his voice again, never experience his touch and look into his eyes for one last time?
Evan had barely gotten any sleep since the night of their encounter with Aurors, and when he’d finally managed to fall asleep bad dreams hadn’t left him alone, waking him up in the middle of the night.
Evan couldn’t wait any longer.
He was just considering the idea of picking up his wand and going on his own in spite of Narcissa’s words, without a plan, right in the heart of the enemy’s symbol of power, when someone knocked on the door. Could it be Narcissa, back with news from Regulus?
“I’m glad to see you’re up” Lucius entered, the usual hint of amusement to curve up his lips. Evan wondered how he could be glad of anything at that moment.
“I’m going” he uttered the words in a rush. “I’m going to the Ministry”.
“You’d be arrested in less than a minute and probably sent directly to Azkaban”.
“Thank you for your faith in me”.
“Things wouldn’t end up well. They’d force you to tell them everything you know, you’d have to tell them about me and Narcissa and our family would be ruined”.
“I must go. Imagine if it had happened to Narcissa”.
Lucius went silent for a moment. “You would fail, Rosier”.
“Lucius, I-”.
“So it’s good you have no reason to leave and most likely die” he interrupted him.
“What?”.
“I think Barty will be more than happy to explain everything”.
“What?...”.
“Did you really think I’d let them bring me to that hell, Evan? Come on, I believed you thought better of me. I was the smartest, most talented in our year after Regulus, of course I would survive”.
One minute he was standing in the middle of the room, heart pounding in his chest, and the other he was wrapping his arms around Barty. “You’re here”.
“I told you I was going to find a way to come back”.
“I should have never left you, I should have let them take me too”.
“Knowing you were safe was the only hope I had back there. That place is awful, I’ve always thought that” Barty let out a sigh. “I’m sorry for what happened. It’s all my fault”.
“No. We perfectly know who’s the only one to blame here”.
“I’m not talking about last night, Evan. I’m talking about everything. I’ve been fucking stupid, I have to admit that. If only I hadn’t been so blinded by my past, I could have avoided many mistakes”.
“It doesn’t matter. You’re here now”.
“I disappointed everyone, Evan. Even myself. I… I didn’t evade the Ministry on my own. I would have probably come up with a plan anyway, but… Remus helped me. He told me he’d heard I’d been arrested and he came to free me. When I asked him why he was risking that much for me he simply said he was doing it for you. For Regulus. And for himself. He said he would have felt responsible for my death had he not done that”.
Lucius threw one last glance at them before silently walking out of the room.
“You never disappointed me” Evan assured him.
“Even when I killed that man in front of you? Even when I’m the cause behind at least half of Regulus’ suffering? Even when I ruined your beautiful relationship with Pandora? Even when I endangered both of you so many times? You know, when I was at the Ministry, I… I met him”.
Fuck no…
“I met him and we… talked. He told me he wasn’t surprised at the person I’d become. That I’d always brought shame upon his name, now more than ever. That I was a monster, worthless of his compassion. That… that he’d never had a son…”.
Evan’s grip on his sweater tightened. “That son of a bitch…”.
“And what’s worse is that… he’s right”.
“Don’t say that”.
“It’s true, Evan. I ruined his life. I ruined Regulus’. Pandora’s. Yours. I dragged you in all of this when you evidently would have been smart enough to think about it twice”.
“You ruined your father’s life? Great. That’s exactly what he deserved. He acted like a dickhead his whole life, and yet look at the amazing person you are. He didn’t take you down”.
The smile on Barty’s face didn’t last long. “I wouldn’t be so sure about the last thing. I couldn’t face him”.
“That doesn’t mean he’s right in any way about you. Facing a difficult past can be hard, Regulus knows that well. That son a bitch doesn’t deserve you. You’ll meet him again someday, when you feel ready, and you’ll spit every single one of his faults right at his face. Take your time to heal the wounds he created. Sure, scars will remain, but you’re strong enough to live with them. People will know him for who he really is. And you’ll get your victory. But until then, stop thinking about him, he’s not worth it. As for Regulus and Pandora… I know it may look as if you had a strong role in what happened. But it’s not entirely your fault. And as for me… don’t you ever think you ruined my life in any way”. Evan placed a kiss on his forehead. “We’ll be alright. We all will. Fuck the Dark Lord, fuck your father, the Ministry, and everyone else”.
They both had their demons to haunt them. They both had their flaws. But they completed each other, nonetheless.
“You know, you and Regulus are the strongest people I’ve ever met. And I want both of you to know I admire you deeply. We’ll make it in the end”.
That wasn’t a statement. That was an oath.