Familiar Faces
James
It was him.
James just knew it was him.
It had to be. He knew his face by heart, the same features he’d traced so many times over the years and that he had never forgotten, and never would.
There, at the same train station they’d meet at the beginning of every year at Hogwarts.
The same place James had given him his last goodbye before becoming nothing but a memory in his life. He was there to pick up Marlene, who’d spent the weekend at her parents’ place, waiting for her train to arrive. James took a bite out of the chocolate croissant he’d bought before entering, still warm in the paper tissue it was wrapped into. The station was pretty crowded, even if it was pretty early in the morning. Around him, noises filled the air: the crying of a toddler who’d accidentally dropped his sucker, her mum trying to calm her down by promising she would buy her another one, the rustling of the pages of a newspaper turned by an old man sitting on a rusty bench, and a voice crackling out of the speakers, announcing the arrival of yet another train, people chattering around him.
James clutched his tote bag tighter to his side as two kids rushed past him, chased by their father, tired of running after them.
He’d bought a croissant for Marls too, which he planned on giving her on their way to Remus’ place. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, watching people step out of the train that had stopped in front of him. He checked the time on the clock on the wall to his left: it was half past ten, Marlene’s train would arrive fifteen minutes after that one. Just another little bit of waiting. In the meanwhile, he could kill time by studying the passer-bys. James loved to do that, picture their stories in his mind, what their lives were like. He used to do that as a teenager too, and he would tell Regulus everything that crossed his mind, in order to give him some inspiration for his poems and collections of short stories.
An old woman walked past him, holding a shopping bag. She headed straight towards the man sitting on the rusty bench, and cleared her throat. The man instantly raised his gaze, his eyes widened when they met hers. He stood up, his wooden cane fell, though he barely noticed, too busy hugging the woman. James smiled. Perhaps they were long lost lovers who’d finally found themselves again, or old friends who hadn’t seen each other in ages, pulled apart by distance, or again siblings reuniting after ages of silence due to some sort of argument that had taken place during their adulthood. So many possibilities, all equally crowned by that perfect, sweet ending.
On his right, three friends (boys of eleven, maybe twelve years old) were walking towards the exit, their arms wrapped around each other’s shoulders. James had no idea why, though they reminded him of Regulus, Barty and Evan during their first year, how they used to hang out together everywhere. You never saw one without the other. Inseparable just like Sirius, Peter, Remus and him. He followed them with his gaze as they walked out, then glanced at his left. There, two lovers were kissing. Two boys around his age. James’ lips coiled up in a bitter smile as a sudden surge of pain clutched his heart. Why did everything have to remind him of the past? Why did everything have to remind him of him?
Black cats, poetry, stars and constellations, black coffee, old books, classical music, tangerines, pianos, the colour green, the chocolate brownies he loved so much, greek mythology, Quidditch, Sirius’ eyes, the same as his, silver jewellery, emeralds… the concept of love in general.
And then, he saw him. His eyes widened, what remained of his croissant slipped from his fingers, ending up on the concrete. James barely paid any attention to it, too busy focusing on the person standing metres ahead of him.
No, it couldn’t be…
That boy standing in the middle of the crowd, turned in profile, gazing ahead of him, couldn’t be him.
However… same soft black hair falling in waves over his soft yet decisive features, same turned-up nose and thin lips, same grey eyes. He looked way thinner compared to the last time James had seen him, though he had no doubt: it was him.
It was really him.
His Regulus.
James froze for a second, unsure of what to do. His limbs felt heavy, he couldn’t move. Then, he took a step forward, and he hurried in his direction, afraid of losing the opportunity of finally meeting him again. Regulus started walking too, making his way among the crowd.
People blocked James’ way, he elbowed them, gaining a few insults and complaints. He excused himself without turning back. Still too much space between them he had to close.
He needed to see him. To touch him. To hear the sound of his voice. To apologise. To promise to remain by his side that time, to make up for his mistake.
“Regulus!” James yelled. He didn’t turn, having no reaction; he hadn’t heard him among such confusion. He kept on moving forward, as James struggled to make his way between people. A train whistled, its wheels rattling on the rails, slowing down. Too much chaos, too many noises. Shit.
“Regulus!” he shouted again, desperately. Why couldn’t people move quicker? He couldn’t lose him, shit, He couldn’t lose him.
Then, a voice. “James!”.
Marlene. James slowed down, briefly turning towards her. She was waving her hand at him, a bright smile on her face, hair falling over her shoulders in two short braids. James faced the crowd again and… Regulus had disappeared behind the corner, out of the train station.
“Fuck” he hissed a curse, just as Marlene approached him.
“Is everything okay?” she asked as her smile faded from her lips.
“It’s…” James glanced back at the place Regulus had left empty. “It’s…yeah. Nothing”.
“It doesn’t look as if it’s nothing” her eyes darkened. “Did something happen to one of the others?”.
He shook his head. “No. They’re fine. It’s nothing Marls, really” he reassured her, wrapping an arm around her back and leading her across the station. He couldn’t keep himself from throwing a quick glance around, hoping to spot the dark haired boy somewhere around the crowded sidewalks. Nothing. He was nowhere to be seen. The last hint of hope James held vanished like a sand castle swept away by the ocean waves.
“James”. He met Marlene’s gaze. “Tell me what the hell happened”.
“I simply thought I’d seen someone I know. I was wrong” not entirely the truth, nor a lie, either. “It doesn’t matter anyway. But tell me about your parents, how are they? I haven’t seen them in quite a while now, since Sirius and I came visiting in the summer of ‘77”.
“They’re alright. They told me to be careful. To tell you and Sirius they’re looking forward to seeing you again very soon. That next time I must bring Dorcas with me, as my mother simply loves her” a sweet smile bloomed on her lips, like every time she mentioned her girlfriend.
“I’m glad to hear that. Oh, I almost forgot” James opened his tote bag and pulled out the chocolate croissant, wrapped in paper. “Here. I bought it for you”.
Marlene unwrapped it and breathed in its sweet scent. “My favourite! You remembered”.
“Of course I did”.
“I love you James” she took a bite out of the croissant, icing sugar sticking to her upper lip.
“I love you too” he returned her smile.
Marlene told him everything about her visit to her old house all throughout their way to Remus’ place, excited to narrate every detail, telling him about the amazing present she’d bought for Dorcas to give her on their anniversary, that would take place the day after. James listened to every word, though his mind couldn’t seem to entirely focus on her speech: it kept on wandering towards the train station they’d left behind.
Towards his missed chance.
Towards the boy he would give up everything to see, even if just once. Even if only to tell him he loved him for one last time, and kiss him goodbye.
Towards the love of a lifetime. Because it didn’t matter how many years passed, James’ heart would always be his. Regulus could treasure it, or break it in a million pieces, James didn’t care. It belonged to him nonetheless.
Regulus Arcturus Black.
His name was carved in that same heart. Forever.
Although running after him was just like chasing the clouds: beautiful, ethereal, though untouchable, unreachable. A dream destined to remain so.