Wine And Chess Games
Remus
Remus had always been a great chess player. During his Hogwarts years, he used to defy everyone, totally sure of his victory, which usually came. The only people who’d revealed to be able to actually entertain him during a match had been James, after receiving some chess lessons from Peter, and Pandora.
When free from duties from the Orders, they used to spend their time at Remus’ place, just the four of them, or at Dora’s, with the others, and have a good chat in front of a chess board.
That night, he was challenging James once again, a chalice of red wine in hand. Half of his third. Remus knew he shouldn’t have drunk that much, that he should have stopped at the second glass, though he simply couldn’t help himself: the bottle of Chardonnay Marlene had brought was just divine. “Perhaps you should postpone the match to a moment in which you’re a bit more sober, Moony” Sirius said, sitting on the armrest of the velvet armchair Remus was sitting on.
A Queen’s vinyl was playing in the background, everyone was having a good time.
Pandora and Xenophilius were chatting with Frank and Alice, while Lily showed Mary some books she’d bought that afternoon. Marlene was already drunk, now sitting on Dorcas’ lap and trying to kiss her. She laughed at her fawn eyes as she begged her to give her just one kiss. “Just one, then I’ll leave you alone. You know, I really like you Dorcas. I wish you were my girlfriend. Allow me to daydream about that for a moment and let me kiss you”.
“I already am your girlfriend, idiot” Dorcas laughed, giving in to Marls’ request. Remus smiled at that scene, then focused back on Sirius. “I’m fine, Sirius. I’m completely focused”.
He grabbed the bishop and moved it forward. Sirius reached for it and placed it back on its previous square. “You can’t do that, the bishop can only follow a diagonal”.
“Of course. I knew that already. I was just testing your competences, as you’re the next one I’m planning to play with. And James’ attention”.
The one in question hadn’t even witnessed that wrong move of his, too busy focusing on something outside the window. Now that Remus was actually looking at him, he was just staring into nothing, lost in thought.
“James” he called him. He didn’t turn to him. He let out a sigh, chin resting on the palm of his hand.
“Earth is calling, James” Peter waved a hand before his face. “Come back among us”.
He flinched slightly, making obvious that he hadn’t followed a single word of their conversation, and zeroed in on Peter. “What happened?”.
“You’re in the middle of a chess game, focus or Remus is going to defeat you” he answered.
“Right”. He moved a pawn forward, a stupid move that allowed Remus to take it.
“What’s happening, James? You used to be a champion”
“I’m going well” he said, lowering his gaze on the chess board: Remus had already taken more than half of his pieces, including the queen. “Well, kind of” he added.
“I’m the undisputed winner of this match” Remus smirked, reaching for his chalice and emptying its contents. He wiped his lips with the sleeve of his sweatshirt as the burgundy liquid burned down his throat, going straight to his head. He never got drunk so easily. But he felt so relaxed among his friends, knowing he was completely safe there, that he hadn’t even tried to stop Marlene from pouring wine in his glass again and again.
“Lily, could you please pass me the bottle?” he asked his friend. She raised her gaze from the book she was holding. “It’s almost empty, Remus”.
“We’re going to finish it then”.
“Aren’t you drinking a bit too much?” Lily said, glancing at the bottle.
“It’s fine. Sirius is here to watch over me” Remus patted his boyfriend’s back.
“Keep that bottle away from him, Lily” Sirius categorically said in all response, making her laugh. “Alcohol does no good to him, he can’t handle more than a glass”.
“I know how to handle alcohol, Sirius” Remus stood up, determined to go get the bottle himself. “I’m perfectly fine”. His head spun, he had to grab Peter’s hand so as not to falter and spill the chalice on the floor.
“Let me go, Peter” he mumbled.
“You’re the one who took hold of me” he complained. Sirius came to his rescue, wrapping an arm around Remus’ waist to support him. “Okay, Mr. Perfectly Fine. Let’s sit back down and finish the game, shall we?”. Remus glanced at the chess pieces on the board, how James’ situation was. “I’ve basically already won”.
“Remus, sit back down and stop looking at that bottle like that” Peter gently pushed him down on the armchair.
“I’m not looking at it in any way”.
“Yes you are. As if it was Sirius”.
Lily and Mary both laughed at that; they barely noticed James standing up. He gently took the bottle from Mary’s hands and walked back to the table. There, he brought it up to his lips and emptied it in a few gulps, under their astonished glances.
“Go easy on it, James” Lily warned him.
“Don’t worry Lils” he put the bottle down, cheeks flushed with alcohol. “I haven’t drank anything all night, a bit of wine will barely change anything”.
Lie. Remus had seen him drink at least one glass. Remus scrutinised his face, as Sirius sat back on the armchair beside him, hand resting on his shoulder. “Are you okay, dude?”.
James nodded. “Let’s finish this match”.
He pretended to have focused back on the chess board, though Remus could still see how tense his expression was, how his eyes seemed dull behind the lenses of his glasses.
He ignored it and averted all of his attention on the game, determined to win that and keep his primacy. He’d already defeated Peter, Dorcas, Alice and Xenophilius. After James, it would be Sirius’ turn, then Pandora’s and Lily’s, as nobody else knew how to play. It didn’t take him long to beat James, so distracted as he was. Remus opted for not going too hard on Sirius, who was still a beginner. “Are you sure you don’t want to surrender?” he asked him with a light smile at the end of the match, satisfied. Sirius shook his head. “Of course I am. I can still win” he affirmed, studying the last few white pieces on the board. Remus picked up his Queen piece, the same one that had made him win so many times. He slid it forward, checkmating Sirius’ King. He always chose the black pawns, he was sure they brought him luck. “Checkmate” he smirked, meeting Sirius’ eyes.
Sirius stood up and walked to him. “Am I at least going to get a consolation prize?” he asked, leaning forward. Remus pulled him in for a kiss.
“Remus” Peter cleared his throat. He pulled back, annoyed for having to break the kiss. “Yes?”.
“The match. Against Pandora”.
“Oh, yeah. Sorry”.
Sirius stepped back, lips drawn in a grin of satisfaction. Remus returned that smile, while Peter turned to the others. “Dora, it’s your turn!”.
Pandora stopped talking to Xenophilius, and stood up from the couch. “Finally” she said, sitting in front of him. She tucked a lock of blonde hair behind her ear, pointing her eyes in Remus’, her bracelets jingled around her wrist. “Oh, I’m not going to miss this one!” Marlene exclaimed, taking Dorcas’ hand and pulling her to her feet. “I want to watch”.
If there was someone able to defeat Remus in that room, that was Pandora. They all knew how good she was, how her strategies rarely failed. Of course everybody wanted to witness that match. Everybody… but James. Remus shot a quick glance towards him, standing before one of the windows. He rested his elbow on the windowsill, staring into the dark outside.
Remus was starting to get worried: he’d never been so melancholy before, almost nostalgic. He mostly acted like his usual self among friends, though there were some times during which he let his smile fall and reveal what hid beneath it. That was one of those moments.
“Remus” Pandora caught Remus’ attention. “Are you ready?...”.
“Yeah” he absentmindedly nodded, still peering at James.
“...to lose?”.
“I should be the one asking you this question” he focused solely on her: he would take care of James later.
“Yeah, sure. Have you forgotten about that time I basically humiliated you in front of everyone at that party in the Slytherin Common Room?”.
How could he not remember that? Barty and Dorcas had made fun of him for days after. God, how he missed those times…
“That’s past now” Remus said, voice flatter. Luckily, she didn’t catch that change, too busy glancing over at Marlene who was already making bets with Sirius.
“I bet ten pounds Dora is going to win” she said.
“I bet fifteen Remus is going to beat her in less than twenty minutes”.
“Twenty pounds”.
“Twenty five”.
“Deal” they shook hands, while Dorcas shook her head.
Pandora turned to Remus with a smile “We’ll see who’ll have the last word, Lupin”.
“Let the game begin”.
⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅
Pandora ended up winning, and Sirius had to pay Marlene twenty five dollars, which she pocketed with a satisfied grin. “She’s just been lucky” he mumbled.
“She has not”.
“I want a return game”.
Remus ignored them, shaking Pandora’s hand and congratulating him with her. “Good match, Dora”.
“You made some stupid mistakes Remus. You could have put me into trouble at some point, though you didn’t even use a specific strategy. We’ll play again when you’re not so drunk”.
He nodded, getting up to make room for Lily.
Everyone else remained there to watch the girls’ match. Everyone but James. He’d sat on a sofa close to the group, though was clearly still lost in thought, not really taking part in the other’s fun. Dorcas was the first one to notice he was missing. Remus watched her excuse herself with her girlfriend, still busy arguing with Sirius, and sit beside him. She rested a hand on his leg, calling his name. James turned to her, muttering something Remus couldn’t quite catch.
His head hurt, and his eyes burned. He brought a hand to his temple and massaged it, suddenly realising how dry his mouth felt in spite of the wine he’d drunk.
“I’m going to go grab a glass of water” he told Peter, standing beside him.
“Don’t miss the match, Remus, it’s the last of the tournament”.
“I won’t, I’ll be back in a minute”.
Having said this, Remus exited the room and headed to the kitchen. There, tranquillity replaced the loud chatter and music of the living room, helping to ease the insistent hammering behind his forehead. He opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water; he poured it in a glass and sent it down his throat in a few gulps, hoping it would help him sober up.
“How’s Mr. Perfectly Fine?” Sirius asked, walking in.
“Just alright. I already told you I can handle alcohol perfectly. I’m still lucid”. Yeah, more or less…
“Let’s go back to the others then. Lily’s giving Pandora some hard time, so the fate of the game is still undefined”.
They were all having fun that night. All but… James.
“Listen Sirius, may I ask you something?”.
“Sure”. Remus leaned on the counter between them, folding his arms. “It’s about James. What has been going on with him lately?”.
Sirius’ eyes darkened, and Remus instantly understood he knew something he didn’t. Sirius swallowed, intertwining his fingers. “It’s… complicated. I really don’t know where to start from”.
“What happened to him? What made him so nostalgic, all of a sudden?”.
“You mean who”.
A name instantly popped up in Remus’ mind, dissipating the veil that had descended upon it.
Soon, Sirius confirmed his assumptions. “Regulus is still a ghost haunting all of our lives. His absence still weighs upon them, a missing piece of a now incomplete puzzle. No matter how much time has passed, and how much will, nothing is going to change”. He lowered his gaze. “I lost a brother, Remus. I lost my brother” Remus silently reached for his hand. “I lost the companion of a lifetime. But James… he lost who he used to define as his better half. He lost him in the worst moment possible, while war was still on the brink of happening”.
“I remember how hard it’s been for him to find a way to coexist with that pain. But things had gotten better over time” Remus observed.
“He… he started having some nightmares, months ago. Nightmares about Regulus dying, leaving him, accusing him of having ruined him, of having abandoned him. At first, it happened rarely, James barely even mentioned them to me. I noticed a change in him as they began to become more recurrent, showing up almost every night. He would snap up in the middle of the night, yelling to Reg not to leave him, that he was sorry. When I asked him whether he was alright he just nodded and told me to go back to sleep. Those nightmares ceased for around a month or so, and I finally thought James was more serene, finding reassurance in hearing his usual sarcasm, seeing his usual smirk on his lips. Then, around a week ago, the nightmares returned. He still has them. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, though he’s not getting enough sleep lately”.
Remus nodded, recalling having asked him about the dark bags under his eyes the previous day.
“He’s practically afraid of falling asleep, sure those horrible scenes will come to haunt him. James is sure something’s off, that Regulus is in some kind of danger, as if these bad dreams are actually foreseeing a near future, warning him about what might happen if he doesn’t intervene”.
Remus shook his head. “He will never give up the conviction of having to be the hero of everyone’s story, will he?”.
“Probably not. But his hero complex is actually the last one of our problems right now” Remus could catch the hint of a far deeper concern that made something turn inside his chest.
“What does that mean?”.
Sirius didn’t meet his gaze, not even when he gently squeezed his hand. “You do remember when I went out to buy some stuff at the store a couple of blocks away from ours, right? Well, I met a certain someone there: Evan Rosier”.
“Evan?” Remus asked, incredulous. “Why haven’t you told me that before?”.
“Let me finish, Remus. I met him in one of the departments. He asked me about us. How we were doing. I asked him about Barty and Regulus, needing to know whether they were still alive. Evan ended up offering me a beer and a talk outside of the store. They’re fine, all the three of them. More or less”.
Remus didn’t like where he felt that conversation going. He was sure the ‘less’ was actually referring to Sirius’ brother, and something told him he didn’t really want to find out in what way.
“Go on” he still murmured.
“Regulus… things are getting bad. Evan told me that he hates himself. That life has been getting really difficult for him lately, and… he remained pretty vague about it, though I’m worried, Remus”.
“What else did he tell you?”.
“Not much” Sirius shrugged. “We spotted Aurors walking down the street briefly after and he told me he had to go, leaving so many of my questions unanswered. Though I can’t hide that I’m worried. I know Regulus, I know he’d never do anything stupid, but…” he let the sentence die there. Sirius flicked a lock of hair out of his hair. “I mean, what if… what if the matter is actually more serious than Evan depicted it? I don’t even fucking know where to find him, Remus” he confessed.
Remus bit the inside of his bottom lip. They all knew that, if Regulus died, no matter which side he’d chosen, nothing would be the same. Especially for Sirius. Remus was sure he would have put all the blame on himself, and never forgiven himself. For Sirius… and for James.
“I can’t lose him, Remus. You know I can’t. I feel as if I’ve wasted years, not trying to reach out to him even once. And, unfortunately, that time will never come back” Sirius said.
At that, Remus leaned forward to kiss him on the forehead.
Just then, Marlene’s voice echoed from the living room. “Sirius! Pandora won again, I need to give you your money back!”.
“When will you two stop it with bets whenever we play chess?” Remus smiled at him.
“That’s where most of the money I had at Hogwarts came from. I’ve never been wrong about a match’s fate… well, usually” Sirius returned his smile, though the tension from the conversation interrupted by Marlene was still thick in the air. Remus watched Sirius exit the room, and poured himself another glass of water.
He knew that Sirius’ greatest fear was losing his brother and having nothing left of him but a blurred out, fading memory. Time could erase memories, lives. It went by, inexorable, wiping everything away with no mercy. Sooner or later, it would reach them too. What would their destiny be, afterwards? Make a glorious entrance in History, as James and Sirius had always wished for, or end up in oblivion?