Showstopper

The small bing was quite loud within Regulus' flat, and it seemed an odd time for the message to be coming in. No way it was Pandora, she would be with that secret lover of hers that she refused to tell anyone about yet. Barty and Evan would one hundred percent be together right now, so it's unlikely that they would be bothering him right now unless they needed something but it being the one night they all decided to take a little break from the record studio it still seemed extremely unlikely. Dorcas would probably be off with McKinnon, their schedules were always contradicting each other so it would be perfect. It could be Sirius but again not likely, seeing as he did his little tweet of congratulations hours ago. Regulus slowly made his way over to his phone that had been on the kitchen counter charging while he read his book in the living room, these thoughts were what made him pause as he reached the kitchen. If all of his friends and his brother were busy like he believed they'd be, that left only one person who would actually text him right now. That person being James fucking Potter. This thought infuriated Regulus to no end, because that cheating prick had called him to which he'd of course declined and then had the audacity to text him and lie. The photos were pretty fucking clear, they'd been all of the place. And then right after they'd gone viral James hadn't even tried to reach out to Regulus, texted him maybe once in that week before Regulus had sent out the song. But the moment the song is out James is calling and texting? Like that doesn't make any fucking sense, and for him to be asking to talk, Regulus isn't daft or dumb, he knows that James probably just wants to convince him to take the song down and to never tell anyone about what he had since it would damage his image. Especially seeing as all over Twitter everyone is trying to figure out who the song is about. That must be what his texts have been about, and it's likely what this one is about too if it's even him. Shaking his head to better align his thoughts Regulus finishes the rest of the walk over to his phone and stares down at the screen.

He was of course correct as he always was, the text was in fact from James Potter, not one but two. He really shouldn't open it; it'll just piss him off all over again just as the last ones had. However, his curiosity was peaked just as it always was, never able to leave anything alone kind of like a cat. So of course he opens the text against his better judgement, and stares at the screen a bit confused. A link, to a song. Of fucking course James can't let everyone hear what Regulus has to say without putting out something of his own, at least Reg didn't fucking name drop James. He wanted to but Dorcas had talked him out of it, sadly. Under the link was another text that read "I know you don't want to talk to me right now, maybe never again. But everything isn't how it seems. I love you. Please listen to this, it should help explain how much... it should just explain."

Regulus groaned as he stared down at the text, not this stupid shit again. There was no misunderstanding here. James cheated, he got caught, Regulus' heart was shattered. Nothing more, nothing less. He didn't want to talk to James, see James, hear from James because this was all his fucking fault. He approached Regulus, he chased after Regulus, he made the moves, he said I love you first, he asked Regulus to be his, he cheated. So why the bloody hell couldn't he just leave Regulus alone now that he had gotten everything Regulus had to give!

He had no clue how long he stared down at the screen, he didn't want to click on the link yet because James didn't deserve to waste any more of his time especially seeing as James already took up all the space in his mind and thoughts all the fucking time. But it was as if Regulus was drawn to the link just as he had been drawn to James. Drawn was an understatement, it had been like a magnetic pull with the same strength that gravity had on everything around it. The way the earth was drawn to the sun, unchanged, and unmoving. He was destined to fall for James, no matter how hard he had tried to fight it. He never had a chance, James was like the sun, bright and shining so ruthlessly and so warm. Regulus knew not to get to close, or he'd be burned with a flame as bright as James' and he had been right as he always was.

Part of Regulus knew this was a terrible idea, but it was James and no matter how furious he was at him; Regulus would always read and listen and look at whatever James sent. He could have blocked him the moment he found out but that wasn't something he wanted to do; he had lost James yes but blocking him made it real. And what was a world without James, that's easy. It's like living in black and white whereas with James it was like living with colors and those colors are always so vibrant and bright. And without James it was dark again, it had only been a week and that alone was the reason he didn't block James. It all felt so muted, and Regulus hated that it made the world so empty like it had been before. James was the sun, and Regulus had been sucked into his orbit.

Regardless of how unsure of things Regulus was he decided that he might as well get it over with, knowing himself he'd ignore the message for maybe two weeks and listen to it anyway and it was better to do it while he had the night off. He reaches forward and clicks on the link, the moment the link loads a melody floats through his phone and he rolls his eyes. However, as the words begin to float around him, he stiffens.

"For a while there it was rough. But lately I've been doing better than the last four cold decembers, I recall. And I see my family ever month. I found a boy my parents would love." Was James really letting the world know about them, maybe not with Regulus' name but he was openly admitting he'd been seeing a man, not a woman. Which meant that either James was a prick willing to hurt not only Regulus but Lily as well if he had been seeing them both, or he'd been telling the truth about it not being what it looked like. Either way, Regulus' heart was beating so fast within his chest that it might just pop out of his bloody chest. "Oh, I hope I don't lose you. Please stay. I want you. I need you, oh gods. Don't take these beautiful things that I've got. Please stay. I want you. I need you, oh gods. Don't take these beautiful things that I've got." Regulus could hear the clear anguish in James' vocals as he sang and it shattered Regulus' own heart. Had he truly caused James this much pain? Was it all truly a misunderstanding and Regulus had been cruel to James for nothing?

His thoughts began to race around his mind as he realized that he had been right, just not about James. He'd been right about the fact that he would inevitably be the reason that James and he ended. That he would be the downfall, he would be the one to hurt James. To break James' heart, and this right here was proof of that, because Regulus had never heard James sound that fucking broken, and it was worse than he could have ever imagined. His mind was filled with self-deprecating thoughts, not that this was unusually. But these were so heavy that Regulus could feel it in his soul, he had done this. All of it, if he had just listened to James a week ago than he would have realized sooner. Now, well now it didn't matter. No matter what James said, it would never be the same, it would never be okay again. Because Regulus had fucked up so royally.

He moved from the kitchen and into his small library, the music still playing from his phone loud and clear and on repeat. He curled up in the green velvet chair by the window and drew his legs up to his chest as he wallowed in his self-pity, deliberating anger and resentment at himself, and his ever-growing anxiety mixed with his anguish at the way he had treated James. At the way he had ruined the greatest thing in his life, at the way he had ruined the sun. Who had once shined so brightly, and so vibrant but now was dimmed and clearly aching with the cruel ways he had treated him. Regulus caved in on himself as he struggled to catch his breath, the sob that was caught in his throat only making it that much harder. Because this was all without a doubt his fault, and the guilt was truly eating him alive. He had dimmed the sun, he had caused his sun an unmeasurable amount of pain for something that hadn't even happened. The sob finally ripped out of him, but it didn't help him breathe if anything it made it even harder as he tried to collect himself. He curled even further into himself as he allowed himself to feel everything fully and completely. The feelings of deliberating sadness felt almost enough to kill him, but that didn't matter because in his mind. He had hurt James so much more and he deserved this.

His tears flowed down his cheeks in a stream that was unrelenting, his eyelashes clumbing together because of the thick tears that ran down his face, his breathing was shallow as his shoulders shook with the force of his sobs. He didn't even try to stop, just let it happen because he deserved to feel this way, in light of the pain he'd cost James. An undetermined time later would find Regulus still curled tightly in on himself in his favorite chair as he sniffled softly, tears still running down his face as his heart broke with every beat.