Sirius Black had worked at the Marauders Cafe for six wild, shitty months.
Sirius Black had been in love with one very heterosexual fellow server Remus Lupin For five months and three weeks. There was a grace period.
“There’s no way he’s straight,” Regulus said frankly over their weekly cup of coffee. He regularly commented that, as well as how he didn’t know how Sirius wasn’t sick of coffee yet. Sirius didn’t have an answer. “He lets you get away with too much.”
“You just don’t interact with the hets, Reggie,” Sirius sighed, flopping over the table with gusto. He laid there for a moment before propping himself back up, chin in hand, to look mournfully at his little brother. “They love the attention. It fuels his cishet ego. He probably just thinks it's funny.”
“He bridal-carried you, Siri.”
“For the bit!”
That story had been a funny one, actually. Remus had been at Marauders Cafe for much longer than Sirius, and was regularly entrusted to close. This meant he was in charge of Sirius’ sidework and cleaning for evening shifts. Sirius often took advantage of this time alone with a beautiful man and made a habit of aggressively hitting on Remus in order to be allowed to leave – as a joke, of course. Remus often played along, flirting back or rolling his eyes playfully.
One evening, Remus had been sitting down, his long legs stretched in front of him, shirt unbuttoned at the collar. Sirius had stopped in front of him, making a playful comment about climbing into his lap, and Remus and merely raised an eyebrow and quietly said;
“Go on.”
And listen, Sirius’ mother raised a psychopath and a whore, but certainly not a coward, so he sat right down and wrapped his arms around Remus’ gorgeously broad shoulders, fighting the urge to scream when Remus’ arms went around his waist. He did scream, however, when Remus unexpectedly stood, lifting Sirius bridal-style without warning and carrying him through the cafe to check on his cleaning for the night.
“Straight men don’t do that, even for the bit,” Regulus doubled down, shaking Sirius firmly from the fond memory. “I mean really, as much as I loathe to say it, I think you just need to drop to your knees in front of him and go for it.”
“Reggie!” Sirius shrieked approvingly, gathering a nearby table's attention and making his brother turn pink. “When did you become such a slut?”
“When we started talking again, I believe. You’re a terrible influence.” Regulus checked his watch. “Your shift starts in an hour. Go change and flirt with your weird not-boyfriend, I can’t deal with you right now.”
“Love you too, brother mine.”
“I’m here!” Sirius announced, tying his apron tightly around his waist.
James Potter poked his head from around a corner. He already had flour in his hair somehow. “Darling!” he cried.
“My boy!” Sirius yelled back.
The two of them had fallen in love, platonically and aggressively, the moment they laid eyes on each other Sirius’ first day. They commiserated about their unrequited romantic loves – Sirius with Remus, and James with Lily Evans, the lovely (and hilariously mouthy) host.
James bounded up to wrap Sirius in a ridiculously tight hug, rubbing the tension out of his back, and whisper, “Your boy is in the kitchen” before pressing a quick kiss to Sirius cheek.
“Bless,” Sirius muttered fervently. “How’s your mum?
“Good, she wants you over Sunday. You working?”
“I’m off, I can come. Curry night?”
“You know it.”
“Hell yeah.”
They high-fived, and Sirius made his way into the kitchen, where Remus was waiting for the ancient coffee machine to brew a new pot.
“My my,” he gasped. “Is that the handsomest man in the Marauders Cafe?”
Remus turned around, grinning slightly. “No, I do believe that’s you,” he teased back. “Hello love.” He opened his arms, and Sirius barrelled into them for a hug, face-planting happily into Remus’ shoulder.
Remus had mentioned once he didn’t really like touch, and Sirius had reared back in horror, only for Remus to immediately backtrack and say that Sirius was an exception. It was hard not to let this go to his head.
“Are you smelling me?”
Sirius paused. “You wear nice cologne.”
Remus sighed. “I do, yeah. You’re still weird. Let go now.”
Sirius clung tighter.
“I have to drop this coffee off, Sirius.”
“Ugh.” Sirius let go.
“Thank you.” Remus patted his head and left.
James waltzed into the kitchen shortly after. “I was creeping on you guys,” he said. “That was gay.”
“He’s straight and you know it,” Sirius said mournfully.
“Has he actually said that?” James asked.
Sirius paused. “He hasn’t said otherwise,” he said.
“That doesn't count then,” James said decisively. “So there.” He waltzed back out.
“What do you know?” Sirius yelled after him. “Fucking straight man.”
Sirius was hyper. Maybe it was seeing his brother, maybe it was the six espresso shots. Who knows? But he was hyper.
Four tables in, three wolf-whistles to Remus carrying large trays and seven unwarranted comments about his ass later, Sirius was getting drinks for table number four when he was forcibly spun around and brought face-to-face with Remus, who had a faux-stern look on his face a was pointing a mocking finger.
“Do you need a glass of ice water?” he asked.
“Pardon?” Sirius responded.
“Do you need to cool down? Stand in the walk-in freezer? You’re acting like a damn teenager today,” Remus said, arching an eyebrow.
Sirius grinned lazily. “Careful, I just might bite that pretty finger of yours.”
“My god,” Remus snorted, dropping his hand. “Look at me, Sirius, in the damn eye. Can you calm down?”
“You expect me to look in those eyes and calm down? Sweetheart, please.”
“You’re insufferable. I’m gonna put ice down your shirt.” Remus walked away, obviously fighting back laughter.
“Hate to see you go, love to watch you leave!” Sirius yelled after him, watching Remus’ ass for a moment longer before continuing to pour drinks.
The shift ended. Remus hugged him goodnight, told him to get home, as he always did. James mouthed “get that dick” over his shoulder, as he always did. Sirius screamed into a pillow when he got him, as he always did. His jacket smelled like Remus’ cologne.
Saturday shifts were always fun. You always get a handful of crazy people on Saturdays.
Especially in Sirius’ section. He thinks Lily did it on purpose.
Like right now, this creepy old white dude who decided that ‘visibly queer’ meant ‘ready and available’.
“Sweetheart -”
“It’s pronounced ‘Sirius’.” Sirius bared his teeth in what could very loosely be referred to as a smile. “What can I get you?”
The man leered. “Depends. Can I order off menu?”
Gag. “No.”
This man had been sitting alone in Sirius’ section for well over an hour, and James had offered to call the cops twice, but Sirius just made him promise he’d help him cover up to management if Sirius went apeshit.
The man started humming over the menu – again – so Sirius sighed. “I’ll be right back,” he said, going to walk away.
And then he felt sweaty fingers wrap around his wrist in a tight grip. “Don’t leave me just yet, sweetheart.”
Sirius felt himself snap. “Don’t fucking touch me!” he yelled, yanking his arm back, breaking the man's grip and glaring down at him. The man stared back blankly, jaw open.
“Is there a problem here?”
Remus had materialized next to Sirius, a protective hand on his arm, staring the man down.
“I’ve got it handled, thanks,” Sirius said through gritted teeth.
“I’m asking him,” Remus said calmly. “Sir, do I need to ask you to leave?”
Sirius had never seen Remus angry before. He didn’t think he ever wanted it aimed in his direction.
“I’ll take my bill,” the man said weakly.
“I’ll be right back,” Sirius said, storming off. Remus followed.
“Are you alright?”
“He just grabbed my wrist, I had it handled,” Sirius repeated.
“I’m sure you did,” Remus said calmly. “I don’t particularly care though.”
Sirius raised an eyebrow at him. “I beg your pardon?”
“I’m your protector. I’ll protect you. I don’t care if you need me to or not," Remus said. He plucked the printed check from Sirius’ hands. “I’ll take care of this. Focus on your other tables. Breathe.” He left.
Sirius stayed in that serving station for a long time.
“Are you in love with James?” Remus asked one slow Tuesday morning.
Sirius choked on his mocha latte, and Remus whacked his back while he coughed it up. “I’m sorry?” he asked.
“Are you in love with James? The two of you kiss each other a lot.”
Sirius stared at him. I’m in love with you, you fucking twit, he didn’t say. “No, I’m not,” he did say. “We’re just both really touchy. He’s super hetero anyway. it would be a lost cause.” Not that that’s stopping me with you.
Remus snorted. “That would certainly be tragic.”
“Why do you ask?”
A pause. “Curiosity.”
Sirius grinned. “You jealous, gorgeous?”
“Deeply,” Remus deadpanned. His ears were red.
Sirius swooned. “You know you’re the only man for me, Remus Lupin.”
“You’re so deeply irritating, you know that?”
“Thank you!”
“So like, she was on top of me, and she like, fully just spit in my mouth, right?”
“She spit in your mouth?” Sirius made a face. “I’m sorry, that’s foul.”
James tilted his head. “Sirius, you’ve told me all sorts of atrocious things you’ve let men do to you, and the line is spitting in your mouth?”
“It’s just gross.”
“It’s gonna get in there when you’re snogging anyway!”
“That’s different!”
“How?”
“What could you two possibly be arguing about so passionately before we even open?” Remus grumbled, wiggling in between the two of them to turn on the soda machines.
“Whether or not it’s gross to let someone spit in your mouth. Sirius thinks it's gross,” James snitched immediately.
Remus weighed his options in joining this debate for a moment, before turning to Sirius and arching an eyebrow. “You wouldn’t let me spit in your mouth?”
God help him, Sirius considered it. “No, I really wouldn’t,” he eventually decided. “Too gross.”
Remus grinned teasingly. “Not even if I really wanted to?”
“I feel like I’m intruding on a personal moment here,” James said awkwardly.
“Are you offering?” Sirius asked, lowering his eyelashes slightly.
Remus leaned down. “No,” he breathed, and then walked away.
Sirius gasped.
“Cruel, cruel man,” James said.
“I need to go stand in the walk-in,” Sirius said. He marched off.
It was a closing Friday shift that broke them.
It was just Remus and Sirius alone in the cafe, and it was quiet.
“What game are we playing?” Remus asked.
Sirius blinked. “What?”
“Is it just a game?” Remus asked. He suddenly looked so, so tired. “You tell me I’m beautiful, you tell me you adore me, how much of it do you mean?”
Sirius felt his jaw clench. “What do you care?” he asked. “You brush it off either way. You don’t like men.”
“Who told you that?”
“What?”
Remus was facing him now, clutching his broom like a lifeline. “Who told you I didn’t like men?” he repeated.
Sirius stared at him. The moon was coming through the window, washing out the color in Remus’ face, like he had been drawn in, something untouchable. But Sirius could touch him. “I meant every word I said,” he whispered.
Remus dropped the broom, and then they were kissing in the drawn-in moonlight, and nothing else mattered anymore.
“Okay Reg, he wasn’t straight after all.”
“I fucking told you.”