He stared at the massive pile of books and notes in front of him, closing his eyes, trying to will away the headache that had been building up for a few days already. It had turned into that stabbing kind of pain even he couldn't ignore, but he tried anyway and continued revising for his arithmancy exam.
He was tired, and he'd much rather go up to bed, but he had to get this done. He needed to. He glanced out of the window seeing the moon that was giving light into the semi dark common room, the fire had died out too. It was the full moon soon, tomorrow night actually, and he was exhausted and terrified and would rather crawl into bed; not sit in this uncomfortable chair with still so many notes to go through.
He grabbed his wand, closing the drapes to block away the sight because it was starting to make him feel sick, he didn't need that constant reminder right now. Then he lit another candle so he could actually see what he was reading on.
If it were any other exam during a full moon, he'd just let it go, not study and let himself rest. He'd let a bad grade slip because he could always retake, there'd always be an opportunity to get it higher, but not this time. It was the O.W.L’s, something he desperately needed to pass with good grades; he wasn't going to let this make him fail or get a bad grade. No matter how bad or unwell or tired he might feel, he had to get this done, had to learn these things. Had to get a good grade.
Even if he'd go to bed, he didn't think he could sleep. He felt restless with nervous energy from the exam and the upcoming full moon. If he stopped now, the thoughts would get worse, and he'd panic even more than he already was, and he didn't want that, so he kept reading his notes over and over again.
He jumped when he felt a touch on his shoulder, how hadn't heard anyone come down the stairs, they always creaked in that one spot. Remus turned to look at whoever it was, blinking a few times before his eyes focused on Sirius, who just smiled softly at him, leaning over the back of the chair. “Why aren't you sleeping, love?” He asked quietly, his voice thick with sleep like he had just woken up, which he probably had.
“M’not tired.” He lied, giving a small smile, though he knew Sirius could see right through it, he always did. He shifted so he could look at Sirius better. “I have to study.”
“You have to sleep.” He answered, glancing at all the notes scattered over the table, and at the pile of books, all open on top of each other, one quill that was laying on the table, the sharp end of it missing, there was another one too, but that one wasn't broken at least yet. “Everybody else is, they stopped studying hours ago.”
“This is important, Sirius.”
“So is sleep, moons.” He whispered. “It helps you think, you say it yourself. I know it's stressful, but not sleeping is gonna make it worse, especially now.” Remus just nodded, leaning back in the chair, his head against Sirius’ arm as he closed his eyes for a moment. “Does your head hurt?” He asked gently, staring to card his hand through Remus' hair.
“Mhm.”
“Poor, baby.” He whispered, leaning down to kiss his head. “Come to bed with me?” He suggested. “Don't have to sleep if you're not tired, but come lay down for a bit, it's late.”
“No, no.” He said, sitting back up, opening his eyes. “I have to- I don't, I'm not gonna pass, I need to.”
“It's okay if you don't pass.” Remus shook his head, eyes getting wide as tears started to gather in them. “It is. Your whole future doesn't rely on this one- what's this, arithmancy? Okay, yeah, it doesn't rely on this one arithmancy exam. You've got so many other things you've gotten good grades in, this is not gonna ruin that.”
“You don't understand.”
“Help me understand then, I wanna know what you're thinking.” Remus shook his head again, not looking at Sirius anymore. He moved, this time so he could stand in front of him, continuing to play with his hair. “I do want to know. I wanna know how you're feeling and what you're thinking, I wanna help rem.”
“I'm so tired.” Remus whispered quietly, leaning against Sirius, hiding his face into Sirius' stomach.
“Okay.”
“It's um- I don't wanna fail.” He whispered. “But I'm so tired.”
“You've sat here since dinner, love. You've studied for hours already. It's ‘bout to make you tired.” Remus only nodded. “You've aced all your previous tests, you've gotten full marks from all your assignments, the teacher thinks you're great, I think you got this.”
“But it's the owls.”
“Mm, I know. I know, moony.” Remus looked up at him, his eyes red rimmed, and Sirius just smiled, wiping away the tears that were trailing down. “You've got this, re.” He whispered. “You really do. It'll only do good if we go to bed now. You don't have your exam until after lunch, right?”
“Yeah?”
“Means that you can sleep, rest for a bit, and you can study a little more before the exam.” He said, and Remus nodded. “Then it's lunch, and you have your exam, then you can rest again for- for the night.”
“No, I can't.” Sirius' eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “I have an exam after that too.”
“Poppy's not gonna let you do that.” He said. “You know she's not going to let you do an exam after the full moon.”
“I have to Sirius- I really. I can't.” he stumbled over his words in the sudden panic, he hadn't even thought about that. “Its charms I have to. They don't understand.”
“Minnie’s not gonna let you either.” Sirius said, gently pushing his hair back, keeping it out of his eyes. “I know it's important to you, but it's not going to do any good. You have to rest.”
“They have to, they can't just tell me not to- they can't right? It's- it's not that big of a deal, it's really not.” he said. “They can't.” there were tears in his eyes again, and Sirius would do anything to make them go away, to make him feel better.
“They can.” Sirius whispered, wiping away the tears once more. “I'm sorry, rem, but it's really not good for you. You're in so much pain, and you usually sleep the days after, it's just not good to go do an exam immediately after. It's too much extra stress.”
“If you really want, we can go ask Minnie in the morning, but I'm pretty sure she'll say the same thing I just did, and Poppy will too.” Remus shook his head. “You don't always have to be so strong. It's okay to take time to heal.”
“Sirius.” He whimpered, breaking Sirius' heart, as he leaned back against Sirius, more tears falling.
“Shh, I know, I know it's unfair.” He whispered, trying to comfort him the best he could. “We can go ask her if they can make some arrangements. That of you could maybe do it later, yeah? When you're feeling better.”
“Okay.”
“Yeah?” Remus nodded. “Can we go to bed, love?” Remus nodded again, leaning back, looking at him. “Okay.” He smiled, leaning down to kiss his forehead, watching as Remus gathered his stuff back into his bag, getting up from the chair. Sirius blew out the candles before taking his hand and leading him up to their dorm.
“I love you.” Remus whispered, his face hidden in Sirius' chest. It felt so good to finally lay down, to close his eyes, relax. Though, he still felt bad for it. But sleeping started to sound better than staying up all night, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
“I love you too, moons.” he smiled, kissing his head, letting his lips linger there for a moment. “So much. I'll wake you up in the morning, yeah?” Remus nodded, letting sleep pull him under, focusing on Sirius' calm breathing and the hand that was still tangled in his hair. It felt nice and relaxing.
– – –
He felt a lot worse the next morning when Sirius woke him up around eight, all his joints ached and his headache, if possible, was even worse than last night. After breakfast that he didn't eat because of the growing nausea, they made their way to McGonagall's office, Sirius waiting in the hall as the witch told him to come inside.
McGonagall said exactly what Sirius had told him last night that Poppy had actually asked to talk to him about it. She had apparently sent a letter to the ministry to ask whether he, and a few other students, could for some reason, could do the exam on a different day. She hadn't gotten a response yet, but she'd inform him as soon as she got it.
Remus just nodded before leaving her office, smiling slightly at Sirius as he stood up, taking his hand into his as they started to walk back into their common room. “So?” He asked after a while, glancing up at Remus.
“Mm, she said no.” Sirius nodded. “That Poppy had wanted her to talk to me and that she had already sent a letter to the ministry if I can do it later.” Sirius nodded again, squeezing his hand reassuringly, knowing how much it upset him even though he probably realized that it wasn't the best idea. “Do you have an exam?”
“Me and James got divination, something dumb about, she didn't exactly tell what we have to do. Probably look into a crystal ball or read tea leaves.” He said. “So stupid, but it's such an easy grade to get, so why not. Pete has nothing and it's not fair.”
Remus nodded, smiling slightly, going up to their dorm when they got up to the Gryffindor tower. He pulled out his arithmancy book once more, though it was impossible to focus on reading with the headache and dry, tired eyes. Sirius had stayed in the common room because James had questions about divination, though he wasn't sure if he could help, and had just laughed when James asked for help.
He was so tired, and achy that he'd rather just crawl into bed and not get up until the evening, but at the same time he wanted to study. Had to study. But after an hour of reading, he couldn't help but lay his head down on his folded arms for a moment, promising himself that it was just a five-minute break.
“Rem, wake up.” He heard someone whisper, slowly pulling him out of sleep, though he just hid his face further into his arms. “C'mon, we gotta go eat.”
He jolted up, at least two, maybe three hours must've passed. “What?” he breathed out, looking at Sirius with a confused expression before glancing at his watch. “Shit.”
“You up for lunch?” Sirius asked worriedly, seeing how pale he looked, like he was going to pass out if he stood up. Remus shook his head. “Re, look at me-” Remus did, eyes unfocused as he looked at Sirius. “When was the last time you ate?”
“Yesterday, I think.”
“At what time.” Remus shrugged. “Let’s go eat, okay? I don't want you to pass out in your exam, or after?”
“Have to?” Sirius nodded. “Okay.”
Sirius smiled, kissing his forehead, and taking Remus' hand into his as they started to walk down to the great hall. Remus didn't eat a lot, but it made him feel a little better, though he still felt horrible and would rather be in bed. They left the great hall about fifteen minutes before the exams would start, Sirius stopped them at the top of the marble staircase, making Remus look at him.
“I love you, rem.” He smiled, leaning up on his tiptoes to give him a kiss. “Good luck.” He whispered against his lips. “You got this.”
“I love you too.”