Alphard never married. He realised from a young age that it would probably never happen. See, in some ways, Alphard Black was never what people thought he was - and in other ways he was exactly what other people viewed him to be.
His time at school is a time he always treasured deeply. Not simply because of his passion for astronomy and muggle studies (something he never admitted to himself until he had actually left school) or his love for chocolate cake that was kept in the kitchen after hours or the ever so useful room of requirement.
He’d say it was more about the memories made along the way, but that wouldn’t be a complete truth. So instead he would tell himself on the good days that it was because he got to experience enough of life to encourage him to hold on to the life that was slipping away from him. To hold on a little while longer until he’d have the resources he needed to leave it all behind and never turn back. That too was not the complete truth either. That was the Alphard who was desperate for a new life, the Alphard who was smart and patient and waited so many years to get away from it all. The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, the pureblood mania, the curses and torture, the constant breach of privacy and the stench of death all over the place.
Alphard never wished for very much in his life, at least, he didn’t think so. He had never made a single wish until he was fourteen. His birthday wasn't ever celebrated and he had no interest in it, but for some reason, that one time he decided to take a chance. He was not up late in the ROR that night, and he had not seen the cliche scene of a shooting star and he definitely had not made a birthday wish for the first time in his life. Alphard wanted happiness, who didn’t? But something in him said it was too much to ask for. So Alphard decided that night that happiness was not a must, but contentment was the goal. No longer survival, but to just be able to be a human being with flaws and humour and music and a place of his own in a place far far away all alone. Call it sad, pathetic, whatever. It was the best a soon to be disowned Black was gonna get, if not death.
By the end of his time, he had managed it. He didn’t really know how, but by some miracle, he was content in his home in England a long way away from the Black estate and a shit ton of the wizarding world. Alphard never regretted his decision. He decided when he was thirteen that regret was an emotion that would make life all the much harder. He’d avoid it by standing at the sidelines, blending into the background while his siblings and cousins took the spotlight, never scoring too high on tests and never drawing attention to himself once he realised that anyone observant would see through him and his too many lies like a glass ceiling. He was fine, it would all be worth it in the end.
Alphard had just hit twelve when he began to question his sexuality. He was staring far too intensely at a dark haired slytherin across the great hall when he realised could no longer deny it. He was held in the arms of said dark haired slytherin when he came to terms with his situation, those arms held him without hesitation as he cried, knowing he could never live up to his parents expectation of marriage and kids anymore. Not when he had the love of his life there with him in those precious moments of vulnerability. He was his first everything, he gave this man his heart so blindly, firmly believing and telling himself he’d never come to regret it. Oh, the things we do at fourteen.
It’s been thirty-five years now, and that man has become a stranger to him, but Alphard could never love another. He never did regret it, how could he regret loving someone who protected him for so long without ever asking for anything in return, the only person who helped him find a place after he left the Black family.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, or deep down in the depths of his heart, Alphard knew that it wasn't ever going to be happy ever after together for the two of them. However, happy ever after or not, two broken souls helping each other heal is love. At least, Alphard thought so. He hadn’t seen his first love in years, he only saw the twisted being he had become. It wasn’t exactly easy to avoid the past when the man’s name was everywhere, but in Alphard’s mind, the holder of that name was a stranger to him. He didn't know that name or that person. That person and the one who held him through all his tough times were not the same in any way whatsoever.
In 1976, he received a letter. It was anonymous, but he’d recognise that practised handwriting anywhere. It caught him by surprise no doubt. It’s not everyday you hear from your past only love turned dark wizard after thirty-five years of heartache.
Alphard Black could never regret loving Tom Riddle. He spent his final days in tranquillity within the comfort of his home, sending and receiving letters from his nephews and every so often, he found himself glancing at the one letter he thought he'd never get. It was a closure of sorts, he supposed he was grateful.
Alphard Black was born as the second child and heir to the Noble And Most Ancient House Of Black, expected to marry a noble pureblood lady and have kids to continue the Black family bloodline.
He died as Alphard Black, disowned by his family, living in a warm homely house on the outskirts of Scotland, reminiscing about a one Tom Riddle and conversing with his nephews and niece Andromeda through heartfelt letters, feeling content with his life but despair for the war of his past.
One could say he died a peaceful death, but one could also say that his death was never supposed to happen the way it did. When Alphard died, the ‘Dark Lord’ definitely did not start to lose his mind more so than he already had, he definitely did not lose the last shred of sanity he had left, and he did not torture and kill a large group of responsible death eaters that night. What a tragedy they were…
Love is a violent beast, it comes from the instigator that is our hearts, that is why it is caged behind our ribs and trapped in the maze that is our minds.