The Chain

Chronicle IV

Break The Silence

Remus’s face soured, he almost rolled his eyes, “what was I thinking?” he stepped closer to Dumbledore, “I warned you about this attack months ago! Nothing was going to be done without me!”

“Yes, you warned us. But you had said, they had yet to name the victim or give information about the time and place. You said you would report back with information the minute you figured that out. So, when did they tell you who the victim was?”

Remus inhaled sharply, he looked down at the man, “they didn’t have to!”

Dumbledore huffed, “that’s what I suspected.” He squinted at Remus, “instead of reporting to the Ministry, you decided to gamble it all to win votes from Order member Marlene Mckinnon.”

“What?! Gamble it to win votes?! Do you really think I am that shallow?” Remus exclaimed, quite a bit louder than he probably should have. He inhaled and attempted to pull himself together, or maybe just act like he did to make a show for Dumbledore. “Listen professor, I knew.”

“What if you were wrong, Mr. Lupin? What if an innocent wizard died today because of your ‘calculated’ risk?” Dumbledore’s voice filled the room, and pumped Remus full of rage.

“Well nobody did!” Remus once again raised his voice, Dumbledore made an expression that hit Remus in the chest. “And without me—somebody might’ve!”

“You need to be more careful, Lupin! You could reveal yourself, and you’ll end up not only exiled from the Order but exiled from the Ministry as a whole. Not to mention the target you’ll get on your back if the Deatheaters find out.”

Remus thought of what sounded off about the professor's sentence. “Are you already planning on me being kicked off the Order?”

Dumbledore didn’t respond.

Remus scrunched his nose. “So that’s why the entirety of yesterday you acted like I was some shifty dark wizard. You know I'll be booted out of the Order now if you don’t speak up. You want to burn my bridges.”

“It’s for your safety.” The professor said sternly, he gripped his hands together in front of his chest, his long sleeves hung down.

“Why must everyone I care about hate me in order for me to be safe?” Remus laughed with wide eyes. He recognized the pent up anger he had towards Dumbledore, something he didn’t know had been bubbling so hot.

Dumbledore looked away, perhaps to look mysterious and wise but Remus viewed it as a charade, he was too scared to look him in the eye. “War is about sacrifice.”

“isn’t war about trying to save people. That’s what I did today. That’s what I will continue to do if I’m in the Order and in Tres Pavus.” He stepped closer to Dumbledore, he knew he had at least 4 inches on the withering man.

“You are so young.” Dumbledore said quietly.

Remus rolled his eyes, “Don’t say that.”

Dumbledore held out his arm, he placed his hand on Remus’ shoulder. His finger gripped tight, his knuckles went white. It almost hurt. The professor opened his mouth, “someday, Mr. Lupin, you will understand, at its roots, you either win or lose at war, and either way you’ll have to rebuild everything.”

Before Remus could form a rebuttal Dumbledore had faded away. Remus wanted to shout, a part of him wanted to test his luck, apparate to his office in Hogwarts and see if he’d be there to continue the argument. But instead, Remus pressed down his jacket, he took a few deep breaths, and he walked out of the study to approach Marlene and Mary.

The minute Remus had shown himself to the two girls at the table, Mary spoke. “You aren’t going to end up telling us anything, right?”

Remus smiled bitterly, “that’d be correct.”

“But you can’t deny that you did know something today.” Marlene interjected.

Remus sighed, he pulled out a chair and took a seat at the head of the table. “I can try.”

The two girls thought amongst themselves, but were interrupted by the phone. Mary’s head shot towards it immediately, still clearly on edge.

Remus directed his eyes at it. Marlene sighed, “I’ll get it.” She stood up from the table and moved toward the counter in the kitchen. She picked up the landline phone. “Hello?”

The volume on the Mckinnon’s phone was loud enough that Remus could hear it echoed throughout the empty halls. The caller momentarily did not say anything, “Mary?” A voice that Remus could recognize to be Peter’s said.

“No… Marlene.” She furrowed her eyebrows and turned to look at Mary.

Remus could hear the heavy breathing. It rang through his soul and struck him cold. Oh, Peter knew. Instinctively, Remus stood up. He could taste the ill decision he was making, but was in no way compelled to stop himself.

Marlene raised an eyebrow at him, she covered the mic and mouthed, “what are you doing?”

Remus did not respond, he held his arm out to hold the phone. Reluctantly, Marlene handed it to him. “What’s going on, Peter?”

Peter inhaled quickly, “Remus.” He grunted.

Remus spoke with his voice low and quiet, “You must tell the others while I was hanging out with Marlene today, the dark army attempted an assassination on her, luckily they were unsuccessful, but a large portion of the Order may now be at risk.”

“Why were you hanging out with Marlene?” Peter snarked, only Remus would have been able to detect that tone.

Remus continued, “we went shopping.”

It was silent. Remus cringed. He knew in his heart he was stepping over a boundary. Crossing a large line in his mission. But anger had swallowed him whole, he needed to act upon the rage that consumed him, and as mild as it seeped, he feared Peter could recognize the ball of flames he’d become.

“I see.” Peter eventually hummed.

“Are you okay?” Remus asked, it was an attempt to spin the question, maybe catch Peter off guard.

“We are fine.” Peter said sharply.

Remus looked around the room, unsure of where to go from there, “uh, would you like to speak with Mary or Marlene.”

“No. It’s okay.” Peter said, “bye.”

Remus took the phone away from his ear and slowly turned towards Mary and Marlene. He decided to play some cards, or at least imply that he had them. His game would have to be won slowly, but his poker face had to remain strong. “Peter seemed… off.” He furrowed his eyebrows.

Marlene tilted her head. Remus had better reliance on her, as she and Peter had never been that close. Back in Hogwarts, Mary and Peter were on again off again, which by early adulthood lead to a fairly strongly bonded friendship. Marlene and the rat never seemed to click. “How so?”

“He seemed nervous, like… antsy.” Remus sighed, he walked back over and resumed back to his seat at the table.

Mary looked down, “yeah, I saw him this morning and he seemed weird then, too. He really begged for me to stay with him all day.”

It was then something happened. Marlene and Mary shared a harsh glance. Remus could not entirely translate, and felt as though he was being purposefully thrown out of this physical messaging.

Marlene swallowed, she turned to look at Remus. “Remus, I want to make it clear that in that vote tomorrow, I will be using my number in your favor. But for right now, we need you to go home.”

Remus raised an eyebrow, but felt himself experiencing something akin to joy, “okay.” He said quickly. “I will see you both tomorrow.”

Mary grinned.

Remus stood up from his seat, grabbed his wand, and after what felt like an embarrassing amount of time, he was able to apparate back home.

Remus landed in his empty house. He finally allowed himself a large sigh of relief. One, maybe two, votes in his favor. Marlene was now written back into his narrative.

Any point now, as time flowed forward, Marlene would be there.

He grinned, a large toothy grin, even laughed a small bit. He had done it, changed history, hacked time. He had done it now, and he could continue to do it moving forward. Hope distributed itself throughout his veins. It stimulated every part of his nervous system, it had been such a long time since he felt so free.

His head explored wondrous ideas of what he could do for the rest of the evening, he felt compelled to flop down on the couch, to start a new book, reread an old one, drink some whiskey in a way that completely opposed the solemn drinking he was used to.

Remus landed on his chores. He decided it’s be smarter to at least begin with those, with a quick step he walked out of his foyer, to his bedroom.

He rounded up his journal from its haphazard hiding spot in his closet. He pulled up the telephone from its spot under the desk, turned its dial to the feather, and listened to the phone ring.

“Lupin?” Severus answered within thirty seconds. “Did it all play out accordingly?”

“Yes, Marlene is safe. Although I do worry I have garnered suspicion from both Mary and Marlene.” Remus answered swiftly. He felt by just being on the phone with Severus Snape he needed to match his solemn energy. Remus settled for standing up straighter.

“I expect that to not cause a major issue to the larger plan at stake here. I’m glad to hear that you are more collected now.” Severus spoke clearly. His voice boomed through the phone’s speaker.

“Tomorrow the Order will be having its vote. I will be sure to give you an update after its events.”

“Do you have any expectations for how it’ll play out?”

“I have my concerns that it will not be in my favor. Dumbledore also appears to be working against me.”

“That does not surprise me.” Severus paused, “Lupin, I think we should also discuss a time to meet up prior to the attack.”

“I think the best time would be the morning before the attack. Maybe, 9 o’clock? By then we will have the most updated information about our current standing before the events.”

“Okay. I will mark it down.” There was a brief rustling from the other side of the phone, “at the same place as last time?”

“Yes, I think that’d make the most sense. I will be in contact as soon as anything of importance happens.” Remus said, pulling out his journal to mark their meeting time.

“Until then.” Severus replied before hanging up the phone.

Remus put the phone down, and wasted no time returning it to its spot underneath his desk. Perhaps it was his way to show his hope that Sirius would eventually come home, and if so he would need the house to appear inconspicuous.

Remus spent the rest of his evening on his couch reading.

That may sound typical, but Remus in fact hadn’t read for long before the timeline in which these terrible events had first played out.

Remus read The Scarlet Letter.

He did not go to bed until the son rose. Old habits die hard.

9:52(am)

The minute Remus woke up, only a few hours after when he’d fallen asleep, he craved his former state. Despite that, the echoing noise flowing from the bedroom forced Remus to succumb to consciousness.

Slowly, he stood from his spot on the couch. He quietly tiptoed down the hall, unsure of what he was hoping to find.

He was still partially asleep, perhaps if he wasn’t he would be more nervous. Maybe if he was more awake he would have grabbed his wand, armed himself in case of a possible intruder.

Fortunately for Remus the guest held no threat and was also not a guest at all.

“Remus.” Sirius said without even turning around from the shelves he was facing.

He woke up then, “Sirius.” He swallowed, he felt set for stress to dissolve throughout him, but was surprised when it never came. He felt almost excited to recognize that a conversation with Sirius was beginning to become less of a performance piece.

The black haired man turned around, in his hands Remus’ journal. One thing Remus noticed immediately was the contrast in their current outfits. Remus in a wrinkled band tee and joggers, and Sirius in dress pants and a suit jacket. Remus however, did not feel intimidated by this. Sirius tapped the cover of the journal, “I’ve been working on some light reading.”

His stomach didn’t drop. “Glad to hear you never lost your humor.” Remus grinned awkwardly. He was immediately surprised by the lack of nerves he felt toward the subject of Sirius’ inquiry, “is your novel interesting.”

“Eh, a bit of a tough read. Too wordy at times.” Sirius stared at Remus.

“And what have you been able to gather from it?”

“That I'm worse at Latin than I thought I was.” Sirius closed the book with a slam. “Understood one thing though, Magister Alba Barba. Master white beard. You seem to have a lot of meetings with him.”

Remus walked toward, a quick attempt to confiscate the journal, “well, I’ve told you that that was so, many times.”

“So I guess I found all that I was looking for.” Sirius sighed, he tucked his lips into a line.

Remus squinted, “what is it you were looking for?”

“I suspected your journal had answers, hoped they could prove your innocence, also suspected the journal to otherwise have incriminating information in it if it didn’t. But all I found could work in your favor.”

“So a good thing?” Remus asked, he walked slightly closer to Sirius.

Sirius bit the inside of his cheek, he hesitated but then began, “well I guess I was kind of hoping to find something more concrete, and so it would’ve been easier had it been incriminating.”

This did not strike Remus hard, it did not carry a whip of steel although it unsuspectedly appeared that it should.

Sirius continued, “I guess what I really want is to know. Like know for sure. I want to understand who you are and what it is that you’re hiding.”

“Here is where I’m supposed to say that I’m not hiding anything.” Remus deadpanned.

“And here is where we both know you’re lying.” Sirius sighed, “so how’d you know?”

“You can’t just ask questions that vague.” Remus raised an eyebrow.

“I was letting you choose your own adventure.”

“And what are my options?” The conversation somehow felt natural to Remus, the words seemed to have the unique ability to find their way in the perfect spot. He blamed the good mood he was in.

“How’d you know about the Secret Keeper thing, or how’d you know about Marlene.”

“Here is where I will flip the question, how’d you know about Marlene.” He smiled quite widely there. Wider than he had in front of Sirius probably since 1980.

“I overheard a weird phone call Marlene and Peter had, so I called Marlene to see what was happening.”

Remus didn’t correct him and say that Peter was actually on the phone with him. Instead he nodded. “Crazy stuff.”

“You avoided my question.” Sirius squinted at him. Remus was actually having a difficult time rereading Sirius, his actions bordered on genuine, but he walked the skinny line between informational and polite in the way that he spoke.

“I didn’t know about Marlene.” Remus tried to lie. He emphasized the didn’t, as if that questionable linguistic choice would take Sirius’ focus off of what was truly being asked.

He was lucky as Sirius merely sighed.

Remus began to retreat from the bedroom, his expectation being that Sirius would follow. “Would you like some tea?”

“That sounds good.” Sirius said, following Remus nonetheless.

Remus internally prepared himself, a simple task like brewing felt extraordinarily daunting given he had not performed it in over two years. He attempted to act naturally.

After stepping into the kitchen, he grabbed their kettle sitting on a shelf above the sink and filled it with water. He gently set it on the gas stove, and flicked the gas on. “So… is there any other reason you’re here today?”

“I thought we left things poorly the other day.” Sirius hung in the archway of the kitchen.

Remus snorted, “don’t we always.” He pulled two mugs down from the cabinet they were shelved in. From a drawer he picked a bag of black tea for himself, and a bag of spiced orange fruit tea for Sirius, remembering that it was Sirius’ favorite. He set them in the mugs. He turned to stare at Sirius, “is that really why you came?”

Sirius, who had been looking dead on at his mug, brought his gaze up to Remus. “Well, I did have some things I wanted to tell you, I suppose. I think that Peter is playing a bit dirty by not telling you.”

“Not surprising.” Remus looked down at the floor briefly, but then turned his sight back to Sirius.

“Well you’ll have to give a speech, explaining your innocence. He’s been working on his own. He’s been wanting me to help.”

Remus hummed, “I see.”

“I refused.” Sirius breathed sharply and brought his eyebrows together. “He was angry all night… He’s been acting strange. Desperate… But anyways. He has all these different plans to make you appear guilty. So please, stay composed this time. Anything else will be your downfall.”

“Okay.” Remus nodded. The kettle whistled. He began pouring the water into their mugs.

“I know you may struggle with that.” Sirius said quickly.

Remus turned and grinned at him, he felt comforted by Sirius’ equally enriched face. “Ha-ha.” he said sarcastically.

The boys looked at each other for a moment, did not speak, instead just took in each other's presence. Remus eventually sighed, “so,” he cleared his throat, “after our argument, do you still know what you’re voting?”

Sirius bit his cheek, “the journal is meant to help me make that decision.” He looked around the room, “I still don’t think things look good for you Remus.” Sirius said, with his eyebrows straightened.

Remus shrugged, “I think I’m going to ignore that bit of wisdom.” This would be the last thing Remus said to Sirius that morning. He turned back to the mugs, grabbing a spoon out of the drawer underneath them. In the corner of his eye he watched as Sirius reopened the journal.

Remus had chosen not to say anything in opposition to that, although Dumbledore had probably trained him otherwise. He decided that the contents of the journal no longer mattered, and at this point he had more pressing matters to worry about.

Remus was removed from those thoughts when Sirius shut the book loudly. Remus turned to look at him, but Sirius was already looking away.

He ignored it, simply focusing down at the mugs, and he stirred the tea. Once the soaked leaves had pigmented the water thoroughly enough, Remus decided the tea was ready.

However when he looked up, the place Sirius had stood was now unnervingly empty, Remus inhaled sharply when he saw the barren hall instead of Sirius’ body. “Sirius?” Remus called, to which there was no answer.

He began to run through all the possibilities of what happened in his mind. Where Sirius went, why he had left so abruptly.

Eventually he assumed Sirius had simply apparrated away, leaving Remus to ponder on what had made him want to go.

He recalled what Sirius had said to him, if he’d mentioned anything that hinted at his departure. But it was the image of Sirius slamming the journal that played through Remus’ mind. He envisioned his face, and written on it, something he had somehow originally ignored was fear.

As Remus paced around the house, waiting for the meeting to begin, Sirius’ tea on the counter went cold, the small bits of orange inclusions and leaves had long sunk to the bottom, but if Remus had looked, and if he’d been able to see through the pigmented water, he might think the leaves had settled in way that resembled something similar to a skull.

He wore a suit. It was a dark navy blue, almost black and the tweed material made him feel itchy. Along with it he wore a simple off white dress shirt, and dark blue dress pants. He had combed his hair, even shaved. His attempt to look put together felt like a proper disguise to him, and with that he was satisfied.

Prior to his arrival at the meeting room, Remus had been planning one of the more risky things he needed to do. After the meeting, immediately after, before anyone had left the room, Remus needed to make an escape and test his ability to perform the apparition spell and make it to Lily and James’ house. He swore to himself that even if all else went wrong he could not veer from that plan.

Remus was among some of the first people to arrive at the meeting room, he kept his head down to better ignore the looks of daggers some of the other members were giving him.

In the room was Alice, Frank, and Gideon. Even if Remus wanted to be friendly he feared rejection in his current situation would be harsh. He felt like a caged animal, and interaction with those standing around him could be easily viewed as an attack.

He did not really know what to do, once again he was reminded he felt more comfortable in a meeting with the death eaters than he did with those on his own side.

He kept his hands locked in front of him with his arms hung. Occasionally he’d look around the room, see if anybody else had shown up, he kept his eyes steered clear of the three talking about ten feet away from him.

After a painfully long time something of great interest showed up. Lily Potter. And immediately upon arriving and seeing Remus alone, she approached him.

“Good afternoon Remus.” She smiled. Like a mirror of the past, Lily spoke in the intonation she did in Hogwarts, not a sliver of suspicion or nerves.

Remus grinned at her, a polite small grin, he felt held back by his attempt to look sophisticated, and he could feel the more judgmental eyes of the other members glued on him. “Good afternoon, how have you been?”

Lily rolled her eyes playfully, “well this morning has just been far too chaotic. Usually, me and Alice—” She did a slight wave to the girl she mentioned, clearly becoming more aware of the others’ attention on them, “— trade off meetings and where to have the kids. But obviously we need to both be here today, so we actually got the Weasleys to look after the boys today, but it was a whole hassle getting them over there. But Harry seemed happy, I just fear that Molly may already be a bit overwhelmed.” Remus took note of her casualty, she acted as if she wasn’t there to vote on if Remus was a war.

“Oh yes the Weasleys, they recently had twins right?” Remus tilted his head slightly.

Lily snorted, “Like three years ago. God damn you are out of the loop. They did recently have a daughter though—”

Lily was cut short by a loud “Psst” from across the room. Remus turned his head to see Frank almost frantically motioning for Lily to walk over. With a quick shrug and a light promise to “be right back.” Remus was left alone again.

By then more people had begun to stream in, Remus began to take note of who gave him a dirty look as they entered.

Emmeline Vance, Dorcas Meadowes, and Fabian all seemed to completely stare him down as they approached. Moody held a stern expression as he walked in, but Remus was not sure if that was intentional.

Remus kept an eye out for Sirius, he was debating whether or not it’d be smart to try and talk with him. On the one hand Remus feared that whatever caused him to disappear from the house in the morning was something he should not try to encourage by walking up to him before the meeting began, on the other hand, he was desperate to know why Sirius had left.

Fortunately for him, He did not have to make a decision. As Sirius arrived, so did Dumbledore, and immediately upon his arrival Dumbledore called for everyone to be seated. He also made sure Remus once again sat down at the head of the table.

Sirius scanned the empty chairs, and chose to sit towards the opposing end of the table, five or six seats away from Remus. More people filed in and Remus’ mind remained on Sirius. He didn’t dare to look at Remus.

As the final people appeared, Remus’ focus turned to the other head of the table. Peter immediately demanded attention as he sat down.

Without greeting, and in a stern harsh voice Peter boomed, “I hope you all have been giving this vote a lot of thought, and I urge you to not let personal biases dominate over your logic.”

Peter looked well kept, a nice suit far more expensive than Remus’, hair slicked back, but there was something with his eyes. They were tired, strained, Remus convinced himself he saw the left one twitching. If you looked at those eyes alone he looked frantic, hysterical, there was no childlike shine. Peter had gone dark.

“It appears everyone is here,” Peter continued, “so I will explain how this vote will play out. We will begin with a speech from both parties, Lupin and I. Then we will open the floor to any last words from anybody else. We will vote shortly after that.”

Remus looked at Dumbledore, there had to be something strategic about how he allowed Peter to be the one to lead the meeting. He assumed it was another way to paint Remus as an outsider to the Order. Remus slowly began to understand that this meeting was not only him against Peter but him against Dumbledore as well.

“We will flip a coin to determine who goes first, heads being Lupin, tails being me.” Peter turned to the professor. Remus heard the sharp ding of metal as the coin was flipped off Dumbledore’s thumb.

“Tails,” he said, completely monotone.

Peter nodded and slowly stood up. He cleared his throat, stared Remus dead on and began talking, “I remember the first time I saw Lupin as a werewolf. Oh, I was scared. I was so really scared, and I think we all were. James, Sirius. Because in the eyes of Lupin there was nothing separating us, and the prey he was dripping at the mouth to kill.”

Remus turned to look at Sirius, to see how he was reacting to Peter’s nonsense. Sirius was slouched, arms crossed, eyebrows drawn, and eyes shut tight. Remus could see him breathing sharply. He couldn’t gauge this behavior, was he agreeing, disagreeing, pained, not listening? Remus decided it was best not to look at him. Instead he turned his eyes to Marlene. She was leaned over the table watching Peter intently. As Peter said “dripping at the mouth,” she rolled her eyes.

“When he wasn’t a werewolf, and actively sniffing out fresh blood, he was irrational, erratic, irritable, he would yell if you bothered him too much. Some of you said Remus hasn’t changed since we were kids, and you may be right. But the signs have always been there. The minute we got out of Hogwarts, Remus became distant, elusive, quiet, and this is when, I think, he took a turn for the worse. This is when I think Remus found comfort in the dark army. He found other werewolves like him, and he was finally able to act on his lycanthropic urges. I want you all to review your memories of Lupin over the past two years, some of you may remember arguments, surface level, quick conversations, but most of you remember nothing. Remus Lupin has been fading into the background, his sole mission to gather information and deliver it. He is a danger to not only us but our family, our children. We are at war and we must play things safely, with Lupin gone rightfully we eliminate our biggest risk. This is why I ask for you to vote for what will keep us safe. Lupin does not belong in the order.”

Remus looked around the room, most order members held completely neutral faces, Sirius’ eyes remained closed, and Marlene, similar to Mary, appeared completely annoyed.

“We will now allow Mr. Lupin to give his speech.” Dumbledore spoke in a complete monotone but booming voice.

Remus was struck with nerves but quickly decided his best bet was to begin by unpacking Peter’s claims. Slowly, he stood up from his seat, “Hi.” He said sternly and inhaled sharply, “Peter gave you all a nice timeline there, which sounds credible until you realize he was pulling it out of his ass.” Remus paused and closed his eyes, “I want to begin with one thing he said that has absolutely no roots in truth, and is just one part of this fear-mongering tactic he is using. Peter said that ‘I found comfort in the dark army, as i was finally able to act on my lycanthropic urges,’ and yes. To those who have seen me as a wolf, I may look blood-thirsty, senseless, evil. But similarly to a circus tiger, I have been raised in an environment that has forced me to not want to kill, but want to run. I grew up in cages, cold, harsh iron walls, and I tore myself apart every night inside them. My aggression as a wolf is not on account of me searching for prey, it is fear. An instinct that in no way controls me when I am not a wolf. Also, if I did join the Deatheaters as a way to finally act on my urges, why can Sirius attest to me spending every full moon in the dingy basement of our house.”

Remus moved his eyes around the room, he could not focus on one person’s eyes for too long, as he began his next sentence he looked at James. “I have been distant, yes, short-tempered, and quiet. And I can understand why that puts you all on edge. But it is those reasons that show why it is unlikely I am a spy. What good would a spy do if I do not go to meetings, if I am not actively gathering information, how could I be sharing secrets with the other side if I have not spoken to any of you or reclaimed any secrets. I am a recluse, I have been sent on my own missions, a spy would assume an active role in whatever party they are working against, which I have done none of. If I were a spy, I would be the least threatening spy on the planet, half the time, I don’t even know where we are having our next meeting.”

The minute he finished his speech he began to worry he spoke too fast, or his points weren't good enough. He looked around trying to make out members’ reactions but was left more confused as many looked away as he looked at them.

Remus eventually sat down, fear began to settle in his stomach, the possibility he would be abandoned by the order became the subject of his worries.

He stared down at the table, in his peripheral vision he watched Dumbledore stand up and begin to speak, “with that we will begin our final speeches, anyone who has prepared something, or wants to say something please raise your hand.”

Remus looked up and immediately Mary Macdonald shot up her hand. Remus stared at her with a quizzical glance, but she ignored him.

“Mary Macdonald, you have the floor.”

Mary quickly rose from her seat, and confidently eyed the people in the room, “I will begin this speech by acknowledging that I wholeheartedly believe there are things Remus is not telling us, or choosing to keep secret. But I also want to preface this by saying, Remus is innocent.”

She paused, closed her eyes and took a quick breath, “I want to tell you guys everything that went down yesterday. I am sure a lot of you have heard about this incident, but yesterday at around 2 O’clock, me and Marlene’s house was broken into by Deatheaters and Voldemort himself, in an attempt, we think, to assassinate Marlene. We assume this due to what the intruders were saying as they searched the house, referring exclusively to finding ‘Mckinnon.’ They were not looking for me. This makes sense, I haven’t really been too much of an asset to the Order… And Um, also, because of that I haven't had any fear in how I talk about plans, therefore I think it was known to many of you in this room that yesterday, like most days I would be at Peter’s. Yes, I am even hinting that I think Lupin could have very easily known this information as well. The first odd thing that happened during the lead up to this attack was a call to Marlene Mckinnon.”

Marlene nodded solemnly at Mary and stood up, she was holding a paper, “On October 28th I received a call from Remus Lupin, this was about 7 hours after the debate during our meeting and Remus was obviously intoxicated.” She paused and cleared her throat, and after a few seconds continued, “he begged me to hang out with him, he was upset, and so I agreed. I knew it was strange,—” At this point Marlene looked up from her notes, Remus watched her pick the people she looked at carefully, “— I assumed his intentions lingered around advocacy for himself. This was not true. Not once did Remus intentionally try to prove himself innocent. I even provoked him to do so, and he did not take the bait. We met up at a restaurant for lunch, and throughout the three hours I was with him, he was quiet, stressed, nervous, his voices quivered when he spoke, he looked tired. I also noticed his obsession with time. When Remus told me while we were hanging out, ‘oh you’ll probably get home around 2:30’, which felt odd. What was weirder was his attention to clocks. from about 1:45-2:15ish, when I went home, Remus’ eyes were more on clocks than me. I even asked him about it, and he did not give a good answer. At 2:15 I told him I wanted to go home, he argued with me, and after having little success in the battle Remus surrendered. He did however say he wanted to apparate with me. Upon our arrival, immediately I could hear the voice of Voldemort, but before I could even process what I heard, Remus, with the reflex of someone who anticipated it, pulled me behind a counter and held a hand over my mouth to hide me.”

Marlene looked up from her sheet and swallowed, “ So what I’m getting at here is that Remus in some way knew what was going to happen yesterday, perhaps there is something he is doing outside of the Order that makes him suspicious, but due to the way he used his information to protect me, I know Remus is not a threat to us, and if he wants to stay in the Order, he should stay in the Order.” Marlene turned slightly towards Mary and gave her a nod.

“So, me and Marlene live together, but as I mentioned before It was pretty known information that I would be spending the day with Peter as I spend a lot of time with Peter given we are often paired up for missions, and I am stressing that because it explains why if Remus knew what was going to happen, why he did it the way he did. But, Originally, yesterday, there were a few errands we had agreed Marlene would run, however, when Remus called she was no longer able to do them. I had been with Peter for most of yesterday before I decided at about 12, 12:30ish, that I would just go ahead and run those errands. When I told Peter I was going to go, long before the time I was planning on leaving at about 4, he visibly paled. Eventually making me swear that I wouldn’t go home until after 2:20. I did not take that seriously, and went home at around 2:10. I arrived at my house, and was greeted by deatheaters.”

Mary stopped talking for at least three seconds and sighed. “The point I am trying to make here, is the behavior of both Peter and Remus yesterday have led me to believe that both boys somehow knew about the upcoming attack. Now if we are to assume that both boys knew about the planned attack, there is a key difference in how the boys acted. Remus attempted to save the victim, and was successful.” She paused and looked around the room, “Peter just wanted me to stay out of the Deatheaters’ way.”

Members of the order exchanged confused glances as they processed the true meaning of what Mary was saying. Remus inhaled sharply, he did not know what to make of this, whether targeting Peter was helpful or not. Where their jumbled argument made him look any better.

“Now! I’m not saying we need to start accusing Peter, or anyone really, but what I am saying is the only person who’s been leading this debate on who is the spy is Peter, and the only person who’s actually been discussed is Remus. We are being too quick to make what could be an incredibly poor decision. We need to continue discussion before we make this vote, and if we eventually decide to, then we can vote Remus. Thank you.” Slowly both Mary and Marlene sat down, solemn looks on their faces as they gauged the reaction of the board.

After a moment of silence that stretched quite a few seconds too long, Dumbledore cleared his throat, “is anyone else looking to make a speech.”

Remus felt his heart sink when he saw Sirius raise his hand.

Immediately he understood this would not be good, Sirius, previously opposed to speaking at this, who was going through his journal, and disappeared would be giving a speech.

Remus breathed out nervously, he watched as Sirius stood up, and then he closed his eyes.

He paid special attention to Sirius’ tone, when he stopped to pause, if his voice slightly quivered. “I wasn’t going to speak today, in fact I told multiple people I was not going to speak today.” He exhaled, Remus’ eyes remained closed, “but, a few hours ago I decided to search through this.”

Remus heard the thud of a book hitting the wooden table. His journal, he knew it immediately. His eyes did not even flicker, he didn’t have it in him to look at Sirius, and he had no interest in seeing Dumbledore’s scowl.

Sirius continued, “Remus has two books like this, they look identical, however if you look at the pages on this one,” there came the distant sound of pages flipping, “the pages are blank. I became aware of the second journal a few weeks ago, although he was pretty good at sneaking when he used it, I eventually noticed that the organization of his writing appeared different on different occasions. Remus was also very good at hiding the blank book, clearly alternating the spots in which he kept it, which made it difficult for me to track. The hardest part for me was the spell on the pages. It needed some sort of voice activation, a code of sorts. I still do not know what that code is, but after some tinkering with different spells, I was able to read the contents of the journal.”

Sirius took a long pause here, Remus was almost tempted to take a peak at him, he eventually cleared his throat once the silence became unbearable, “Every entry was written in latin, but they all appeared to be times and such, the journal appears to be a planner of sorts. At first I didn’t find anything of note, in fact the signs pointed towards his innocence actually… but while standing in front of him I came across a page in the back of the book. It was a list of addresses, and at first I didn’t think that was anything too special, but then I recognized one of the addresses. 12 Grimmauld Place, where I grew up, the current capital of the Dark Army. I left after seeing that, started searching through the other addresses, Malfoy Manor, Riddle House. I began searching through entries seeing where these addresses popped up. Remus Lupin spends most of his time at either the Malfoy Manor or 12 Grimmauld Place. I slowly began to translate all his other entries. He had entries detailing the planning of certain attacks, meetings with certain known Death Eaters. Prior to today, I fully believed Remus was incapable of turning on us, but after what I found, I think… I think I was wrong.”

Remus opened his eyes to see Sirius sit down. He swallowed as he noted everyone’s eyes switching from the journal to him. But the hardest reaction to stomach was the slight smile in Dumbledore’s eyes as he stared at Sirius. Remus sighed harshly, causing more people to look his way.

After a quiet that stretched too long, Dumbledore spoke, “Is anyone else looking to say something.”

No one raised their arm, Dumbledore nodded, “I will now explain how our voting will work. Gideon here has agreed to tally the votes, and we will go around the circle clockwise. If you believe Remus should be released from the Order you will say, Out, if you believe he should stay in you will say In. You may not say any words other than those two. I will give you guys a minute to think. After that Peter will begin.”

The minute felt as though it lasted forever. Remus couldn’t focus his mind, he all of a sudden began to feel the anxiety of failing what he had come to 1981 to do. He feared without the Order in his pocket, there would be no way to carry out his plan. His foot tapped rapidly on the floor, he continually searched the room, looking to see if anyone would give him an indication with their eyes. Everyone was staring blankly up or down. Remus felt his breathing speed up, slow down, he couldn’t find a sweet spot as he began to breathe manually. Dumbledore’s voice could not have come soon enough, as he gestured to Peter and solemnly said, “Let’s begin.”

Peter stared Remus dead on, eyebrows furrowed, arms crossed sternly on the table, “Out.”

Next came James who sheepishly announced, “Out.”

Frank swallowed hard before saying, “In.”

Which was countered by Alice who said “Out.”

Remus could feel his heart racing, his brain was grappling, he knew his odds, and began to really explore the idea of what it meant to be kicked out of the order. He remembered what he needed to do, before everyone went home, he focused his mind on that. Get to the Potter’s mansion.

Remus felt slightly eased when Hagrid and Dorcas Meadowes said “In”

However Fabian followed their Ins with an “Out.” that made Remus’ stomach sink.

The field was almost even— 3 ins, 4 outs— as they switched to the second half of the table, however Emmeleine Vance and Gideon both voted “Out.”

Remus tapped foot so aggressively he could almost hear it over the pounding of his heart, he tried to drown out his fears, reacting in his mind. Whatever happens, you must get to the Potter’s mansion.

Mary and Marlene voted next, and to be expected they both voted “In.”

Moody came next, surprising Remus by also voting, “In.”

There were only 3 people left to vote, Dumbledore, Lily, and Sirius, the sides were completely matched, 6 outs, 6 ins.

Remus felt the urge to kick and thrash and scream as without even looking at him Dumbledore voted “Out.”

Lily, with a careful, small smile on her face stared at Remus gently, “In.”

Get to the Potter’s mansion.

Sirius looked down nervously, the final vote, the one to decide if Remus would stay or go. And as Sirius’ decision left his mouth, Remus began to wonder, had there been no constraints, if he would have said anything more than, “Out,” with a somber glance.

He decided probably not.

Get to the Potter’s mansion.

Dumbledore coughed lightly, as Gideon passed him the note with the tally. But Remus already knew.

“With 7 votes In, and 8 votes out, Remus will be released from the Order. Remus I would like to see you in my office after this meeting is adjourned.”

Remus stood up swiftly and unceremoniously, he took a moment to take in the bashful faces of the other members in the room, “thank you for your time.” He said, his voice sour and stale. He quickly left the room, accidentally slamming the door behind him.

He tried not to let it sink in, an attempt to keep his hope in drive.

Remus did not mope, he almost didn’t even think. His feet boomed on the dusty wooden floor beneath him. He pulled out his wand quickly.

He could hear his heavy breaths, hoping no one else could, he hoped no Hogwarts troublemaker would come up to the locked tower in which they had their meetings. His mind rushed through pictures of the Potter’s Cottage.

Getting kicked out of the Order put his plan in complete jeopardy. But if he could not apparate to the Potter Cottage, that would break… everything.

He remembered the woods around the cottage, the ones he ran out into when he saw the body markers. He remembered the crib, empty, baron, slammed against the wall. He envisioned the ashy remains of everything left unrecognizably damaged.

He gripped his wand, and shut his eyes tight. He felt that same wispy, flying feeling that he was once far more familiar with. As his feet grounded he hesitated before opening his eyes. A small peak was all he took.

The house was stable. Entirely intact, littered with toddler toys. He sighed gratefully. He’d somehow found a way around the Fidelius Charm. He wasted no time leaving. He pulled down on his wand, focused on the room he’d been standing in just moments before and landed there once again.

It was absolutely silent. He could not hear the arguing or planning happening in the room directly next to him. The Order placed a silencing spell and entirely blocked him out.

As he stood outside the room, waiting for Dumbledore to come out, Remus began to process. He had absolutely no clue what his plan B was, and he feared, after what had just happened in that meeting room, nobody was going to listen to him.