tired even for a phoenix

Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
G
tired even for a phoenix
Summary
Abandoned in Privet Drive the summer after fourth year, Harry discovers a new ability. This, plus his accidental expulsion from Hogwarts, will lead to changes once he returns to school.A resorting fic.
Note
Title is from You’re Losing Me by Taylor Swift.I love resorting fics, I think they’re so interesting to see how Harry adjusts and adapts to a new house.This is almost an alternate version of my other story, in which Sirius does whatever he has to, to be there for Harry. In this one, he is left alone for too long and essentially realizes that he doesn’t have anyone he can truly count on.Updates will be sporadic. I’m still figuring out where I want to go with this one.
All Chapters Forward

Fresh out the slammer

A quiet murmuring echoes around the room, which dies down for a few seconds after Harry enters, trailing after Ms. Raynotte. Ms. Raynotte doesn't seem to notice; as she's begun flipping through various scrolls of parchment she's already started pulling out of her briefcase.

Glancing around the cavernous space, Harry feels anger overtake his nerves as he recognizes this courtroom. Recognizes it from a pensive memory in which he watched the trial of a Death Eater. They're trying him - for underage magic - in the same space they tried murderers and terrorists. The same murderers and terrorists who revered the person who killed his parents. He's being tried here - as if his crimes are in the same category as those monsters.

In addition to recognizing the space, he can read the not-so-subtle messaging behind it all - the size, the severe black stone walls sending harsh echoes around the room, the cold faces staring down at him - it's all meant to cow him. To scare him, to impress upon him just how small and insignificant he is.

Dragging him here at all, let alone making this as much of an ordeal as it was turning out to be, it was all some sort of message - a political statement. It was not a real effort to try him for any perceived wrongdoings. Not an attempt to get to the truth of the matter or hear him out.

No, Harry thinks to himself, as he sees many of the Wizengamot outright glaring at him or just ignoring him altogether; the outcome of this trial was decided already.

Harry sees Fudge, puffed up in self-importance, speaking to a squat woman beside him. Fudge wasn't looking at him - was, in fact, giving the appearance of being much too important to look down at Harry - but the woman he spoke to made eye contact with him. A nasty little smirk grew on her face before she, too, looked away from him.

Scanning the rest of the crowd, Harry guesses that there are nearly fifty people, although the benches they're all mingling around clearly have room for many more. He spots a few more familiar faces - Lucious Malfoy being one of the few he can name. He thought he remembered seeing some on Platform Nine and Three Quarters or wandering Diagon Alley, perhaps escorting children Harry knew at school.

Harry was startled to see Percy Weasley seated close to Fudge as well. Percy wasn't looking at him either as he shuffled papers around and rearranged the three quills on the desk in front of him.

Harry eyed the oversized chair in the center of the room, with its chains at the feet and armrests, but followed Ms. Raynotte to a discreet table closer to the front of the room and was relieved when no one stopped him from sitting next to her.

They were only seated momentarily before Fudge picked up his gavel and slammed twice on the podium. As if that was a signal, Harry heard the doors behind them slam shut, and the other Wizengamot members took their seats, the soft rustling of their purple robes eventually falling into silence.

"I call to order this session of the Wizengamot, on the twelfth of August, for the purpose of a disciplinary hearing of Harry James Potter, accused of violating the International Statue of Secrecy and the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery." Fudge's voice was loud, with some charm on either him or the room, causing it to spread out and echo from all sides.

"Interrogators…" Fudge began listing numerous people seated on the benches, each nodding as their name was called. With a grudging tone in his voice, Fudge also acknowledged Ms. Raynotte as Harry's legal representation. It appeared that Fudge was just about to move on when the doors behind Harry slammed open, and a voice interrupted.

"Witness for the defense, Albus Perceval Wulfric Brian Dumbledore." Harry startled and whipped his head around to see Dumbledore striding across the room. Although the Headmaster didn't look at Harry, he did pause when his eyes met Ms. Raynotte's, an almost missable hitch in his steps.

"Thank you, Professor Dumbledore, I'm sure Harry appreciates your willingness to speak in his defense." Ms. Raynotte said serenely, "When your witness statement is necessary, I shall call on you." And with that, she turned back to Fudge and gave him a little nod as if to say Move along, please.

Harry catches glances thrown between members of the Wizengamot, but considering he has no clue who most of these people are or where their loyalties lie, he has no hope of understanding how people are reacting to Dumbledore's appearance and subsequent brush-off.

Well, Mr. Malfoy looks smug, but Harry thinks that's just his usual expression.

From the corner of his eye, Harry sees Dumbledore approach Ms. Raynotte's other side and conjure up a poofy armchair, which he promptly settles into.

Fudge makes a little "Hmpf" noise and continues, "The charges against the accused are as follows: That he knowingly, deliberately, and in full awareness of the illegality of his actions, having received a previously written warning from the Ministry of Magic on a similar charge, produce a Patronus Charm in a Muggle-inhabited area, in the presence of a Muggle, on July the eleventh at twenty-three minutes past nine, which constitutes an offense under paragraph C of the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underge Sorcery, 1875, and also under section thirteen of the International Confederation of Wizards' Statue of Secrecy."

"Ms. Raynotte, will you be speaking on behalf of your client today?"

"Yes, Minister Fudge, I will be." Harry has no idea how Ms. Raynotte can sound so calm and collected, especially with how Fudge glares down at her. It's like she's utterly unbothered by anything. Harry resolves to try to emulate her; after all, she warns him they will try to anger him. He needed to be as calm as possible and ignore any barbs they sent his way.

Harry takes a few deep breaths and tries to subtly relax back against his chair. He fixes his eyes on Percy Weasley and tracks Percy's quill flying rapidly across the parchment. He reached a calm state much quicker than he had expected as if all the time staring at the wall this summer had made it a habit.

From a distance, he can hear Fudge ask, "Is your client Mr. Harry James Potter, resident of number four, Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey?"

"He is. And I will attest that my client is sitting here with me."

"You agree that your client received an official warning from the Ministry of Magic for illegal underage magic three years ago, yes?"

"I agree that he received an official warning three years ago, yes." Harry side-eyes Ms. Raynotte. Wouldn't now be a good time to bring up Dobby?

She flicks her eyes to him, and the corner of her mouth twitches up into a smile as if to acknowledge his questioning look.

Have patience. She seems to say. Trust me, Harry.

"And your client conjured a Patronus on the night of July eleventh," Fudge asked, although there really was no question in his tone.

"He did, Minister."

Harry can see Dumbledore shifting in his seat as if debating interrupting.

"And your client is aware that he is not permitted to use magic outside of school while underage, and especially is not to use magic in the presence of a muggle." Fudge's neighbor, the squat woman who has been wearing an ugly expression since the moment Harry walked in, is leaning forward as if she's entranced by Fudge.

Entranced by Fudge, who even Harry, usually quite absent from any political going-ons, can tell is a moron of the highest order.

"A point of order, Minister. The muggle Harry performed the Patronus Charm in front of his cousin, whom he lives with - Mr. Dudley Dursley. As a close relative and a member of Mr. Potter's household, per the International Confederation of Wizards' Statue of Secrecy Amendment 9.3.12, Mr. Dursley is entitled to know about and witness magic.

"Per Mr. Potter's statement, as well as the witness statements provided by a Mrs. Arabella Figg and Dudley Dursley himself, all of which were corroborated by the report from the Obliviators and Aurors who reported to the scene following Mr. Potter's use of magic, no other muggles witnessed this."

Ms. Raynotte is tapping a report in front of her that Harry hadn't even noticed she pulled out. It must be the report Dobby pulled for her from the Improper Use of Magic Office.

"In light of the fact that the only witnesses to Mr. Potter's use of magic were a relative who is entitled to do so and a squib who is already well aware of magic and is protected under the law - I move that the charge of violation of the International Confederation of Wizards' Statue of Secrecy be dropped."

Ms. Raynotte's voice is as smooth as butterbeer, and after speaking, she just calmly watches the Wizengamot.
Harry is still in that far-off place where he doesn't feel much, but he thinks he might be in love with her if only for the looks of frustration and irritation she's sent ricocheting around many of the Wizengamot. Removed from his distracting emotions, he can pick up more.

He sees Mr. Malfoy make eye contact with a woman two rows down from him, his lips pursed in some emotion - either annoyance or ire. She's got silky smooth dark hair and eyes that remind him of a panther. Madame Bones sends Ms. Raynotte a brief, barely noticeable smile before turning her attention to a sandy-haired man next to her, and they share words.

The squat woman has lost her grin.

Fudge furrows his brows and leans over to a placid-looking old man on a row below him. They share a brief whispered conversation before Fudge stands back up.

"The Wizengamot acknowledges and agrees that Mr. Dudley Dursley, who witnessed Mr. Potter's Patronus Charm, was allowed to do so per the existing legislature. As such, the charge against the International Confederation of Wizards' Statue of Secrecy is dropped."

"Thank you, Minister; my client is grateful for your dedication to upholding the rule of law." Ms. Raynotte says with a little nod of appreciation and not even a hint of a smirk on her face. Harry hurries to adopt an expression of gratitude - even if it is the farthest thing from what he feels towards most of the Wizengamot.

"Yes, well," Fudge sneers, "We still have to address his use of illegal underage magic. I notice you did not contest this."

"No, Minister, my client and I are not contesting his use of magic while underage." Fudge has just enough time to look smug again, Dumbledore once again leaning forward as if to interrupt, before Ms. Raynotte continues, "What we are contesting, however, is that this is his second offense, and thereby deserving anything beyond a warning."

"Pardon me, Ms. Raynotte, but did you not acknowledge just a few minutes ago that this was not the first time Mr. Potter has received a warning from the Ministry of Magic for illegal underage magic?" Fudge asks incredulously.

"Oh, I am not contesting that he received a warning three years ago. I am contesting that he performed the magic for which a warning was sent. I spoke to a house-elf this morning who will go on record for performing the hovering charm at number four, Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey in August of 1992. Not only is he willing to provide a spoken witness statement, but he has also given a written statement."

"A house elf?" Fudge says, "We're to take the word of a house elf in this manner. Mr. Potter could have just ordered the thing to lie under oath."

"Objection, Minister. That was a slanderous statement about my client's character." For the first time, Ms. Raynotte's voice changed from the serene tone she had been using; now, it was glacially cold and sharp enough to cut through the quiet murmuring of the Wizengamot members.

"The house elf is not sworn to Mr. Potter and never has been, so he would not be required to follow any orders my client gives him. Regardless of the elf's loyalty, the written statement was provided on Gringotts charmed parchment and sworn with the house elf's blood. Had it proven false, the parchment would not have accepted it." Here, Mrs. Raynotte waves around a rolled-up piece of parchment so the room can see it. "And I would remind the Minister that there is a long-standing precedent for accepting House Elf witness statements in good faith, even when they are bonded to a party involved.

"So, would you like me to call for the house elf to join us, Minister, or will the written statement be enough?"

"We haven't got time to wait on a house elf. Let us see the written statement."

Ms. Raynotte nods graciously and uses her wand to guide the parchment to the old man Fudge had spoken to previously. Once it reaches him, he unrolls it and places it atop a stack of parchment. A tap of his wand, followed by a quick flick, and the stack of parchments are dispersed amongst the Wizengamot. Harry assumes he copied Dobby's statement on them before distributing them.

The room is quiet for a bit as everyone reads Dobby's statement. Harry spares half a thought to wish he had a chance to read it before everyone else did - what if Dobby referred to him as 'The Wonderful Savior Master Harry Potter' or some other nonsense, and now the political who's who are all reading the gushing compliments of an obsessed house elf? - but it's a fleeting thought, barely there long enough to raise a hint of embarrassment at the back of Harry's neck before he's able to focus back on Percy Weasley, who's now tapping the feather of his quill while reading his own copy of Dobby's statement.

When Fudge puts his sheet of parchment down, his mouth is twisted in an angry little pout. "Ms. Raynotte, even if we were to dismiss the initial warning against Mr. Potter and note that another performed it, he still must answer to his illegal magic this year."

"Of course, Minister. And as his first offense, pursuant to the law, he deserves an official warning for his first offense, and no other penalties."

Fudge sputters momentarily and then is interrupted by a quiet "hem hem" from the woman beside him.

"If I may interrupt, Minister?" she says in a simpering tone. She waits for Fudge to nod his permission, "Ms. Raynotte, it seems as if you are hoping to simply waive aside Mr. Potter's many discretions on mere technicalities. The child has a history of poor behavior, the incident earlier this summer merely the most recent in a string of very concerning behavior -"

"I would remind the Wizengamot that we are not here to judge Mr. Potter's character or any referenced past behavior, merely his actions on the eleventh of July." Ms. Raynotte's voice is stern as she interrupts, and it echoes around the chamber. "If you are going to make inflammatory statements about my client's character, I must object."

"'Inflammatory!'" The woman exclaims, affronted. "Not two years ago, the boy blew up his aunt! It's right there in his file." The Wizengamot members behind her were shuffling in their seats, observing Harry with judging eyes.

"Objection! Again, I would remind the Wizengamot and Madame Umbridge that the only actions for review today are those Mr. Potter took on July 11, 1995. And in regards to the incident you reference, Madame, if these files are correct," Ms. Raynotte waves her hand over the neat stack of parchments on the table in front of her, "Then the Ministry generously overlooked this bit of accidental magic due to the ongoing situation with Sirius Black - you cannot mean to reverse this stance now, over two years later."

Ms. Raynotte stood from her seat now and paced forward to stand directly in front of the benches the Wizengamot were seated on. Harry couldn't quite make out her face, but her tone made it clear that despite having to look up at them due to the room's layout, she considered them all beneath her.

"The law is quite clear. Mr. Potter did not violate the Statue of Secrecy, and those charges have been dropped. While Mr. Potter did perform underage magic, this was only his first instance of it, as the first occurrence as charged has been proven to be performed by another. Despite any personal opinions, the process laid out by the Wizengamot itself requires that the first incident of underage magic receive only a warning and nothing more.

"My client has been unfairly penalized, the very fact that we are here in this room," Ms. Raynotte gestures around her, the movement encompassing the large room. "- a full Wizengamot trial for a simple case of underage magic is indication enough that politics and personal grudges are at play here. I want to remind you all that this is a fifteen-year-old boy. Dragging him through a farce such as this is a disgrace to the Wizengamot's centuries of honorable service to our nation, and those responsible for it ought to be ashamed."

Harry noticed Fudge and his little toad-looking friend share an incensed look at this, and he knew then that they were to blame for the trial and all the other nonsense.

"Now, do you wish for me to call on any witnesses - Mr. Dobby the House Elf, Mr. Dumbledore, and Mrs. Arabella Figg are all standing by waiting to provide their testimony if the Wizengamot desires it? Otherwise, might I suggest the Wizengamot vote on Mr. Potter's case?"

*

Harry is still mildly surprised by how quickly it got resolved after that. Fudge had blustered for a few more minutes but eventually had to give in that the precedent was clear. Harry was dismissed with a stern warning that any future underage magic would see him back.

Dumbledore had swept out of the room without a word to Harry, although he had said proudly, "Well done, my dear," to Ms. Raynotte before leaving.

Harry was dithering by the table, unsure of what to do now. Madame Bones had said she'd take him home, but she had been waylaid by another two members of the Wizengamot up in the stands. Ms. Raynotte had shared a few quiet words with him, expressing her gladness that his case had reached a successful resolution and an offer to provide additional legal counsel in the future. With a renegotiated contract, she had said. Which Harry took to mean a much higher hourly rate. Not that a galleon was hard to exceed. Although she had been worth all that and more, and Harry thought he might just end up contacting her in the future.

But she had departed too, and now Harry was impatiently waiting for Madame Bones to finish up and come down.

He was hoping he could have a few more minutes of her time - he wanted to try and ask her if there was any way she could take him somewhere else - anywhere else than his relatives. She was involved with the Aurors; if he told her how the Dursleys treated him…well, maybe she'd do something. No one else had - his first primary school teacher, his school nurse, the kindly librarian who always had the best book recommendations. They all tried to help, but nothing came of it, or one conversation with the Dursleys had them watching him with suspicion and disgust.

But he hadn't tried it with anyone from the wizarding world. Maybe she'd be more receptive.

He sees some ministry workers - not dressed in the purple Wizengamot robes come in from a subtle door at the top of the stands and begin casting cleaning spells throughout the room. As they reach the lingering Witches and Wizards standing amongst the raised benches, the Wizengamot members stand and start going down the stairs and to the exit. It looks like Madame Bones will be one of the last to leave due to her position on the benches, and Harry really doesn't want to have to talk to any of these people when they pass him on the floor.

Harry hurries across the room and slips out the door, hoping to avoid confrontations. He wanders down the hall a bit, just far enough he'll be overlooked as people exit. He'll wait for Madame Bones here and then ask if they can speak again in her office.

Harry is contemplating how he'll explain his home situation to Madame Bones when his arm is gripped, and he startles.

"Wotcher Harry!" It's Tonks - his escort from earlier, "Glad the trial got tied up all nicely. Knew they wouldn't find you guilty, especially not with Dumbledore coming in as a witness!"

She pulls him forward, down the hallway, and away from the courtroom door.

"Wait, I - I was waiting for Madame Bones."

"Oh, no worries, Haz. Madame Bones will probably be a bit longer; she tends to get held up after Wizengamot duties." They've reached the lift at this point, and unluckily, the golden grates slide open immediately. Tonks pulls him in.

"So, are you taking me back to her office to wait for her?" Harry asks as the lift begins to jolt - to the left, instead of up or down this time.

"Nonsense! I can take you home; won't take me but a minute!" She says cheerfully.

"No. No, I wanted Madame Bones to take me. I was hoping to talk to her about something - something personal." Harry feels like he's rapidly losing control of the situation. And of himself.

Tonks side-eyes him and then raises her wand. Harry flinches before he can stop himself, but she just spells a slightly shimmering bubble around them before turning to face him head-on.

"Harry. If you're hoping to talk to her about Sirius's situation,"

Harry thinks the lift must have dropped in a sharp dive, or maybe just his stomach, "How do you know about Sirius?"

She frowns. At first, he thinks about getting interrupted, but she explains, "He's my cousin. And - well, I've been to the place he's staying. Most of our group has been there and seen him and learned the truth of his story as we've stayed there occasionally."

She keeps talking, but Harry's hearing seems to fade. Sirius is here? He's definitely here and hasn't fucked off back to the Caribbean or wherever he was at the beginning of last year like Harry half-hoped when he hadn't heard from him. He's here and apparently stays someplace so large that there are often multiple other visitors.

But Harry wasn't one of them.

The lift is slowing down, and Harry looks back at Tonks in time to hear the end of her lecture. "…so you see, it's just not the best time for that right now. With public opinion the way it is, dragging up the Sirius stuff… it's not likely to go well for you or Sirius."

The lift finally stops, and with a sharp twist of her wand, the bubble fades into nothing. Tonks grabs his arm again and pulls him out into what seems to be a lobby of the Ministry. Harry is so overwhelmed with the information Tonks told him and what he read between the lines of what she said that he really only takes in impressions.

A great gold statue towering over everyone.

Red-robed aurors standing guard, several of them tracking Harry and Tonks with their eyes.

A wall of green flamed fireplaces.

Blinking signs with directions to various activities and departments - Potions and Spell Patents - Floor 3. O.W.L. And N.E.W.T. Retakes - Floor 7. A Seminar on Creature Care - Floor…

But Harry doesn't see the rest of the signs, as Tonks is shoving him in a red phone booth and it starts to rise.

Harry seems to blink, and they're on the streets of London. Tonks is guiding him down a deserted alleyway.

Another blink, and they've apparated back to the dreaded Privet Drive.

Blink. Tonks is walking him to the door. She's saying something in his ear, but he can't focus.

Blink. He's standing in the entryway of Number Four. He hears a CRACK and knows Tonks has left him there. With no hope of leaving anytime soon.

The crack of her disapparation seems to echo in the neighborhood, in the house, in him.

He thinks - maybe - it's the crack of something irreparable breaking.

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