DISCLAIMER: None of the characters and settings featured in these fragments belong to me. Scrooge McDuck and Magica De Spell are the property of the Dark Lords of the Sith, sorry, of the Disney corporation. The Gringotts goblins and Madam Pomfrey belong to JK Rowling. Angel and Spike belong to Joss Whedon. The Batman and Robin belong to DC Comics. Captain Janeway, Lieutenant Parris, and The Doctor, belong to Paramount. No violation of copyright is intended and no money will be made.
SCROOGE MC DUCK AND THE PROBLEMS OF MAGICAL BANKING
"Actually," said the duck, "all this has a purpose. I am looking for a place where some of my little savings will be safe from magical... greedy so and so's"... (and here he almost snarled) "and your bank seems like just the ticket."
The goblins relaxed visibly. They never liked being misled, but they could understand a security check, especially from a prospective client. Although what this dumpy little duck could offer...
"...I think we would be speaking of about eight cubic yards of gold."
And there was a silence.
Scrooge McDuck went on: "However, the gold is incidental. What I really want is putting a specific coin where a certain sorceress cannot get at it."
"A sorceress, you say, sir? A particular person?"
"Oh, yes, very particular indeed! Name of Magica de Spell."
The two goblins did a take, then looked at each other.
"Sir," said the taller, "we may have struck a conflict of interests..."
"You see, sir, Miss Magica de Spell is an old and valued customer, as were her mother and grandmother before her. Her family account goes back to 1672."
"BC," added the other goblin.
CAPTAIN JANEWAY AND MAGICAL MEDICINE
"No," said a new voice, "I don't think you should."
The Lieutenant groaned. He knew that voice all too well. He opened his one good eye, and saw her.
"As his commanding officer, I think he has earned this and would not like him to be healed too painlessly. After all, if he were, I would have to think some suitable punishment for his bone-headedness. Just letting him enjoy its fruits saves me the trouble." It was amazing, thought Tom Parris, how Captain Janeaway always seemed to hold the centre ground wherever she was, without trying, hardly even noticing..
"Madam, you may be an officer, but I am the Healer here, and I say..."
"Would you like to discuss it with his physician?"
And before she had completed the sentence, the Doctor was standing by her side. For a few seconds there was total silence, as Madam Pomfrey's eyes swept up and down this new figure; then -
"You are a glamour! You are not a human being at all."
"Quite possibly," answered the hologram in his most ironic tone, "But I think you will find that I am nevertheless a competent and fully qualified medical person."
"Is that so?" answered Madam Pomfrey, nettled. "In that case..." and the discussion became technical, with Tom, Captain Janeaway and all other bystanders barely able able to understand a word in twenty.
Finally, the discussion ended. Madam Pomfrey turned to Captain Janeaway and said: "Very well. I am satisfied that your man here will be under competent medical attention. I don't much like it, but I will let his injuries be cured by natural means, under your doctor's supervision."
"Besides," she said in a lighter tone, "I rather like your way of dealing with headstrong crew members. I could almost consider using it with one or two of my students... but the Headmaster would not approve, of course."
WHAT CAN KILL A BORG CUBE? FEATURING ANGELUS, SPIKE, BATMAN, AND ROBIN
"What the Hell was that?" asked a bemused Robin. "Language!" snapped the Batman.
"My guess is that the aliens, whatever they were... just choked on your friend's mind" answered Spike indifferently.
"Explain," said the Batman.
"Well, friend," started Angelus in that soft brogue that always made Jason's flesh creep, "you and me and my friends here may be many things, but you could say we are sane, couldn't you?"
"In yer case, Irish," grinned Spike, "that's questionable."
"Look who's talking. How about your girlfriend, then?" Drusilla was still standing motionless, staring at the smoldering remains of the Borg cubes with an ecstatic grin that showed her glittering white fangs.
"Right. So maybe we're all odd. You wear a bat costume, Angelus here thinks he's pretty, and I love dog racing. The thing is however that those damned aliens could have wired the lot of us into their bloody group mind - some problem, perhaps - but they could have done it. Your Joker friend, however..."
"Don't call him my friend," said the Batman.
"But he's done us all a big favour, bat-ears" answered the silver-haired vampire. "So he's my friend."
"You can have him," answered Jason Todd. "He'll probably spike your blood with holy water just for laughs, y'know? That's what he's like. He loves killing people, especially if they think they're his friends."
"A wholly admirable trait," said Angelus with a chilling smile; and suddenly the Batman and Robin knew that they would have to fight.