you shifted in your bed, suddenly feeling the late night cold hit you, still with your eyes closed, you let your hand wander around searching for the sole responsible to keeping you warm, only to quickly notice he was not there.
you open your eyes and sit on the bed of your childhood room, you were spending time there after graduating while you and remus looked for jobs and a good cheap place to live together. your parents adored him so he would spend most days and nights there as well.
tea? you thought, he would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and go to the kitchen for some to help him go back to sleeping. unfortunately, you quickly realized that was not it as you noticed remus going through the closet, apparently taking the clothes he already had left there as it was more convenient.
his baggage was open, the RJL shining whenever it was hit by the light of his wand, you felt rage you didn’t even know you had inside of you, ready to punch him or worse, but you knew of your own insecurities and fears so you controlled your gut reaction, maybe his mother needed him for something. maybe one of the marauders was in trouble.
maybe it wasn’t what it looked like.
“remus? what’s going on?” you asked in almost a whisper, but enough to stop him on his tracks and make his eyes lock on yours, if only for a second.
he was startled, you were a heavy sleeper, this wasn’t supposed to happen, he tried to swallow the pit of despair developing on his throat, his lips as dry as humanly possible, guilt being written all over him, no need of an answer.
“were you about to fucking leave me?” you say in the most angry tone he has ever heard from you, but still controlling the volume not to wake your family. you knew this self control wouldn’t last another second, so as you got up and switched the lights on, you made sure to enchant the door, leaving your wand on your bed as you walked over to the open luggage.
“please, please don’t make this harder f'me.” his voice trembled and you felt like hugging him and telling him it was okay, that he didn’t need to do this. you were not that type of witch though, and he knew that when he chose to kiss you during the sixth year.
“oh no sir, i feel like m’gonna make this a lot harder, impossible even.” you were firm, but the hint of sarcasm was obvious, you took his baggage from the chair it was placed, too quick for him to stop you and emptied it on your bed. “m’not some girl you can just leave, lupin.”
remus followed you but made sure to keep distance, he even made motion to try and put his stuff back, but stopped when he saw the fury in your eyes, don’t you dare being silently told without being spoken.
“i just—i have to, i let myself enjoy this for far too long.”
his brain practically hurt, thinking hard behind his burrowed eyebrows, he was a planner, he was trying to find the right words that would stop this from becoming to much of a fight. you two never fought, he wanted to keep that memory intact.
“no.”
“what do you mean no—“ he couldn’t even finish his sentence before being surprised once again by you picking a portion of his things with both arms, walking towards your tiny closet and throwing it there.
“i mean fucking no, you are not ruining this for no fucking reason, i’m not letting you, i’m not allowing you to, so no.”
“you can’t just prohibit me from doing what i need to do to protect you, woman!” he exasperated in a sigh, his hands passing through his sandy hair, his cheeks getting red in frustration. remus still with his wand in hand, silently orders his luggage and items you had displaced to organize itself.
“protect me? from what? from you? from moony?” you were forced to laugh, it was harsh, painful, almost cruel. “we both know i can handle either of them.”
you were right, you were an incredible witch, strong-willed, way too stubborn for your own good but it usually meant you got yourself out of any situation imposed on you, not afraid of anything, ready, reckless.
“from a future with me.” his voice was loud, louder than you ever heard him, laced with fear and frustration only an eighteen old boy starting his life could feel.
but remus was not just an eighteen old boy. he was a warewolf, fated to disgrace, bad jobs, bad money, bad life.
he had no bright future to provide, and even if you could handle moony at his worst, remus would not ruin your chances at a successful life.
“what gives you that right, lupin?” the last nome being the only form of reference since the beginning of the argument was just one of your ways to show him how mad you were that this discussion was even happening after almost two years of relationship.
love, remus believed love gave him the right to make that choice for the both of you, the hard choice, the right choice. but he didn't answer, looking up to your ceiling to take a deep breath, he was starting to feel like his eyes were about to water and that was not the time for that.
"you think that little of me? that i'm not able to decide for my own what is good f'me?" again, no words from him in response, both his hands gripping tight on his own waist as he kept breathing, trying to be firm, trying to maintain his choice, his plan. his eyes only came back to yours when you asked if he enjoyed it, confusion clear, not understanding what you meant by that. "seeing me hurt, do you enjoy it?"
it was a cruel move, you would admit it if asked, but you were starting to feel desperate, the mix of that with your short temper and the fact his actions were cruel despite his reasoning gave you all the permission to go as low as you wanted to.
"y'know i don't... don't do that t'me." his face contorted, his eyes wet, his voice merely a whisper, you held out your hand, your heart twitching in pain, ready to break at any moment, and you swore for a second he wouldn't take it, but he did, still not getting closer to you, but now you could feel the trembling and the cold sweat that was consuming him whole.
you both stayed like that for a few seconds, but it seemed like hours, arms stretched, fingers intertwined, but you wouldn't take the first step towards him, you needed him to do it, you needed him to forget the whole thing, to apologize, to hug you and smell your hair like he always did. "if you leave i might have a future, but i won't have a life to live." that was the softest you had sounded since you had woken up, the rage completely overshadowed by fear and sadness and grief for your relationship if he was to go.
and he caved, he could possibly live knowing he left you hating him, angry with all that fiery rage he knew so well you had in you, but not like this, not vulnerable and hurt and about to cry because of him. remus sighed and pulled you into his arms in a hug, just like you wanted, his hand going through your hair as you begin to sob, relaxing surrounded by his warmth.
"i'm sorry, i'm sorry, shhhh" he repeated like a mantra, trying to stop you from crying but to no avail. "next time i swear i'll make sure not to wake you." you let go of him immediately, searching for his eyes and finding his mischievous smirk looking at you, teasing you to lift up your mood or to get you riled up again so you would stop with all the tears that hurt him so much to watch.
"try something like this again and your dead body will be the only thing on that luggage, remy." you reply to his teasing, but there's not a slight of playfulness in your tone, expect for the nickname you would regularly use to call him. he chuckled and nodded, silently agreeing not to do anything of the sort again, placing soft kisses on both your eyelids as he cleaned your cheeks with his thumbs.
"wait, the door is still imperturbed, right?" he asked referring to the charm you had casted earlier not to wake anyone, you replied with a nod and the smirk came back to his lips with even more malice, pushing you lightly towards the bed and hovering over you, muffling a laugh coming from you with a passionate kiss.
remus might feel like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders, still, he's only an eighteen years old boy who would not miss the opportunity to make out with his beautiful, stubborn, strong-willed girlfriend.