The high school experience contains a lot of things. Shitty, overpriced cafeteria food, people jamming locks up in the corner of that small little box on the outside of your locker, getting slammed out of the way while everyone rushes to class, the screaming of sports games, the random pile of vomit down the science hallway. But, perhaps, one of the most notable is your gym class. Something someone either only takes once, or they take all the way up until they graduate.
This is no different for the Marauders and Co. Their freshman year was filled with many...moments.
Here's just what that looks like.
"Alright, gather round!" Bellowed Moody, coach of several different sports teams and one of Hogwarts Secondary School's physical education teachers. Everyone did as he asked, most panting because, though they didn't mind phys.ed, the warm up was always a fucking bitch. "Today, we'll be playing a series of different dodgeball games."
Most of the class groaned. Key word: most. They were all groaning because of the four who didn't.
Barty began to cackle like a madman while James grinned, perhaps the cruelest he ever has. Sirius and Marlene let out matching shrieks of delight.
Moody held up a hand and the gym fell silent. "The first variant is teams of three dodgeball. You all know how this goes. Get hit with a ball - even if its someone who is already down -, you're down. Get your ball caught, your down. To get back in, either be tapped by a teammate or hit someone who already up- with a ball, Crouch, I will not make that mistake again. There are no boundaries, anywhere is free game. Get in groups of three, and spread out."
"We call Peter!" Nikolai Mulciber announced instantly, gripping Avery's bicep. Peter's shoulders slumped and their classmates around them grumbled under their breath.
"I hate being good at sports," Peter whined. "They don't even like me!"
James frowned, nudging him gently. "It'll be alright, Pete. Don't worry. If they try anything, call for us and we'll stop it, yeah?"
Peter huffed but reluctantly headed towards the two largest assholes in their entire year.
"Prongs and I get Moony." Sirius said to the rest of them.
Regulus snorted. "Wasn't going to fight you on that one."
Sirius gasped dramatically. "You take that back. Moony is amazing!"
Remus laughed. "I'm shit and you know it, love."
Sirius crossed his arms, pouting, refusing to give into the fact his boyfriend was not, in fact, entirely perfect at everything but no longer arguing.
"There can't be both of you on the same team," Mary said, crossing her arms. "Give us some sort of chance."
Sirius grinned, backing up towards to corner where James and Remus had already gravitated to. With a glance to make sure Moody wasn't looking, he flipped her off. "Deal with it."
"You'll be fine Mary. You'll be with me," Marlene said and then glanced around, noting Dorcas had already found a team with Pandora and Xenophilius. "Lily, too."
As every team movef to the edges of the gym, Moody threw a couple balls out into the centre.
"You know how this works," he said as he headed towards one of the offices. "You begin when the music starts."
Ah, yes. The music might've been what made this specific gym class so...special. Because certain people couldn't be normal when it came to certain songs.
And, as 'Who Let The Dogs Out' by Baha Men began to play, it was very clearly going to be another one of those days.
'Who let the dogs out?'
"WHO? WHO? WHO? WHO?" James and Sirius screamed in sync.
'Who let the dogs out?'
"WHO? WHO? WHO? WHO?"
No one even flinched anymore. The first time they did it, however, they made Corban Yaxley shit his pants(not joking) and even Moody had looked shocked. But after having gym with them, every day for an entire semester-
Yeah. This wasn't a surprise anymore.
By the time the song had ended, the only teams who were up(as Lily and Mary were very good at making sure the downed teams never got a hold of a ball) were James, Sirius and Remus, Mulciber, Avery and Peter, Marlene, Lily and Mary, and Barty, Evan and Regulus. Though, Regulus had gotten a ball to the face, Mulciber kept wincing due to a hit to the dick(Pandora’s fault), Remus hadn't even been touched(Sirius was like a fucking guard dog) and Avery had been downed more times than anyone could remember.
Sighs of relief were audible within the gym as the song changed, only for it to be ten times worse.
'Hiya Barbie
Hi Ken!
You wanna go for a ride?
Sure, Ken
Jump in,'
"I'M A BARTY GIRL, IN A BARTY WORLD! LIFE IN PLASTIC, IS FANTASTIC! YOU CAN BRUSH MY HAIR, UNDRESS ME EVERYWHERE! IMAGINATION LIFE IS YOUR CREATION!" Barty shrieked, spontaneously pelting Mulciber, Avery and Peter with dodgeballs. They didn't even stand a chance.
The game ended up coming to a close by Moody declaring Barty, Marlene and James' teams the winners because if you let them keep going, there will never be a sole champion.
"Next variant: every man for himself. Same sort of idea except when you're down, you're down. Got it?"
And the cycle started again. Except this time, 'We Will Rock You' by Queen began to play.
Something you need to know about Sirius, is that's he's terribly competitive(if you haven't noticed that already). But, it gets ten times worse when Queen comes on. For whatever reason, Queen seems to unlock the most feral part of Sirius' brain and he turns into a fucking machine. The only people who can keep up are Marlene, Barty and James, who are just as bad. Not even Peter stood a chance, and he's practically a god at every sport you can think of.
"WE WILL, WE WILL, ROCK YOU!" Sirius shouted to the music, nearly managing to hit a new person every single time the clap came up in the repetitive beat. It was a little terrifying, really, especially if he had claimed you as his target.
(the only one who didn't seem to think so was Remus, but he was biased and maybe even a little aroused)
The last four were, of course, Marlene, Barty, James and Sirius. And this was the part of dodgeball people did enjoy. Because, yes, it was awful getting smacked with a ball that literally left a bruise behind but when it was only these four chaotic, competitive, over-the-top fuckers, a simple match of gym class dodgeball suddenly became a professional stakes game.
That's not even an exaggeration.
When they were the only ones left, they came to a unanimous agreement to have a do-over, of sorts. Each of them went to a different corner and, before, they used to count down as a group. Now Moody, who had long since adjusted to the routine, counted for them and blew his whistle.
‘Slow’ and ‘cautious’ weren't words in their vocabulary. Sirius instantly ran to his left, chasing after Marlene, who sprinted diagonally across the gym towards Barty. She dropped down and slid against the floor - you'll never see a group with more constant holes in their pants for this very reason - to avoid James' incoming missile. She was up as quick as she was down, jumping over Sirius' ball and running around him, flipping the roles as she began to chase after him.
While James was reaching for another ball, Barty took the opportunity to attack. James twisted to his left, than jumped to miss Barty's first couple throws before charging towards the other two. James dove over a crouched Sirius, tucking into a roll and just barely missing Marlene's shot. He quickly whipped around, grabbing the ball and lobbing it right back at it's sender. Marlene twisted her shoulder and Barty jumped, both of them escaping James' expertly aimed throw by a hair.
While he was distracted, Sirius threw his own ball at Barty, who full on grapped Snape and used him as a body shield. Unfortunately, Moody was not as big a fan of this move as the rest of the class and he was disqualified.
Sirius was next to be eliminated. Slightly panicked by the alliance James and Marlene formed to take him down, both of them pelting him from opposite sides and forcing him into a corner, Sirius made a miscalculation. He had just slid between James and Marlene, who quickly had to side-step each other's balls, when he tried to get a throw of his own in. He'd been playing dirty, aiming for James' face in hopes to knock off his glasses(Moody didn't even try to scold them for headshots anymore. They all did it an equal amount to each other) but he threw just a little too high and James was easily able to snatch the ball out of the air.
Neither James nor Marlene even acknowledged the fact that Sirius was no longer in the game, aside from stopping their mutual attack and focusing on one another.
It was a delicate dance. No one threw high enough to be caught, or to bounce off the wall and be caught that way. They aimed for legs or for faces(where someone was more likely to duck than catch, reflexes and shit). In the end, it was Moody calling out the fact they had five minutes left until dismissal that sped up the game, causing more room for error. It was a well thought out move on Marlene's part, the ambidextrous fucker. She threw her two remaining balls at the same time, one at James' right bicep and the other by his left hip. James twisted to the left to avoid the one at his arm, as one does, but ended up running straight into Marlene's other ball.
Marlene's supporters, which included Mary, Lily, Dorcas, Pandora, Xenophilius, Sirius(who was against James, for once, only because he got him out) and several other people, burst out into cheers. Remus, Peter, Evan, Barty and Regulus, while they had been rooting for James, clapped and cheered right along with them.
"You fucker," James said between pants, hands on his knees. "Congrats. You won't get so lucky next time."
Marlene grinned, her own chest heaving. "Sure, sure."
Baseball was a game that had been played at the beginning of the semester, when they could make use of the baseball diamond without a shit ton of mud and snow. That was a game that had not gone as anyone expected. Not even by the person who had surprised everyone.
The class was split into two teams(obviously) with James, Barty, Pandora, Regulus, Mary, Lily and others on one team and Sirius, Marlene, Remus, Peter, Dorcas, Evan, Xenophilius and others on the other.
Lily's team had been up to bat first. They blew through their outs quicker than they would've liked, thanks to Peter and, surprisingly, Remus(who hated sports of any kind but could catch and throw. Does that mean he ran to catch the ball? Absolutely not. But if it happened to come his way? Sure. He wasn't totally useless). The star on their team hadn't even had a chance to show their secret shine.
In the outfield, though, it began to reveal itself.
James was on first, Mary on second, Barty at third, Lily as back catcher with everyone else in the outfield.
James' team got to have seven of their fourteen batters go before they had three outs.
Dorcas' team got four.
Pandora. Lovely, sweet, graceful but clumsy at the same time Pandora. Somehow, somehow, she managed to catch two out of four of those bats. Their final out, Mary had thrown to her and she threw to James before the batter had managed to get to first.
But it didn't stop there.
Pandora was one of the last ones to bat. And, though it might've been a little cliché, all the bases had been loaded. No one had really expected anything to happen, not even Pandora.
She got a Grand Slam. She was able to walk the fucking bases before anyone had even reached the ball.
Volleyball was a winter game and that's where Lily got to shine.
"I fucking hate volleyball." Remus grumbled as he helped set up the net.
Lily rolled her eyes. "You might not, if you even tried, Rem."
He gaped at her. "Do you see how tall I am? And how fast you can spike that ball? I'd like to keep my head, thanks, I'm rather fond of it."
"You're being a baby."
"I am not!"
Lily tuned out the rest of his complaining and continued to set things up.
And, see, the music thing was not limited to Sirius, James and Barty. No, Lily and Mary could be just as bad.
Say, if ABBA were to come on in the middle of a volleyball match.
'Honey, honey, how you thrill me, aha, honey honey,'
"HONEY, HONEY, NEARLY KILL ME, AHA HONEY HONEY!"
Remus' groan was loud as he stepped away from Lily's slightly spitefully aimed spike.
"Mr. Lupin," Moody said with a sigh. "You must know your mark is significantly lower than we both know you're able to achieve. "
"Well aware, sir." Remus replied from where he was standing leaning against the wall, next to Regulus.
"This week, we're focusing on basketball. You've got the height, all you need is the energy. Let Ms. Meadowes assist you. She'd be able to help you greatly."
"Not to doubt Dorcas' skills, sir, seeing as she annihilated Mulciber and Avery on that two vs. one, despite them both being significantly taller, but you couldn't pay me enough to care." Remus said simply.
Moody sighed, then turned to Regulus. "Mr. Black-"
"Add swimming to the curriculum, then we'll talk."
There were very few sports Peter Pettigrew enjoyed, despite being quite good at them. At the beginning of the semester, he hadn't been too bothered. But as people slowly began to realize that looks did not determine skill level, his more...unfriendly classmates began to choose him as their teammate before he could choose his own friends. And that drained quite a bit of fun from everything.
But when Mary had managed to get him as her badminton partner, it was perfect. Especially since she matched him in skill in this particular sport.
"How the fuck do you keep doing that?!" Evan demanded as Mary managed to get the birdie to land in the very corner of the court, so far out Evan had written it off as an out but it had barely managed to keep in play. Mary had done it a total of four times so far, thrice to Evan and once to Barty, all at varying points of the game so they never knew when to expect it.
Mary laughed. "I think it's nothing special, Rosier, you just suck."
"I don't suck."
Barty cleared his throat.
Evan contemplated for a second more before amending his answer. "I don't suck at badminton."
Peter gagged. "Gross. Get a room."
"This is technically a room, Petey." Barty said with a grin, waving at the gym around them.
Peter glared at him. "I meant a bedroom and you know it."
Barty shrugged. "As we just established, sometimes you need to be more specific."
As a sort of revenge, Peter taunted them with a rally that seemed to be going in their favour before he just fucking slammed it.
Evan shook his head, recognizing the fact that he and Barty had just lost. "I can't fucking wait for track."
To say they utterly obliterated the tournament without even breaking a sweat was an understatement.