pissy
“This fucking sucks,” Remus groans, forehead resting on the toilet bowl. You let yourself into the boys’ dormitory shortly after you saw Sirius and James nursing their hangovers at breakfast, Remus nowhere in sight.
“I can tell,” you tease, sitting next to him on the bathroom floor, sipping coffee out of a mug you stole from the Great Hall. You nudge the goblet you brought him closer to his leg. “Drink some more water.”
“Fuckin’ hell,” he grumbles, grabbing the cup an d carefully sipping. “Why didn’t you stop me from drinking so much? You prick. Worst mate ever.”
“You didn’t say that last night,” you say, and he squints over at you sluggishly.
“What do you mean?”
“Do you not remember me helping you up to your room?”
“No?”
“Not even when you told me I was the 'best best mate ever'? And that you adore me, and that I’ll always be better than you at Ancient Runes, and that you owe me ten galleons-”
“Shut up,” he snorts, head lolling back to the cool relief of porcelain.
“Seriously, though, you don’t remember me bringing you up here?”
“Nope. Remember you getting up to get more drinks and coming back pissy…” his face twists in concentration, “and that’s about it.”
“So you don’t remember Sirius barging in, making out with that girl from Hufflepuff?”
“God, no. Ew. Don’t tell me, I’ll throw up again.”
“Yeah, ew. It was so awkward.”
“You’d think I’d be used to him doing that by now,” Remus groans, sitting up, eyes fluttering closed. He scoots back against the wall so he’s next to you, taking deep breaths.
“And I was not pissy," you add.
“You definitely were, and it definitely was because of Sirius, as always. Jesus, my head hurts.”
You rest your hand on his clammy forehead, silently casting a pain-relief charm. He exhales deeply, relaxing under your touch.
“Thanks.”
“Hey, wait, what do you mean, ‘as always’ ?” you exclaim, eyebrows furrowing. His head falls back to hit the wall behind you with a dull thud.
“Pads is the only person that makes you mad like that.” His eyes remain firmly shut.
“Please,” you scoff, “he’s not that special.”
“Ooh, ouch,” a deep, raspy voice drawls from the doorway, “my feelings.”
“Hi, Padfoot,” Remus greets without opening his eyes, “here to watch me suffer?”
You drink deeply, trying to avoid the inevitable eye contact with Sirius.
“Here to check on you, yeah. Didn’t realize you had company.”
“I invited myself in. Didn’t see him come down to breakfast," you say, wrapping both hands around the mug, the warmth a welcome distraction.
“How sweet,” he croons, his voice strained and gravelly from yelling over the music last night. Remus sighs through his nose. You look over at Sirius.
He leans against the doorway, his under eyes dark and heavy with exhaustion. It’s obvious he’s ill too- his brow is in a furrow, he’s paler than normal, and his eyes are bloodshot. He’s wearing a jumper and jeans, hair tied back messily. His wand twirls between his fingers impatiently.
“Well, don’t you look lovely,” he says, eyeing you up and down. You shed your robe earlier, and you’re still in your somewhat revealing pajamas, and your hair is definitely a mess, and you probably have last night’s makeup smudged under your eyes- fuck. You didn’t care enough to glance in the mirror before throwing a robe on this morning, planning on grabbing a late to-go breakfast and going straight back to your dormitory. Everyone was already at Hogsmeade, anyway, and it’s not like you were going to see anyone to impress. His gaze makes you squeamish- you try to force down the heat rising to your face.
You don’t care, he’s not ‘anyone to impress’. Yeah. You definitely don’t care. You roll your eyes, giving him a sarcastic grin.
“Aw. You, too.”
“Don’t fight. I’ll puke.” Remus says monotonically.
“We’re not,” Sirius and you snap at the same time before glaring at each other. He breaks the staring contest to look back over at Remus.
“I wanted to let you know that me, James, and the girls are going to be by the lake before we go to Hogsmeade, if you wanna join. Fresh air, and all of that.”
“Maybe later,” Remus responds, closing his eyes, grimacing.
“Huh,” Sirius sets his jaw, glaring at you, “alright. Fine. See you, then, Moons. L/N.”
“Black,” you farewell, and he holds your gaze prisoner for a moment longer before breaking away. The door to the dormitory slams behind him, and Remus winces.
“I think it’s physically impossible for him to be quiet,” you mutter, massaging your temple. Remus cracks an eye open at you, looking you up and down.
“You’re hungover, too, aren’t you?”
“Not as bad as you,” you dismiss, setting your mug down, “Some of us can handle our liquor.”
“Your head is pounding. I can tell.”
“Shut up,” you sigh, pushing off of the floor shakily.
“Where are you going?” he whimpers, and you laugh lightly.
“Getting my books so I can study here. I’m bored. Can only stand your whining for so long.”
“I don’t whine.”
“Your pain tolerance is stupidly low for a werewolf,” you snark. Remus doesn’t bother looking up.
“I’ll eat you. Bring that muggle mystery novel back, since you won’t read it.”
“‘Kay.”
You pad out of the dormitory, halfway down the spiral staircase when you hear a cutting tone in the silent common room. You stop in your tracks.
“-Y/N’s always there. It’s like I can’t get one moment without her, Prongs, without her butting in-”
“You’re being ridiculous, Sirius,” James sighs. You lean in to eavesdrop closer, your throat closing and heart racing.
“I’m not, and you know it. She’s so fucking annoying,” his tone is biting, more than the usual teasing-borderline-bullying, and it strikes something deep in you. He hasn’t spoken like this towards you since you were kids.
“You don’t mean that. I don’t understand why you won’t just-”
“I’ve tried-!”
“By what, insulting her-?”
“Maybe if she got off of her fuckin’ high horse and realized that Remus doesn’t even like her, she’d stop throwing herself all over him-”
“Sirius, stop. She doesn’t throw herself all over him-”
“Godric, did you even see them at the party? Or anywhere? I-”
“Sirius, she hasn’t done anything wrong-”
“She’s fucking everywhere. It’s like she won’t leave me alone, like she annoys me on purpose-”
“She hasn’t got any other friends, you git-”
Suddenly, your face gets hot and your eyes begin to water. You’ve heard enough. Sirius is one thing, but James admitting your blatant loneliness is too much.
You walk down the staircase quickly, keeping your head down, socked feet quiet against stone. They both fall quiet when you turn the corner.
“Y/N-” James starts.
"'Scuse me," you glance up, meeting his slightly blurred hazel eyes through the tears that you’re blinking away. He cuts himself off, mouth agape. You quickly look back down at your footfall, refusing to look at Sirius, pushing through the duo where they stand at the bottom of the staircase. You stay quiet, walking up the girl’s dormitory stairs and closing the door softly behind you. The noise still echoes through the silent common room.
---
You spend the rest of the afternoon and the next day holed up in your room, curtains drawn around your four-poster. Lily occasionally peeks through the heavy fabric, asking if you’d want to get meals together or go out on the grounds. You give her a gentle smile before shaking your head, going back to your book or nap. You're thankful for her, her sweet voice and kind eyes, but it feels pitiful; like she's doing some act of charity. You’d rather take your meals to go and hide in your bed or in an abandoned corner of the castle, away from everyone who knows you.
That’s all you want to do- read or sleep. Wallow for a while. You know it isn't that big of a deal- so what, Sirius said that you’re annoying. It’s not the worst thing he’s ever said to you. Plus, you’d say the same about him. But his words about Remus sent you down a spiral; shame and embarrassment burns too deep in your gut to face Remus, whose friendship has been ripped away from you with only a few sentences out of Sirius’s mouth. God, Sirius- you have no idea what you’d do if you saw him. You don’t blame James, really, especially since he was defending you- it’s just embarrassing. It was kind of him to stand up for you, but you still feel that sickly mass deep in your stomach. It’s humiliating to hear someone say something about your reserved nature out loud, and even more so behind your back.
A sheet of shiny red hair pokes through your drawn curtains. You look up from the muggle novel Remus had asked you to return.
“Remus asked me to give this to you,” she says, pulling the curtain back only for a moment so she can slip through, crawling to sit beside you. She hands you a folded sheet of parchment.
“Thanks, Lily,” you say, looking at it curiously. She sighs deeply, settling against your pillows.
“You can’t stay in here forever,” she says matter-of-factly. You stare down at your hands, fiddling with the paper.
“I know.”
“I don’t know what happened, but you shouldn’t take it out on Remus.”
You look up, eyebrows furrowed, “I’m not taking anything out on him. I just don’t want to talk to him- I’m doing him a favor.”
“Really?” Lily says, looking at you disbelievingly, “Then why’s he’s so upset?”
“He’s upset?” you ask, stomach churning.
“He misses you.”
You shake your head, scoffing, “I don’t think so, Lils. It’s only been like, a day. I just don't want to talk to anyone, really.”
“He hasn’t talked to Sirius all day. Barely talking to James and me. Practically doing the same shite you are.”
You bite at your lip.
“What even happened?” Lily asks gently, ducking down to meet your eyes, “James won’t tell me, but they’re all in a fuss.”
You avoid eye contact- you’ll start crying if you see her look at you like that, so gentle and full of care.
“Just overheard Sirius and James talking, is all,” you murmur. You hate this. You feel like a child. She patiently waits for you to continue. “Sirius said that I’m sort of… always in the way, and Remus just puts up with me, that I throw myself at him. James sorta hinted that Rem just deals with me because he’s my only friend. And I mean, it sucks, but it’s whatever, really, I just need some time to get over it. I’ll be fine.”
Lily stays silent for a moment, and your heart aches with the realization that they are right. You know they are, but there's still a part of you that wishes she’d tell you otherwise, even if she's lying.
“Jesus. You’re all so fucking stupid.”
“Hey!” you say, finally meeting her eyes. She rolls them at you.
“Sirius is a dick. Especially to you. James is an idiot- he barely knows what’s going on most of the time. Please don’t take anything they say seriously. Anyone can see that Remus loves you, he’s always so much happier when you’re around. Don’t let a dumbass like Sirius mess that up. You’re best mates, Y/N,” her voice turns gentle at the end of her sentence, grabbing your hand, “and I’d like to think we’re mates, too.”
“That’s sweet of you,” you murmur, swallowing thickly, and she scoffs,
“It’s not sweet, it’s true. You’re my friend. I care about you. Don’t make me say it again- I’ll start puking. Now tell me what’s on that note, I’ve been dying of curiosity.”
You smile at the paper, opening it quickly, trying not to think too much about what Lily just said.
“‘Meet me at the library after dinner, please. I miss you. Love, Rem’,” you read aloud, and Lily nudges you.
“What did I say?”
“You’re right,” you smile at her, and she quickly wraps you in a hug. You happily reciprocate, and she squeezes you obnoxiously tight, making you laugh.
“As always,” Lily says.
“Ow, my ribs.”