Chapter 1
Regulus awoke in a frightened state. He had another nightmare. They had become more frequent over the last year… He looked over to see his best friend asleep beside him. Things have not been the best for him since his breakup with James Potter. He had fallen into a rut despite it being his idea for them to separate. No one else was there for him besides Barty, and well, that sort of led them to where they are now, dating.
It wasn't the same as when he and James were together. There was something about that boy that kept him at peace and wrapped his soul in a warmth that could only be described as comfort.
Don't get Regulus wrong, he loved the boy that lay beside him, but it just wasn't the same. Barty could be rough and have sharp edges. His warmth wasn't comforting, and he stung more than he soothed. His venom was toxic, not something that got you high and begging for more.
He had done this to himself, after all.
Regulus didn't feel like he was good enough for James and that he deserved better. He didn't even feel good enough for Barty most days, and the difference was James would reassure Regulus' worries, and Barty dismissed them entirely.
The dark haired boy moved to get out of bed, his feet meeting the cold wooden floors. It had to be no earlier than five am, meaning he barely got three hours of sleep. Reluctantly, he stood up from the bed and walked to the bathroom. Regulus went to bed wearing nothing but boxers, so when he caught his reflection in the mirror, his eyes immediately fell on the scars over his chest.
Cold fingers traced over them, and his expression turned sad… He soon remembered all the times James would kiss those very same scars and shower him with praises for how beautiful he was. ‘The prettiest boy he had ever met.’
A smile full of sadness stretched across the boy's lips as he let go of the air in his lungs. It was wrong of him to be thinking about James like this while in a relationship with Barty… It was wrong, but he never truly got over their relationship.
Regulus still remembered everything. The walks they would go on, the mornings they would spend cuddled up in bed, just letting time pass. All the picnics they went on during the warmer seasons while sticking to museums, bookstores, and cafés when it got too cold. He missed it. The feeling like he was actually loved, but he made his choice. Though, he often regretted it.
He turned on his heels and went back to the bedroom. Regulus had no intent on climbing back into bed, no, he was grabbing his phone before he made it to the living room.
As he sat down on the couch, he unlocked the phone before making it to his text with James. They hadn't talked since James learned he was dating Barty… so he really shouldn't be thinking about talking to him now.
Before he could fully consider the pros and cons, his phone was ringing and pressed to his ear. Regulus hugged his knees to his chest, listening to every single ring.
The ringing stops, and Regulus holds his breath.
‘Regulus? It's so early… Are you okay?’ The voice comes through the phone, and he can't help but press his hand over his eyes, trying not to cry.
‘Reg? What's wrong?’ He must have woken up James due to how his voice sounds.. Regulus can't bring himself to respond, so he hangs up and drops his phone on the couch beside him.
Regulus is fully curled in on himself at this point, and tears start to stream down his cheeks. He's quick to wipe them away.
“I'm so fucking stupid.” He had whispered to himself, fingers running through the mess of curls atop his head. Why would he let himself do this?
Hearing James’ voice only made it worse. He should have just gone back to bed.
As Regulus went to grab his phone again, the screen lit up displaying James name. He didn't know why he answered it…
Before he was able to say anything, James’ voice came through again. ‘You're having nightmares again, aren't you?’ His voice wasn't as scratchy and tired as before. ‘I remember you used to have nightmares that would keep you up at night… If you need to talk, I'll stay up.’
James was always so caring and considerate. He often put others before himself, and Regulus would have to remind him to take care of himself, too..
He was not sure how to respond because while James was right… “I miss you.” His voice came out broken and raw. Regulus hadn't even realized what he said till James’ voice came through the phone, in a whisper this time saying, ‘I miss you too, Reg.’
Regulus nearly broke right then and there, but he hated it when people knew he was crying. James knew that… maybe that's why he hadn't said anything because it was painfully evident that he was.
“I did have a nightmare…” Regulus admitted. “But before it turned bad… I had a dream that we were okay again.” He struggled to keep his voice steady. Regulus had to leave out how much he wished it wasn't a dream.
‘Reg… we were never bad.’
He wanted to roll his eyes because, of course, James would say that. Regulus’ lips parted, and he was about to respond till a voice came from the other side. It sounded like a girl. He couldn't really understand what she said, but he could hear James apologizing to her and telling her to go back to sleep.
Something stung deep in Regulus’ heart. ‘Sorry, give me a second. I accidentally woke up Lily.’
Lily was her name. How pretty. They must be happy.
“I'm sorry, James… I shouldn't have called. Go back to sleep…” Regulus hung up before a response could be heard. He curled in on himself once more and started crying again… as quietly as he could. Barty wouldn't be pleased if he was woken up or knew that Regulus had just talked to James.
This was his life now. He would never have that comfort again, and he had to accept it sooner or later.