Remus liked to believe he was one of those unbothered people who could turn their ears off to any type of gossip about him or his friends. And really, for the most part, he was exactly like that. The nonchalant Marauder that couldn’t care less about what you had to say about him or what his image was like.
That, however, all fell apart when he, accidentally might he add, overheard people talking about his and Sirius’ relationship.
—
Sirius and Remus were running through hallways, trying to dodge any first year students that were in their way. Remus had warned Sirius, a couple of times at that, that they’d be late to class if they kept going, but Sirius was far too turned on to care. And, if he was being honest, even if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t care about being late to class. Remus, however, cared a lot and couldn’t believe how he let Sirius distract him this much.
They bursted into the classroom, ties hanging loosely around their necks, their lips still kiss-swollen and cheeks red, either from all the running or what came before it.
“Mr Black, Mr Lupin,” McGonagall started, trying her hardest to keep a stern expression but Sirius could see a smirk that was fighting to form. “How nice of you to grace us all with your presence.”
“The pleasure is all ours, Minnie dear,” the shorter boy answered, earning himself a chuckle from somewhere in the back of the room.
The professor wasn’t impressed by his half-assed attempt at flirting, sending him another pointed glare. “Please, take a seat.”
They did just that, wordlessly leaving to go to their respective places, each on their own end of the room. The Marauders had once sat together in Transfiguration, like they did in every other class. This, however, lead to many disasters and long hours of laughter and chatting, which McGonagall didn’t appreciate greatly. That is how they, at the beginning of their 5th year, ended up being scattered around the whole room which lasted all the way to their 7th year.
Remus put his bag down, taking a seat beside Mason Bailey, a somewhat nice Ravenclaw that he was forced to sit next to that year. He could see that Mason was talking to another Ravenclaw behind him, probably his friend, considering how many times he caught them whispering to each other during class. It was rather unfair, he thought, that others could whisper back and forth for hours and not be convicted to the punishments the Marauders were facing. But, then again, they were just whispering, whereas the Marauders used to disturb the whole class with their loud and obnoxious jokes.
He tried to tune off the talk between two boys but his werewolf hearing deemed it the best decision to listen to what they were so passionately talking about. At the end of the day, a little gossip never hurt no one, right?
“I mean it’s crazy that they didn’t cut him off the second he ran away to the Potter’s but I guess dating a male half-blood was their breaking point,” he heard Mason reckon. “It’s sad really, he could’ve spent his whole life doing absolutely nothing and now he has to be a victim of labour like the rest of us.”
Wrong. Gossip could hurt someone. It could hurt him.
He decided then that it was the right time to start paying attention to McGonagall and stop thinking about the two guys’ talk. However, that proved to be decently hard and he spent the whole class staring at one spot on the wall, contemplating his next move considering what he’d just heard.
As soon as the professor announced the end of the class, Remus was up on his feet and out of the room. His plan was to alienate himself by staying in library the whole day where he would think about a better plan for handling this. He didn’t get far, though, and soon enough the other Marauders were crowded around him.
“Hiya Moony,” Sirius greeted, swinging an arm around his boyfriend’s neck. “Where’d ya run off to?”
Remus shook off Sirius’ arm, ignoring the look of hurt on his face when he did so. “I have to go to the library. Have to, uh… Study for that Herbology test. So, I’ll see you guys later, yeah? Great, see ya.”
He all but sprinted towards the library, picking up the faint sound of Peter asking ‘What was that’ to which Sirius didn’t seem to have an answer.
—
Remus had grown to love the castle at the dead of night. He liked to walk the usually bustling corridors peacefully, with no worry about whether he would bump into someone accidentally or not. He liked to listen to owls’ hoots, the snores coming from the portraits, the soft padding of his own feet. It was tranquil, it allowed him to breathe and just be for a moment.
He, however, didn’t enjoy the scolding he had to endure from the Fat Lady every time he woke her up to get into the Common Room.
“You know, you and your friends, I really can’t wait for you lot to get outta here,” she complained.
“If you could just open the door you would be able to go to sleep sooner instead of staying awake to criticise me and my sleeping schedule,” Remus retorted, a smirk growing on his face when he heard her scoff but open the door regardless.
He quickly climbed the stairs to their dorm, even taking two at the time which his long limbs allowed him to do. The dorm, like the rest of the castle, was completely silent and he tried to change into his pyjamas as soundlessly as possible. He then swiftly slipped into his bed, drawing curtains around it to keep the sunlight out in the morning.
“Psst, Moony.”
Not even a second later the curtains were being opened and Sirius was forcing himself into the small bed. Usually Remus liked the size of it since it necessitated him and Sirius to sleep almost on top of each other. That wasn’t the case now when he was trying his hardest to ignore the boy, though.
“Hey, why did you run off so quickly earlier? Did something happen, are you okay? You know you can tell me anything, right? I’m here for you, no matter what.”
And Remus did know, that was the whole problem. If he was oblivious to Sirius’ affection, it would’ve been easier to say the next words. But, no matter how hard it was, he had to say them for the sake of protecting Sirius. He could only hope that the boy would come to understand later that Remus’ intentions were nothing short of pure.
“I’m tired, Sirius. Let’s talk another time.” With that, he turned away from the boy so he wouldn’t be able to see the heartbroken expression on his face as he processed Remus’ words and slowly got out of bed, as if he was giving Remus time to change his mind.
He didn’t. His mind was set on one goal and nothing could change that. That night was the first time they slept alone in months, though Sirius couldn’t really say he slept at all.
—
Breakfast the next morning could easily be classified as one of the most awkward moments in their friendship. It consisted of Remus and Sirius barely raising their heads to acknowledge the people around them, Peter trying to lift the mood and James consistently interrogating about what the hell had happened.
“I gotta go, promised Lily, Mary and Marlene I’d study with them,” Remus explained, picking up his bag and leaving the Great Hall swiftly, paying no attention to James’ whines of protest. James, always the mother hen, trying to make everything right between them. What he didn’t understand is there were things not even he could fix.
It didn’t take him long to spot the three girls crowded around their usual table in the library, books covering most of the table’s surface but being entirely ignored as the girls chatted away.
Lily was the first to spot Remus, raising a hand to invite him over. He let his bag drop to the floor and took the only empty seat left, trying to catch up with what they’d been talking about.
“You, actually,” Lily informed him, offering one of the chocolate frogs that they were munching on.
“Me?”
“You and Sirius, to be exact,” Mary added, waiting for Remus to catch on to what she was saying. When he didn’t, she was left to think that either he was really tired and his brain wasn’t functioning well or he was just playing dumb. “Apparently you guys aren’t talking to each other.”
A soft ohh sound escaped his mouth, brows raising in understanding. “Wait, how do you know about that?” Sure, news travelled fast around Hogwarts but not that fast, right?
“James cornered us this morning and sent us on a mission to find out what’s going on between you. He said you guys slept in different beds last night and apparently that’s not a good sign.” Marlene kept playing with her quill while she spoke, feeling embarrassed to be prodding him into talking about his relationship problems.
Remus, thankfully, could see her unease, which is why he was quick to disregard her inquiry. “You don’t have to be our relationship counsellor, it’s not your job to fix our problems.”
Lily, despite Marlene’s attempt to conceal her feelings, could see her friend’s nervousness and the reason why Remus refused to confide in them. She nudged Marlene with her foot, sending her a pointed look that she hoped Remus wouldn’t notice. “It may not be our job, but we’re your friends. That’s what friends do for each other. So, start talking.”
“I really think we should start studying. I mean, isn’t that what we came for?” he scratched the back of his neck, finding little droplets of sweat there that indicated his tension.
“Remus.” If looks could kill, Remus would be six feet under right now considering the one Mary was sending him.
“Fine,” he finally gave up, breathing out a deep sigh as to prolong his procrastination. “But if I tell you, you can’t tell anyone. And I mean that. Not James, not Peter, not Reggie. No one. Are we clear?”
“Well, what are we supposed to tell James then?” Mary pondered. She was happy that Remus had finally agreed to open up to them, but facing James and telling him they have no useful information for him, then facing the consequences of that wasn’t on her agenda that day.
“You’re smart girls, you’ll come up with some lie.” He didn’t wait to hear their protests about how James was a man of honour and sincerity and you couldn’t very well just lie to someone like that. “So, you know how Sirius and I always planned to get our own place after school? That he would pay it and then I would pay him half of it back over time. Well, yesterday I heard a rumour that his parents are going to cut him off for being with me. I guess that in their eyes the only thing worse than your kid running away is them being gay and dating a half-blood.”
“Oh, honey.” The look Lily was giving him was one of the reasons he hesitated with explaining the situation. The last thing he needed at that moment was pity and it seemed like he was suffocating in it at that moment.
“Wait, that doesn’t explain why you won’t talk to him, though,” Mary scrutinised with furrowed brows and an uncertain look on her face.
“Well, I figured that if I told him that, he’d say he didn’t care and that he’d rather be broke with me than financially stable without me. Then I realised that if I made him hate me, it would be easier to drive him away.” Remus explained, his eyes scanning the room for something even slightly interesting to focus on instead of the faces of three disturbed girls in front of him. When he didn’t find anything, he was forced to face them again and was immediately overwhelmed with the amount of compassion in their eyes. “It’s whatever, it’s not a big deal. I’ll be fine.”
“Except it is a big deal, it’s a huge deal and you won’t be fine.” He was usually glad that Lily was so good at reading people but this wasn’t one of those times. “You’re breaking your own heart and for what?”
“Don’t make it sound like I’m doing this for nothing.”
“Well, you kinda are,” Marlene finally voiced her opinion after being almost completely silent the whole time. Remus didn’t blame her for it, knowing well enough that if he’d been in her position, he wouldn’t know what to say to him either.
“I’m doing this so he can have a shot at a better life. He deserves to be happy and I don’t think you can be homeless and happy. If my love for him could be translated into money, I’d be able to buy us a mansion, a yacht, whatever he wanted. I’d be able to give him the life he deserves. But it can’t, so this is the only option. And I’m done talking about this now.”
“But—“
“I’m done talking about it,” he interrupted Mary, the loudness of his voice turning a few heads towards them. “I’m sorry. It’s just— Can we please talk about something else, anything else?”
“Sure, whatever you want,” it was now time to appreciate Lily’s empathy as she put her hand on his arm, stroking there a few times before taking it away. He looked up, catching her eyes and sending her a small smile of gratitude which she returned. “What do you wanna talk about?”
“How about what’s going on with you and Potter?”
The question was met with both groans of complaint from Lily and cheers from Marlene and Mary.
—
For the next two weeks, Sirius kept trying to get Remus to talk to him but was only ever met with a half-assed excuse before the latter would hurry away. He’d never felt colder sleeping in his own bed, despite being under three blankets in a heated room.
The day Remus finally decided to look at him and talk to him for more than five seconds was also the day Sirius’ whole world crumbled apart.
It was the Halloween night of ‘77 and the whole school seemed to have gathered inside the Gryffindor Common Room. Someone had charmed the record player to play a new record every time the previous one ended so right now they were listening to ABBA’s album Arrival.
Sirius didn’t plan on attending the party. He’d rather be in his room, sulking about his failing relationship. That, however, didn’t sit right with James, who, despite saying he would stay neutral in the whole situation, made him promise that Remus’ sudden change of heart wouldn’t affect his mental state, which consequently meant he was forced to attend the party.
That is how he found himself in the middle of the room, frozen in place as he stared at Remus who was bluntly flirting with Evan Rosier. He tried pinching himself, stomping on his own foot, blinking repeatedly, but no matter what he did, the sight in front of him didn’t change.
He fought the tears, instead stealing a cup from the nearest person’s hand and drinking it one single gulp. As soon as he did, he found himself stalking to the other side of the room and grasping Remus’ arm tightly, almost cutting off his circulation.
“Hiya there, Rosier,” he greeted the boy with a falsely polite smile. “Mind if I steal my boyfriend for a second?” he empathised the word boyfriend, continuing without letting Evan answer. “Great. Thanks mate, you’re a good sport.”
Sirius then proceeded to pull the still confused Remus out of the room and into the empty corridor, only letting go when they were already too far for Remus to be able to quickly escape back into the party.
As soon as he did, Remus hand flew up to the spot that Sirius had been gripping, rubbing it with a pained expression. “Ow, what the hell, Sirius?”
“Funny you should ask that because I was just about to ask you the exact same thing,” he chuckled bitterly, shaking his head in disbelief.
“What do you mean?”
“What do I mean?” he parroted, still very much rejecting the thought of Remus being this mean for absolutely no reason. “I don’t know, Remus. Maybe that you’ve been avoiding me for weeks and now I see you flirting with Rosier? What am I supposed to make of that, huh?”
“So you’ve noticed, good.”
“Good?” he couldn’t help the laughs that escaped him, knowing that he looked like a mad man but, if he was being honest, at that moment he thought he might’ve actually gone mad. “How is that good?”
“Means you’ve caught on to what’s going on,” Remus explained with a painfully dull tone.
“Excuse me?”
“Yes, I’ve been avoiding you, Sirius.”
“I can tell,” the boy retorted. “What I don’t understand is why.”
“I figured that if I made you hate me it’d be easier to break up with you.”
For all Sirius knew, the whole sky could’ve come falling down, it wouldn’t have made a difference. He would’ve still be standing in the same position, with the same look on his face, staring at the same spot. It felt like time stopped moving, like he’d been sucked into a vacuum where it didn’t exist.
“—irius? Sirius” His hearing started coming back to him little by little until it came back all at once. He blinked a few times, pushing the tears back though he was almost certain a few managed to escape and were rolling down his cheeks, salty rivers connecting his eyes with his mouth that kept opening and closing, not being able to find the right words, to find any words.
“Okay.”
It was the last thing he said before he turned around and marched back to the Common Room. Remus kept calling his name, begging for him to come back, to yell at him, to jinx him, to punch him, to do anything except be okay with it. Yet, nothing he did brought Sirius back and Remus was forced to watch the only future he’d ever been sure of walk away from him.
—
The previous weeks of neglecting couldn’t compare to what it was like in the days following Remus’ and Sirius’ breakup. It seemed like the whole school found out about it as soon as it happened and was now matching their sulky mood. They knew it wasn’t the case, that the days kept changing and the world kept spinning despite the fact that theirs was destroyed.
James and Peter had a feeling they had it the worst, being stuck in the middle of the cold war. Sleeping in the same room as both Remus and Sirius proved to be impossible which is why Remus took to sleeping in the girls’ room after searching the whole library for a way to charm the stairs to let him come up there.
Both boys tried cornering their friends, one by one of course, but to no avail. They were both hot tempered, refusing to damage their pride for the sake of all of theirs friendship.
James had tried making a joke out of it, saying he was getting war flashbacks from their 5th year when Remus spent two months ignoring Sirius before he finally gave in and forgave the boy while promising to never forget it, though. His jokes fell on deaf ears, managing to only draw a short chuckle from Peter who quickly tried concealing it as a cough.
He gave up after that, realising that the best thing to do was to leave his friends be and that they’d come to their senses sooner or later.
—
Christmas came and went and so did the New year and everything stayed exactly the same between the Marauders. By then, even the teachers were aware of the situation, making sure to place them together for any and all projects in hopes that the forced proximity would lead to their making up. No matter what anyone tried, the conditions between the boys stayed the same.
In the meantime, Remus had taken to hanging out with the girls and Regulus, who was secretly on a mission to get him and his brother back together. The last time he’d seen Sirius look like that was when he was still living at Grimmauld Place and he swore the night the two of them ran away to the Potters’ that he would never let him get that low again. The promise was now proving to be harder to keep than he’d originally thought, but the boy refused to give up.
It took a little planning with James, but in the end they came up with what seemed like the only solution to this problem. All that was left then was to perfect the plan and hope that it would solve everything that was wrong.
—
“Could you help me with some Astronomy homework tonight? I’m finding it quite difficult and I know you like the subject plenty, besides you’re a year ahead of me so I’d expect you to know this stuff already,” Regulus questioned while he and Sirius were walking around the Black lake, relishing the usually short-lived moment of sunny weather at the beginning of February.
“Sure,” Sirius agreed, always glad if he could help his brother out in any way. “When do you wanna meet?”
“How about after dinner? I probably won’t go ‘cause they’re serving cockroach clusters and you know how much I hate those so we can meet at the Astronomy tower. Sounds good?”
“Yeah, of course. I’ll meet you there,” the older brother agreed, missing the small smirk of victory on Regulus’ face.
—
“Hey, Moony,” James interrupted the silence in the dorm where the two boys were currently finishing an essay for Potions. “So, you know how Lily agreed to go on a date with me?”
“Only heard it a couple hundred times,” the boy sassed, his eyes staying fixed on the paper in front of him, hand never halting from writing.
“Drop the sarcasm.” James’ retort was followed by an eye roll, though it was lighthearted. “Anyway, I planned to take her on a midnight date to the Astronomy tower. I wanted to prepare a picnic and I was thinking we could stargaze and stuff.”
“That’s actually really romantic, Prongs. Good going,” Remus praised his friend’s plan, finally raising his head to send the said boy a small smile. “I think she’d really like that.”
“Yeah, I think so too,” he couldn’t help the small smile that formed on his face at the thought of it, temporarily forgetting what the real plan was. He was quickly brought back to reality when he heard the scratching on paper that indicated that Remus had gone back to his essay. “Uh, I was thinking you could help me set it up?”
“Sure, when?”
“Would you mind skipping dinner to do it? I promise I’ll make the elves prepare a couple more sandwiches so you could have some, too.”
“Just make sure they pack some extra pumpkin juice, too.” James was thankful that Remus seemed to be too immersed in the task at hand to notice a look of triumph on his friend’s face.
“Whatever you want, Moony.”
—
“That looks great, don’t you think?” James stepped back to observe the setup consisting of a soft blanket and pillows placed on the floor with plates full of muffins, sandwiches and pastries. A soft glow from the fairy lights was the only thing illuminating the room, save for the moonshine that was penetrating into the room.
“It does,” Remus agreed, slapping a hand on James’ back and almost knocking the boy down. Damn werewolf strength. “If she doesn’t fall in love with you after this, she’s not worth it.” He paused, pondering his words, then added, “Just so we’re clear, that was a joke. She’s worth it either way. But I really think she’ll be ecstatic about this.”
“Thank you again for the help, Moony.”
“Always. I’m here for you, whatever you need you can count on me.” James opened his mouth, ready to ask Remus to make up with Sirius since he was so ready to do whatever James wanted him too. He didn’t get to voice his questions, thought, because Remus had apparently grown accustomed to mind reading and was cutting him off before he could even start. “Except for that.”
“You don’t even know what I was gonna say,” James’ shoulders sagged in defeat.
“Oh, but I think I do.”
“Whatever,” he shook his head. Looking at his watch, he realised that dinner was slowly ending which meant that Sirius would appear there any second now. Shit, he thought, trying not to sound too anxious while he made an excuse about forgetting something in the dorm. He left Remus to wait for Lily while he ran to get the thing, never actually explaining what it was that he was missing.
Remus explained his friend’s nervousness to himself as first date jitters and decided to sit down on the blanket while he awaited James’ return.
It was mere minutes later that he heard the door open again. He raised to his feet, ready to finally go to the dorm and sleep the night away instead of pondering about the fancy, romantic date his friends were at while he slept on the cold mattress in girls’ room alone.
However, as soon as he turned around it was evident that he wouldn’t be going to bed any time soon because as soon as he turned around he could see Sirius standing in front of him with his mouth agape and a confused look in his eyes.
Too engrossed with each other, they didn’t notice when James and Regulus shut and locked the door behind Sirius, which was also their only escape from this scene.
When they did, both of them sprinted to the door although they knew it was pointless. This thought was proven right when the boys on the other side of the door explained that they would let them out at sunrise and not a minute before because they needed to make things right between them and this seemed like the only way to do it.
Realising that they were stuck with each other for the night since they both happened to not have their wands (also a part of James’ and Regulus’ plan), they decided to get comfortable on the far opposite sides of the room, leaving as much space between them as possible.
—
It amazed even them how they, previously believed to be each other’s soulmates, could sit in complete silence for three hours only a few feet away from one another.
Remus had first taken to eating, refusing to let perfectly good food go to waste. This action was short-lived, though, because he got full really quickly, considering three sandwiches he devoured before James’ and Regulus’ betrayal. He then tried to entertain himself by looking at the sky through the telescope, which didn’t last long either since he’d always been bad at Astronomy and would rely on Sirius’ help to get through the class which was now, of course, out of question. In the end he decided to follow Sirius’ suit and sit still, hoping that he’d fall asleep and be out of this misery before he knew it.
Speaking of which, all while Remus was doing anything to keep himself busy, Sirius was sitting horrifyingly still, his eyes cast downwards while his mind was racing with a number of thoughts. They all came down to one singular question of why things were the way they were between them and, since the thought overpowered all the other ones, he had a hard time keeping it inside.
“I’m done being mad,” he finally broke the eerie silence that had settled around them. “I’ve been done being mad for a while now, actually. I’m just sad now. Sad and confused.”
Remus finally met his gaze, eyes softening at the sight of the boy before him. The boy he had loved, the boy he still loved, the boy whose heart he broke for the sake of healing him.
“What are you confused about?” The tone in which Remus spoke was soft, barely there, but it was a step in the right direction and it was more than he’d said to Sirius in three months.
“Why?”
And there was no need to explain what Sirius was referring to because that part was rather obvious to both.
“I—,” Remus started, realising that in all those months he’d spent waiting for Sirius to ask for an explanation, he never once remembered to come up with one, which is why he could only say, “I don’t know.”
“Bullshit,” Sirius scoffed. He stood up then, dusted his pants off and started towards Remus who was trying his hardest not to activate his fight or flight mode. The shorter boy sat in front of him, tucking his legs one under the other, mimicking Remus’ position. “Look me in the eyes and tell me that you did it for no reason at all.”
Sirius then proceeded to stare into Remus’ eyes with such intensity that made the latter almost sure he could read his every thought and was already aware that what he’d done was not any sort of accident at all.
And, even if Sirius couldn’t read his thoughts, he could understand his words, or the lack of them, seeing as Remus couldn’t do anything except stare back into his eyes, hoping for earth to swallow him whole.
“There you go, I knew you weren’t a complete idiot.” How Sirius found it in himself to chuckle at that moment of heartbreak that he was enduring by talking to his ex-boyfriend was beyond Remus. “Now I just need to know why you did it. Did you stop loving me? Because if that’s the case, you had a really shitty way of showing it. You could’ve just said—“
“I never stopped loving you.” Because, no matter how hard Remus was trying to keep Sirius away from him, he could never let the boy think that he was not loved, not after what he had to live with for the first sixteen years of his life. “I promised I would love you forever and I will. As long as I live you’ll always have someone who loves and supports you wholeheartedly. I usually tend to keep my promises.”
“Usually,” Sirius emphasised, thinking about Remus’ promise to never break his heart which he’d failed to keep a long time ago. This wasn’t the time to get emotional, though, so he tried to forget it, instead prodding Remus with already asked question. “Why, then? What good explanation could you have that would rationalise your behaviour towards me.”
The grey of Sirius’ eyes had always been one of Remus’ weaknesses, his Achilles heel, if you will. That is why he couldn’t find it in himself to keep breaking the boys heart and ruining his trust in people when he was giving Remus the look of a lost puppy.
“I did it for you.” He knew that it was a bad idea, that he was throwing away all his efforts to stay away from the black haired boy. He also knew that the said boy meant the world to him and that he deserved a decent justification for Remus’ actions.
“For me?” Sirius wondered, getting more confused by the second. “Wow, thanks, Remus. You’re the best bo— friend a man could want. I mean, who wouldn’t want to have their heart broken. You’re right, it was just what I needed.”
“Will you let me explain?” Remus interrupted Sirius’ ongoing mockery.
“Explain?” The boy parroted, rolling his eyes at Remus’ choice of words. “Didn’t know you were into that but, by all means, go ahead.”
“Thanks.” He then took a breath, preparing himself for his whole plan to come falling down for the sake of saving his and Sirius’ sanity. “I heard a couple of guys saying how your parents were going to cut you off for being with me; a half-blood, male werewolf. I added the werewolf part but you get the point. Anyway, I figured that if I broke up with you, you could still have a shot at a decent life, a life that you deserve. You don’t deserve to be drained the money from just for being with me, it’s not fair. But I very well couldn’t just come up to you and break up so I tried driving you away, even payed Rosier to flirt with me which in the end proved to have been the right move because it turned out to be your breaking point. I didn’t want to do it, you have to understand that. But this just proves that I am no good for you and that you deserve so much better and you should go and get it.”
Sirius let his words settle and get comfortable in his brain, finding place there between all unanswered questions he’d been carrying for months before that.
“How come I didn’t get any say in this?” he finally asked. “I mean, it’s my life, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is,” Remus agreed, his hands fiddling with a loose string on his pants in order to keep him from looking at Sirius for too long, afraid of what he might do in that case considering their proximity. “But I knew that if I told you about this, you would’ve stayed with me because you’d told me a thousand times that you’re in it for better or for worse and I couldn’t drag you down with me.”
“You’re right, I would’ve stayed with you—“
“See, I was right.”
“But,” Sirius defined, lowering his head in a weak attempt to meet Remus anxious gaze. “It’s not for the reason you think.”
This statement was what finally got Remus to bring his gaze up again and meet Sirius’. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that my uncle Alphard left me a shit ton of money as well as an apartment in the centre of London,” he explained, watching as Remus’ expression grew from confusion to understanding to excitement.
“Does that mean—“
“That you tortured us both for no reason?” Sirius predicted the way Remus’ question was going to end, although it was slightly off course. “Yes, that’s exactly what it means.”
It was now Remus’ turn to be emotional, feeling a few hot tears escaping his eyes that Sirius was all too quick to kiss away with a wordless promise of a better future for them both.
They stayed like that, Remus letting soft sobs leave his mouth while Sirius kissed his tear-stained cheeks until all Remus could think was Sirius and Sirius’ lips and how much he’d missed him.
Which is exactly how he found himself pushing the boy away softly by his shoulders, looking at his blurry figure through teary eyes. He let one hand linger there while the other one came up, tangling itself in the hair at the back of Sirius’ head. When they were close enough to feel each other’s hot breaths on their faces, Remus stopped for a second, savouring the way Sirius was looking at his lips with eagerness and lust and love, the way his heart was beating impossibly fast and the way he was begging the taller boy to do something, anything, instead of just staying still.
“Please, Moony.”
When you go months without kissing your soulmate, it takes very little for you to break all the walls you built up. And Remus enjoyed the way they broke, those walls that were previously protecting his heart. He appreciated the way he could feel love bursting in, pumping his heart with more energy than he’d felt in a long while.
Sirius’ lips were just the same as he’d remembered them, soft and full, accustomed to his own like old friends who you could go years without seeing and would still know everything about. Sirius still knew how to make Remus weak in the knees, how the boy enjoyed it when he would open his mouth to let him in, how he adored swallowing every pretty sound that Sirius made in the back of his throat as a sign of pleasure, how he’d match those pretty sounds with his own when Sirius would let his hands tangle in Remus’ wheat blonde hair and pull it, only slightly, ever so gentle with his boyfriend.
They stayed like that for a long while, making up for the lost time in any way they could in the small space that they had available. Kissing seemed to take most of their time, though neither could complain about this, bearing in mind how much they’d missed each other’s touch in the previous months. When their lips started hurting and their breath became too shallow, they lay on the blanket, becoming one big, continuous mess of tangled limbs as they watched the stars twinkle, each of them silently telling the far away celestial bodies about the other one, about their love for each other.
If stars could talk back to them, they’d say they knew about it, that they’d told their story long before the two boys even came to be. That they witnessed the death of one of their own, how the said dead star turned into space dust and morphed into two beings who were then sent to earth to protect and bring each other to perfection.
They knew that world wasn’t all rainbows and daisies and that no one could guarantee them a flawless life. But, as they lay there, looking up at the starry sky, they were both sure that whatever happened from then on, they’d have each other. And that was enough to ensure both that they would be alright.