Another Door
Regulus is staring at his feet, seemingly lost in thought. He’s managing to walk in a straight line, but he doesn’t seem very aware of his surroundings. He’s uncharacteristically dazed. James stops moving, waiting. Just as he thought- Regulus runs straight into him. He looks up sharply then relaxes a bit when he sees who it is.
James raises a brow. “Still avoiding me?”
Regulus huffs. “Not avoiding you, Potter. Not everything’s about you.”
“Mm, sure seems like it though. You haven’t looked in my direction all day, and I swear to god you didn’t even go to any meals.”
Regulus frowns slightly, but doesn’t comment. James sighs. “We need to go to the library. To start researching.”
“You haven’t already been? I assumed-”
“Oh, no, I have. I’ve been there all day. But I want to talk about what I’ve learned, and we don’t have a lab yet. So, library.” He starts walking again, and after a second, Regulus falls into step next to him. Neither of them speak. James clears his throat uncomfortably.
“...How was your day?”
James doesn’t have to look to know Regulus is rolling his eyes. “Seriously?”
“Seriously. How was your day, Reg? If we’re gonna work together, we might as well get past the pleasantries.”
“I… you… my day was fine, Potter.”
James waits. Regulus says nothing. James leans down a bit. “Aren't you gonna ask how my day was?”
“Why would I do that?”
“It’s polite.”
Regulus smirks. “I don’t feel the need to be polite to you.”
They round the corner.
“Have you um… been thinking about it?” James shuffles nervously.
“About Dragon Pox? Yes. We need a lab. I need to… I need to test some ideas.”
James nods. “And there’s no way we can just use the one in the dungeons? Or maybe we can take some of that equipment and relocate it?” They start to climb the stairs.
Regulus shakes his head. “No. They’ll notice it's missing. We don’t have anywhere to relocate it to.”
James glances down at him, then stops walking. Regulus stops too, giving him a confused look. “What?”
James frowns. “You’re hiding your cheek. I mean, unless the bruise faded, you still have the glamor up.” He doesn’t know why he cares, but he feels uncomfortable. He wants to know… what? If Regulus is ok? Surely not. “Can you just- not… do that around me?”
Regulus furrows his brow. “What?”
“I mean- whatever you do with your skin. The disillusionment spell you were talking about. Can you just drop that when you’re around me? Please? I won’t tell anyone, if that’s what you’re worried about. I don’t like not being able to tell… if… I don’t know. Just please don’t, alright?” It’s suddenly very important to him that Regulus agrees.
Regulus stares at him for a moment, and then his skin flickers and the bruise reappears. Its sight shouldn’t be a comfort to James, but for some reason it is. He can trust what he’s looking at now.
“Thanks,” he breathes out.
Suddenly, the wall next to them shifts. Bricks pulling back, changing color and texture. James and Regulus stare at the space, confused. They both take a step back.
A door appears, dark and large, sunk into the wall. Neither of them say anything for a moment.
“What…” Regulus trails off, staring.
“I haven’t seen this before.” James walks up and places a hand on the door. It feels real enough. He turns back to Regulus. “Should we go in?”
“Definitely not.”
“Regulus, a door just appeared for us. I think we should go in.”
“I do not.” Regulus sends a suspicious look at the door. “We don’t know what's inside. Doors don’t just appear-”
“At Hogwarts they do.” James insists, taking a step toward Regulus. “Come on, Reg. It’ll be fine. Here.” Before he can chicken out he gently pulls the door open, revealing a large stone room. There are a few couches against one wall, some paintings hanging up above it. A large carpet stretches across the middle, and a bookcase filled with titles is planted firmly next to the door. In the middle of the room, a large potions lab spills out across a table. James hears Regulus take a quick breath behind him.
“See?” James turns, fully grinning. “The castle knows what we need.”
“How?” Regulus’s face is alight with wonder. James swallows, chest suddenly feeling tight at the sight. He looks away.
“I have no idea, genuinely. I haven’t seen this on the map-” Shit. He wasn’t supposed to say that.
“What map?”
“Nothing. Point is, why not just enjoy this gift? We can figure out it's secrets later.” James moves into the room, Regulus following him. James shut the door behind them.
Regulus immediately moves towards the potions table, running his fingers along the rim of the cauldron. He nods. “This'll do.”
“So, potions master, what should we try first? Do you want to hear about my research, or do you just want to jump right into brewing?”
Regulus is turned away from him, hand still on the cauldron. James moves forward slightly. “Reg?”
“I… um. Yeah. Yeah, we should… start.”
James moves around the table so he can look Regulus in the face. “What’s the matter?”
Regulus closes his eyes briefly, and James can’t read the expression on his face. Oh god, what if he’s changed his mind? James might start crying again, and he really can’t have that.
“Regulus, you’re really starting to freak me out-”
Regulus’s eyes snap open, and he sighs. “They’re absolutely going to kill me for this. But yes, let's start. What have you found?”
James blinks at him. “They’re going to kill you? For what- helping me? I mean- oh.” Of course- James was so stupid. Of course this wasn’t safe. Regulus was literally conspiring with a pureblood of a rival house to save Fleamont Potter’s life. This was the farthest thing from safe. James wants to slap himself. If the death eaters found out about this… hell, if Walburga or Orion found out about this…
“Reg,” James starts, but Regulus cuts him off with a wave.
“Potter, we don’t have time for this. If we don’t make it to dinner Dorcas will have my head. What did you learn?”
“I- um. Right. Yeah. So Dragon Pox attacks the body from the outside in, right? So first your skin turns all pockmarked and green, and then you lose muscle mass, and then you become weak as your internal organs start to break down…” James’s own stomach twists at his words. He can almost see his father, laying in bed asleep, green and hollow. Weak. Already in his head, Monty doesn’t look like the man James grew up with.
“Potter?” James looked up to see Regulus watching him carefully.
“Yeah. Sorry. Anyway, that’s the easy part. All of those things, physical ailments, those can be treated with magic. Muscles can be restored, organs repaired.”
“So why is it so incurable?”
“Because once it gets through your organs, it’s not done. It, uh- it goes for your magic next. At first it just blocks it, but then once it starts attacking your magical core, there’s nothing that can be done. The only cases of survival have been minimal- and those that do turn out alive can never use magic again. Often they can’t even get themselves out of bed.” James puts down the empty vial he’s been fiddling with. “So we need to stop the disease before it gets there.”
Regulus nods, thinking. “Ok. So maybe something that puts up some sort of barrier between your magical core and the rest of your body?”
James shakes his head. All the books he’d been pouring over all day swim through his head, a waterfall of information. “That’s what the medics thought too. That’s the extent of our current cure. You get blocked. You can’t do anything magically, ever. And, not to mention, the rest of your body has already wasted away. You get stuck in a limbo state, not dead but not able to really live life either.”
“But he’d live? Your father?”
James shakes his head again. “No, Reg, there has to be something else. My father’s too powerful a wizard to never use magic again. I won’t allow it.”
“When you say too powerful, you mean…”
“I mean he’s a key player in this war. Or at least I think he is. They won’t tell me anything.”
Regulus’s face twists. “Ah. That kind of powerful.”
James watches him. “What will they do? If they know you’re helping him?”
Regulus meets his eyes, emotionless. “I told you. They’d kill me.”
“Walburga and Orion wouldn’t let that happen,” James says. He’s partially trying to justify this to himself, he thinks. If Regulus gets hurt because of this… he can’t allow that.
“Do you really think that? After Sirius?”
At the name, James stands up a bit straighter. “That’s different.”
Regulus keeps his hands by his sides. “How?”
“Well, for one, they hated him. They found any and all excuses to punish him. I mean, I know you saw what happened. All those times. How close did he come to dying? I doubt they’d hesitate if Voldemort gave the order.” Something ticks in the back of his mind. Not right.
Regulus' eyes flash for a moment. “Just Sirius?”
James is wary. “Sirius told me. I don’t blame you for doing what they tell you- not that I would do the same, but I understand at least. You’re the perfect child. They wouldn’t kill you, they can’t even hurt you. That’s what he says.”
But.
But that’s not the truth, is it?
Regulus practically told him, back on the astronomy tower. On the quidditch pitch. When he showed James his glamor, when he lowered his defenses. James knew. He’d known since they left him there that night.
Of course they hurt him. What else?
Regulus turns away from him then, and James wishes he could see his face, just to know what’s going on.
“I don’t- that’s what Sirius told you?” He turns around again, looking up at James with narrowed eyes. “How does he think they treat me?”
“Reg- I. I don’t- um. He thinks they treat you, if nothing else, with indifference. Beyond your typical expectations, he says they don’t care much.”
Wrong, wrong, wrong, he thinks.
Regulus laughs bitterly. James notices his hand at his side, shaking. As he watches, Regulus curls it into a tight fist. After a second the shaking stops. He wants to apologize for himself. For Sirius. For his parents.
“We shouldn’t have gotten off track.”
James wants to stop him, to tell him it’s ok. They can talk about this. There’s enough time for that, at least.
“If we can’t block the magical core, let's start by blocking the first level. I assume the disease has already spread to his skin?” Regulus isn’t looking at him, but then again, what else is new?
“Probably, yeah.” James nods, letting it go.
“Ok. If we use the same type of cure for the magical center and modify it to only affect- what did you say step two was? Muscles? -muscles, we can effectively hold off the virus until we figure something out that’s more permanent.”
“How do we block the muscles from the disease?”
“Maybe we mix the original cure with something more related to bones and tissue… powered fairy crown? No…”
Regulus begins to list ingredients softly under his breath, lowering himself so he can peruse the options on the shelf under the table.
James, after standing helplessly for a few minutes, sinks down on a couch to watch. Regulus picks up an ingredient and then puts it back, opening box after box. Taking inventory. He occasionally runs his hands through his curls, trying to brush them out of his eyes.
James looks away, clearing his throat and grabbing a book. He opens it to a random page, trying and failing to read.
The time passes quickly, and suddenly it’s time for dinner. After agreeing to meet again in a few days, James slips out first. When he turns around, the door has fully disappeared back into the wall.
Handy.
---
When he makes it to dinner, Remus gives him an odd look as he sits down.
“What?” James hisses.
Remus cocks his head. “Nothing. We’ll talk about it later.”
Across from them, Sirius deposits a sausage on Remus’s plate. “I think it’s rotten.”
Remus glances from Sirius to the offending sausage. “It’s not rotten.”
Sirius frowns at him. “I tasted it, and I’m pretty sure it’s rotten.”
“Sirius- It’s fine. The house elves wouldn’t serve rotten meat.”
“Oh.” Sirius reached across with his fork again, skewering the sausage and moving it back to his plate. “Ok. I’ll take it back then.”
“You thought it was rotten and you gave it to me?” Remus narrows his eyes. “Why would you put a rotten sausage on my plate?”
“Where would you have me put it?” Sirius looks indignant.
“Not on my plate!” Remus gestures wildly. “What about Prongs? Or Wormtail?”
“Hey!”
“Sorry.”
Sirius takes a bite of his sausage. Around a mouthful of meat, he mutters “Fine, next time Wormtail gets the sausage.”
“That sounds like an innuendo,” Marlene says, butting into the conversation.
“Unfortunately it’s not.” James sighs, leaning back to stretch.
“Are we making fun sex inuendos over here?” Mary tilts forward.
Remus says “No.” at the same time Sirius says “Yes.” They share a look.
Mary pouts. “A shame. I’m very good at those.”
“Yes, dear. We know.” Marlene pats her on the back.
“What's going on?” Lily asks, scooching Mary down a bit so she can join in the talk.
“Sirius is going to give Peter his sausage,” Marlene reaches across Sirius for more potatoes. Mary snickers.
“Ugh. I’m sorry I asked.” Lily wrinkles her nose, the corners of her eyes going crinkly. James has to concentrate on his food. It’s fine, he tells himself. He’ll get over it. It just takes time.
The conversation drifts to arithmancy homework, to the lockdown, to quidditch and the big match against Slytherin next weekend.
By the time they make it back to the common room, they’re all full and happy.
Well.
Mostly.
James resists the urge to go to Mcgonagal again. He’s already been more than he should. He’s just being annoying at this point. It’s a marvel she hasn’t put up James Potter specific wards up around her office door.
I’m sorry Mr. Potter, but it’s too dangerous. Even your mother isn’t permitted to visit him. It’s the same every time.
Even so, he itches to burst back into her office. Or even better- to go find Regulus and drag him to their new lab so they find a cure faster. Maybe he’d talk to him tomorrow, convince him they should meet more often.
Maybe-
Remus slumps down on the couch next to him. “Ok. What’s wrong?”
James’s stomach drops. “What?”
“You look miserable. And you have for a few days now, though I doubt anyone’s noticed.”
“Moony, I’m fine.”
“You’re not.”
There’s that restriction again, the way his gut tightens and his throat closes up. Like he doesn’t physically want to talk about it. Like he can’t. Like his very body won’t let him. He tries to take deep breaths.
“I don’t know what’s the matter, Prongs, but I promise you the others will catch on soon enough. You can tell me. You can talk to me.”
And he wants to. Really. But Remus’s words send shivers across his body, anxiety trickling into his chest.
He’s been this way since he was little. He doesn't talk about himself. He doesn't. He helps others. That’s all. Anything else makes him ill.
“I’m, um,” and he has to fight to get anything out. “I’m just stressed, I think. About school. And Sirius. And everything.”
“Sirius?”
Ah. “Always.”
“What’s wrong with Sirius?”
“Nothing. Except, you know, his parents. His life. This is his first year out of that house. He’s probably still adjusting, but I think it’s taking a toll. I’m not sure. Jesus, I don’t know what I’d do if he still had to go back there each break.”
Remus nods, frowning. “I see it sometimes, you know. He flinched when Marlene reached across him tonight at dinner. I see what they did to him.”
Merlin. James hadn’t even noticed that. “I’m so glad he’s living with me now. I wish... I don't know.”
Remus puts a hand on his shoulder. “You did everything right. Don’t blame yourself.”
Ha.
“Do you, um.” Remus looks slightly uncomfortable then, glancing away. “Do you think Regulus. I mean. Do you think he wants to go back? Each break?”
James’s chest twists at the name. He seems to be a common topic of conversation as of late. “No.” He hopes he’s right.
“I still don’t like the kid, mind you, but… I don’t know. I worry about awful people sometimes.”
“Did I ever get you your book back?”
Remus’s head snaps up. “What?”
“Your werewolf book. Did I give it back to you?”
“How did you- oh. Regulus mentioned that. Right. No, you didn’t. It’s ok.”
“Moony… I guarantee you know everything there is to know in that book. What were you looking for? What did you want to find out?”
“I just- there's something I want to look into. I just need a little time before I can tell you.”
“Does Regulus know?”
“Which part?” Remus laughs bitterly. “But no. He doesn’t.”
“God, I wish you could tell us what happened in the library.” James huffs, dropping his head back against the couch. Maybe he should ask Regulus. At that moment, Sirius comes down the stairs in a rush. He bursts into the common room, a letter fisted in his hand. James’s heart sinks.
“Where’s the map?” He looks angry. Very angry. James half rises himself off the couch.
“What’s going on?” Moony stands up too, looking concerned.
“I need the map. Right now.”
“Sirius, you have to tell us what's happening,” James says, heart still lodged in his throat.
“I need to find my fucking brother.”
And despite the furry in those words, they send relief coursing through James’s body. Because Sirius doesn’t know. Not yet, not now.
“Ok, here,” James fishes it out of his pocket and hands it over. “But we’re going with you.”
“Prongs, I love you but-”
“No. He’s right, Pads.” Remus comes to stand next to James. Sirius looks between them for a second before deciding it wasn’t worth it. He harshly unfolds the map, scanning it quickly. After a second, he takes off towards the portrait hole. James and Remus scurry to follow.
The castle was dark, and none of them spoke. The only sound was Sirius’s loud angry breaths as he walked so quickly Remus and James nearly had to jog to keep up.
“He’s not in the common room.” Sirius muttered. “He’s on the second floor, on Myrtle’s hallway.”
James furrows his brow. Always the second floor. Always that bathroom.
They descend the stairs quickly, and Remus lites his wand. Sirius and James follow suit. They find Regulus around the corner, illuminated harshly by their wand light. He looks up, startled. Now that James knows what to look for, he sees it, just for a second. The flicker of a bruise. The quick cover. The disguise, dropped, now returned. No one else notices.
Sirius stalks forward.
“Hey, Reg.” His voice is dipped in venom. He holds up the letter. “Guess what I got in the mail.”
Regulus gives him a cool look. “I imagine you’ll tell me.”
“He’s sick.” Sirius spits, taking another step forward. James flinches.
For a split second, Regulus’s eyes flick to James’, a silent question. James imperceptibly shakes his head.
Suddenly, Regulus rolls his eyes in understanding. “Oh. Alphard.”
Sirius’s uncle. Remus and James exchange a glance.
“You fucking knew. He wrote to me, said Walburga found out a while ago. Said there was no doubt she already shared the news with the rest of the family.”
“Yes, well.” Regulus glanced past Sirius. “I’d love to go to bed now, if you wouldn’t mind.”
“Why didn’t you bloody tell me? He’s got maybe a week left, and none of you fucking told me.”
“Why weren't you there to hear it for yourself?”
Sirius just shakes his head, scoffing. “I can’t even- you don’t even care, do you?”
Regulus’s expression doesn’t change. He says nothing.
“Whole fucking family.” Sirius hisses, gesturing wildly. “Bloody psychopaths. Bloody liars.”
Again, Regulus looks to James, just for a second. Then his attentions back on Sirius. “I don’t know what to tell you here. The old bag’s dying. If he wanted you to know sooner, he would’ve told you.”
“Fuck you, Reg.” Sirius spits.
“Sirius,” Remus starts, moving forward to touch his arm. “It’s not worth it.”
Sirius looks Reg over, sneering. “No, no part of him ever is.”
James takes a breath. He fights to stay quiet, although he doesn’t know exactly what would come out if he didn’t.
Regulus' eyes shoot daggers at Sirius, though his face remains neutral. “If you even knew-” He shakes his head. “Don’t blame me for news taking longer to reach you, Sirius. It’s harder now that it has to go through a third party.”
“Don’t put this on that.”
“You had a duty.”
“Oh, to what? Be the heir? I was never good at being what they wanted, Reg. You of all people should know that. I’m sure you do a much better job.” It’s not a compliment.
“I do.”
“I can’t believe I ever thought that you’d change your mind.”
Why did every interaction with these two have to be so emotionally charged? James wishes, just once, that they’d pass by each other in the hall without fucking tearing into each other.
But then again, when you haven't had a chance to talk since the beginning of the summer, he guesses there’d be a lot to say.
“If you’d ever listened to me-”
“All I did was listen to you, Reg! You and your fucking snake speak.”
Next to him, Remus shifts nervously.
“Je parle dans la langue dont j'ai besoin.”
“Oh, in English. They can’t hear you here.” Sirius leers.
James wants to stop them. Stop him. Stop anyone.
Remus takes another step. “Sirius, you can be angry at him- but be careful.”
Sirius rounds on Remus. “Oh, I forgot you two are bloody best mates now.”
“We arn’t-”
“Don’t.”
Remus rolls his eyes, holding up his hands in surrender. Sirius rounds on Regulus again.
“I’m going to visit him. And I’m going to tell him that you’re a coward and a traitor, and he’ll die ashamed.”
Fuck.
James watches the words hit Regulus, watches him take a step back. Watches him reach into his cloak, presumably for his wand.
“Regulus-” James starts as Sirius also starts to pull out his wand. James moves in between them, hands extended.
“He’s my uncle too.” Regulus doesn’t fully pull out his wand, but he’s still holding it.
“No he’s not. He chose to leave, and I chose to leave. You lost your chance. He knows that.”
Regulus’s eyes are sharp, fixed on Sirius. He says nothing.
“How many letters has he sent you, Reg? Because I’ve gotten one weekly.” Sirius’s words are heavy with simmering spite.
Remus and James look at each other. This is bad- worse now that Regulus has stopped responding. They need to deescalate the situation, but they both know it’s nearly impossible when it comes to the Black brothers. You try to stop them, and you get caught in the supernova. So they watch, holding their breaths.
“Where’s Crouch, Reg? Or Rosier, or Meadows? Where’s your little pack of demons? Matter of fact- why are you out here alone? What are you up to?” Sirius is scrambling slightly, looking for any chinks in his brother's armor. Anything to attack.
Regulus stays silent, lifting his chin.
“Why are you on the second floor, when the common room is in the dungeons? Can’t even be getting food, because the kitchens are still one floor up.”
James, against his will, finds himself asking the same question. First time he found Regulus on this hallway, he stumbled out of a bathroom bruised and bleeding. The second time was today, when they ran into each other totally by accident. Both times he’d neglected to ask Regulus why he was there or where he was going. It hadn’t seemed like the time.
“Speaking of which, surely you didn’t come down here just to look for me, Sirius?” Regulus smirks slightly. “I’m truly honored. You went all this way just to talk to me?”
“Avoidant as ever, Reg. Good to know you haven’t changed.”
“Yes, lovely, we’re all the same as we’ve always been. Are we done with this conversation now? Because it’s past curfew and Lupin here might have to start docking points.”
“Keep your secrets. Run back to your little friends. Stay the fuck away from us Reg.” Sirius whirls around, pushing past James and Remus to start walking.
Regulus looks at James then, fully looks at him, and raises his eyebrows slightly. It’s clear what he’s trying to say: See? Do you see why we can’t tell him? Do you see how I’d suffer if we did?
James sends him an apologetic glance, wishing he could say more. He lingers for a second before he turns and goes after his friends.
He watches as Remus stumbles on a step, catching himself on a railing and taking a deep breath before continuing on.
It’s almost the full moon.