alone in the hollow walls.
The human mind is truly the most terrifying thing of all. The thing it shows him in the mirror when he's alone. the noises it makes up to keep him awake at night. The vivid nightmares it conjures, filled with his deepest fears and insecurities, haunt him even in his waking hours.
Regulus
Was
Always
Alone.
He thought he had a father. He thought he had a mother. He thought he had a brother. But as he grew older, Regulus realized that he was always alone, even in the presence of others. The emptiness within him was a constant reminder of his isolation; he was nothing more than a spare.
There was an unsavory quality to Regulus's life that seemed to follow him everywhere. Despite having a mother, he felt a deep loneliness that only grew as he got older. It became evident that he didn't truly have a brother, as their connection was superficial at best. The emptiness within him served as a constant reminder of his isolation, making him realize that he was nothing more than an expendable spare.
When his brother started Hogwarts, Regulus realized the depth of his solitude, and even when his brother was home or away, it made no difference to him; everything remained stagnant and unchanged, just like the books he studied with their unchanging pages.
The relationships he had were nothing more than superficial; they weren't his own; they were his mother's, as her connections extended to him. As she was off with friends and families with children, he was pushed into social circles that he didn't understand. He tried to fit in and make friends, but he was always seen as the odd one out. The conversations felt forced, and the laughter felt hollow. His world was black and white. Good and bad.
When his brother didn't come home for Christmas, he wondered what had happened. He had assumed that because he was with friends, there was no talk as to what could have happened, so Christmas was normal. The presents under the tree were all for him, and his brother even sent him a letter, but he didn't read it. So he sat with himself and opened presents. His parents saw no reason to oversee this event. They never watched him or Sirius open their gifts.
So he sat on the cool floor of the old, creaky house that he had grown to hate with its cold atmosphere.
so cold, you could see your breath. The silence in the room was deafening, and he couldn't help but feel a sense of emptiness.
He opened his gifts. Nothing great; all practical study guides new robes. In a small, charred music box, he remembers the box from when he was a baby. sat in the nursery at one point. The music it played made you sleepy. The music was haunting; it was quiet but loud, and at the same time, it was fast and slow.
( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VKYzTu2v3k )
Anyone who would hear the music would sleep—not so much pass out, but it was an awful reminder that his mother couldn't even bother to help put him to bed. that she had to use magic to do it before she left the room.
He doesn't know if she realized that he wasn't sleeping.
He knows that the gift was probably nothing more than to warn him not to make noise at night anymore. He didn't think he was all that loud, but perhaps he was. and now that he is 11 years old, the thought made him wonder why he couldn't sleep.
He was alone, with his parents, that evening. Dinner was silent and tense. He couldn't even taste the meal; it was just mush that he was chewing on, thinking rationally that it must have a flavor, but he was too numb to taste it. As he sat at the dinner table, he could feel a sense of unease. The atmosphere in the room was heavy with unspoken tension, making him wonder if something else was bothering his parents.
His father cleared his throat, preparing to speak. Regulus didn't wish to hear the words that came out of his father's mouth. and he really wished he couldn't see the glare his mother was giving him from across the table. He wished he could run away before the conversation started.
"Your brother has disgraced us," were the first words out of his father's mouth.
His father didn't give him any context. Regulus looked down at his hands, clenching them tightly to suppress the rising anxiety within him. Slowly, he lifted his gaze and locked eyes with his father, sensing the weight of disappointment in that piercing stare. His mother's glare intensified, and he could feel the tension in the room becoming almost unbearable. Taking a deep breath, Regulus prepared himself for what was to come, knowing that this conversation would change everything.
"How" was the only way he could get out.
"He's been placed in Gryffindor."
Regulus felt a knot form in his stomach upon hearing his father's words. Confusion washed over him as he tried to process the news. "How could that happen?" he asked, his voice trembling slightly. His father's stern expression didn't waver as he replied, "I don't know, Regulus, but this changes everything for us."
"It appears your mother didn't raise him as well as she initially thought."
His mother's gaze shifted from him to his father in an instant, astonished that she was being blamed for this. Regulus felt that he was about to get sick.
"We have to be ready if he slips up again." His father's words were starting to confuse him.
What did this mean for Regulus's life? Regulus couldn't understand the gravity of the situation. His father's words had shattered whatever sense of stability he had. He looked at his mother, hoping to find some reassurance, but instead, he was met with disappointment. The weight of his actions started to sink in, and Regulus feared that his life would never be the same again.
The next words out of his father's mouth made his heart drop straight down into his stomach.
"You are to act as if you are an heir." "You are to make no decisions on your own."
"And you should reflect on your brother's mistakes despite the fact that they are not your own." Regulus felt a wave of disbelief wash over him as his father's words sank in. The expectations placed upon him were crushing, and he couldn't help but feel the weight of his brother's shadow looming over him. The pressure to live up to the family name seemed insurmountable, and Regulus wondered how he would ever find his own path amidst the burden of being an heir. The rest of dinner was silent.
He went to bed, hoping that his brother would live up to his role as heir of the family. and that this was the only mistake his brother would make.