There Is No Me Without You

    Our day doesn't start with us asleep like most people. It starts with us wide awake. The bells having just finished ringing, signalling midnight. Avari and I are in our usual seats at my desk going over our paperwork for our meeting later today.

    "Remind me again why your dad put us in charge of this?" She asks me yet again. As she flips over a page and dips her quill into the ink before scribbling something down. 

    "Because he has other meetings to go to." I remind her for the third time, not letting her annoy me the way she's trying to.

    "How much you want to bet that Nathaniel will bring his son again?" She says instead, looking up at me.

    "He won't. He doesn't know we've taken over." There's the slight hint of a challenge in her eyes, and I know my own mirror it. "Usual stakes."

    "You're on my shadow." I grin. Avari has a way of making a few sentences feel like an entire break. We fall into an easy silence as we work. We've been here countless times before, and I don't need to say anything for her to hand me the right notes.

    I wonder if she ever thinks about how well we work together. So insync we rarely need words, always overcompensating where the other lacks. How naturally it comes to us.

    A quick glance at the clock tells me that some time has passed, at least a few hours. It's then I notice that she hasn't passed me any reports in a while.

    "What were the crop yields for the last year we used the Northern lands?" I ask, glancing over to her when she doesn't answer or just hand me the information.

    She's fast asleep which explains her lack of answer. There's a dried streak of ink on her cheek, probably from when she brushed her hair out of her face. I can't keep the small smile from appearing on my own.

    Gods this girl. Everyone is convinced that there's something there between us, from the staff to our own parents. Garrick especially, so when I tell him I don't like her, I can see it in his eyes that he thinks I'm full of shit. He's right, but denial is easier.

    Avari is everything to me. As long as there's the chance she doesn't feel the same I won't say anything. I'd rather have her as a friend than not at all. You could have her as more though, my mind offers.

    Stray beams of moonlight highlight her skin, making her glow in the night, it snaps me out of my thoughts. She needs proper rest so I get up and walk over to my bed, moving the comforter back and setting up the pillows for her.

    I walk back over to her and pick her up. She's always felt too light to me. I don't know if it's because she doesn't eat enough or because I'm so used to her weight from how often I pick her up.

    I make sure to remember to tell one of the guards to have breakfast brought to the meeting room. I place her down, careful of her hair, and she doesn't so much as stirs. She just sighs, sinking into the mattress. 

    The ink on her face is still evident, and I head into the washroom to get a towel. If I don't wipe it off now, her cheek will be stained black. I keep my touch gentle, even though I know she could sleep through a storm when she feels safe.

    It's only when I'm done and about to walk away that she stirs slightly, her eyes blinking open. She looks beautiful, she always does. "Xaden." Her voice is light and airy, and she says my name like it holds all the answers.

    "Sleep Sunfire." She shakes her head, propping herself up on her elbows.

    "Not without you." She says firmly, her eyes narrowed. But in all honesty, it was like being intimidated by a kitten. I'm tempted to just take my place beside her, but there's still a little bit of work left to do.

    I gently nudge her shoulder, and she just collapses back down. I hold back my laughter. Gone is my stubborn advisor from a few hours ago. Instead, here lays my sweethearted best friend.

    "I'll join you in a minute." I promise and am not at all surprised by how quickly she agrees. She is always quick to take my word.

    I do mean to come right back, but I start to review what the notes say and then I start to plan our speech and then the rebuttals to projected arguments. Time just slips away from me as I work. 

    I nearly jump when I feel arms coming over my shoulders, but it's easy to recognise her touch. She rests her head on my shoulder as she reads over what I've written. Taking the quill from my hand she leans against me to fix a few things.

    "You said a minute." She says after she's done. There's no accusation in her tone or disappointment. it's the norm with us. Just last week, she had swore she'd go to sleep an hour after me, and I woke in the morning to find her still working.

    I lean against her, looking up to see her face. Her expression softens, and she kisses me on the forehead. I let my eyes fall shut, savouring the feeling of her.

    My eyes snap open when she steps away from me, and I watch as she walks over to lean on the edge of the desk. She looks exhausted, and I feel guilty for it. She's been pulling late nights every day this week for me.

    "Avari." I plead but she doesn't step away. She just holds her hand out to me.

    "Please." She says softly, her eyes so hopeful. How could I ever deny her? I take her hand, letting her lead me to the bed. Where she gently pushes my chest, so I sit down.

    The second I do, I realize how tired I really am. She kneels down, and I have to keep myself calm. I can never tell if she does it on purpose to tease me or if it's just what comes natural to her. The idea of her being like this with anyone else leaves me with an uncomfortable feeling.

    I barely pay attention as she throws my boots into the corner with her own. As she stands, she's guiding my shirt over my head. I let her, knowing that if this were anyone else, I'd never even be sharing the bed with them. But Avari, she is a unique case. I let myself be vulnerable with her, I share the weight on my shoulders with her. Dad says I let myself be happy with her.

    I move to my half of the bed, holding the covers up until she joins me. She settles in beside me, her hand drifting up and running through my hair. It's soothing, and I fall asleep to the sound of her heartbeat.

    When I wake up its to the sun starting to rise and creep in through the windows. Stray rays of sunlight coating the room. My only focus though is on the girl still fast asleep beside me.

    Avari is curled up against me. Her hair spread wildly behind her, her legs intertwined with my own, her hands between our chests. She was as close as she could be without sleeping on top of me.

    She looks at peace, no exhaustion or stress on her face. I never spoke about it, but I noticed. She took her role seriously, continuously taking on additional work.

    All for me.

    I've heard her talk about it with Garrick, how she's worried I'll regret having her as my advisor. Like there would ever be a day I'd regret having her by my side.

    I want to let her sleep, gods knows she doesn't get enough, but she'll be pissed if we're late to the meeting. So instead, I slip out of bed and head to her room, a mirrored layout to my own.

    I start the shower for her and head back to wake her up. "Vari." I say softly, and she shifts. "Sunfire." She peers up at me, blinking sleepily. "Good morning."

    "What time is it?" She asks between yawns.

    "About eight." She nods, and I laugh at how she struggles to keep her eyes open.

    "Come on, I started the shower for you." I pull her to her feet and watch as she shuffles off to the balcony and her own room.

    I head out into the hall, flagging down a guard, arranging for food to be delivered to the meeting room within the hour.

    I get all our notes together and organise some of the chaos only Avari can ever navigate. A quick glance at the clock tells me she should be halfway done getting ready. I get in the shower, and not even a moment later, the door opens.

    "Avari."

    "How did you know it was me?" She asks.

    "Because no one else is just barging in here." I say dryly, I can picture her rolling her eyes.

    "I'm looking for my thigh holster." She says, and I can hear her going through the pile of our clothes in the corner of the bathroom. "I swear I left it in here."

    "The brown one or the black one?"

    "Black."

    "It's in your drawer." I put that one in the drawer in my armoire, the one that quickly became hers.

    "Thanks, Xaden." She leaves right after that. She must be wearing a dress if she's looking for it. By the time I get out and dressed, she's lying on my bed reading.

    I ignore how at home she looks, like she's always belonged right here, in the middle of my life. "Ready to go?" She nods, getting up, not once looking away from the pages.

    She aimlessly reaches for her bag and slings it on. It's the one she's been using since I gifted it to her for her birthday last year.

    It's as we're walking, her eyes still firmly on her book, trusting me to be her eyes, that I realize we match. The dress she's wearing is the same shade as blue as my shirt, my pants are black, and so are her boots, holster, and bag.

    Gods Garrick is going to be insufferable once he sees us at dinner tonight. Once we turn the corner to the hallway towards the meeting room, does she put her book away.

    I see the slight change in her, the mask she slips on, and she's back to advisor Avari. The guards open the doors for us, and in we walk.

    We're the first to arrive and quickly take our seats. She perks up when she spots the table with coffee and fruit. She gets up and makes two cups, handing me one that's made just the way I like it.

    "You did this." She says once she sits down, with a large bowl of strawberries.

    "You think I didn't notice how you skipped dinner yesterday to work." She ducks her head, avoiding my eyes.

    "It wasn't on purpose." I sigh, but my reply is cut off when people start to walk in. She smirks when she sees both Walkers walk in and gives me a victorious look. "Alright gentlemen, grab some refreshments, and then we can begin."

    I watch from the corner of my eye as Jay takes the seat to her left, moving it closer to her. She stiffens slightly but keeps her expression neutral.

    I, on the other hand, don't bother hiding the glare I send his way. It's enough to get him to move his chair back a little. She looks my way and mouths a thank you.

    "If we're ready." I say, and Avari gets up to spread one of the maps along the table, careful to avoid Jay and his father, Nathaniel.

    In today's meeting its us two, the two Walkers, Nicolas Lampton, Gren Vorta, and Peter Brusson. They're the four heads for the main farming lands. Avari and I had agreed that this year, we would switch things up and use the fields for two of the families to increase crop yields and profits.

    Then, the next season, we'd switch. This would allow for money for everyone and more food for the kingdom. It is honestly a good idea. It even accounted for rest time for the fields to allow the soil to replenish.

    Avari even suggested some of the smaller farms transition into speciality crops. Which is a great idea that would need to be a whole other meeting though.

    We propose the idea already anticipating Nathaniel's objection. He's a stickler for tradition. Personally, I think it's why he has so much of a problem with Avari.

    Avari's the first of her family to be born here and will be my advisor. Typically, that honour went to a child of a loyal family. But when the time came for my father to select someone, he said only her name came to mind.

    It's why a lot of the court doesn't like her. They don't view her as one of our own, and most of them have children they had hoped would take her role. Garrick has mentioned that they also think I'll end up married to her, so that adds fuel to their hatred.

    In reality, Avari is all things Tyrrish, and she's more loyal to our people than anyone else. If she were to decide tomorrow, that she no longer wanted to be my advisor, then I simply would not have one at all. It's her or no one.

    "That is not how we do things." Nathaniel starts off, and it's really a good thing I got some food into Avari, cause when she's annoyed and hungry. Gods save whoever tips her over the edge.

    She holds it together, keeping her reaction contained, I can tell she's pissed only by the slight twitch of the side of her nose.

    "I am well aware that this is not the way we would regularly approach arranging for the new fields. However, with the Apostasy underway, we need to ensure a steady food supply." I have to sip my coffee to keep from laughing. She's explaining it to him like he's a child.

    His fists curl up, and I know we're in for a long meeting. Sure enough, he starts on a rant, one that the others try and interrupt. I know better than to intervene until he's finished, Avari however decides she has had enough.

    She stands up suddenly, her chair dragging against the floor harshly, silencing him long enough for her to interject.

    "Nathaniel, as it stands, this is not a matter for debate. This will happen, and if you continue to fight it, your fields will be on rest for the next three seasons."

    He looks to me, and I can tell from his expression that he's about to say something that's going to piss me off too. "You are not anyone of importance, Navarrian, especially considering the only title you have here is in training. It's time you let those with real power speak." He looks at me pointedly, but I focus on Avari.

    She looks stunned, and then she nods. "Very well if that's what you would prefer, but I'll remind you that I was born in this very home. There will come the day when I am no longer in training, and when I advise our King, the first thing I'll do is go over who should be employed by his crown."

    She doesn't give him time for a response. Instead, she walks right on out. "The attitude on that girl." Mutters Nathaniel.

    The doors open, and immediately, they all get up and bow. It's not Avari who walks back in, but my father, the King. "Dad."

    "Xaden, I thought the meeting had ended, I saw Avari heading out."

    "There was a misunderstanding, your majesty. You know how they are at the age, especially the girls, very emotional." My father stares at him and raises an eyebrow.

    "I see, and what exactly was it that had her reacting so emotionally as you put it?" He sits down in her discarded seat.

    "I was simply explaining to her that the plans to switch how we manage crop yields and rotations were not our way." He sighs, and we see through his act. "It's hardly her fault, being Navarrian she just doesn't know our way."

    "She is Tyrrish." I say firmly. Avari would never admit it, but it hurt her that she wasn't accepted as one of our people.

    "Not really." Jay mutters, and gods do I want to hit him.

    "Perhaps, but she is not Tyrrish enough to be allowed such a prestigious position and do the people justice. It's a betrayal to all those whose families have been loyal to the Riorson family for generations."

    "He isn't wrong." Viscount Vorta says. "I have heard others share that sentiment."

    "So have I." Viscount Lampton adds. "Many think that perhaps she should be removed from the position, and instead, it be given to a loyal family's child."

    "There is also a concern about how much Navarrian influence will be forced onto our own kingdom. After all, she may be Tyrrish, but her parents still actively serve King Tauri."

    "I see, and you doubt your King's decisions?" He asks. "Because in all the years that I have had you four decide the seasons crops, not once did you come up with any ideas that double our yield, and ensure the land can heal. Whereas Avari thought of it within one night of being tasked with it."

    That shuts them up, all but Nathaniel. "Sir, there is a solution to this to keep her in her position and still keep the nobles happy."

    "And what would that be?"

    "She could marry into one of the noble houses, take their name, that would satisfy most if not all." He places his hands on his son's shoulders, moving him forward.

    "She could marry me." Jay says, looking at me as he speaks, a smirk on his face. "It would be my pleasure to help keep tensions at bay."

    I laugh, I can't help it. "Avari would sooner carve her own lung out before marrying anyone."

    My dad surprises me when he inquires more on the idea of her marrying one of the nobles' sons. I stare at him stunned because what the fuck is he doing.

    "She'll be mine Riorson." Jay says voice low, meant only for me to hear. "Even your dad knows its a good idea. He'll order her to be my wife and take my name." He steps towards me. "She'll come home to me, carry my children, and I'll treat her for what she is a-"

    "If I were you I wouldn't dare finish that sentence." He grins.

    "You won't do shit." He looks over at my dad, the implication clear. "As I was saying, I'll treat her for what she is, a whore." I don't hesitate to tackle him to the ground. I know I won't have long before they pull me off of him, so I make ever hit count, I hear his nose crack under my fist.

    It's over too soon and I'm being pulled off of him by two of the guards. He gets a hit to my jaw as they drag me away. "You ever say that again and I swear to the gods the first thing I'll do when I'm king is strip your family of its land and title."

    "Take him out." My father orders and they drag me out onto the balcony, where they both grin.

    "We heard what he said, good hit." Marcus says with far too much joy, like he's imagining he's the one to have done it.

    "You definitely broke his nose." Sam says with pride. Out of all the guards, I'd trust him the most with Avari. Hence why he tended to be on guard wherever we would be. Surprisingly she hasn't put that together yet. Which is a relief, because if she found out he has the instruction to protect her over everyone else, including myself, she'd kill me. 

    I pace the length of the balcony, anger still flowing through my veins. Who the fuck does he think he is, acting like Avari is something to own rather than someone to earn.

    I swear with Loial as my witness if my father even so much as suggests she marry that bastard, I'll take her and run. Avari would sacrifice everything for Tyrrendor, I will not allow her to sacrifice her future happiness.

    An hour passes and my anger dies down. The sky darkens, and the air grows thick as the wind picks up. The door finally opens and I expect to see my father standing there, only it's Avari looking at me far too amused. The smile on her face drops when she sees my face. "The King says you're both dismissed, I've got it from here." They nod bowing to us both before walking out.

    She places the tray she was carrying on the table as she comes over and stands beside me. She doesn't say anything handing me a damp cloth. I use it to wipe the blood off my hands, as she simply stares out at the mountains.

    I toss it onto the table, and break the silence between us. "I'm not apologising to him, I don't care how pissed off his daddy is." She bites her lip to keep from smiling.

    "What happened?" She asks as she reaches up, her fingers lightly tracing my jaw. There's a frown on her face and I can already see the regret forming in her eyes.

    "It doesn't matter, he deserves it." Her gaze meets mine and I swear I nearly get lost in the endless shades of blue in her eyes. "Even if you were there it wouldn't have changed anything."

    "In that case the only reason you'd attack him is if he said something about someone you love. So that leaves only four options." She pauses to think. "It wouldn't be your dad, I don't see how Bodhi or Garrick could come up, so that leaves your mom."

    I look at her, does she seriously not consider herself on that list. "He was talking about you." I interrupt. "He was saying how you'd be his, like you were some kind of object he could own." Gods I should've hit him harder. "He said he'd treat you for what you are, and I just snapped."

    "You lost control because of me." She says it in disbelief.

    "Why is that so surprising to you?" She looks away, and I'm confused as to how we got here. Did something happen? "Avari." I say her name as a warning, ready to start making my way through people to figure out why she's shut down. 

    She doesn't respond, and my mind is made up, I'm halfway to the doors when she speaks, its barely audible over the wind. "I never know if I'm loved." I whip back around to face her. "I don't think I am capable of being loved." She clarifies, still refusing to look at me.

    "What?" Her words hurt, how have I never noticed she feels this way? I walk back over and gently guide her face to look at me, there are silent tears rolling down her cheeks. "Talk to me." She shakes her head, and I am this close to getting on my knees and begging her. "Please Sunfire."

    "I'm not sure I'm capable of being loved." She repeats softly, her eyes holding a pain I've never seen before.

    "Why would you ever think that?" I demand needing an answer, and to know who's ass to kill. 

    "My parents." She admits, looking back out towards the mountains. "They never stay Xaden. For as long as I can remember they come and go as they please, and I understand that they have a job, but they could stay an extra day or two and no one would say anything." She takes a breath. "How can I believe I'm loved when they never even think of spending time with me, and if my own parents dont love me enough to stay then how could anyone else?" Thunder shakes the sky, fueling her point.

    Everything starts to click together, the way she always takes on more work, why she doesn't want to get married, how ready and available she is to help. Like if she isn't of service, no one would want her around. I run through my mind, and realize I don't remember ever hearing anyone say the words to her, least of all her parents.

    Gods she really doesn't think anyone loves her. I'm at a loss for words. "I'm sorry." She whispers, stepping away. "I shouldn't have said anything."

    "You have nothing to be sorry for Vari." I pull her into a tight hug. "I love you." She freezes, and that's what does me in. "I love you so fucking much and I will say it and prove it as many times as you need me too. Until you know, without a doubt, that you are loved." 

    Her body shakes and as she cries, so do the skies. We stand there in the pouring rain, and I whisper it to her over and over. That I love her, because I had always shown it, but I never said it. 

    Words don't mean anything without the actions to match, and action don't mean shit if you can't even say the words. They need to match otherwise there will always be doubt. Avari said it before in regards to something else entirely, but it fits perfectly for this. 

    She stops crying and I don't stop holding her. Gods was I an asshole. The amount of times she's said I love you to me, and not once did I say it back. That would be the first thing to change. 

    I don't let her go, not until she finally pulls away. Her eyes are red and puffy. I don't know why but it hurts to see her like this. You do know why, my mind supplies, it's because you are in love with her. 

    "What am I?" She asks. "Jay said he'd treat me for what I am."

    I sigh. "He called you a whore." 

    "Oh I thought it was something bad." I don't like the way she brushes it off so easily. 

    "Why are you acting like this isn't a problem?"

    She laughs before she realizes I'm serious. "You can't get mad." Which is arguably the worse way she could start a sentence. "I thought Garrick told you already, but uh its kind of a common trend with some of the noblemen."

    "That they call you a whore?" I shout. 

    "Not to my face." She reassures like that somehow makes it better. "We overheard them once, they said and I quote, 'always special treatment with that girl, you know its because she spreads her legs for the Prince and his friends.'" She shrugs like it isn't a big deal. 

    "I'll handle it." She shakes her head. 

    "No you will not." She softens realizing how harsh her tone is. "Xaden, I'm the only girl in our group and I'm relatively good looking, that alone would have gotten the odd comment. But the fact that I'm in one of the most coveted positions in the kingdom, they'll always have something to say against me."

    I shake my head and start to pace. "They should know better, everything you do, every decision you help me make, its all for our people."

    "And as long as you know that." She turns my arm causing me to face her. "That's all I care about." Another round of thunder, makes me aware of the fact that we're still out here in the rain. 

    She looks at home out here, as herself, free from everything. "Avari." I pause trying to find the words. 

    "Xaden." She says teasingly. 

    "I love you." She turns fucking bashful, which I didn't think was a word I'd ever use to describe her. 

    "I love you too." I'm not sure how long we stand there, staring at each other. Lightning streaks the sky and that sparks into running inside, our laughter echoing through the sky. 

    As we head back to our rooms, water trailing behind us does she bring up the idea of her getting married. "Your dad, he told me about how the nobles want me to marry one of their sons." She says it so easily, like that very idea doesn't fuck my world off it axis. 

    "And what did you say?" Because the only reason she'd even bring it up is if she was considering it.

    "I told him, that I'd only become the royal advisor when you're King." She reaches for my hand, the way she's always done when she's nervous or anxious. "So if its the will of my King, I'll do as he orders." I stop us in the middle of hallway, not caring who we inconvenience.   

    "Then I'm ordering you now." She is all too ready to sacrifice her future if I ordered her too. Ready to do whatever I said, it terrifies me, how she just hands her life over to me, trusting whatever I decide. 

    She strengthens her back like a soldier at the ready and nods. "So who is it?" I don't try and read the emotions in her eyes, there's far too many, the only two I focus on are the trust and love she has for me.

    "No one." I say firmly. "Anyone who has a problem with you can deal with me directly."

    She smiles, and then she says what I knew she would, she puts our kingdom first. "It will help calm the unrest between the nobles, like it or not having them happy helps you. I can always step aside-" I immediately cut her off.

    "Fuck that." She blinks in surprise. "Its you and I. All day in my head I refer to things as our people, our meeting, our kingdom. You really think if you woke up tomorrow and decided you didnt want this job anymore, I'd just choose someone else."

    "Yes?" She says it like that's the supposed to be the right answer but knows somehow it's wrong.

    "Sunfire, it could only ever be you. There is no one else I trust as much. Its you Avari Solaris, or no one at all." Its a declaration all in its self. 

    She practically glows at my words, and I can see the hint of pink on her cheeks. "Oh." 

    "I will never use your life as a political move, and the day I do, is the day you leave me." I say firmly. "Okay?" 

    I phrase it like a question, but its an order. One of the few I have ever given her. If the day ever came that I treat her like a piece on a chess board is the day I am no longer someone good for her.

    "Okay." She promises.

    We continue back to our rooms, so we can change into something less soaked. When Garrick runs into us along the way, and the moment he sees us he bursts out laughing. 

    "Did you guys try and fight the rain?" Avari rolls her eyes amused. 

    "We won clearly." He snorts, and I see the devilish look on her face. "Garrick" She says sweetly. "You have something in your hair."

    He reaches up and ruffles it, and she shakes her head. He sighs and leans down so she can remove the non existent piece of fluff. Instead she jumps up and hugs him, her legs secured around his waist, affectively soaking him too. 

    I laugh watching his expression morph from surprise to horror. A few of the staff walking through the hall stop and watch in amusement. "Still want to be a smartass." Avari taunts as he tries and pry her off of him. 

    "This is a new shirt." He complains giving up on trying to get her off of him. "I'm going to have to change now." 

    She grins dropping off of him. "I just didnt want you to feel left out." He rolls his eyes, casually moving an arm over her shoulders. 

    "You're a child." He teases. 

    "I am not." She says with a huff, which only encourages Garrick. Back and forth they go as we walk. 

    "Are too."

    "Am not"

    "Are too."

    "Am not."

    "You both are children." In unison they stick their tongues out at me. They whisper conspiratorially behind my back and everytime I turn they quickly pretend to be looking at art on the walls. 

    When Avari heads into her room to change, I turn to Garrick. "Sam already told me what happened." He reassures.

    "Good, but thats not the only problem." I toss him a shirt before changing my own. 

    "Is it the fact that you and Avari were matching." I don't need to see his face to know he has a teasing expression. I turn to face him. 

    "She doesn't think she can be loved." His expression drops and he looks confused. 

    "What?" 

    "It caught me by surprise too. But once she started to explain and I really thought about it, I don't know how I missed it." He falls silent and I know he's thinking things over. I can tell the exact moment it clicks in his mind.

    "Fuck how did we miss that." He mumbles to himself.

    "I don't know." Before we can decide how to approach this she's walking back in through the main door. 

    "We have class in ten." She reminds Garrick, we both take her in. She's wearing a skirt that goes at most halfway down her thighs, and a cropped tank top showing off her toned midriff. I feel my pants tighten and immediately move to my desk to offer some cover for my current situation.

    "Are you trying to give Blackwell a heart attack." Garrick says amused.

    "Its not my fault she's easy to rile up, besides we're hitting the gym after class." He nods and she looks over at me. "You going to survive without us?" 

    "I'll manage." She grins and they leave together, gods does she look hot in black.

    As soon as they're gone there's a knock at my door. My issue fades away as I chase away the thought of her. "Your highness, his majesty is requesting your prescence." 

    "Understood." I head out the room and towards my father's study. The elite guards open the door for me and I take a seat. 

    He looks up at me, and I can't figure out his expression. We just sit in silence with each other, and I refuse to break it first. 

    I end up breaking it but only because Avari's class is ending soon. "I'm not apologising for what I did. He deserved it for what he said."

    My dad sighs. "You can't just fight someone when they insult you." 

    "He called Avari a whore." I interrupt, sure enough he pauses. 

    "As your king, that's still not a valid reason." He grins. "As your father, you did a good amount of damage for less then a minute."

    "He just said the words and I was moving." I admit. 

    He's silent as he thinks. "I'm sure she's already told you that I've talked to her about marrying one of the nobles sons." 

    "She has."

    "So I will ask you this. Do you want her to be your advisor?"

    "Of course I do."

    "I want you to think about it son. The implications and repercussions of having Avari as your chosen advisor and subsequently your regent."

    I don't need to think about it. I meant what I said to her earlier. It's her or no one. For my father's sake I do sit there and think.

    I think of the implications of the person I'll go on to spend the most time with, is her. That everyone will always wonder what else is happening behind closed door. That our future partners may not like how close we are. That everyone will look at her as having slept her way to keeping her position. 

    I don't care what they think about me, and Avari doesn't give a fuck what they think about her, not if I'm still in her corner. We started off chosen for each other but now, now we choose one another.

    Honestly fuck the repercussions someone is always going to be upset by something. I might as well have someone I trust without a doubt by my side. Someone who will put our people first, who is all the things a ruler should be.     

    "You chose her for me then." I remind him. "I'm choosing her now and for whatever comes next. Its Avari or no one." I've said it multiple times today, yet it doesn't annoy me. I could say it everyday for the rest of my life, and it wouldn't be any less true.  

    He looks at me with pride, like he was expecting to hear nothing else from me. This was a test, a show of what was to come. That every step of the way they would try and tear her away from me, it's a laughable idea. There is no force in this world that could ever separate us, least of all this fucking court.

    The doors open, and in walks the topic of our conversation. She has a playful pout as she speaks. "You didn't pick me up from class." 

    "Sorry Sunfire, had to sort some things out with dad." Her eyes light up. 

    "Ooh someone's in trouble." She sing songs. "How long did it take for you to cave and talk?"

    "An hour." My dad supplies.

    "Looks like my stubborness finally rubbed off on you a little." My father laughs and his demeanour softens. 

    "That it has." He nods to the door. "I'll see you both at dinner." 

    "Garrick is waiting for us in the training room." Avari bounds over and gives my dad a quick hug. "Bye Uncle Fen." She's out the door when my dad speaks. 

    "Xaden." I turn back to look at him. "I'm proud of you." 

    "Thanks dad." Avari is already halfway down the hall when she looks back at me. 

    "Are you coming?" 

    "Of course, can't let Garrick have all the fun of kicking your ass." She scoffs and immediately launches into a rant about how we're all evenly matched. 

    By the time we make it to the training room she's a ball of energy, inspite of it being roughly twenty four hours since her last proper meal. 

    There's a group of kids our age, the sons of other members of court. Great. They all stare at Avari, not that she pays them any mind. I swear I see one drool. 

    She gets right onto a mat and Jay immediately takes the other end, his face all healed from a mender. He glances at me, smirking at the bruise on my jaw. 

    "What do you say Avari, think you can handle me?" She barely spares him a glance, she's focused on spotting Garrick.

    "I'm looking for a challenge Walker." The guys he's with laugh at the insult, and he clutches his fist before smirking. 

    "Then let's make it interesting, when I win you spend the night with me." 

    She raises an eyebrow. "I'm not interested in a bet." 

    "Scared you'll lose." She looks over at me and I can tell she wants to kick his ass. 

    "What does she get when she wins?" I ask, because she's going to win so what's the prize.

    "What does she want?" 

    "You leave her alone." 

    "Deal." He says with a grin. "But after tonight she'll be begging to stay by my side." Avari looks annoyed, and that's a good thing. Most people when annoyed and angry, they fight like shit, Avari however is not most people. 

    "One round, winner takes all." He nods and Avari walks over to me. "You're not going to lecture me?" I shake my head.

    "Kick his ass." She nods throwing her hair up into a ponytail. Garrick makes it over to us by this point, and quickly puts together what's about to go on.

    "If you lose I'll disown you." He warns.

    "Then I might just have to lose."

    "Don't." We say in unison and she laughs.

    "I was kidding." She glances over to where Jay is taking off his shirt. "I'm going to make him regret ever coming here today."

    "That's my girl." I ignore Garrick's teasing look as she gets on the mat.

    They each take their side and one of the guards mediates. "Three, two, one. Begin!" She doesn't even give him time to react before she's on him.

    She runs through a perfect sequence of punches that I taught her just last week. The last hit gets him square in the jaw and he stumbles back. "Not so cocky now are we?" 

    She's purposely taunting him, knowing he'll rush at her. Sure enough he does, and she spins out of the way tripping him in the process. She's on top of him right after that. Arms pinned behind his back with no remorse, she makes it hurt, which isn't her usual style.

    She locks eyes with me, a smirk on her face. She's making him suffer for me. He refuses to yield even though he's clearly lost. "Yield." She orders. 

    "I'm not yielding." She leans down and whispers something to him we can't hear. "You bitch!" She grins and slams his face into the mat. A loud cracking resounding through the room.

    There's blood everywhere. "I said yield." I don't know how he still thinks he's going to win this.

    "I'm not yielding to you." The guard who's supervising hasn't stepped in yet, if anything he looks like he's enjoying the fight too.

    "Then I'll make you." She pulls his arm up and to the side, there's a sickening pop as it's dislocated. 

    "I yield!" He yells and she gets off him. His friends come over and help hold him up. 

    She pats his cheek and in a mocking voice says. "You almost had me." Garrick and I laugh, it only pisses him off more, and with his good arm, goes for her face. 

    His movement is sluggish, and she easily dodges it, putting both hands on his shoulders and kneeing him right in the groin. 

    Everyone winces as he goes down. "Maybe that'll teach you what happens when you go after what's mine." Then she turns back to us with a smile on her face and blood on her fingers. 

    "That was hot." Someone mumbles and she doesn't pay it any mind.  

    "So can we train now?" She asks. 

    "You going to kick our asses if we say no?" 

    She grins. "Maybe." Her tone is teasing as she walks over to the weapons booth. "My bow and arrows please." 

    The guy hands them over to her, and she straps the belt her quiver is on across her waist. Garrick and I move to the mat closest to the range, swords in hand.

    While she shoots, we fight. Every now and then I glance over to see her hitting thrown targets dead on. It's honestly a sight to behold, she's absolutely lethal, and completely zoned in.  

    The quiver at her side is strapped to her leg, like its molded onto her, and when she drops and rolls, she still hits her target dead on. 

    "So what do you think she said to him before she broke his nose?" Garrick asks while we hit the weights. 

    "No clue, but she did not have an ounce of restraint with her actions." It reassures me, knowing that if a situation ever calls for it, she won't hold back.

    "You know, you should tell her how you feel." I keep my eyes on her as he speaks. "She's taking her cues from you. If you don't tell her how you feel she's eventually going to try and move on, because she'll believe you don't feel the same."

    "Has she ever told you how she feels?"

    "No but-" He's ready to defend his point. 

    "But nothing. I am not going to risk losing her, on the chance that she doesn't feel the same." With that I head over to where she's collecting arrows. 

    "You and Garrick done already?" She questions not even looking back.

    "How did you know it was me?" She looks at me like I'm an idiot.

    "Xaden I have spent a lifetime with you, I could recognise you at any time, anywhere." 

    "Might just test that Sunfire." 

    "How?" She asks amused, as she turns in her weapons. I shrug, and she just laughs. 

    "I'll see you guys at dinner." Garrick shouts from across the room. 

    "Don't be late." Avari shouts back. 

    "Me, late, never." She turns to me.

    "He is so going to be late." I nod in agreement, outside of meetings and class, never once has Garrick been on time. 

    Once we are back in my room, I decide to take another shower having broken into a sweat during the workout. By the time I get out, she's not in the room, a quick glance and I spot the open door. 

    Avari is out on the balcony, sitting on her favourite chair. I lean against the door watching her read. She loses herself to the world between the pages, not even noticing me standing here.

    She whispers the odd comment to herself, occasionally laughing, or looking annoyed. Watching her read was entertainment of its self.   

    I glance at the clock, it's only four, we still have two hours before dinner. I glance between the work I need to get done and her. My feet are moving before I even make the decision.

    There's enough space for two in the seat she's in, and the moment I'm settled, she's leaning against me. "We can do something if you're bored." She says after finishing another chapter. 

    "I'm fine Sunfire, you're plenty entertaining when you read." She carefully slips in a bookmark, placing her book on the table. 

    She gets up and reaches for my hands, she huffs when she can't pull me up. "Little help here." 

    I shake my head amused. "Nah you got this." 

    She glares at me, and digs her heels in, leaning back for added leverage. She goes a little too far back and slips. I move in a flash, catching her before she hits the ground. 

    "Ha got you up." She says victoriously.

    "You fell on purpose?" I pray that this isn't going to become a regular thing with her.

    "No, but it worked out for me." She drags me behind her, and I grab her book as she does. 

    We pass the rest of the time playing card games that drive her insane everytime I win. I personally think Zihnal gets amused by how annoyed she gets by my luck, hence my winning hands. 

    She doesn't bother to change, instead just taking one of my sweaters and slipping it on. She zips it up halfway, but it still falls off her shoulder. 

    My dad, Bodhi, and his family are already waiting by the time we arrive. We're waiting on Garrick and his dad, as well as Liam and his mother. 

    We take our seats, and Avari immediately starts discussing something with Bodhi. She teases my uncle, and joins my aunt into bullying my dad. She fits seamlessly into my family, like she's meant to be a part of it. 

    By the time the rest join us, with Garrick being twenty minutes late, do we eat. When Avari is distracted, Garrick and I take turns slipping more food on her plate. We manage to trick her into eating a proper portion size and it's honestly a win. 

    It's after we eat, do plans for the Apostasy begin to be brought up. Avari pays close attention, practically memorising the words, as she keeps notes for us all. 

    There's a lot of moving parts, and still a lot that needs to be done before we can truly begin. I don't miss how she pays close attention when her parents are mentioned.

    Anger fills me, because while everything they've been doing is for the Apostasy, is for Tyrrendor really. They completely neglected their daughter. How could they look at her and be able to walk away. To choose to miss out on the chance to know her. I could never do that, not willingly at least.  

    Her hand finds mine, resting it ontop of the fist I didn't even realize I had formed. She doesn't draw attention to it, just rubs her thumb against my skin, it works to calm me down. Once my fist relaxes, she slips her hand into mine, not once looking away from the maps being used. 

    Her eyes dart to mine briefly, silently asking if I'm okay. I just squeeze her hand twice, our signal for I'm okay now. She smiles and goes to let go, but I just keep her hand in mine. 

    Once dessert is served she's smug looking at me pointedly. I sigh sliding my plate over to her. As per our bet from earlier, she gets my dessert. She takes a bite of my cake before sliding it right back to me. 

    "Just wanted to annoy you." She explains, before taking a cookie off one of the trays. I shake my head, this girl. 

    After that we're done for this weeks updates, I'm sidetracked by Bodhi, and by the time I turn to ask Avari something, she's long gone.

    I don't think too much of it, but I start to worry when I get to my room and she isn't there. I check hers and she isn't there either. I can't see the lake from here but I know she's not there. I made her promise not to go at night. 

    I'm not sure where else she would be. I get drawn to the roof, so I climb up the ladder hidden in the corner of the balcony. As soon as I'm up here I feel ridiculous, there's no way she climbed up and decided to stay. Still I feel drawn forward, and what real harm is there in checking. 

    So I keep forward, and then I see her. "How do you always manage to find me?" She asks once I sit down beside her. 

    I nudge her shoulder. "There is no where you could ever be, where I don't find you." She smiles and leans against me. 

    We sit there staring up at the stars, it's peaceful, and we can just be what we are. A boy and a girl, not two people who are going to inherit a kingdom. 

    "Thank you." She whispers. 

    "For what?"

    "Everything." I don't respond, just tucking her into my side, kissing the top of her head. 

    The moon rises higher into the sky and we catch sight of two dragons on the horizon. "My parents." She says softly. "Your dad told me they were getting back tonight, I usually sneak out and watch. Sometimes its the only time I see them when they come back."  

    "Do you want to go see them?" I ask as the dragons get closer. 

    "What's the point?" She watches as they pass by towards the landing zone. "You can head in. I'm sure you'd rather be in your bed."

    "I'm right where I want to be." I reassure. We fall into silence and when she's finally ready to leave she stands up, and let's me lead the way back. 

    Once we're securely back in my room, she heads for my desk. "I am ready to work." She let's out a yawn at the end. "That was just a show of what I would do if I was tired. Which I am not." 

    "You're not fooling anyone Sunfire. You're exhausted." She brushes it off taking her seat.

    "I'm fine shadow." I sigh, and walk over. I pick her up by the waist, throwing her over my shoulder. 

    She pounds my back lightly. "Put me down." She orders but it doesnt come across as one, not with her laughing. 

    "If you say so." I toss her onto the bed and she smiles. I know the look in her eyes, she's about to try and get away.

    "Xaden." She shrieks, when I lay down ontop of her. Her laughter fills the room as she tries unsuccessfully to get me off of her. "Glad one of us is comfortable."

    "I'm extremely comfortable, in fact I think I might just fall asleep." 

    "Don't you dare." She warns. Eventually we shift enough so that my head is on her stomach, while I lay between her legs. 

    Her fingers threading through my hair. If I had my way, we'd stay in this moment forever. Locked away from the world, just the two of us, with her looking at me with those eyes. 

    We fall asleep, like that. Intertwined in a way that you can't tell where one of us begins and the other ends. My last thought before I succumb to sleep is the easiest decision I will ever make. 

    Once Tyrrendor is free, I'm going to make her my Queen, and more importantly I'm going to be her husband. 

    A life without Avari is just not a life worth living.