I Should've Seen This Coming
Within the weeks leading up to challenges, we fall into a routine. We run in the morning, breakfast, class, lunch, gym, class, dinner, training. We did homework during meals and assignments in the evenings we didn't train. They also got assigned the shit jobs no one wanted. Which meant I volunteered for the same thing. All three of us ended up on breakfast duty, I hate it.
It was nice though having a steady routine. Most of the first years were still here, a few died on the training mat, and tomorrow, I might add to it. I had gotten the patches I had tried for. Professor Emetterio was impressed with me, and while he didn't explicitly say it, he was also impressed with Garrick and Xaden. A few days after we earned our patches, did the other guys in our squad do too. Male ego is an interesting thing.
Tonight, I was in the gym late with Annalise, helping her perfect her technique. She was worried for tomorrow, and she was so sweet, I couldn't say no. She was the bridge between the clear divide in our squad. The boys were in their dorm or getting laid. It was unclear. Truthfully, I'd rather not know about who Xaden is sleeping with, not while I have some sort of feelings for him.
I don't think anything of it when she heads back to the dorm with Bethany and Pierre, who's taken over training her. I get out some of my excess energy on a punching bag before calling it a night myself. I hear the faint sound of footsteps, and it has me feeling uneasy. I slip out a dagger from each side of my rib, palming them. I was right for it because as I'm halfway down the hallway, two people come out in front of me. Another two sets of footsteps echo behind me.
"So what's happening here?" I question, glancing between the two groups. They're all guys, and I don't think they're here to kill me.
"We just want to repay you for your kindness, beautiful." The two in front of me I recognize once they step closer to the light. The ones from the first day of classes.
"Thought I said I like my men manly." I shoot back. "And haven't you suffered enough of an embarrassment when I pinned you to the door."
"We thought you deserved your own turn." The look he gives me sends shivers through my body, and not in a fun way.
They start walking towards me, as do the other two behind me. I send one knife flying for the mustache guy's throat. The unmistakable squish of a knife sinking into flesh fills the quiet hallway. He's choking on his own blood, and like an idiot he pulls the knife out. His body collapses, and the sound of metal hitting stone echoes. They all stop where they are. When it's clear no one hears it, they start to circle me. I throw the other dagger into one of the other guys' shoulder.
He screams when it cuts through his layers of muscles, ligaments, tendons, and whatever else is there. His friend rushes to his side, pulling his shirt off. He yanks the knife out and presses the shirt against the wound.
"This shit ain't worth our lives, man." He shouts as he helps his friend shuffle down towards the healing ward.
"Just us."
"Less to share." He says easily.
I have just enough time to draw the blades at my lower back before his own knife comes towards me. We go back and forth, and I hate to admit it, but he's skilled. He manages to slash my arm. I can't help the scream that escapes my throat. I retaliate by dragging my knife across his stomach, blood spurting out all over me.
"You bitch." He spits out, pining me to the wall, both hands around my throat. My blades clatter to the ground. I force myself not to panic and claw at his hands. That won't work. Instead I focus on trying to grab a blade. My hand is covered in my blood, and my vision is starting to spot. I finally grab it, and go straight for his eye. He drops me, and I fall to my knees gasping for air.
"What is going on here?" I get up on shaky legs, a weapon drawn, only to go back down to my knees. I flinch at the hand that reaches for my injured arm. I didn't hear the person get closer, still trying to fill my lungs with air.
"You're okay, look at me." I look up, and its the guy from Battle Brief, the one with the idiots friends.
"They are idiots." He agrees. Wait I said that out loud. "You did, you just need a second and your brain will right itself." I nod.
"Okay." I manage to say, but it hurts to speak.
"Don't talk." He orders. "Is it alright if I take a look at your arm." I nod, and his touch is gentle as he inspects it.
He rips off the bottom of his shirt and presses down, I hiss in pain. "Sorry sunshine." My face must betray my confusion at the nickname because he explains. "Cause your last name is Solaris, and you're like a ray of sunlight."
I'm surprised no one else has called me that before. Its right there.
"We got to take you to healers." Where the other three are, who are going to be even more pissed off when they see me. "I won't leave you alone." He reassures. "Although by the looks of it, you can handle your own." He helps me stand, but my knees give out again, only this time he's there to catch me. "You okay if I carry you?"
I sigh but nod. No way I could make it there while my body is still refusing to operate the way it should. I know its a combination of blood loss, shock, and the suffocation, but its frustrating. I've been tortured for Amari's sake, I shouldn't be affected by this.
He demands I be seen by Nolon, and he is immediately shut down and told I'm not as bad as the other two I sent here. So his friends did carry the one I stabbed in the eye here.
Fuck my weapons. "You're worried about your daggers right?" I nod, this dude was shockingly good at reading body language.
"We'll go grab them." One of his two friends say. I barely noticed them moving the curtain to speak to him. I give them a thankful look, and they just smile my way.
"They'll also go get Selena, since she's your Wingleader." It's then I notice that he has patch that marks him as a Section Leader for Second Wing. I don't see his name anywhere. So, I point at the badge and then him. He looks puzzled for a second but put its together. "I'm Blake Northenson." I smile and Nolon walks in. He looks exhausted, and I do the action of writing something down. He passes me a pencil and a pad of paper.
Just stitch me up, you look exhausted, I can come by tomorrow and you can mend me.
"Its fine Avari, you just happen to know exactly where to strike to do maximum pain without death." I grin, but tap back at the note, and look to Blake for help.
He sighs, and shakes his head, but he can't hide the fond look on his face. "Something tells me she'll end up with her way anyway. I'll personally bring her back here during breakfast."
Nolon let's out a noise of relief and nods. "Thank you dear." He takes his time with the stitches, and Selena alongside Blake's friends walk in. I write down a thank you, when they present me with all my discarded weapons. I resheath each one, feeling whole again. Selena dismisses them and Blake.
"I'll come find you in the morning sunshine." I nod, and Selena takes his seat.
"I'll be right back with a salve for your throat."
"You know Alastair did say you attract trouble. What happened?" She asks gently.
Trapped me in the hallway to the dorms, I attacked. Killed one guy.
"Yeah we already cleared out the body."
Injured another in the shoulder, his friend brought him here.
"Yeah I saw them. You did good work, Winnifred told me you severed everything to the bone."
Alastair made sure I was trained. Last guy got a lucky hit in, when I got him back, his rage took over. I got him in the eye before I was going to black out. Did he lose it?
"He lost the eye." She confirms, pointing to one of the blades on my ribs. "That one did it." I grin.
"Here we go dear." Selena takes it from him, and gently applies a thick layer to my throat.
"So what's this about Northenson finding you in the morning." She says it teasingly, and wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. I shake my head.
The only way to get Nolon to take a break was him promising to bring me here tomorrow morning.
"You are exactly how Alastair described you." She says it fondly. "Every letter I get from him he asks about you."
He's worried.
"No, well yes, but he misses you more." I miss him too. "He might even show up when I tell him about this." I give her a hopeful look and I know she nearly caves.
Please don't tell him.
"I promised him I would." I sigh but nod. "Come on let's get you back to your dorm."
She walks me down, telling me about her and my cousin. These two are so in love it was nauseating. I probably wouldn't find it this way if it were anyone else but my cousin, but alas. I fall asleep the moment my head makes contact with my pillow, and next thing I know Annalise is shaking me awake.
"Thank the gods." She mutters letting me sit up. The other girls around us are looking at me with the same concern and questioning looks.
"I'm fine." I say even though it comes out strained. It doesn't hurt like yesterday, but I'm not going to go out of my way to say more than I need too.
"If you say so Vari. The boys are waiting for you, I can send them off." I shake my head.
If she sends them off they'll just break down the door to get to me. I sigh and swing my feet down to the ground. I tuck the pad of paper and pencil into one of my pouches and head out. I'm barely two steps out before I hear the sharp intakes of their breath.
"What happened?" Xaden demands as they guide me to the closest window. Like the sunlight is somehow going to help them get more answers. I take out the pad of paper, and show them what I had wrote last night. "Who was it?"
I'm not telling you.
"Why?" He demands.
Because you'll kill them.
His eyes darken, and I know I'm right. "They deserve to die for coming after you."
Not like this. It has to be on the mat or at Threshing.
"Everything okay here?" They immediately move me behind them as Blake walks over.
"He helped me." Its enough to have them back off and let him closer.
"You're looking about as good as I last saw you sunshine." I shrug, the bruises on my neck are in a variety of colour. "Come on Nolon is waiting."
"We'll take her." He doesn't walk away, and I realize he's waiting for my confirmation. I nod and he heads off, glancing back at us, his concern as clear as day.
"Is it just your arm and throat." Garrick asks.
I nod, as we head towards the Healers. I should've realized that the other two would still be here.
"Avari right over here dear." Nolon has me sit down on one of the beds and he unwraps my arm.
He removes the stitches which hurt like a bitch. But Garrick is there holding my hand, as Xaden glares at the two from yesterday, and the guy's friend who walks in a few minutes after us. The mending itself doesn't take that long, and I'm used to the feeling. I stretch my arm a few times, and nothing feels off.
"Thanks Nolon." Thank the gods I can speak again. I glance towards the other two. "I'm okay."
"You could've died." Xaden argues.
"I didn't." He doesn't say anything else to me, just heads for the door and we follow. "So how mad do you think he's going to be?" I whisper to Garrick.
"Not as mad as he will be when he makes me promise something you already covered." I wisely keep quiet. "You're really okay?"
"I won."
"That's not what I asked."
"I'm okay Garrick. I've gone through worse." I reassure, he grabs my arm stopping me.
"What do you mean worse?" Of course that's the part Xaden hears, and now I have both of them pressing me.
"I don't want to tell you." I say quietly. "Please don't make me tell you."
"Avari, whatever it is, you need to tell us." There's a slight panic on both their faces.
"Come on sweetheart, we promise we won't judge."
"Its not that. Its just, I don't want you to feel guilty, or anything." I know Xaden, he'll blame himself for this.
"Avari." Xaden’s voice is like a warning. He's asking, and I have always been powerless in denying him.
"There was a cost." Garrick eyes widen going back to our talk weeks ago.
"Avari what did they do to you?" It's the first time it's ever sounded like he's ordering me.
"They didn't touch me in that way." I quickly say before they start jumping to conclusions.
"Sunfire tell us please." Xaden's voice is stern, but borderlines begging.
"We're going to miss breakfast." It's the only excuse I can muster, and they both look at me like I'm insane.
"We really don't give a fuck." I give in.
"Maybe a week or two into staying in the Palace, King Tauri said that my uncle was in town, and that he wanted to meet me for lunch. So King Tauri had a carriage arranged." I hesitate to continue. I had planned on never telling them the details of how I earned the court's trust.
"Keep going." Garrick urges.
"The carriage was ambushed, and I was taken prisoner. When I woke up, I was blindfolded and tied to a chair. I'm not sure how long they kept me, Alastair estimates no longer than a month." Xaden is staring at me like the details of what happened will be revealed to him if he looks at me long enough. "They set it up to make it seem like Tyrrish soldiers had gotten me, the interrogation went on for hours at a time. They cut me open, waterboarded me, burned me, broke bones. They used every trick in the book to convince me that I was really in danger and in Tyrrish custody."
"How did you know you weren't?" Garrick asks.
"Well first, no Tyrrish soldiers would be stupid enough to take me and not kill me immediately. They know it would come at the cost of their own lives, and I recognized one of the voices months later."
"How did you get out?"
"I did what my mom had taught me. Played the role of loyal Navarrian and partially shielded." My mom had trained all of us on how to shield and ground, but my dad he took it further. He taught me how to keep a partial shield, and sell my lies as truth. It required me to have two rooms to ground in.
It only worked because of the fact that Xaden’s room and mine were connected by the balcony, it was easy to picture in my mind. When I needed to sell my lies, I would ground without shields in my own room. When I needed a middle ground, it was the balcony. And when I needed to protect the truth and raise my shields, I was grounded in his room. The place that was safest to me.
"Eventually once they realized they had gotten all they could out of me, there was a rescue. Next time I opened my eyes, Alastair was by my bedside, and there wasn't a single scratch on me."
"You should have told me." Xaden isn't angry like I thought he'd be, it makes it so much worse.
"How bad was it really?"
"I-" My need to protect them is being overwritten by the fact that they need to know. "It was bad. I didn't break, I know that for sure. I refused to eat or drink, I was ready to die. Near the end I was begging for them to end me already."
I don't expect them to pull me into a joint hug. It's nice, protective, safe. I cling back just as tightly.
"Anything else you're keeping from us." I shake my head. That really was the last piece.
"This was my burden to bear."
"Avari, listen to me, you aren't alone anymore." Garrick says gently, cupping the side of my face. "You need to lean on us again."
"I'm trying." I say softly. It reminds me of when I ended up in the Healers Hall from overworking. He told me the same thing then too. To lean on him.
He sighs and nods, kissing the top of my head. "I know sweetheart."
"Xaden?" I question, he's been so silent. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"
He cuts me off. "You have nothing to be sorry for Sunfire. Nothing." I nod, shivers running down my spine as he stares at me so intensely it feels as though he's trying to reverse what was done to me. "Fucking hell Avari, you should have told them the truth."
"You really think I'd cave just because I was being tortured. I made a vow Xaden, the day the Rebellion failed, your life for mine."
"You almost died. You wanted to die." He argues back.
"But I didn't die." I need a better argument then that, but it's really all I have right now.
"Garrick." Fuck. "From now on Avari is your priority." I decide now is a good time to shut the fuck up.
"About that." He says glancing over at me. I keep my eyes focused on the floor in front of me. "I think that maybe we should all calm down first and revisit this later."
Xaden pieces it together far to quickly, looking between the two of us. "Are you serious right now?" He yells, and we both wince. "You're conspiring against me."
"Not against you." I correct, which is a mistake cause now his anger is going to be directed right at me. "For you."
"You are not to leave my side." He orders. "I swear to Malek himself the moment you do I'll-"
"Xaden, just take a breath." Garrick says.
"You don't start with me. You should have known better than to agree to any deal she proposed that put any life before her own." I sigh.
"Its not Garrick's fault and its not yours either. I was tortured to prove my loyalty and I did. Garrick made that promise to me because he knows if you die, everything everyone has suffered for will mean nothing." He's still angry, I'm torn between my own anger and exhaustion, and Garrick is clearly divided as to who he should be supporting here.
"I should not have yelled." He's still angry, just less loud about it.
"Its okay. I probably would have too if the situation was reversed." That gets a small smile out of him. "I should have told you the full details, I just didn't want you guys to go burn the Palace down to ashes."
"Someone thinks highly of themselves." I give Garrick a look that shuts him up.
"You can't keep doing this Avari. Throwing yourself into danger, creating targets on your back, hiding things."
"I'm sorry." Xaden holds his arms out, in a motion I know means if I move to him, he'll hold me close.
I do it, and his arms wrap securely around me. "Sunfire, you matter just as much as we do. None of this means anything, if we aren't all on the other side of it."
"I'll try and remember that." He sighs but he doesn't push it. Garrick's stomach rumbling ruins the moment. We both laugh while he rubs his neck sheepishly. "If we hurry we can probably still grab something."
--------------------
Things of course can never just be resolved peacefully, because when we hit the mats after lunch lo and behold who's squad we're up against. It's the two friends from yesterday. They both refuse to look in my direction, Xaden however is refusing to looking anywhere but them.
"Are you serious right now." I whisper shout at him. "Let it go." He ignores me and I look to Garrick for help, but he's the doing the exact same thing.
Men.
If things couldn't be worse, Xaden and the friend of the one who's shoulder I fucked up are the very first fight. Before I can say anything Xaden has a feral expression on his face as he takes his shirt off. "You said on the mat Sunfire." Any argument I did have, falls flat. So I like all the others watch them take the mat. It's embarrassing how quickly Xaden has the guy in a chokehold. I don't hear what he says because Garrick covers my ears.
"I am not a child." I complain, knowing it comes out like a whine.
"so I shouldn't have to teach you about eavesdropping." I ignore him and focus back on fight. His opponent hasn't yielded yet, still convinced he can break out. Xaden locks eyes with me, and I see the anger reignite like a spark, and a loud crack resounds.
"Riorson!" Professor Emetterio scolds but its too late his opponent is dead. Whispers break out as he gets off the mat and walks over to me.
I'm careful to keep my voice low. "Was that necessary my shadow?" I say it sweetly, even though my intent is anything but.
"Absolutely Sunfire." He has the audacity to smirk, this man. Gods. I don't think my luck can get any worse, but Zihnal seems to take it as a personal challenge. When Garrick takes to the mat he's fighting the guy who's shoulder I tore apart.
"Don't kill him." I order, but I know its pointless. The way he's positioned I know he's going to go straight for the throat. It'll be a quick death at least. I hear what he whispers before he strikes.
"You never should have gone after her." The guy can't even reply as Garrick's knife sinks into his throat.
"Tavis." Professor Emetterio shouts. "Off the mat." They’ll try and get the guy to a mender but he will bleed out long before they make it.
They stand beside me as we wait for my match. The message they send is clear, I'm off limits. "You both are impossible."
"Tough it out sweetheart." I'm not even a little annoyed if anything I'm amused.
My fight is quick, I put the girl I'm fighting on her ass within the first two minutes on the mat. I get a jewelled blade for my efforts.
Once dinner comes around, I finally get the chance to shower. I feel clean once I reach our table. I don't bother grabbing my own food, instead just taking Xaden’s fork from his hand.
"Would you like my kingdom too while you're at it." He says dryly.
"Oh relax I'm just having a bite." I take two, just to annoy him, before passing it back to him. I scan the room looking for Blake and his friends. I owe them a proper thank you now that I can speak. I finally spot them in line. "I'll be right back." I don't give them the chance to reply before I make my way over.
"Well look who lived." Blake says teasingly, and his friends make space for me to come between them.
"Did you really doubt I would."
"Not at all." I can't stop the smile.
"I just wanted to thank you all for your help yesterday. You didn't have too, so thank you."
He gives me an easy smile. "Nothing to thank sunshine."
The other two echo the sentiment, and I can feel Xaden’s eyes on me. "I'll see you around Northenson and idiots."
They laugh and nod. "Looking forward to it."
The second I sit back down with my boys, Garrick is already grinning. "So what was that about not flirting?"
"What was that about not liking Annalise?" I shoot back.
"Testy aren't we?" He mumbles, but wisely drops it. I lean against Xaden, letting my eyes shut.
"No training tonight, you need rest." Xaden says after I nearly doze off against him.
"I'm fine." I mumble not opening my eyes.
"You can't even open your eyes."
"By choice." I regret sitting up and forcing myself to be awake. I am exhausted.
"I'll walk you down." I sigh but nod. We make it maybe half a hallway from the dining hall, when he picks me up.
"I'm tired not handicapped." I argue, there's no one nearby so I don't bother escaping. He doesn't take us to the dorms, but instead through a door and up a staircase I have never seen before. It leads to another door, that reveals an open area. He lets me down in the center of the room. "Where are we?" I ask looking around. It's fairly spacious and empty.
"Used to ring the bells here until some dragons complained." Based on the design it could definitely serve that purpose.
"And we're here because?" I am beyond confused as to what we're doing here.
"Because you need to explain to me why you think your life doesn't mean anything."
"I don't think that. I just think its not the most important thing." Its the truth.
"Avari Solaris."
"Xaden Riorson." He glares at me with no heat. "Sorry."
"You used to talk to me." I sigh.
"I don't mean to do it. To be like this. Its just the past four years, I've just been in a survival mode. My only focus was to survive, train, plan, and get back to you."
He fills in the blank. "You don't know how to escape that."
"I don't remember how to not be alone." I admit quietly. I was still trying to do everything alone. Even if I convinced myself I wasn't.
He walks over and gently takes my hand in his. He walks us over to what looks like a balcony. I soften slightly, he found us a place like home. He doesn't say a word as we sit there. Staring up the sky, stars, and moon. We just exist, together, hand in hand.