Day One Of However Many
The next morning, I'm up early and out for a run. I run the path of the ground and for our classes, familiarizing myself with the route. You never know when you'll need to know the fastest way from point A to point B.
I'm on my way back when I see Alic waiting for me by the dorm entrance. "Hey Princess."
"Alic." I say, hoping whatever this is will be quick.
"Just thought I'd see how you were settling in. You never slept well the first night in the castle." He says, I don't point out it's because of where I was, and the company I was surrounded with.
"I slept fine Alic, if that's all, I'm hoping to shower before breakfast." Alic and I we have a complicated relationship, we were civil, sometimes even borderline friends, but knowing what I do about his views it could never be more.
Even if his father has suggested it before. I had declined, quoting that as the last of my family name, I should focus on honouring that, rather than marriage. It wasn't the best excuse, but when I also said that I needed to focus on the Riders Quadrant and keeping an eye on the Marked Ones, they all agreed that dating one of his sons would be counter productive to that goal.
"Oh, of course, I'll see you there." I nod and quickly slip back into the dorm, grab what I need, and head to the washroom. By the time I'm showered and dressed again, people are starting to wake up.
I head out and wait by the boys' dorms, twirling a dagger and making sure I'm good with its weight.
"Waiting for someone beautiful." I glance up at the guy who speaks, I don't recognize him, but I do his gaze. He's letting his eyes track over every inch of my exposed skin.
"Not you if that's what you're hoping." He laughs.
"Want me to call whoever you're waiting for?" He offers, and I am quick to take advantage of it.
"Oh yeah, if you don't mind." He nods. "Riorson and Tavis."
"Damn, what's a girl like you doing with trouble like that." Still, he heads in, and a few moments later, he pops back out. "They said to give them ten to fifteen."
I nod and go back to twirling the dagger. "Thanks."
He doesn't walk away, and I don't say a word. "You're the Solaris girl, aren't you?" I nod, no sense in denying it. "A word of advice."
"Something tells me we have different definitions of the word."
He grins this time there's a dark undertone to it. "Be careful of the company you keep, wouldn't want you becoming collateral damage." My dagger goes sailing, pining his shirt against the wood door. I hear the wood splinter as it sinks halfway through it, followed by a commotion on the other side.
"I suggest that you keep your advice to yourself, or the next one won't miss." I warn, the next blade already in hand.
The door opens and it's Xaden, the anxiety that was running rampant immediately dissipates. He looks between me and the guy I have pinned to the door. "Everything okay here?"
"Just fine." The guy responds.
"I wasn't asking you, was I?" He shoots back not even glancing his way. "Well, Sunfire?"
I smile and nod. "Yeah, everything's fine." Garrick chooses that moment to stick his head out and immediately starts laughing.
"Already putting people in their place, aren't you Vari?" I step forward to go grab my dagger, but Garrick shakes his head.
"You know me Gare. Making friends wherever I go." Then Garrick pushes the door he's pinned to, towards the room, and I can see everyone staring at him.
"You can go now." I say. He tries to move, but I know its in too deep.
He glares at me as the others start to laugh, it's Xaden who removes my dagger, and tosses it over to me. They watch as I catch it with ease. "Lose something?"
"Funny shadow. Are you sleeping beauties done getting ready?"
"Just another minute Vari." Garrick confirms.
"I can keep you company." A guy with a mustache offers.
"I prefer my men manly." I shoot back not even looking his way. There's a row of laughter as I wait and a minute later both of them are out and we head down together. We get our food and take our seats. Choosing the table in the furthest corner, that way we don't have to worry about an attack.
"So are we going to talk about the fact that you seem keen on getting all the attention and enemies you can?" Xaden asks casually.
It catches me by surprise, and I choke on my drink. Garrick pounds my back as I cough. "Are you trying to kill her first?" He jokes as he passes me his cup of orange juice.
I drink it gratefully and glare at Xaden, who just looks at me unaffected. "No, we shall not."
"I could just order you."
"That's really an abuse of your power." I mutter. "It's to take some of the heat off of you both." I admit. "You didn't let me take those marks with you and they didn't brand me a traitor like the rest of you."
"Avari," his voice cuts through me. "I'm not going to apologize or feel bad for keeping you alive."
I sigh. "I know that. It's just this is something I can do for you both to keep you safe. So I'm doing it." I declare.
He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Was she always this difficult?" He questions to Garrick.
"Yup, it's just worse now that she looks like this." I look at him offended.
"Like what?" I demand.
"You know what." He says, like I'm being dumb.
"No, I don't." I reply, confused.
"How could you not?" I glare at his tone.
"Because I don't spend hours staring at my reflection like you do." He groans.
"It was one time because someone screwed up the dosing." He says exasperated.
"You're avoiding the question. I look like what?"
"Hot." Xaden interrupts. "You look hot as all hell, and half the guys in here haven't been able to keep their eyes off you."
"What are you talking about?" I mean yeah one or two have looked at me, but that's just because I stand out. With all the gold and company I keep, how could I not?
"Seriously, Avari." Garrick says in disbelief.
"You've always been pretty, Sunfire, but you've clearly grown into your looks the past few years because now your jaw dropping gorgeous."
"Interesting word choice." I say praying my cheeks aren't red.
"It's not my own. It's from the guy three bunks down from me." He takes a sip of his coffee, looking me over. His tongue licks his lips before he speaks. "I don't disagree though."
That should not be as hot as I find it. I'm saved from a reply by the death roll being read. But I can feel his eyes on me, and based on the smirk on his face, I'm definitely crimson. I mean I know I look good, since we were split up I have spent nearly everyday training for this Quadrant. I filled out nicely on all fronts, and I do know the clothes I've chosen show that. The corset especially highlights my slight hourglass frame, and the shape of my breasts.
After breakfast, we head to our first class. It's history, and after all the things I've been forced to learn training to be Xaden's advisor, this class is going to be a walk in the park. Battle Brief is interesting. We all stay silent, learning the facts and information Navarre is making the mistake of sharing. I have a plan, one I've been working on since I was separated from Xaden and Garrick. I have thought out every aspect, everything that could go wrong, all I needed was a way in, and to catch them up.
I feel eyes track my movements, and I let my gaze dart around the room. There's two guys watching me from across the room, I recognize them as second years. The guy between them notices and hits them both in the chest. Whatever he whispers to them causes them to look down in shame.
He makes eye contact with me and shakes his head in a way that says they're idiots. It's a movement I am well acquainted with, and I shrug back with a smile. What can you do. The grin on his face tells me he knows exactly what I mean by the gesture.
"Are you flirting right now?" Garrick whispers, and I immediately snap my eyes away from the guy.
"No, of course not." I defend, focusing back on my notes. "He was just being friendly."
"New rule, anyone being friendly to you is flirting." I turn to look at him.
"That is in no way true. Some people just have manners and don't think with their dick like you." I accuse him, and he laughs wholeheartedly.
I settle back and glance back towards the guy, whose friend notices and whispers something to him. I look towards Professor Devera and Professor Markham. No way was I going to give Garrick anymore reason to tease me.
Xaden rests his arm behind me, and I nearly forgot he was here, observing the whole interaction. I glance up towards him, but he doesn't say a word. Garrick, on the other hand, has a pleased look on his face, and I sigh.
Men.
Still I don't complain, having Xaden close again, it's all I have been waiting for. The hardest thing to adjust to after the Rebellion failed, wasn't losing my parents, it was not being near him. I had forgotten how it was to do work with Xaden. We've attended a few meetings like this. Obviously not as packed, but same kind of energy.
One of the men on the council, Nathaniel, he would bring his son with him. To teach him to follow in his footsteps, and well, he didn't hide the way he would leer at me. He was decent looking, but he would creep me out so I was always careful to never be alone with him. Both him and his dad, they watched me, like I was a deer they were hunting, and Xaden hated it.
One day, ever so casually Xaden decided before I sat down, to move my seat right beside his. It worked for a while. They would stare less, argue with me less, and it made the meetings easier. But then it started up again. So one day, mid meeting, Xaden just did what he did now, casually moved his arm around me, as he continued to write. It had taken me by surprise, but I went with it. It quickly became a warning to everyone in court. If they were pushing whatever line Xaden had associated with me, his touch would find mine in some way. It always worked to get them to back the fuck off. I realized later that it was a claim. A casual way of asserting himself, one that was perfectly fine for two childhood friends. One that I still wish meant something more.
Battle Brief came to an end, and I start packing up when Alic comes around with three other guys in our squad.
"Princess, I was wondering if you'd like less traitorous company for lunch." He asks easily, and I realize he is completely ignoring his father's request. To leave me alone so I could learn about any less than loyal action or speech, from the Marked Ones.
"She's fine where she is, Tauri." Xaden's voice is low, a threat clearly behind it, and as sweet as it is. I have to make it clear that I don't need protection.
He moves so he's right behind me, and I can feel his warmth. I have to resist the urge to lean back into it. "She can speak for herself." I say firmly.
They laugh, and one look from me shuts them up. "Well then Vari, don't keep us waiting." Garrick says, his tone light, his eyes dark. I know they're all ready for someone to make the first move. If it wasn't for the fact that who I sit with, is a thinly veiled cover for who I'm loyal too. I'd kick all their asses.
"I'll stay with my crown." Alic grins as though he's won, and I realize he does think that. Gods I forgot how stupid this boy is compared to Aaric.
"After you, Princess." Xaden tenses behind me, and of course, this idiot thinks I don't mean him either. Xaden and I need to sit down and talk, because apparently he needs a refresher on who I am loyal to too.
I laugh, surprising them all. "I am a child of Tyrrendor, so when I say my crown, I will always mean the Riorson family. You should do a better job at knowing who's actually under your rule, Tauri. Prince Aaric never would have made that mistake." His friends snicker and hide their laughs.
He just glares at Xaden and Garrick, like they're some type of poison infecting my mind. Then he looks at me with a soft look, the kind that if it came from anyone else, I think I would melt.
"You'll realize your mistake soon enough, and when you do, I'll be waiting." There's a promise in his words and I am not sure how to feel about it. We wait until they fully walk out the room before dropping our guard.
Xaden’s arms snake around my waist, and he rests his head on my shoulder. This is bold for him, not the action, but the location. We are in the middle of enemy territory. Where he's basically waving a bright coloured flag saying hey my only weakness is right here in my arms.
"You're an idiot." I say it because he knows he fucked up doubting my loyalty.
His breath tickles my ear as he replies. "I know." I hum back enjoying the feeling of total security only he could ever really give me. "I remember telling you once that loyalty is what flows through those veins of yours."
"Loyalty to Tyrrendor, to our people, our friends." I whisper. "How could you forget that." I turn to face him. "Doubt that my loyalty is to anyone else when it has always been to you." I can't keep the hurt out of my voice.
"Its been years Sunfire, I just needed the reminder, that I was still someone you thought was deserving of it." His words get to me, because Xaden is never vulnerable like this, at least not when were in public and in front of someone else.
Garrick to his credit, doesn't say anything, he's just surveying the room to make sure no one else comes in.
"You're an idiot." I say full of affection. "You'll always have my loyalty for both when you deserve it and when you don't." He nods kissing my forehead before letting me go and turning to face Garrick.
"So do I get a kiss now too honey bear." Garrick and I laugh at the sigh that escapes Xaden, and I laugh even harder at the bewildered look on Garrick's face when Xaden does in fact kiss him on the forehead too.
We head to lunch, and I plan on not eating anything, but the joint glare they give me has me putting something on my tray. I don't eat a lot, I'm too focused on the fact that we're hitting the mats next. It's an irrational fear I know. But I'm worried someone is going to take advantage of first day confusion to try and kill them.
Xaden moves his leg, locking it with mine under the table. It calms my anxiety enough to stop my knee from bouncing like its being paid by the minute. Still minutes later my hand starts turning the ring on my finger, as my mind races. Garrick just takes my hand, and intertwines it with his own.
"No one is going to kill us." Xaden says softly. It's the fact that he doesn't lie and say nothing will go wrong that stops my mind from spiralling.
I calm down and squeeze Garrick's hand twice, he takes it as a sign to let go. I tap the table twice but Xaden doesn't remove his leg, and I don't push it. In a lot of ways, he's the thing that's keeping me tethered to this world. Without him, well there is no without him.
We leave soon after and I stretch to get ready for my first fight, even if it isn't for points, I'm treating it like it is. Professor Emetterio pairs up all up, and I get one of the boys that was with Alic. I'm first up, and I turn to Garrick, taking the time to disarm ten of the twelve daggers on me. They sit in a little pile in his hands, and he looks at me amused.
"You really came in expecting a fight." I grin, as I start to wrap my right hand up.
"By the time we graduate asking me to disarm will be quite the show."
"That's my girl." He says with pride.
"I think you mean mine." Xaden’s voice cuts through our moment, and his eyes seem even darker if that's possible.
"Oh relax you're both big boys now, I'm sure you can learn how to share." He takes a step forward and that closes the space between us.
He casually takes over wrapping my left hand, and whispers just for me to hear. "Don't go getting any insane ideas now Sunfire. You should know by now I don't share you with anyone." I look up at him, expecting to find some type of indicator that tells me he's teasing. What I find instead is that he's serious about his words.
"Xaden..." We lean a little closer and he breaks the moment.
"Go kick his ass." I nod, not trusting my words. I get on my half of the mat.
"You got this Anthony." One of the girls in our squad shouts. Becca I think, gods I don't know, there are too many people.
He takes his end, and we circle each other on the mat. I know Garrick and Xaden are watching me with an intense focus. For any mistake I make, any weakness I show, anything they could fix in training later.
If it weren't for the fact that my cousin put me through the ringer, I'd be nervous right now. But Alastair made it his personal mission, to get me every kind of training he thought would help. So he made me take combat lessons, weapons training, and even made me learn how to dance ballet. I hated that the most, but I couldn't deny it made me flexible and fast.
I'm calculated and I take every opening Anthony gives me, I'm toying with him, but only because I need to make it clear I can hold my own. To everyone in this room, they need to know that I am not to be messed with. I get in a clean hit on his nose, and I feel it crack under my fist, before I get him in the jaw next. There's blood flowing down his face, and anger as he just straight up rushes me and tackles me to the ground.
My body slams into the mat as his hands find my throat. He doesn't even bother to secure my legs properly, and I flip us over. It takes me two attempts though and I know Xaden is going to have words about that later. I keep Anthony firmly pushed down, using my hips for added stability. I catch ear of some whispers, the main theme being the guys here would like to know what it is to be in this position with me in the bedroom.
"So are you yielding or are we wasting time?" He glares at me as he tries to break my hold, and I sigh. I move his arms so I can keep them pinned with one hand, and I move my right arm to apply pressure against his neck.
"I suggest you yield now, before you black out." Garrick advises, as I push harder and I see him start to pale. He taps three times on the mat, and I ease off.
"I yield." He gasps, and I'm off him in a flash. I offer him a hand, and he takes it. Then I'm back to their side, rearming myself. Two fights later and Garrick is up next, he's against the girl that was first put in our squad. Annalise I think.
Xaden is staring at me, and I look at him. "What?" I question. His fingers tilt my chin up, and he inspects the marks on my neck. I see the anger swirling in his eyes as he glares at the retreating figure of Anthony. He doesn't move from my side until its his turn on the mat, and that's not before he gives Garrick a pointed look.
The message clear as day. Don't leave her side.
Garrick's fight was quick, he had her pinned to the ground within two minutes, and only had a lucky hit to the jaw to walk away with. Unlike Annalise who definitely would be walking away with a few bruises. I notice his glances towards her. He so likes her.
Xaden and Alic are the last fight in our squad and everyone stops what they're doing to watch.
"Hold this for me Sunfire." His voice low, he's looking at me as he takes off his shirt. I forget how to speak as he hands me his daggers and shirt. I nod, not trusting myself to try and say a word. When did he get that ripped? I swear I feel the heat pooling between my legs, and I snap myself out of it. This is not the time to be objectifying my best friend.
Their fight is ruthless, neither of them seem to be holding back, and I'm relieved there are no weapons allowed, because I don't doubt they'd be fighting to kill. I realize quickly Xaden is doing what I did. He's toying with Alic. He takes a hard punch to his right kidney and Garrick is gripping my arm with iron tight grip to keep me from interfering. I don't even realize I had inched forward. I'm not surprised that the instinct to protect Xaden is still as strong as it was four years ago.
"Stop playing with him Riorson." I shout.
His eyes meet mine for a split second, a feral grin spreads on his face. I should not find it as hot as I do, but its too late for that. Then he's not holding back. We watch as he takes Alic to the ground, punching him repeatedly in the face.
"He yields." Professor Emetterio shouts. Xaden gets in one more punch before getting off him and walking over to me. His face is a little bloody, and I know his knuckles are going to bruise. I'm trying to look mad at him for putting himself in needless danger, but I know all that comes across is my amusement.
"Admit it, you were impressed." He says as he puts on his shirt.
"You wish." His fingers brush mine as he takes his knives and tucks them into the spaces on his thigh.
I frown at the sight of his hands, his knuckles torn. Once we're given the go ahead to leave. We do and head to Dragonkind and then we are done for today at least. It's during that class, where we're nestled in the back, that I take the hand that's furthest from me. He doesn't pull away, not even wincing when I disinfect the cuts, and carefully bandage them up.
I'm happy I had the forethought to pack medical supplies in my pack, because no way either of these two would ever willingly go to the Healers. He passes me his other hand and let's me do the same. I press my lips to the bandaged area. "Don't do that again." I warn, relieved Garrick doesn't catch the action.
His hand leaves mine, his finger tracing the bruises on my neck. "Goes for you too Sunfire."
I sigh but nod. Today we both had to make a statement, but tomorrow we would play it safer.
By the time we get to dinner I am done with all the people. There are too many voices and looks, and I am exhausted from having to keep my guard up all day. I know tomorrow will just be more of the same, but I can deal with that. I think its just the fact that they're both finally here with me, and I still can't have a real moment with them.
So I say I'm going to turn in early, and slip out of the building. I head out towards the river, slipping off my boots, and dipping my feet into the water. It reminds me of home, there was a lake by Riorson house. It was one of the places I'd go the most, when I needed silence, or to sketch. The only one who knew that was Xaden. He could always find me when I slipped away. Like he had some sort of internal tracker, always set to me.
"You used to be a better liar." I jump, cursing myself for letting my guard down and not hearing someone come by. In my haste to get up, I slip on the rocks, and expect to go crashing down. Instead I'm caught before I make contact with the ground, and I'm staring up at Xaden’s amused face. He gently lets me sit back down and he takes a seat behind me, his legs around mine. Its catching me off guard, how willing he is to be close to me, even if it might put more of a target on us.
I slip on my boots so I don't think about it anymore. "To be clear, I'm still an amazing liar, just not with you."
I lean back, making full contact with his chest, his arms circle my waist. "I missed you." He says his chest vibrating with each word. I don't say anything back, I'm afraid that if I start talking I won't stop. His head comes to rest on my shoulder. "I said I missed you." He whispers into my ear, my breath catches, all too aware of all of the places we're touching.
"I heard you." I swear he nuzzles my neck and my brain is this close to shutting down.
"Come on Sunfire, tell me what's going on in that head of yours." Because its Xaden asking, I answer.
"I was scared." I know he's confused, I've never been scared. Our entire lives nothing ever frightened me. Not heights, or the dark, not snakes, or even death.
I have never been scared.
"Of what?" I'm hit with the fact that it's been roughly four years, and he is still the person I feel safest to be vulnerable with.
That he is still my home.
"That I'd lost you." It's an admission, one I had kept to myself for so long. One I hadn't dealt with because if it ended up being true I wouldn't survive it. "The first year or two, every night, I'd be plagued with nightmares of you dying. I'd wake the whole house with my screams, even now I wake up every morning reaching for you."
"Hey I'm right here, we both are, together." It helps a little, feeling his chest moving with each breath. I didn't just miss him. I felt lost without him, like I was missing some integral part of me.
"I can't lose you Xaden. I can't." My voice is desperate and it's more like I'm bargaining with Malek than talking to him. "I barely survived my parents, but if I lost you..." My voice trails off, because I honestly don't know what I would do if I did. The only thing I'm sure of is that I'd follow him into death without pause or hesitation. There is no me without him, its been that way our whole lives.
That's why our parents always called him my shadow. They used to say, "Avari where's your shadow?" Like the sight of me without Xaden wasn't something that could ever be. He shifts closer, if that's even possible, and just holds me, and I know he knows what I would do without me even saying it.
"You are all I have left Xaden, and for four years, I never even knew if you were still alive. I can't do that again." I admit, letting myself be weak. He waits until my tears have stopped and I've calmed down. He moves back just enough so he can turn my face to see his own.
"You don't even realize it do you?" He says his eyes a mess of emotion like my own.
"Realize what?" I ask confused.
"That I can't do any of this without you. Everyday since we were separated, I regret not fighting to keep you with me, or just taking you and running. Since that moment I gave you that necklace, all I wish I had done was keep you with me. Those cuts were nothing compared to the pain of not seeing you everyday. Avari," He says my name likes it's something special. "Do you honestly think I would ever survive losing you Sunfire?"
My words fail me. I have always known that I mean something to him but to hear just how much. To know that as ripped apart I felt so did he. It starts to put the pieces back together.
"All that's kept me going during the worse of it, was knowing that I would see you again. There is nothing in this world that will ever keep me from you again. Nowhere I won't go to find you. I need you to understand that."
I snuggle into him, peering up at his face. "I missed you."
He grins. "Just had to make me work for it, didn't you?"
I don't reply, choosing to kiss his jaw, over his Rebellion mark. We stay out here the whole night talking, catching up, leaving no secrets between us.
Aside from the one where I want to sink to my knees and show him just how devoted I am to him.
As the sun rises, we are exhausted, but we are also completely and utterly us again. It's everything I've needed the past four years, and from the way he looks at me, I know its the same for him.