Chapter 1
"Can you believe it? After being hunted for almost a year, we're finally returning", said Harry with a sigh of relief. "No Voldemort, no sleeping in tents, no bloody mushroom stews-"
I arched my eyebrow at him.
"I mean, your mushroom stew was not that bad", Harry corrected himself hastily. "But after a few weeks, the taste becomes...intense."
I smiled slightly at Harry's obvious embarrassment and rolled my eyes.
"It's fine, Harry. I get it. I'm not the best cook."
Carefully, I smoothened the parchment in my hand. It contained my timetable for my seventh year. Of course, I had taken as many courses as possible (and did not even bother to glance at Divination), but to my disappointment I could not take all.
If I wanted to excel, I needed to study as much as my schedule allowed. The only problem was, I could no longer study at night. Not since my nineteenth birthday.
"Hello? Earth to Hermione?"
Harry waved his hand in front of my nose, snapping me out of my thoughts.
"Sorry, what was that?", I asked and absentmindedly stowed my timetable away in my bag.
"Ron already left for breakfast", said Harry, "he's meeting Lavender in the hall. I thought you would appreciate it if I would not let you get exposed to their exchange of saliva."
I smirked.
"Why, thank you", I said gratefully and rose from the couch that was in the center of the common room. "Shall we?"
Ron and I didn't work out. It didn't take me long to realize that. He hated books, I hated brooms. He loved staying up at night to discuss Quidditch, I loved reading about...well, anything. Ron enjoyed to lie in bed in the morning, while I occasionally took strolls outside before the sun rose.
Do I have to spell it out for you? Ron and I weren't a good match.
Which was fine. We were still friends. I didn't really appreciate seeing him and Lavender swallow each other's tongues every day, but hey, everyone has to make sacrifices.
Harry and Ginny got together. That was not a big surprise at all. That only left me as the only member of our golden trio without a boyfriend, but I wasn't really in a rush.
The boyfriend I actually needed didn't exist.
How did I know that?
Because I didn't believe in true love.
****
Harry and I took our places at the Gryffindor table beside Ron and Lavender. The two of them had, thankfully, started eating, which meant their morning ritual of saliva exchange was over.
I made myself a toast with cranberry jam and let my eyes wander through the hall as I ate it. The divisions between the houses had mostly dissolved after the war. The Slytherins still pretty much kept to themselves, but the hatred between them and the Gryffindors had been broken down to a slight discomfort. Part of the reason was because the ringleaders of Slytherin, who had promoted the hatred against muggleborns, had all been sent to Azkaban after the war for murdering their fellow students.
To my (only slight) surprise, and also relief, I spotted Draco Malfoy along the seventh years. He never was a true Death Eater, I had known that since year five. Had Voldemort actually used his miniature brain to think, he would have realized that too.
My eyes moved along to the Head Table. Professor McGonagall was Headmistress now and she was doing an extremely great job. Professor Snape had become the Deputy Headmaster, despite his protests. But according to the school board, Professor Snape needed to be reintroduced to the public as a non-Death Eater. And making him the Deputy Headmaster was apparently the right way to do this.
Professor Snape was silently stirring his coffee, his dark eyes watching the students before him. While he was no longer a total shit towards us Gryffindors, he still ran a pretty tight ship in his classroom and did not hesitate to call out any misbehaving students.
Suddenly, as if he knew I was watching him, his black eyes found mine.
I blinked perplexed, then smiled slightly before I dropped my gaze and focused on my toast. He certainly looked healthier than before. His black hair was shorter, but still fell past his ears to his jaw. It was nowhere near as greasy as it had been two years ago. Professor Snape's skin had lost its sickly color and acquired a tinge of pink, although he was still way more pale than everybody else.
I had only spoken with him twice ever since I saved him in the Shrieking Shack. Once had been in the hospital. He was still recovering from Nagini's bite when I was assigned the bed next to him. Bellatrix had cut a nasty wound in my leg that needed treatment and that was how I found my neighbor in the next bed to be Severus Snape. It was only for two days before I got released, but I would have liked to think that during that short time, Professor Snape and I had had an interesting conversation about medicinal herbs.
The second time had been in Knockturn Alley. I had been shopping for some ingredients that I thought might help with my...nightly condition, when I ran into some unpleasant people. Three wizards, neither of them Death Eaters, but all drunk enough to pose enough of a threat to a woman walking alone in a dark alley.
I could have handled it myself. I'm not that typical maiden that needs a hero when she's in distress. I survived being on the run for a year, after all! However, that day, I did get to experience that Professor Snape was still the most powerful wizard I knew... and that he had strong arms. He apparated us both back to muggle London into a small street, and then we went our separate ways.
I swallowed the rest of my toast and sighed.
Yes, I had a crush on Professor Snape. It had started in sixth year, but it did not manifest itself completely until I saved him in the Shrieking Shack.
Ginny knew. But I would slice my tongue out before I told Harry and Ron. They would get a heart attack and a stroke, although I'm not sure in which order.
"You ready?", asked Ginny as she slid into a seat beside me. She had Potions with me, since we were both in our seventh year now. I nodded and gave her a soft smile. Getting my bag ready, I waved at the boys and walked with Ginny out of the hall. Harry and Ron always needed longer with breakfast, so they would catch up later before class started.
Anxiety settled in my stomach as I thought about my upcoming lesson. Would Professor Snape ignore me, as he had done mostly in the past seven years, or would he acknowledge that I actually did know what I was talking about? Since year four, I've tried to not only reproduce answers that were copying texts out of books, but he had never actually given me a chance to show that. Only during the one day at St. Mungo's, did I actually show him what I knew.
Five minutes before class, when everyone was assembled in the corridor (and Harry and Ron had made it in time), the door slammed open on its own.
Neville flinched slightly, but he quickly squared his shoulders and pressed his lips together, before he entered the classroom first. Yes, Neville Longbottom had gotten into the NEWT course of Potions.
Not bad, huh?
I smiled inwardly and followed, heading towards a table in the center. Ginny, Harry, Ron and (I sighed) Lavender sat down at the round worktable as well, leaving me to wonder whether I should not abandon them now. Ron was not bad at Potions, but if Lavender would distract him, then that would leave me once more with the duty to try to save his potion.
The door slammed shut and the few torches that flickered in the dark classroom roared higher.
"To those of you who have made it back into my class", a soft voice filled the room, "you must feel real proud of yourself."
I turned my head, trying to make out where Professor Snape was.
"This class will not be easy. Anyone who thought this will be a simple brew-by-the-book-Potions course may leave now. Before I throw them out."
Several gulps could be heard in the classroom. A rush of excitement went through my body. Finally, a chance to show that I could think on my own.
"There are twenty-four of you now."
A shadow up ahead caught my attention. Professor Snape was leaning against the front of his desk, his arms casually crossed in front of his chest. His black eyes swept over us students, lingering on me for a second longer than on the others. Or did I imagine that?
"Before Christmas, you will barely be twenty and at the end of the school year, only ten can graduate this class with a NEWT in Potions."
Potions was one of the hardest subjects to get a NEWT in. It was common in other Wizarding schools that students were competing for the spots in the program, but that had never happened here in the last...,twenty years or so. Why? Well, whether the rumors were true or not, who voluntarily wanted to have a Death Eater as a teacher?
"That means that I have to throw fourteen of you out of this classroom."
Uneasy looks were exchanged. I noticed that the few Slytherins, Draco Malfoy amongst them, looked certain of their success. A bitter taste developed in my mouth. Professor Snape wouldn't choose the Slytherins just because they were his house, would he?
Professor Snape smirked slightly.
"I will grade you every single lesson. If I find you slacking off, you'll be packing your things before you can even blink. Anyone who bothers to come late, will be out. Anyone who fails one of my tests, will be out."
A groan went through the rows.
"What was that?"
It became dead-silent in the room. A cold glint lit up Professor Snape's eyes.
"I thought so."
So he'll grade us based on our work, I thought and shivered excitedly. I mentally was already thinking about what books to get from the library. Definitely Potions Without Recipes. Professor Snape was the Half-Blood Prince, after all, meaning he was used to deviating from the instructions. I knew how to think a bit outside of the box in Potions, but if I wanted to stay in his class, I needed to up my game.
I straightened up slightly and my movement caught Professor Snape's attention. At the determined look in my eyes, I could have sworn I saw his lips curve slightly.
Bring it on, I thought firmly.
At the end of the first lesson, we were only twenty-two. The task had been to brew a Pepper-up Potion from memory, which, surprisingly, many had been able to do. Ron and Lavender had accidentally gotten their sunroot mixed up with the ginger and almost created an explosion. I had been prepared to catch the ginger before it hit the potion's surface, but a cold hand had shot out of nowhere and wrapped around my wrist.
Instantly, the ginger stopped in midair and flew back towards the table at the flick of the Potions Master's wand. All eyes were now on him, who towered over our table.
"Weasley", he hissed, "Out."
His black eyes bored into Lavender's.
"Out."
I barely allowed myself to breathe, and I don't think I could have even if I wanted to, because Professor Snape's hand was wrapped around my wrist.
He'll throw me out, I thought suddenly and my eyes went wide. I looked up at Professor Snape, not daring to move because he seemed really angry with Ron and Lavender at the moment.
He always hated it when I interfered with other's potions, even if it was just to prevent things like this.
"Granger!", barked Professor Snape and turned to me. I felt my face heat up in embarrassment, but forced myself to look into his eyes. I was not a scared first-year anymore.
"Five points to Gryffindor."
My mouth dropped open.
What?
He let go of my wrist and strode back to his desk. I traded a perplexed look with Ginny.
"When you brew", said Professor Snape and turned around, "your attention must be focused on your potion and your environment as well. Anything around you that threatens your work is a possible danger and needs to be eliminated."
I had to suppress a grin, despite my confusion. Did that mean that he should have eliminated his students long ago, since they were a possible threat to his potions?
"But never react by using your hand."
Professor Snape's eyes found mine.
"If you instinctively reach out to catch a poisonous herb, you'll not only lose your hand, but your reputation of being a good potioneer as well. Never use your bare hands."
Ron and Lavender left the room with their things and the door closed behind them.
I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and raised my hand to ask a question. Professor Snape shot me a slight irritated look, as if he had hoped he would make it through this first lesson without my questions.
"Granger."
"Some potions ingredients have magical properties, sir", I started, "such as Wolfsbane or Moonstone. Using a wand on them would ruin them and waste perfectly good ingredients. If we're not supposed to use our bare hands, then how should we touch them?"
Professor Snape quirked an eyebrow.
"I assume you have heard of gloves", he said dryly. Someone snickered.
I narrowed my eyes slightly. If he wanted to play this game, then fine.
"Most gloves for potioneers are not made for touching sensitive ingredients. Either the fabric is unsuitable and reacts with them, or the structure of the gloves is too rough and lose threads get stuck. And any foreign material on the ingredients will ruin the potion."
Students' eyes flitted back and forth between me and Professor Snape, as if they expected me to die any moment.
"There are smooth, special gloves, such as the ones made of dragonleather", said Professor Snape and smoothly pulled out a pair from his robes. He slid them onto his hands.
Hole moley, he looks hot in those.
My stomach fluttered.
"Dragonleather gloves are rare and expensive", I said, ignoring my own thoughts. I seriously needed to get a grip on my brain. "Most brewers don't have them, so what do you suggest they use instead?"
Professor Snape crossed his arms again.
"Dragonworm leather", he replied in his bass voice, not hesitating for a second. "Dragonworms are, as I'm sure you know-"
I bit my lip to hide a smile.
"-close relatives of dragons. Their hide is not as thick as the one of real dragons' and not as expensive, but it will do for most of the potions. And only the ones that can actually afford Dragonleather gloves brew the most dangerous potions."
He stared at me with his dark eyes, as if he was challenging me to disagree.
But I wouldn't because now I had my question answered.
I nodded slightly.
"Thank you, sir."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Harry shoot me a look that said he thought I was crazy for arguing with Professor Snape. But who else was I going to ask?
"Class dismissed."
Professor Snape turned around and took off his gloves again. I swallowed, realized how dry my throat had gotten.
He hadn't kicked me out.
I'm still in his class.
Once I had packed my things together, I met with Ginny and Harry in the hall.
"Girl, you have a death wish", stated Ginny with a grin. I glared at her, so she wouldn't let anything slip about...my crush on Professor Snape.
Harry shook his head.
"I finally had a lesson where he just ignored me, but you cannot keep your head down, can you?", he said.
I looked at him irritatedly.
"Why should I have to keep my head down? I just asked a question."
Harry's lips twitched.
"Good point. I just don't want to see you get thrown out of his class. I know how much it means to you."
You should know how much HE means to me, I thought involuntarily.
The rest of the day passed quickly. Ron and Lavender were not as disappointed as I thought they would be about getting kicked out of Potions. Perhaps it was better it had happened now, instead of them trying to keep up when it wasn't their passion anyway.
Herbology was interesting. Professor Sprout introduced us to a whole new category of plants, which were used in animagus potions. Those were potions that allowed a person to transform into their animagus form for exactly thirteen minutes. The potion could only be taken once in a lifetime, but it allowed someone to see whether it was worth to them to go through the whole procedure of becoming an animagus.
History of Magic was...as usual. Professor Binns certainly did not seem to realize that he was still dead.
After dinner, I finished some of my homework in the common room, along with Ginny, Harry and Neville. By the time the clock stroke ten, I yawned pointedly.
"Well", I said and smiled at the others. "I'm beat. I think I'll hit the sack."
"Goodnight", said Ginny and added, "don't forget to actually sleep instead of thinking about...Potions."
She smirked.
I rolled my eyes.
"Love you guys. Don't stay up too long, okay?"
Harry and Neville bid me a goodnight and I retired to my room. I had my own room because I was twenty now and Professor McGonagall had understood that it was not my desire to hang out with a bunch of seventeen year-olds all day. I wasn't the only older student who got their own room, Harry, Ron and many others did too. After what we had experienced during the war, we just needed some space at night.
I especially did not mind that my room had a window angled towards the black lake. Because that would be my home at night.
For as long as I lived.
By ten fifteen, I had warded my room and disillusioned myself. Then I grabbed my broom and opened my window.
I hated brooms. But in order for this to work, I needed to fly on one. I had practiced for months and was able to fly in a straight line, as long as I kept focusing. Casting a tempus charm, I swung my leg over the broomstick and opened the window.
I had never flown as a swan before. Swans needed to run a certain distance before they could fly and added to that, I've never been a fan of flying. So far, I've transformed at the shore of a small pond at home, paddling around until the sun rose again.
Ten eighteen. I had six minutes.
Before my courage could disappear completely, I jumped onto the window sill and out into the cold air. The wind whipped against my cheeks and burned in my eyes as I fell down, towards the black ground. My grip on the broom tightened and I leaned back, my heart hammering- and then I was shooting towards the black lake at an enormous speed.
I more or less crash-landed into an oak tree, but managed to get to the ground without breaking anything. I stayed beneath the trees that surrounded the lake because their shadows gave me shelter from curious eyes. However, I was not that stupid to actually go into the forbidden forest.
I dropped my disillusionment charm and stowed the broom away under a thick bush. My magic started tingling in my skin, driving away the anxiety and the cold that had started to seep into my clothes. I looked up. The half moon was not in my view yet, but I could feel it was rising.
Stay calm. You've transformed countless of times. It's just like at home...but with hundreds of students and several professors nearby.
I silently stepped towards the shore. The dark water sloshed quietly against the rocks, glimmering in the darkness. The reflections of the countless stars in the sky twinkled in the water.
At least it's a calm night.
Heat spread through my fingers, traveling up through my arms and then into the rest of my body. My view started to blur, but I could make out that my body was glowing softly in a white light. The heat intensified, a prickling sensation spread through my limbs- and then the glow stopped.
I blinked several times to get used to the change of perspective. My eyes had a wider range of view since they were on the sides of my head and that confused me every single time. Moving slowly to get accustomed to my new body, I stretched out my long, white neck. My wings were resting on my sides and I flexed them as a test. A soft swoosh sounded when my soft, white feathers moved through the air.
I let out a soft squawk, then moved towards the water. On land I was a waddling sight to behold, but once on water, my swan body became magnificent. I easily slid into the dark water, which barely felt cold to me, and silently swam out of the shadows. The center of the lake was now illuminated by the half moon and I felt its soft light warming my feathers.
I let out a sigh, which sounded more like a hiss. My blurred reflection gazed back at me in the water as I tilted my neck to get a look at myself. I was a mute swan, covered in white feathers from my head to my tail. But unlike a normal mute swan, my beak was not orange. It was golden. I had golden streaks and dots all over my feathers and several golden spots on my forehead as well.
Another sigh escaped my beak. I bent my neck and laid my head down to rest on my back. Then I closed my eyes.
****
"I can't believe we have Care of Magical Creatures so early in the morning", groaned Ginny at breakfast a few days later. "Did you see the fog outside? It's bloody wet and cold."
I grimaced. I didn't really fancy trekking out into the woods either. Knowing Hagrid, he probably had some wild creature he wanted to show us. He wasn't a bad teacher, he had actually started to change his syllabus a little. Instead of growling books and exploding lizards, Hagrid started showing more...less dangerous creatures.
I quickly gulped down my hot tea, savoring the hot feeling that went through my body. After spending a night outside on the water, I always felt a bit cold the next morning.
"You drinking that?", I asked Harry and pointed at his hot chocolate.
He eyed my confused.
"Are you coming down with a cold?"
"No, I just need some extra warmth before we go outside", I replied and gratefully took his mug once he pushed it into my direction.
"You Quidditch men are used to the cold", said Lavender lovingly, trailing a hand up Ron's arm. "It makes you hard and strong. That's so romantic."
I snorted into the mug and exchanged a look with Ginny, although she looked more disgusted than amused.
"Well, I'm gonna go", said Ginny and pulled me up with her. "We're going to grab some scarves and mittens. See you later."
She gave Harry a kiss on the cheek and pulled me out of the hall. I just managed to snatch the half empty mug off the table before I was tugged away. I would so not let that hot chocolate go to waste.
Once all seventh-year Gryffindors and Slytherins were assembled outside, Hagrid led us into the forbidden forest. Many students groaned under their breath and stuck their cold fingers into their pockets. I walked between Ron and Harry, while Ginny talked animatedly to Astoria Greengrass. Lavender did not have this class, which was a relief. As much as I tried to be friendly towards her, we just didn't click.
"What do you think Hagrid's gonna show us?", asked Ron and ducked beneath a low-hanging tree branch.
"A Japanese dragon", I said, deadly serious.
"Haha, very funny", said Ron with a grimace. "Not very fond of dragons."
When I remained silent, he said suspiciously: "You're joking, right?"
I shrugged and walked past him, suppressing a grin.
"Dude, she was joking, wasn't she?", I heard Ron ask Harry in panic. Harry answered something, which I couldn't understand because I was completely focused on what was up ahead of me.
Hagrid had led us onto a small clearing, surrounded by elm trees. There was a small corral on the grass. And in it were three baby mooncalves.
All had smooth, pale grey skin and large bulging blue eyes. Their four spindly legs ended in flat webbed feet.
"Hagrid", I said perplexed, "what are they doing here? They only leave their burrow during a full moon."
"You're absolutely right", said Hagrid brightly, "Five points to Gryffindor."
Pansy Parkinson rolled her eyes at me. She coughed into her elbow and it sounded suspiciously like "teacher's pet".
I ignored her.
"These mooncalves lost their mother a few weeks ago", said Hagrid to the other students. "It's my job to take care of them until they're old enough. Since I can't crawl into a burrow-"
Several laughed at that.
"- I'm keeping them in here. The corral is moved every second day, so they don't feel like they're stuck in one spot. In the moonlight, adult mooncalves perform dance moves and stand on their hind legs. Apparently, it's part of a mating ritual, but they leave confusing tracks on the ground while doing that. Many muggles found such patterns in their wheat fields and believed those had been created by aliens."
Laughter sounded in the clearing and Hagrid smiled happily.
"Now-", he clapped his hands. "Who would want to come closer?"
In the end, Hagrid's lesson wasn't that bad. I was really excited to learn about mooncalves and when we returned to the castle, many Gryffindors spoke about how cool his lessons had become.
"Let's leave our winter things in our dorm before Potions", suggested Ginny and I agreed. So before class, we stopped by our rooms, took off our hats, mittens and scarves and hurried back down into the dungeons. The other students were already there, waiting in the corridor.
"Is it just me, or do we seem to be less than before?", I mumbled to Harry.
He shook his head.
"No, you're right. I counted earlier. We're exactly twenty people."
So two more had quit. Or been thrown out.
"At this rate, there'll be two left by Christmas", said Ginny and wrinkled her nose. "Snape seems real serious about this."
"Of course it's serious", I said, "Potions can be dangerous. You know how many potioneers die or get injured because they add a pinch of something that they weren't supposed to? He's getting rid of all those who would make such mistakes before we're getting to the difficult potions."
Ginny swallowed.
"Now that you've said it that way..."
The door slammed open and the crowd started moving.
"I wonder who'll be chucked out today", Ginny whispered into my ear.
I gulped.
"Let's not think about that."
Inside, Professor Snape awaited us. His arms crossed, leaning against the front his desk, he surveyed us with his guarded eyes.
I slid into my seat, Ginny between me and Harry. With Ron and Lavender gone, our table seemed much emptier than before.
It got quiet instantly once everyone had taken a seat.
"You shall brew a fever potion", Professor Snape spoke. "No books or notes. Anyone cheating will be thrown out."
A murmur went through the rows.
"I expect you to review the basic potions regularly", said Professor Snape sharply. "Healing potions, Sleeping draughts, Skele-Gro, fever potions, Pepper-up potions- yes, even potions for womens' menstruation-"
I turned a slight pink and I wasn't the only one.
"-are considered to be the basic alphabet of Potions. I suggest you get used to busy evenings."
He fell silent and glared at us.
"What are you waiting for?"
Everyone jumped up and rushed to the cabinets to get their ingredients and cauldrons. I traded a look with Ginny, who leaned over and whispered: "Menstruation potions, huh? Now we know who brews them at Hogwarts."
Oh Merlin. This was something I've never actually realized. All this time, whenever I had horrible cramps, I'd gone to Madam Pomfrey and she would give me a small bottle of the potion. But of course, someone had to brew it. I just didn't know it was him.
If the rumors that womens' menstruation cycles synchronized were true, then that meant that Professor Snape had a whole batch to brew once a month for several hundred females. And that he knew exactly why us women were so cranky for a whole week.
I pulled myself out of my thoughts and hurried to gather my ingredients. I wanted to brew a perfect potion. And I was going to.
At my worktable, I instantly filled up my cauldron, lit a fire and cast a spell to alert me when the water had reached the specific temperature I needed. With smooth hand movements, I pulled a silver knife out of its sheath and started mincing my thyme. Surprisingly, kitchen herbs such as thyme, rosemary and even basil found their way into many positions. If I was not mistaken, then the Wolfsbane Potion actually contained parsley.
My nervousness faded instantly. I knew the recipe by heart and did not even hesitate when it was time to add my ingredients. I was about to stir twenty-six times counterclockwise, when Professor Snape stopped beside me.
Stay calm, I thought in panic, my heart hammering. Merlin, what was wrong with me? Why did having a crush involving getting almost a heart attack every time he was nearby?
I silently counted how often I had left to stir, pointedly ignoring the wizard beside me. He always prowled around the room, checking on students. I just hadn't gotten used to it yet because before the war, he had avoided Harry, Ron and me like the plague, yelling at us from afar.
Fifteen - fourteen - thirteen -
A loud BANG echoed in the room. I flinched and almost lost track of my counting. Within a second, Professor Snape was on the other side of the room, towering over Hannah Abott. I pulled out my stirring rod and cast a stasis charm over my cauldron, reminding myself that I had twelve more stirs to go.
"What's happened?", said Harry and turned around. A thick, green paste had splattered all over Hannah's table, dripping down the edges and onto the floor.
"Brilliant, Miss Abott", sneered Professor Snape. "You managed to create an explosion by adding shark scales to your potion, which were not even a required ingredient."
Hannah had turned a grey color and stared ashamed at her shoes. She was trembling slightly and I felt bad for her. I knew what it felt like to get yelled at by Professor Snape. It was not a nice feeling.
"I'm sorry", she whispered, "it won't happen again."
"No, it won't", growled Professor Snape and whirled around, vanishing the mess with his wand. "Because you are no longer part of my class."
"But-"
"Out!"
Hannah grabbed her back and rushed out of the room. The door slammed shut behind her.
I looked at Harry and Ginny, and they were about as pale as I felt. Hannah was not bad in Potions. Instead of common shark scales, she should have taken the scales of the Northern Serpentine Shark. The problem was, these scales were so alike, anyone could have made that mistake. But that small mistake had cost her this class.