intensification
Sirius was sitting alone in a deserted corner of the library trying to ignore the pit of growing dread in his stomach when James and Peter came to find him.
“Hey mate, we’ve got Divination now, you coming?” James asked, voice soft and caring. He crouched down next to Sirius, pushing his round glasses further up his nose and placing a hand on Sirius’ shoulder, lightly carding his slender russet coloured fingers through the ends of his long, black curls.
“Yeah, yeah I’m coming, just give me a sec, I’ll catch you up” Sirius responded, not making any moves to leave, his heart melted at the care James was showing him.
“Are you alright Pads, mate? You’ve been acting weird all day.” James pushed. Peter nodded, stood slightly behind, with a concerned look on his face.
“Yeah, I’m fine, I just need an early night I think, I’ll be okay tomorrow.” Sirius reassured his friend. He felt awful lying but he couldn’t think of a way to tell the truth without ending up spilling his guts, and that was the last thing he wanted. No, Sirius had decided long ago that lying was the better option, for everyone.
“Come on, McGonagall will not be happy if she hears we’re late for class again.” Peter offers, trying to coax Sirius towards the door.
He stood up reluctantly and grabbed his bag, hiding the wince from the weight pressing onto his shoulder. He's not a huge fan of divination, thinks it’s a load of rubbish really but it’s fun enough, and with James and Peter in the same class they have a laugh.
Once they had made it up all of the stairs, and the ladder up to the classroom, Sirius was absolutely knackered. He took a few big gulps of breath to try to ease his panting and sat down on his cushioned seat heavily, glad for the rest.
Despite the pain easing since he woke up this morning, it’s still substantial enough to make it difficult to concentrate on what the professor is saying. Something about crystal balls and their significance to prophecy that Sirius couldn’t care less about. He was just giving his left shoulder a massage with his right hand to try and loosen the tight pain that had settled into it since lunchtime when she started handing out the crystal balls in question, eliciting a childish joke about balls from James that, had Sirius been in a better mood, would have made him erupt in giggles, but today only earnt a small smile.
The task they had been given was to identify potentially prophetic symbols revealed by the crystal balls. James partnered with Sirius and Peter Partnered with Mia Stewart, a Hufflepuff.
James made a dramatic scene, peering pensively into the ball in front of Sirius and stroking an imaginary beard.
“Hmmmm. Well my friend” James said in a strange impression of their whimsical professor. “According to this here book, you are going to spend a large portion of your life alone..” James trailed off, “That's depressing” he finished in his own voice.
“Ah, sounds fun, I'm looking forward to it!” Sirius jokingly replied, not paying any heed to the ominous prediction. “Well, according to your ball,” Sirius said, looking deeply into the glass opposite James, “You’re going to have an important legacy?” Sirius decided, “That's both very vague and weirdly specific” He remarked.
“Ah yes, I often think about the impact I will have on the world, good to know I’m going to be remembered!” James joked back.
Bored of the Crystal balls in front of them, the two boys turned to pointing out symbols in their textbooks and assigning them to each other, with an ominous prediction, Such as: Sirius turned to James, pointing at a strange spiral symbol, and said “This means that you are going to be swept up in a hurricane, better look out for that one Prongs!” followed by peals of laughter from the pair.
Sirius was glad of the respite from the seriousness of the rest of the day, having a laugh with James was what he needed to distract him from the looming terror of going to sleep that evening, having to face his memories of his mother’s cruelty and the reality of his unreturned feelings for Remus. In that moment of happiness with his best friend, Sirius felt like there was nothing wrong, like he was just a normal sixteen year old without a care in the world, he cherished that freedom.
Soon enough though, the lesson was over, the professor collected up the crystal balls on their tables and explained the essay set for the next week, about their findings from the lesson. At which James and Sirius shared a look and a giggle.
The three Boys filed out of the classroom and began to head down to the dungeons for their last lesson of the day. Potions with the Slytherins.
There were a multitude of reasons why Sirius had been dreading this last lesson. He would have to spend the lesson standing up, which was not kind to his currently weakened joints, it was also the only lesson they shared with the Slytherins. That meant facing Snivelly Snape and his gang of greasy minions. Sirius could go toe to toe with Snape easily most of the time, sending stinging quips his way and brushing off the insults he sent back, but when his patience was wearing as thin as it was today? Sirius wasn’t sure what would happen. He might end up snapping and punching him in the face, he might be unable to stand the sight of his slimy face and get himself into trouble. A detention was really not what he needed right now.
Despite his fears, Sirius, James and Peter met Remus and Lily outside the library and made their way down to their classroom.
As they stood in the corridor outside the room, waiting for Slughorn to usher them inside, the group of friends chatted happily.
“Hey Lily, how has your day been?” James asked hopefully, batting his long dark eyelashes towards the red-head stood opposite with a smile so sweet it would melt your teeth.
“Hello James, my day has been okay thank you.” Lily replied, not giving James the time of day. “Have you gotten detention yet today?” she asked teasingly.
“I have not actually Lily, I have been on my best behaviour all day, just for you” James replied with a smirk.
“Well done James, I’m sure that was very difficult for you.” Lily responded with a shake of her head and a smile directed at Remus next to her.
Sirius’ attention was caught at that moment however, not by his friend’s interaction but by the appearance of his brother Regulus, walking down the corridor towards them. Sirius tried to avoid eye contact with the slender boy, hoping he just happened to be walking down the corridor at that moment. He had no such luck unfortunately as Regulus began a direct B-line towards the group.
The conversation trailed off as Sirius’ brother arrived, waving politely.
“Hello Sirius,” Regulus addressed in the same curt, upper-class accent that Sirius had trained himself to lose in his first year at Hogwarts. “I have a message from Mother for you, since she won’t send you letters herself.”
“Alright Reggie, lay it on me” Sirius acquiesced, internally bracing himself for whatever was to come.
“You are to come home in two weeks for Bellatrix’s wedding. Mother says you are to be on your best behaviour as the entire family will be there. She does not want you causing the family any more embarrassment than you already have.” Regulus announced.
Sirius’ stomach dropped. He had only just escaped the hell hole that was his childhood home and now he was supposed to go back, and have to attend a Black Family wedding. Those were always Hell. On. Earth. Uptight people in uncomfortable suits saying awful things about the ‘sort of people’ their family should and should not be interacting with. Not to mention the inevitable lecture (and subsequent punishment) he would receive from his parents before and after the event. He doesn’t even like Bella and he knows for sure Bella hates his guts.
Before he could reply to his brother, Regulus walked away, with the delicate and precise gait taught to all Black children, which Sirius had also gotten rid of soon after meeting his fellow Gryffindors.
“Seems fun” James provided, trying to clear the air of the tension that had grown with Sirius’ silence.
“You alright mate? You’ve gone pale.” Remus added, worried that Sirius was about to pass out.
Sirius was, in fact, not alright. His mind was filled with ‘What ifs’ and potential, not unlikely, eventualities. Various images of his mother’s furious face and the sound of his own agonised screams popped up one after the other, followed by phantom pains and pins and needles down his arms and legs. He didn’t even realise he had started to hyperventilate until James’ muscular arms grasped his shoulders and he felt his back being rubbed soothingly.
Sirius attempted to regulate his breathing and focus on James’ soothing voice telling him to breathe and counting his breaths.
“One, two, three, well done Pads. Four, five. Keep breathing mate.”
He blinked a few times, trying to banish the hateful images of puddles of his own blood and his locked bedroom door from his mind’s eye. He managed to get a few proper breaths in and regain control of his own body with James’ support.
As he looked at his surroundings, he saw Remus frowning concernedly at him, leaning to help hold him up with James. He also saw Peter and Lily trying to block the corridor so the rest of the student’s waiting for the potions class didn’t see too much of his embarrassing dramatics. Sirius was struck with a harsh pang of love for his friends.
“I’m sorry, sorry.” Sirius tried, voice hoarse from his lack of breath. “Sorry I don’t know what came over me there. I’m okay, don't worry.” Sirius tried to reassure his mates.
“It’s okay Pads, you don’t have to apologise.” James said, turning to look deep into his eyes “Don’t you ever apologise.”
“What happened?” Remus asked with so much care evident in his eyes it gave Sirius butterflies.
“Erm, I don’t know, I just got all light headed, I must be coming down with something.” Sirius tried to reassure the pair.
“You didn’t eat breakfast or much at lunch, do you need to visit the hospital wing Pads?” James asked, trying to get to the bottom of what was afflicting his friend.
“No, No it’s ok,” Sirius replied, “I’m alright now, you can stop holding me up.”
Remus and James tentatively backed away from Sirius, allowing him to stand by himself. Before James or Remus could ask any more invasive questions however, Slughorn appeared at the door to the classroom and beckoned them all inside. Sirius took this opportunity to escape his friend’s questioning and turned to walk into the classroom.