Remus was more than surprised to see Sirius standing on his front porch. Shocked was the greatest understatement of the century. He didn’t expect Sirius to go there after breaking free from Azkaban and himself realizing that all those years he spent hating him were in vain. From loving to hating, a small step but very real, Remus had discovered. Now, it was an even smaller step taken from hating to loving again. And Sirius was not making it any easier, certainly, with him asking if he could come inside. And, of course, Remus couldn’t refuse.
“Hi,” Sirius whispered as soon as he wasn’t outside in the cold anymore.
“Hi,” Remus parroted back, feeling that pull in his stomach that he always had felt with Sirius. Though, while in their earlier years, it had meant to come closer, this one was telling him to turn back and run. “What—um—What are you doing here?” Remus saw Sirius swallow, hard. Maybe he had been too cold, too curt, but he had to know.
“I wanted to see you, Moony.” Sirius was one right bastard for saying that. It broke Remus’ heart, hearing the longing in his voice. It wasn’t fair for Sirius to come back like everything was great, like before, and make Remus want him back when he was finally ready to move on.
Remus wasn’t letting that without a fight. “What do you want, Sirius?” Now, that, he had intended to be stern. He couldn’t let Sirius waltz into his life again. He had been everything to Remus once. But not anymore. Not anymore. Remus tried to convince himself. He had a date, for Merlin’s sake! He couldn’t give up all his hard work of forgetting Sirius after said man was in his house for whatever the fuck he was there. Question which he hadn’t answered. “Why are you here?”
“Moony, I—I can’t visit you?” Sirius asked, unsure. No, you can’t , he wanted to say. The words didn’t come out, though. “I thought everything was okay.” He spoke and retracted immediately. “Well, not okay, because James and Lily…” Hurt squeezed Remus’ heart at the mention of their names. “But I thought we were fine. Aren’t we? Fine?” Remus breathed out a sigh he hadn’t meant to let escape. “Can’t it go back to normal?”
Remus laughed, wetly, hurt. “No, it can’t.” He cut. Tears, he hadn’t noticed rolling down, were damping his cheeks. “No, it can’t, Sirius.” God, who did he think he was? He couldn’t just walk back in like everything… no. He couldn’t. Remus wasn’t going to let him.
“Why? Why can’t it—”
“Because I’m not in love with you anymore.” He heard Sirius push down a gasp. Maybe. He tried to wipe his cheeks with the back of his hand but more tears kept falling. “I’m not in love with you, Sirius. Not anymore.” When he looked up, he didn’t know when he stopped looking at Sirius, he saw Sirius’ impassive face.
Sirius’ eyes turned cold, frigid, and Remus knew he was about to make a mistake, some Sirius recklessness. “I didn’t know you ever were.” Oh, and that, that hurt. A sob wrenched its way out of Remus’ chest and… How could he not? Remus had done everything to show him that he loved him. Was it not enough? Was Sirius not in love with him? Was he ever? His arms came to hold himself, not having anyone else since Sirius had decided to break him. His head shook, saying no, it couldn’t be possible. Why—Why was Sirius hurting him? Why, why, why? “Remus…”
“No, no, don’t touch me!” God, fuck, it hurt saying those words when all he wanted was to feel SIrius’ embrace. “Just… stay away. I don’t know why you came here, but if it was to make me feel… like this, then, good job, you fucking did it.” He could see regret in those grey-blue eyes but he didn’t stop. “Is that what you wanted, huh? To see me broken, and yes, I know, I deserve it,” he didn’t know why, but he knew he deserved it, always felt that way, he was a werewolf after all… “I know, okay? I know… I just… didn’t expect it from you of all people.” Another sob broke out and this time, a dam broke. His cries were loud and getting louder and he fell to the ground. His knees ached, his whole body felt sore, bruised.
He didn’t know if Sirius had left or if he watched the whole display of Remus finally breaking down, he didn’t care. He, honestly, did not care.
“Remus…” Sirius murmured. “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry.” Remus’ whimpers closed off, he fell silent, only tears were streaming down his face, not another sound. “Baby…”
Baby . How fucking stupid could he be?
“Don’t call me that, you—don’t.” Remus breathed out. Hearing that word, coming from Sirius’ mouth, pained him. “Fuck, Sirius, how could you?” He heard a sigh, distressed. “How could you do this to me? I was supposed to be fine and then you came in and ruined it all!”
“I’m sorry,” his voice was a mere whisper, “I’m so sorry, Moony.” And he left.
He left, Remus a heap on the floor, hugging himself because no one else would. And Sirius Black had just proven right what he thought all along.