Séjourner (Stay)

James and Regulus were always fighting over one thing or another.

Regulus says, the turn is up there, James says, that way is going to take too long.

James says, we have to go to that party- it'll be fun, Regulus says, I don't want to.

Regulus says, you need to do your homework or you won't graduate, James says, I'm fine and I want to party.

James says, the sky is blue, Regulus says, are you fucking blind? Obviously, it's red.

Most of the time their arguments lead to wonderful, mind boggling, mouthwatering sex. Sometimes, they lead to harsher words and breakups that last two weeks. This time, Regulus thinks, it might be forever, because he's going to fucking kill James Potter.

"I don't understand your fucking problem Saiph, it's a party, I'm in college now. I go to those, frequently." James tugs a bright red shirt over his head and Regulus stares in disbelief. "Besides, you can just chill in here until I get back if you don't want to go so bad." Disbelief quickly coils back, shock replacing it, then the hot-blooded rage pours in.

"What the actual fuck, James?" Regulus hisses and takes an angry step towards him, almost stepping on a can of beer. They're in James' flat, shared with Sirius and Remus and close to their university. Regulus had these plans to hang out with James for weeks, he had to beg his mother for just one night, lying his ass off that it was to see Sirius. "You can't be serious right now."

James looks at him, unimpressed and crossing his arms, but a smirk works its way onto his face. "I'm not, that's your brother-" Regulus seethes and takes another step, fully intending to push James onto the bed and maybe ravage him if he shuts the fuck- "plus it's not like it's my fault you don't wanna come with me, Lily invited me and-"

He did not shut the fuck up, and this fight will not be ending in makeup sex.

"Oh, Lily did, did she?" Regulus sneers and James throws his hands up in exasperation before pinching the bridge of his nose. "I didn't know it was Lily's party James! Why didn't you say so? That changes fucking everything." he grits out through clenched teeth and balls his hands into fists next to his black skirt, James' favorite on him, says it makes his ass look phenomenal.

"Jesus Christ, Saiph." James groans and side steps the shorter boy, moving to grab his keys off the counter. "You're such a jealous asshole you know that? Lily is just a friend, I've told you this a million times."

Regulus scoffs loudly and grabs James' arm before he can reach for his jacket, pushing them to face each other. "No, James! Marlene, is just a friend, Sirius, is just a friend, Mary, is just a friend. Lily fucking Evans, wants you! She wants you, James! Just like I want you- like I fucking need you. She's not just a friend and you can't see that because you fucking want her too!"

James' face twists up in anger and he yanks his arm out of Regulus' grasp. "You haven't even met her, Saiph. And I actually think you and her would be really good friends but god fucking forbid someone changes your perfect little life with your perfect little routine-"

Regulus clenches his jaw. "Shut up, James."

"God fucking forbid a girl is nice to me, you scared she's trying to show me what I could have if I wasn't dating such a narcissistic asshole?"

He grinds his teeth and digs his nails into his palms, white hot rage pumping in his ears. When he and James really fight like this, like really fight like this, it gets ugly fast, James knows exactly where to point his words to egg Regulus on until Regulus explodes and then they get into a second argument about how terrible Regulus is when he's angry.

"Shut up, James."

"God. Fucking. Forbid." James steps up to Regulus, leaning in his face. "A girl wants to treat me with kindness, I know it's an unfamiliar subject in you household, kindness, what with the way your mother-"

Before Regulus even registers what he's doing a hand reaches out and smacks James hard and fast across his face. James' head whips to the side and he pulls away quickly. Regulus tries to get ahold of his breathing, but it stops entirely and the rush in his ears goes silent the second he sees blood drip from James' lip to his chin.

Regulus flinches like he's the one whose been slapped before he reaches towards his boyfriend.

"J-James I-"

"Save it." The older boy snaps, rubbing at his lip and grabbing his jacket. He takes a step towards the door and shoves his keys in his pocket.

"If you leave this flat, James, we're done. For good. I mean it." That's what Regulus says every time he breaks up with James.

James opens the door and turns to Regulus.

"More like Mommy than you thought?" James asks and the rage starts to pool back into Regulus veins. "I guess we're done then." He marches out of the apartment and slams the door behind him. Regulus stands there for about two minutes before he hears James' truck speed down the road.

Then he stands there for two more minutes, until he feels like he's going to explode, and his head is rushing with so much rage that all he can do is scream, so he does. He screams and he kicks the couch, he stomps on the two beer cans in the living room, and he kicks the chairs at the table. He goes to punch the wall but a circled date on a calendar that has a picture of a deer in the snowy woods with a cabin the background stops him in his tracks. 

March 31st. He double checks, counts the number of exes on the calendar, March 31st is in two days.

He checks his phone to make sure, then grabs the calendar again.

March 31st is in two days and his last period ended February second. 

He checks the calendar again.

Checks his phone.

Checks the period tracker app he has on said phone.

For the second time in an hour and a half, all the rage drains out of Regulus, but this time, cold fear grips his heart and he rushes out of the flat, trips over the last step down to the parking lot and has to catch himself on the banister before he's jumping into his pristine Prius and scrambling his heels off his feet, throws them in the back and screeches out of the parking lot as fast as he can.

The corner store next to London University is suspicious at best and downright criminal at worst, but Regulus could not give less of a shit right now as he slams his car slippers onto his feet. A gift from Sirius, black Uggs with patches that say 'Fuck you' in bold lettering on the side.

He scrambles out of the car and flings himself into the shop, striding up to the worker who looks him up and down before meeting his eyes with a flirty smile.

"Hi," The clerk says. "What can I get you?"

"I need a pregnancy test." He says shakily, immediately turning off the boy behind the counter. Good, Regulus thinks.

The clerk hands one over from behind the counter and Regulus grabs a bottle of water, pays for his things, asks for the restroom and marches towards it while chugging his water.

He pees on the fucking stick, waits the two minutes and is too shaky to look at the results.

"Please just be uterine cancer." He whispers, squeezing his eyes shut. "Please, please, please just be cancer."

With his prayers safely said he grabs the stick and open his eyes to two pink lines staring back at him.

He blinks.

He sinks to the ground.

He blinks.

He's in his car, keys pressing into the ignition.

He blinks.

He's in front of Lily Evans' parents Air B&B, staring at the twenty people on the lawn, keys in a death grip between his two hands.

He blinks.

He's inside, loud thumping music and the smell of alcohol giving him a head ache and making him nauseous.

He blinks.

Someone is shoving a drink in his hand. He sniffs it.

All at once everything comes crashing down and he's gasping for breath, shoving the cup back at the guy and pushing like mad to search for James. James who needs to know that Regulus is pregnant.

Regulus is pregnant.

Pregnant.

He slams into a hard body and tries shoving it out of the way but familiar hands are grabbing his wrists. 

"Saiph?" Sirius tilts his head to the side with a dopey grin, already plastered then. "Petite etoile!" Sirius cheers and pulls him into a hug. 

Yes, definitely plastered.

"Sirius." Regulus says, still shaky. "Sirius, I need to find James."

His brother pulls off him, hands on smaller shoulders and frowns deeply. "What's wrong? Are you okay? Is James, okay?"

Regulus shakes his head, pauses, nods, shakes his head again.

"I-I'll tell you later, I need to talk to James."

Sirius nods and squeezes his little brothers' shoulders. "Okay- okay, I think he went out back with Lily and the girls to swim or something. Come and find me when you're done?" Sirius sways and Remus is there to hold him steady, sighing and pressing a kiss to the side of his head and then glancing down at Regulus.

"Saiph?"

"I'll find you later." He promises to Sirius before he's rushing to find the back door, as soon as he slams through it, he stops in his tracks. Because in the pool is James, with no shirt, in his boxers, which is fine. Except for the girl who's face he's trying to eat. Even that would be fine if it weren't Lily fucking Evans that James was holding against his body.

If it wasn't Lily fucking Evans that James ran to.

If it wasn't Lily fucking Evans that James was kissing instead of Regulus.

Her red hair was pulled into a messy bun, strands falling out around her face, slim white fingers holding James' dark jaw like he's fragile. Regulus knows from experience that he's not. Her thighs are wrapped around James' waist, Regulus can see she's in a bright blue bikini, gold rings dripping off her fingers and toes, red solo cup in one hand over James shoulder.

It's the straw that breaks the camel's back, the Jenga block that makes the tower fall. 

Regulus grabs a cup out of a short blonde boy's hand and marches over next to James and Lily before pouring the sticky, bright blue liquid over their heads. Lily jumps away with a screech and falls backwards into the pool, and James stands up angrily and wipes at his face while mumbling curses.

When Lily resurfaces, spitting water out of her mouth and pushing wet hair out of her face, Regulus drops the red cup in the pool with a sickly-sweet smile.

"Sorry, but cannibalism is illegal you know." Regulus flicks his eyes from Lily back to James.

Regulus is expecting to see anger, or at the very least mild annoyance but the older boy looks elated, like Regulus has just given him everything he's ever dreamed of on a silver platter.

"Saiph!" James climbs out of the pool quickly and grabs a bright red towel to wrap around his waist. Regulus does not stare at the abs there and does not give James an appreciative once over.

James looks so damn good when he's dripping wet.

"What are you doing here, baby?" James grins and steps closer just as the reminder of why he's so angry make his system flood red hot again.

Regulus steps backwards with a raised eyebrow.

"So, she's just a friend, right?" Regulus packs as much venom as he can muster into his voice, annoyed that it still comes out shaky. "I didn't know friends kissed like that, Jamie."

"What?" James shakes his head, like a dog, and blue liquid droplets fly off his curls. "No- woah, I'm dizzy-"

James chuckles and sways, looking almost as plastered as Sirius was. Regulus sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Are you seriously drunk right now?"

"Really, really drunk."

"Goddammit." Regulus growls and runs a hand through his shoulder length hair and stomps closer to James. "I'm taking you home, come on."

James grins dopily and sways closer to Regulus when Lily pulls herself out of the pool and stands between them.

"Bitch, back off." Lily says, jutting her hip out with a hand above the bottom part of her bikini, freckles dot the whole area and up her arms. "He's mine."

Regulus feels his eye twitch, feels his fingers curl into balls at his side.

"Now is not the fucking time to test me you leprechaun looking ass hoe." Regulus steps forward, he's about two or three inches taller than Lily, and about two or three tons more pissed off.

"Oh sorry," Lily feigns, exaggerating a pout. "I thought I was talking to an adult. Let me rephrase, you go bye-bye, he no wants you."

Lily fakes a baby voice and waves her hands a shooing motion. Regulus feels his eye twitch again, knows that the ugly thing clawing in his chest is that Black family madness trying to creep out and spill blood on the pavement. It's the same madness that drives Sirius to drink until he's, that sent their cousin Bellatrix to prison and her sister Narcissa to seventeen rehab centers. The madness that means to twist and bend Regulus's mind until all he sees is red, and all he can think of is wanting to paint the world in that beautiful color.

"Get the fuck out of my way." His voice is low, dangerous, and it makes something close to fear flash in Lily's eyes before she rolls them and crosses her arms.

"Make me, cunt."

He lunges with a growl, fully ready to rip Lily's throat out of her body but gets yanked back by an arm around his middle and he's picked up despite his very loud threats of murder on Lily and turned around. He kicks and squirms but the person behind him doesn't set him down until they're inside and next to the front door.

"Stay." Remus's gruff voice sounds from above him and the taller boy circles around to push Regulus's shoulder into the door frame. "I mean it, Sai. Do not move until I come back."

"Where's Sirius?" Regulus glances around, Sirius was way too plastered to be left alone here, and his brothers safety comes before his own feelings every time.

"In my car."

"Ew, the dingy rat mobile?"

"Says the rich bitch with a Prius."

"At least my car is clean."

They stare at each other for a moment before offering twin smiles at the same time and Remus turns to wade through the party, presumably to get James so they can all go home. 

The music is a lot louder inside, three light up speakers pumping some dubstep bullshit loud enough to make his head hurt, the smell of alcohol is so strong Regulus wonders if it can hurt the baby without being directly consumed.

The thought reminds him that there is a literal baby inside of him right now. He places a hand over his stomach and lets himself panic a little, he doesn't know where he's going to go, or what he's going to do. He can't go home to Walburga and Orion; they'll kill him or force him to get rid of it. He can't stay with Sirius forever either, though he's sure Remus and his brother wouldn't really mind especially when he sees that Regulus cleans up after Sirius like second nature. He doesn't even know what James's reaction is going to be, they've talked about having kids before, of course, but they'd always thought it was going to be years in the future.

He doesn't want an abortion. He knows that for sure. He also knows that a lot of people are going to tell him to or want him to. He's seventeen, which is too young to have children, he knows, but the thought of having an abortion fills him with so much dread that he knows he won't do it.

He doesn't know if he has to quit school, and if James is going to be a part of the baby's life, then if he's going to quit school too. Regulus is already failing English at breakneck speed and likely won't pass in time to graduate, so he'd have to either super senior it, or take summer school courses before receiving his diploma. James is incredible at school though and has dreams of being an art teacher. Regulus will hate himself forever if he's the reason James doesn't achieve his dreams.

Remus reappears just as Regulus realizes he's thoroughly fucked, dragging James behind him by the wrist as the darker boy smiles at everyone and drips water and blue vodka on the floor. 

Regulus doesn't even get a chance to say anything because he's being pushed out of the front door and onto the lawn.

"Take Sirius home." Remus tosses Regulus a key chain with his car key, the flat key, and a chain with a star charm on it.

"Water bottles in the trunk?" Regulus digs in his purse before handing Remus his own keys, the same except for a metal J and a sun charm in place of the star.

"Yeah. There's a bucket back there too." Remus points in the direction of his ugly little Honda and Regulus nods before walking away.

There's a very special kind of trust between Remus and Regulus, Regulus doesn't need to know why Remus is taking his car, or why the taller boy shoves James into the passenger's side a little more roughly than necessary. He just knows that Remus is going to keep a level head and put driving James home safely above everything else on his priority list. He knows that Remus will explain later, when they're up late making tea because sleep doesn't come easy for tortured souls. He knows that Remus is going to put James through the shower and get him in bed before sending Regulus in to sleep.

He knows that one day, Remus is going to make a wonderful father, and that a lot sooner, he's going to be the perfect uncle.

Regulus grabs three water bottles out of the trunk and slams it closed twice, because it won't close if you shut it once, and throws one right at Sirius's face as he climbs in the car.

"Ow! Bitch!" Sirius rubs his cheek and glares at Regulus as the younger boy climbs in the care and kicks his slippers off.

"Shut the fuck up, hoe." Regulus throws his slippers in Sirius's lap and starts the car. "You wanna tell me why you drank yourself into oblivion today?"

"It's a party." Sirius grumbles and opens a water bottle, holding the slippers between his thighs and trying to get the aux cord to hook up as Regulus pulls down the street.

"Don't lie to me."

Sirius sighs and throws his phone loudly into the hole underneath the radio.

"Piece of shit car."

"I'm telling Remus you said that." Regulus grins and turns on the blinker as he adjusts the seat. Talking to Sirius always makes him feel like nothing can touch him, all of the bad shit melts away until it's just them.

"Don't you dare, I'll put bleach in your shampoo and turn you blonde."

"I will make you look like fucking Mr. Clean if you do anything to my hair."

"Touche." Sirius leans his chair back and takes a swig of water.

Regulus waits patiently, Sirius will open up when he's ready, and they still have ten minutes of their drive before he has to let reality creep back in again.

"Mom called me." Sirius says quietly and Regulus hums. He figured it had something to do with their parents. "She said you're failing English. She wants to send you to a private all girls boarding school in Scotland or some shit."

Walburga often likes to find the weak points of someone's mind and dig her fingernails into it deep enough to draw blood, then leaves her claws stuck so you can't move without he permission, you can't act without hurting the things you love most. It's what's made her a ruthless campaign manager, and a horrible mother. 

Walburga knows that her children's weak spots are each other, and she uses it frequently.

"I'm not letting her send you away." Sirius says firmly, sounding more sober than before. "I know you've said no before but please, come stay with me and Remus and James. I'm old enough and I make consistent money, if they fight us on it, we can at least drag the court battle out until you're 18 and then it doesn't matter."

Regulus bite his lip and turns the idea over in his head, he wants to say yes. Has wanted to say yes every time Sirius has asked but could never see it working out properly. Now, he's pregnant, and he'll be eating for two, unable to finish his schooling and will probably not be able to work the further along he gets.

There's also the thought of doctors appointments, and baby supplies, breast feeding, teething, cravings. There's so much that Regulus doesn't have plans for because this has thrown a wrench in all of his previously planned plans.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Sirius sits up and his seat pops up with him as Regulus pulls into the parking lot and into Remus's designated spot under the ramada.

"Nothing. I'm- no, I'm fine."

Gentle fingers slide into his own and squeeze gently. Regulus focuses on Sirius's pale wrist, a tattoo of a thin sword is still lightly pink around the edges, healing.

"Don't lie to me."

Regulus groans loudly and bangs his head against the seat twice before squeezing his eyes shut tightly.

"I'm pregnant."

The silence following his confession is deafening, Regulus thinks Sirius isn't even breathing and he's too scared to open his eyes and check. Sirius lets go of his hand and warm hands cup Regulus's cheeks, forcing his eyes open and Sirius presses their foreheads together.

"You can't go back." Sirius whispers. "I don't know what they'll... please come stay with me."

Grey blue eyes stare Regulus down adamantly, not even blinking until Regulus nods and then he's being pulled into a rough hug. Seatbelts get in the way, and Sirius's chin digs into his shoulder but it's the best Regulus has felt in a long time, swallowed by the scent of peppermint and cigarettes, his brothers' arms a familiar comfort.

"I'll stop drinking, and I'll take you to doctors' appointments and James- it is James's right?" Sirius pulls away and Regulus's face twists up tightly as he let's out a sob.

"I don't know!" He cries and buries his face in his hands. James is the only person Regulus has ever slept with, but he loves to mess with Sirius in emotional situations, because he's a terrible brother and thinks it's hilarious.

"Okay, okay!" Sirius is obviously panicking and Regulus sobs harder. "No, it's fine! It's fine really, let's not tell him, and if the baby comes out super white, we claim superior genetics and- are you- are you laughing right now?"

He is laughing, shoulder shaking, belly laughs that have him doubling over with his forehead to the steering wheel because Sirius's face was all twisted up in this mixture of panic and scheming mischief and he always falls victim to Regulus's jokes and it's just so funny all of a sudden. Sirius knows, is going to help him. It doesn't seem so terrifying anymore.

"Oh." Sirius rolls his eyes and throws Regulus's slippers at him. "Ha. Ha. You're so funny."

Regulus gasps and slides his slippers on with a grin.

"I'd like to thank my Mother, who was a lying bitch and taught me everything I know." Regulus nods sagely and straightens his posture, posing to the window shield like it's a camera and he's accepting an award. "And I'd like to thank my idiot brother, who's not all there in the head-"

Sirius shoves his shoulder and they both dissolve into snickers as Sirius pulls his phone off the charger.

"Alright. Come on, time to tell Jamie-wamie about your little milkshake." Sirius pops his seatbelt off and Regulus is struck with a sudden panic, something James had said swims in his mind.

More like Mommy than you thought?

"What if I'm a bad mom?" Sirius pauses and looks at him like he doesn't understand. "What if I end up just like our mom?"

"Saiph. That is literally the dumbest shit I've ever heard." Sirius shakes his head and takes Regulus's hand again, holding it tightly between his two. "Why the hell would you think that?"

"Me and James broke up again, and I- I hit him. I didn't mean to I just- I was so angry and he said I was narcissistic and he said something about Mom and I hit him and then he said I was-" Regulus shakes his head and rubs his eyes with one hand. "I just don't want to mess up this baby. I want to be a good parent."

It's quieter than Regulus expected it to be and then Sirius is bursting into motion. He throws the door open and slams it hard enough for Regulus to be instantly concerned, he scrambles for his seatbelt and yanks on Remus's keys before stumbling out of the car and shutting his own door. Sirius is already walking down the path to the flat and Regulus runs after him.

"Sirius! Sirius- what the hell are you doing?" He pants hard, physical activity has never really been his thing. He thinks he should get a gym membership after the baby is born, put some effort into having that dream bod.

"I'm gonna fucking kill him." Sirius answers, not slowing down as he reaches the stairs and takes them two at a time.

"Woah- uh no!" Regulus climbs after him, waving with a polite smile to their neighbor. "That's the father of my baby we're talking about, I can't do this alone!"

"You won't be alone. You'll have me, and Remus." Sirius shrugs and tries the door, holds his hand out expectantly when it jiggles, locked. "James isn't necessary-"

"Yes, he is!" Regulus holds the keys close to his chest and stares Sirius down angrily. "He's necessary because I love him, and I want to do this with him. It's- it's a little early, sure, but I- it's what I want. You know he said he'd marry me? Last summer when we went camping, he said after I graduate, he wants to marry me."

Regulus bites his lip to keep from smiling at the memory and Sirius sizes him u before sighing and flicking his fingers. Regulus places the keys in his hand and lets the older boy unlock the flat.

"If he says anything like that to you again, I'm gonna kill him." Sirius tosses the keys onto the counter and Regulus winces, picks the keys back up and puts them in the bowl where they belong. Sirius is such a mess all the time.

"Sure, babe." Regulus shoos Sirius towards the couch and has to stifle a laugh when the tall boy falls face first on the couch and immediately falls asleep. 

When he straightens up and looks around the apartment his nose wrinkles and he's disgusted that they all live like this. There are multiple beer cans on the floor, dirty dishes piled up in and around the sink, and trash littering the tables and chairs.

He figures if he's going to be living here until he can find a place of his own, then he's going to pitch it and help keep the place clean, so he starts with the trash and works his way around the apartment while working out a few things in his head.

If he can get in touch with his insurance provider, then he's sure he can set up ultrasound appointments, blood testing, general checkups and any other medical care he might need. Sirius works at an art gallery, maybe he can help Regulus get a job there until the baby comes.

When the baby is born, he'll have to be a stay-at-home parent for at least two years, so he'll need financial aid- which he can apply for, since he's unmarried and James will still be in school. Maybe after everything he can get his GED and get a job doing... something. He's never really thought about what he'd want to do, maybe he'd work with children, or go to culinary school. He'd always loved watching Euphemia cook and bake, it would be a nice way to honor her.

Regulus pauses cleaning when he picks up a bottle of hair spray that didn't quite make it to the trash. James is Ethiopian and Nigerian, and Regulus is pureblood French. His parents hated the idea of Regulus pumping out a mixed baby, and while that is of no concern to Regulus, caring for that baby's hair and making sure they keep in touch with their culture is very important to him. Euphemia had sat him down and taught him some Somali, some Ethiopian traditions and had given him some recipes a long time ago. Monty has always been a quieter man, preferring to silently fix up the house and the garden, work on their fish tank or read books in the lounge than to share deep conversations with Regulus. They'd bonded over a love for sarcasm and French coffee, but they'd never talked much about Nigerian traditions, so Regulus isn't sure what kind of things to teach the baby.

He's also not sure if he wants to teach the baby anything about the culture that he grew up in. France, yes, but Regulus grew up in a very rich, very prestigious and bigoted culture, where anything that wasn't straight, cisgender, white and French was automatically deemed evil. He'd had to unlearn that when his father became a governor for London, and he'd moved at 11 years old without the ability to speak English and not knowing anyone. He doesn't want his child to grow up confused, or feeling like they can't be who they are like he does.

"Are you... cleaning?"

Regulus yelps and throws the bowl he was washing at Remus, who narrowly dodges it and raises his eyebrows at Regulus, unimpressed.

"Don't scare me like that, God, Remus." Regulus shakes his head and turns off the faucet.

"You don't have to clean every time you're here you know." Remus steps forward and takes the sponge out of his hand gently. "I'm trying to teach them that people aren't going to clean up after them their whole lives."

"Kind of pointless." Regulus points out. "We're not going to ever stop cleaning up after them."

Remus smiles softly. "No, no we're not."

They share a quiet moment, Regulus loves his quiet moments with Remus, where they don't have to say anything or communicate any kind of emotion or need. They can both just sit in comfortable silence with someone they trust. 

Eventually Remus moves and grabs the kettle, so Regulus pulls out a box of tea and two cups, grabs the sugar and the milk before picking up the bowl and finishing the dishes while Remus gets the water boiling.

When kettle starts screaming Regulus clears off the little table by the calendar and sets up their teatime in a cute little arrangement, sugar and milk in the center with the cups on either side on their respective plates with the tea bags inside the mismatched teapot that Remus pours the water into. They sit across from each other to let it steep, and Regulus folds his fingers under his chin.

"James pushed Lily Evans into the pool." Remus remarks casually, like he's commenting on the weather.

"Oh, did he? I wonder why he'd do such a thing." Regulus smiles sweetly and Remus chuckles.

"Uh huh, I'm sure." Remus shakes his head. "James shouldn't have done what he did, but Lily isn't at fault. Sorry I took your car, I wanted you to talk to Sirius a little, he's been acting..."

"Like an alcoholic? Yes. We spoke." Regulus smiles gently. "I think if we support him through it, he'll be just fine."

Remus blinks in surprise and his lips turn down.

"He told you he'd quit?"

"Something like that, yeah." Regulus dunks the tea bags a couple times before placing the lip on and pouring himself a cup. Remus hums and pours himself some tea, piling in sugar but no milk and taking a sip while Regulus carefully finds the perfect balance between sugar, tea and milk.

"How are you doing in school?" Remus asks.

"Ugh, don't even get me thinking about that right now." Regulus shakes his head and tugs on his sleeve. He's worn long sleeves 24/7 since his first year of high school when he'd heard about a way to cope that involved spilling red over your own wrists. He'd stopped after the fourth cut, thinking it felt wrong to be hurting himself when it's what Sirius tried to protect him from every day. Only James knows, and Regulus would like to keep it that way.

"If you need help, you know we'll help you."

Regulus scoffs, the last time he'd asked for help from them had ended in James laughing at him for saying respite instead of despite. It's not his fault English is so complicated and has so many words that sound so similar but mean completely different things. He did not ask for help again.

"I'm being honest." Remus sets his cup down. "Maybe don't ask James or Sirius, they're idiots, but I'm happy to help you with writing papers or reading comprehension."

"Sirius told you?" He doesn't need to clarify what, Remus only mentioned English related work and Regulus knows the older Black brother knows about his English struggles.

"Yes, but he didn't ask me to offer you help." Remus holds up a hand, having already known where Regulus's mind went. "English was my best subject, and I'm happy to help any time."

He's sincere, and it's not in a patronizing way, Remus genuinely want to help him. It's this that makes Regulus lean back and be honest, let's Remus in further than he let Sirius.

"It doesn't matter. I don't think I can go to school again for a while." Regulus takes a sip of tea and musters up the most casual voice he can, surprised with himself when it comes out light and gentle. "I'm pregnant, so I'll have to drop out of high school and-"

Remus's teacup clanks loudly on the matching plate as he half drops his cup, warm liquid slipping over the edges like a mini ocean.

"You're pregnant?" Remus's jaw drops briefly before he's shaking his head. "You're staying here then, right? Please tell me you won't go back to Grimuald Place."

"Yes, Sirius already invited me to stay."

"So, he knows? Does James know?" Remus, like the amazing man he is, moves on from the revelation swiftly and with ease, letting his shock pull back under his mask of calm.

"Not yet. I'm going to tell him in the morning." Regulus pauses before setting down his empty cup. "Did you make him take a... oh shoot. Doucher?"

"Shower." Remus translates helpfully. Regulus is so happy that Remus took French for four years in high school and is fluent enough to do things like that. "Yes, he's clean and dressed. He was asking for you earlier, but I think he's fallen asleep."

"Mm. Thank you, Remus." Regulus stands and walks around the table to press a soft kiss to the older boy's cheek, the same kinds he gives to Sirius multiple times a day. "Sirius is on the couch."

"Thank you. Sleep well." Remus waves over his shoulder and Regulus disappears down the hallway to creek open James's door.

The man is shirtless and in tight blue boxers, contrasting against his dark skin and toned muscles deliciously. He's face down on his bed with his feet hanging off the end, the red and gold bedspread is rumpled around him like he'd been under them at some point but tossed it off. Dark curls fall around his face and round glasses are crooked on his nose, James's dark arm threatening to bend the frames.

Regulus sighs and slips his skirt off, tossing in on the pile of clothes closest to the laundry bin and throwing his shirt and bra that way too before crawling over the bed and sliding his hands over James's soft back. James sighs happily and turns to his side, opening his arms, Regulus slides the golden glasses off his face and sets them further away on the bed in hopes they won't roll on them before sliding into James's arms and letting their chests brush together. James is too tired, and Regulus is not in the right mood for it to be sexual, it's more about the press of skin on skin that comes more naturally to Regulus around James the longer they're together.

"The blanket, baby." Regulus whispers to James and has to stifle a laugh when the boy keeps his eyes closed and blindly reaches behind himself for the blanket. He returns triumphant and wraps his arms and the blanket around Regulus a couple seconds later.

"I think we really need to figure something out." James mumbles into Regulus's hair. "I don't want to keep fighting with you like this."

"Me neither." Regulus presses a kiss to James's adams apple, ignoring the twist in his heart of wanting one of his own. "We need to talk in the morning."

James hums an affirmative and presses Regulus closer, mumbling lyrics to an old song before drifting off silently. One thing Regulus has always loved about James is that he doesn't snore, and he goes almost deathly still when he sleeps. Regulus has a very love-hate relationship when it comes to sleeping with other people. On one hand, he loves the closeness it provides in a time when his mind can't psyche him out of the touch. On the other hand, he's a very light sleeper, and can't stand it when people snore or breathe too loudly when they sleep.

Regulus lets himself study the plains of James's face, the full lips he presses a gentle kiss to, lets his fingertips trail over unblemished cheeks, traces the yellow star shaped pimple patch at his temple. He smiles as he slides curls out of James's face, the older boy is going to be annoyed he didn't put on a bonnet when he wakes up, and even more annoyed he fell asleep with his hair wet still. Regulus brushes his thumb lightly over a fluttering eyelid and bites his lip.

Loving James is as easy as breathing, like his soul was made to love James Potter. Wrapped safely in his beautiful arms like this, Regulus, like most nights he spends with James, wonders how in the world anyone could believe that just because someone is different color than white makes them any less beautifully human. Regulus has never met someone as beautiful, as bright, as James.

Laying here, in James's bed, head swirling with Eucalyptus, sandalwood and sleep, Regulus isn't scared of tomorrow, he isn't scared of the conversation he needs to have when he wakes up because he knows James will be there. Sirius will be there.

Regulus is not alone.