Previously…
Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
It was perfect. Almost too perfect. She couldn’t have even planned it.
“Boys!” Pansy screamed, “Get in here.”
“What is it, Mum?” Theo said sarcastically.
“Yeah, is Scorpius okay? I thought he was past his self-destruct days. That’s why we’re finally trusted to watch him.” Blaise commented, “Come on Pansy, you can handle all of us, but not a toddler?”
Pansy was settled into the conservatory at Nott Hall, watching her godson play with his stuffed dragons. The gorgeous boy outshone the flowers surrounding him. He was perfect. Positively the easiest child she had ever met, even now being just shy of his third birthday. On an unrelated note, entirely independent of how superbly well-behaved Scorpius naturally was, this was their first time unsupervised with the Malfoy heir. Draco was wildly protective (read possessive) with his son, especially after Astoria’s death. She was taking quite good care of his physical health, thank you very much.
Pansy never knew the younger witch well, but she had always been perplexed on how she had thrived in the Slytherin house. Stigmas were generally exaggerated, but it could be a snake pit at times, and Astoria was—shockingly—a very good person. Anyone who was a legacy Slytherin was raised to “play the game” so-to-speak. Secrets were currency, hierarchy was strict and influenced by very few things, and vulnerability and kindness were resources best not squandered.
There were roles and characterizations, said and unsaid, and they determined social groups and House standing. Pansy, herself, was a collector. Theo could call her ‘mum’ and Blaise could joke about her management of her friends, but while their friendships were loyal and warm now, they had been well cultivated by the witch when she was just eleven. They fit into an indestructible and formidable unit.
Theo was sarcastic, but he was also deadly smart and a talented curse breaker. His estate was one of the oldest in the country—even older than the Malfoy’s English line. He had the brain and the history to work through any ugliness that could crop up in their convoluted, pure-blood existences. He was also adorable, and she treasured him.
Where Theo had the resources, Blaise had the connections. What Theo couldn’t find, Blaise could procure. He had contacts and money to live a lavish lifestyle that was much more modern. New money wasn’t stuffy. He gave the group flair, and his taste was as beautiful as the man himself. Pansy joked that she kept him around for his birthday presents alone, but beyond his penchant for fine wines and fabrics, his ability to maneuver undetected in any social circle makes him invaluable. He could rob a man blind, and the victim would be flattered to be the target of the crime. He kept them relevant, and the man couldn’t raise a feather even if he tried to cook a pigeon in one of those Muggle microwaves.
Draco was, well, Draco. Above all, his surname is synonymous with power and prestige. Draco can open any door and he elevates any assembly. After the war, and pardons, and house arrest, and reparations paid, Narcissa managed an image resurrection that should be the blueprint in every PR office in the world. Lucius was imprisoned, good riddance, and Narcissa and Draco finally had the ability to develop into esteemed members of the ‘New Wizarding World.’ They did the work. It was genuine, and society could feel that. Draco, as a Malfoy, was widely respected now, not just feared.
Daphne was someone Pansy had been hesitant to adopt into her circle when she started at Hogwarts. The truth of the matter is that boys are much easier to control than girls, and their motivations are easier to determine. Unfortunately for Pansy, Daphne was her soulmate in the form of a best friend. The witch just…understood her. Where Pansy shouldered the weight of being a pureblood woman by being generally unpalatable to most people. Daphne made her outward presentation completely ornamental. She is an emotional wall, a doll, a bloody figurine of a person and it’s brilliant. She’s perfect in the most detached sense. She looks and speaks and acts perfectly for her station, but there never seems to be anything behind any of it. Until you are behind it. Then she is terrifying, and Pansy loves her for it. The woman could tell you the most unrighteous secrets about anyone. People just tell her things, or say things within earshot, and then forget all about the pretty little thing that had been sitting under her parasol at the Ministry picnic.
The group of friends hadn’t had a good scheming session in a while, they’d mostly settled into their roles in polite society, but they used to get up to multitudes of mischief in their Hogwarts days. In her own role, Pansy was the coordinator and orchestrator as well as the collector. When a problem would arise, Theo would research, Daphne would offer unwritten insight, Blaise would procure, and Draco would clear the way. And Pansy would plan all of it. They would have made a brilliant heist squad. This is all to say that they were generally untouchable at Hogwarts, but it was not without merit. They had skills that lent themselves to the nature of the Slytherin house.
Astoria, Scorpius’s beautifully and tragically dead mother, was similarly untouchable at school. Pansy was witch enough to say that she couldn’t stand the girl at first, but out of love and respect for Daphne, she tolerated her friend’s little sister. She didn’t, however, understand how her softness could be a social asset. Then Astoria grew on her, like a bit of flowering mold. There wasn’t a scheme in her arsenal. There wasn’t a drop of jealousy or greed in her blood. There wasn’t even a bee in her bonnet. She was just—good. So good. She was effervescent and she gushed kindness in abundance. People surrounded her because just being in her presence had similar effects to the cheering charm. Pansy and her friends were so corrupted, both with their actions and inactions, and it was ultimately Astoria that suffered from a taint inherited from her station. It was poetic and heartbreaking.
The one blessing was that her goodness must have been hereditary. Scorpius may be a miniature of Draco, but he is all Astoria. This is all to say that Pansy knew that she was about to manipulate a pure-hearted child who didn’t know better, but she believed it was for good. Astoria had given her a task, but no direction on how to carry it out. That was on her. Merlin rest her soul.
“Well, what is it, Pansy? Out with it,” Theo mumbled.
“Scorpius just said something that I think you all should hear.” She looked at the little boy, “Go ahead baby, tell them what you just told me about your new daycare.”
“Auntie Pansy, am I in trouble?” Scorpius whimpered.
“Look at you baby. How could you every be in trouble?” She kissed his forehead, and murmured under her breath, “Your father however…”
“What is it buddy,” Blaise coaxed, “What did you tell Aunt Pansy.”
He still looked hesitant, but he started speaking while clutching at his stuffed dragons for comfort. “I started daycare to make some fwends. It’s okay that Nana is my fwend, but I was ‘posed to make more. And I really like it! We play and color and—and there’s story time with magic!”
“It’s ‘friends,’ buddy,” Blaise corrected gently.
“Fwends?”
“Friends.”
“Fr-friends,” Scorpius managed.
“That’s it, perfect.”
The boys watched little Scorpius with rapt attention, but they still looked at Pansy in confusion for what they were supposed to glean from this conversation.
“Who runs the daycare baby?”
“Who…? Oh! Do you mean Miss Her-mummy? I love her! She’s so pretty and nice,” he blushed.
The boys refocused on the crazy look in Pansy’s eyes.
“Hermione Granger?” Theo asked.
“Hermione bleeding Granger,” Pansy confirmed with a smirk.
“Did you orchestrate that?”
Blaise’s assumption wasn’t insulting, and she could take credit for this one. When Daph had come to Pansy with that little tidbit, it was easy to feed the info to Narcissa. Narcissa, Pansy’s idol and a goddess in a witch's body. Narcissa who loved Hermione like a daughter and how she had cared for Astoria during her difficult pregnancy. Narcissa, who was gracious to take on a lot of babysitting when Draco needed to be more than a figurehead in the family business, but “really had some pursuits she wanted to attend to, now that Scorpius is a bit older. And really Draco, his only friends are his father and his grandmother. Madam Malkin was telling me about this lovely little daycare. It’s just precious, you should really tour it…”
It was all quite easy.
“So, you’ve put them back into orbit?”
“Yes, I have. And Scorpius,” she reached down to pull the toddler into her lap, “absolutely loves spending his days there. Isn’t that right baby?”
“Yes!” Scorpius squealed when she tickled him.
“Who is your favorite person there?”
“Well, I do like my friend George, but Her-mummy for sure!”
“’Her-mummy,’” Theo repeated.
“Her-mummy.” Smirk.
“Oh, come on,” Blaise broke in, “It’s just a name, it’s not that affecting. Also, he’ll grow out of it.”
“Baby,” Pansy pointed to Blaise, “Who is that?”
Scorpius looked confused, like Pansy was losing it that she didn’t recognize him.
“That’s Unky Baze, Auntie,” he said in his adorable, sugar-sweet, straight from the heavens, innocent toddler babble.
Blaise positively melted, before throwing his hands up as the point was made.
“The idiots have been avoiding our plots for years, how is this going to be any different? Scorp will grow out of it before they catch on. They are quite dense on the topic.” Theo starkly stated.
“Well, we have a new asset to the team. I really think we have a shot this time.”
“Scorpius?” Theo said, aghast.
“Yes?” The blond angel responded.
“Oh, nothing darling. We’re just talking about how helpful you are. Please keep playing,” Pansy dismissed his questioning tone.
“What are you talking about? You can’t be serious.”
Why were they acting like they were above this? They’d all done much worse.
“He is undeniably the most irresistible thing,” Pansy reasoned, “Granger won’t be able to help herself. Little baby boy will be saying ‘mummy’ all the time, he’ll paint the picture. The two will finally wake up. I handled proximity, but this will seal it. I will have granted Astroria’s deathbed request. I can go back to self-serving pursuits. Everything is sunny and everyone wins.”
“He’s going to grow out of it,” Theo reiterated.
“What if he doesn’t?” She fielded the idea.
“Pansy,” Blaise cautioned.
“What!? Don’t look at me like that! One itsy-bitsy-teeny-weenie manipulation isn’t going to scar him. It’s for the greater good!”
“You wouldn’t know the ‘greater good’ if you were married to it and woke up with it every morning.”
Pansy, pointed at Blaise in reproach, “But Astoria used to point it out all the time, and maybe my methods are more Utilitarian—”
“Dictatorial,” Theo coughed.
“Bless you—But as I was saying, if at the end of the day Scorpius ends up with two loving parents, perfectly suited for each other, and as ordained by his late mother, then who would ever question my methods?”
“So, this is it, we’re going to fully parent trap them this time? Why don’t we just get them ‘stood up’ on blind dates in the same café again? Yes! The ‘Cerulean Plan’—that was much gentler,” Theo suggested, “I really don’t like all the invasive meddling.”
Pansy cast a quick charm to silence the bubble around Scorpius’s head.
“No cerulean! And these are not lapis, lilac or lavender plan type circumstances either, so don’t even suggest them! It’s fucking full-blown periwinkle and if you boys don’t get on board, I swear to Merlin that I will sabotage every relationship you ever try to have! You will go down in history for the driest dicks known-to-man if you do not help our dear, dear friend finally sleep with the woman he’s been pining over since third year!”
“Pans, you don’t even know if I’m—”
“Blaise, I have tea with Cecile every third Tuesday of the month. Don’t try me!”
His face blanched as much as his dark coloring would allow.
“How do you even know about Cecile?” Theo tried to stand up for Blaise.
“Irrelevant!” Pansy hissed, “Been to Wizard Wheezes lately, Theo?”
He blushed.
“The point. Is that you know I’m right, and I need you both on board to make this stick. It’s one blasted word, a name. It’s enough”
“Fine,” they said in defeated harmony.
Pansy cancelled the charm around Scorpius, returning him to the conversation.
"Baby I’m going to ask you to do something, and it’s a secret from Daddy,” she tickled the toddler again.
“I don’t have secrets from Daddy,” the boy looked at her with his innocent eyes and she winced.
Blast Draco and his good parenting. Slightly more finagling then. Right.
“This isn’t a bad secret baby. The truth is that your dad has been saying something wrong for a long time, and Miss Her-mummy is just way too nice to correct him.”
“What is it?”
“Well, your dad thinks her name is Hermione—a lot of people do—but you have it right, her name is Her-mummy. Some people even call her just ‘mummy’ if they love her a whole lot.”
Theo cleared his throat. Okay maybe that was a bit much.
“It’s like if a whole bunch of people called you Scorpion,” Blaise added.
“But that’s not my name!” Scorpius whined.
“You’re right,” Pansy cooed, “Names are important, but Her-mummy isn’t great at correcting people, like you. She thinks it’s rude and doesn't want people to feel bad.”
“We went to school with Grang—uh Her-mummy,” Theo earned his keep, “And when people started calling her the wrong name, it stuck. She used to cry about it. Finally, she got used to people mispronouncing her name, but ‘Hermione’ is not how you say it.”
Now to close the deal. Forgiveness begged of Astoria from beyond the veil.
“I need you to promise me something baby. Even when Daddy tries to correct you, and even if Her-mummy tries to correct you so your dad doesn’t feel bad, I need you to promise me that you’ll say her name correctly,” Pansy finished, “Can you do that for Auntie? Can you only ever call her Her-mummy?”
He nodded enthusiastically.
“That’s wonderful baby, you’ll be calling her exactly what she wants to hear.”