Rue - regret
Whenever someone asked Sirius about his decision to run away, the reaction stays the same.
“It’s the best decision I’ve ever made,” he’d say with his signature smile. He doesn’t tell them it’s his worst decision too.
He snuck out in the middle of night, after preparing all week for it. His plan was finally in motion now that he had the courage. Only necessary items had been packed in a little backpack he bought with this idea in mind, several years ago. He didn’t take anything that would make it obvious he was leaving. No, Sirius was much smarter than that.
He behaved as usual, so no one would get suspicious. He had prepared and played his role well. No one noticed his plan. His parents didn’t have any idea they’d be losing a son this week. He was finally ready to say goodbye to his family.
Sirius didn’t know he had technically already been caught, until it was time to leave. He had successfully left his room and came down the stairs. None of the steps creaked. All that was left, was going through the hallway and leaving through the front door.
Even from the bottom of the stairs, he could see a small figure standing in front of the door. Regulus. Sirius couldn’t see his face very clearly, but his brother’s bright blue eyes were cold. Almost daring him to come closer and leave his baby brother alone in their own house of horrors.
Sirius hadn’t hesitated for a second since he had made the decision to leave, but now he was. As he looked at his little brother standing there, betrayal in his eyes, he fought the urge to drop his bag. He made his way through the hallway and went to pass his brother, who could only look at him with pain. Sirius opened the door, gave his little brother one last look, praying it conveyed his emotions, and walked out.
For the first few minutes, he contemplated turning back. But after that, he was joyful. He cheered, he skipped, he sang. But above all else, he was free. The regret had been washed away. He was happy. And he continued to be, until summer break ended, and he saw Regulus at school.
Regulus didn’t even spare a glance at his brother. He had left the family, so he would be treated like everyone else. Like dirt. Sirius hadn’t experienced regret all that much yet at that point. But as he looked at his little brother, who pretended he never existed, he felt it. He felt the regret burning a hole through his chest, every single time he looked at his baby brother, turned to stranger. He was happy he had lost his parents that day, but he had forgotten they were not the only family he’d lose.
Many people over the years asked him if he regretted his decision. He would look them in the eye, every single time and say “not for a second”. Those close to him didn’t want to upset him by pointing out the obvious lie in his voice. They knew he regretted it, as did he. But no one wanted to say it out loud. After all, they were his friends. They wouldn’t betray him, and he wouldn’t betray them. Right?