Ephitymia

Remus didn't have much time to think about what happened in detention the next day, nor the day after, not when he spent the first full moon alone in years. It was a nasty full moon, even worse than the one’s he had before his packmate. Not used to being alone again, the wolf tried to suppress his loneliness by attacking himself. Remus learned early on that this is the price you pay for having a beast, created to have simple feelings, with the ability to feel human emotions.

He knew it was going to be one of his worst full moons. He was more stressed than he ever felt in his entire life, and his mood affected the wolf mood directly, since, well, they were one of the same. What he didn’t expect was waking up feeling the way he did now, not when he knew he had Madam Pomfrey and her after care. Perhaps he underestimated the need for his pre-full moon ritual and the possibility that one day his animal companion wouldn't be there - he didn't have much to do in this situation, but at least psychological preparation could be better than dealing with disappointment.

Even though he was surprised to find his father and uncle by the side of his bed, his mother's absence surprised him more. Making him paranoid that something might have happened to her for a few seconds, till he could be able to hear her whispering voice a few beds away. He couldn’t make out what or who she was talking to, her voice resonating too fast and low for his brain to process a word in time to understand the other and form a sentence.

Curious to know who got his mother out of his bedside; Remus opened his eyes for the first time in what seemed like days. His eyelids were heavy and dry, causing him to blink several times and need some time to adjust his vision to the light. Noticing a sudden movement, Lyall and Alphard stopped whispering to each other. Alphard called Hope, who apologised to whoever she was talking to and came running to his side. Remus could see the dry trail of tears on his father's face, mixed with an expression of relief and anguish. Hope rushed to hug him, but stopped herself, trying not to hurt Remus. Alphard squeezed his father’s hands in support, who looked at him with a thankful smile.

“Oh, Merlin, Remus” Madam Pomfrey said, being the first to dare say anything to him. She got to him from the other side of his bed, his family shielding him from the rest of the hospital wing, making impossible to see who his mother was talking to “How are you feeling, darling?”

“Dry” he uttered with more effort than was usually necessary, his throat scratching with each attempt and his voice huskier than usual after a night's sleep. He tried to sit, his body begin for a different position after so long without moving, but the ache in his lower belly stopped him. He felt like he'd been hit by a truck, but nothing could compare to the burn he felt above his pelvic area. His parents rushed to help him sit up, granting a little relief for finally moving his muscles.

“Drink this water and take this potion after, it’s going to help you with your pain” Poppy tried to hand him the water and the potion, but his arms were too heavy, so Hope picked them up and helped him drink it in the required order. Madame Pomfrey always took it upon herself to help him take them when he couldn't, even when James offered, she wouldn't give up, perhaps she understood that all he needed at that moment was his own mother looking after him. “Thank you”

Hope nodded and smiled at her.

“Feeling better?” Pomfrey asked as the potion took effect. He nodded and closed his eyes, even with the pain relief he is still a little stiff. “Good. As your mediwitch, I will tell you what happened in the full moon, but due to the circumstances I need to know if you are alright for that right now or if you want to wait to get better.”

“Where – hm, where is James?” he searched for his best friend, but due to his dull senses, something normal after taking potions after potions, he couldn’t smell if he was the other person with them in the room.

“Well, Mister Potter is camping outside, now. Refused to leave without you” Remus nodded and sighted in relief; James hadn’t given up on him yet.

“Can you call him?” Madam Pomfrey looked between his parents, in a silent conversation. One that Remus couldn’t understand, he had several bad full moons before, what happened this time?

“Remus” his mother called him. “I think it’s best if we have this conversation between our family only, okay? I know he is your friend and you want his support right now, but we need to discuss what’s best for your safety as a family”

“My safety?” he looked at his father’s eyes searching for answers, but all he found was deep sadness and guilt. That scared him more than anything.

His mother looked at Madam Pomfrey and gave her a nod, the nurse placing her hand lightly on Remus' shoulder, trying to get his attention.

“Do you want to sleep a little more and talk about it later?”

“No” confused, Remus looked between the four adults present. How they expected him to sleep right now? “I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway.”

“Okay” Madam Pomfrey nodded and took his hand. “Mister Potter came looking for me earlier, saying that something was wrong with you. He begged me to pick you up early, as soon as you started the transformation again. As you are not the only student here today, I couldn’t have him disrupting their much needed sleep, so I obliged, thinking that Mister Potter was just overreacting.”

She took a pause to breath and squeezed his shoulder with gentleness.

“Mister Potter was correct in his assumptions. I found you – I found in a pool of blood with one of your organs spilling out. A hole in your belly probably opened middle transformation after the wolf attacked himself, considering I could save you on time” a tear spilled out from one of hear eyes and she calmly cleaned it. His parents were now being hugged by Alphard, who was the only one who hadn’t shed a tear. “As you see, Remus, you almost died this time, if not for Mister Potter’s insistency that something was wrong, Merlin knows what could’ve happen.”

“Well... We always knew that would happen someday. I mean, werewolves life rate is pretty low” he spoke in a whispering voice with his eyes downcast. He heard the pause in his father's breathing, the only indication that they could hear what he was saying.

“That doesn't mean we can’t make precautions” his mother said looking at his father, who nodded. “We are not making any decisions without your consent, but we think it’s best for you if you come back and... and stay with Alphard.”

“What?”

“It’s only temporary, son” his father spoke for the first time. “Our house it’s not safe enough for you. We need to arrange a bigger place for your to stay at the full moon, a house in a more secluded and guarded place, so no one will hear you running around and... and..”

“Breath, love” Hope stopped him.

“I would love to spend the summer with uncle Alphard” Remus spoke finally, but due to his family face, that was not the answer they wanted.

“Not only the summer, cariad” his mother spoke, combing her hand through his hair. “We agreed that Hogwarts isn’t safe enough for you... We talked with Madam Pomfrey, and we know about that rivalry you got going on, Remus.”

“I’m not leaving Hogwarts because Sirius Black is an asshole” Remus spat angrily, regretting it a little when his sore throat complained. “My whole life is already in jeopardy because I’m a werewolf, Hogwarts is my only chance.”

“I’m a Black, Remus. Being my apprentice is a big deal too” Alphard spoke with a soft tone, grabbing Remus toe, the only part of him that he could move without wanting to cry, and shaking a bit in comfort. “We can invite James and even invent some apprenticeship so Dumbledore will allow him to visit us every time you want.”

“Oh, yeah? What about Sirius?” Remus raised one eyebrow at him, who looked surprised. “It’s not that I don’t want to spend some time with you, uncle, I really do, but all that “rivalry” started because you neglected him in order to stay with me. You are really important to him and I’m sure that if I go, things will only get worse.”

Alphard sighed and Hope looked at him, waiting for a reaction.

“I didn’t know that was what was going on” he rubbed his hand across his face and widened his eyes for a few seconds, as if this subject had been bothering him for some time. His father grabbed his shoulder, in a silent support. Something was going on that Remus didn’t know about, but his family did. “I will talk to him and try to convince Walburga and Orion... I will sort this out, I promise you. Now, are you coming with me?”

“No.”

“Remus...” his father started.

“I know, but I am not leaving. This was not a normal occurrence, and you know that. I have this whole ritual that helps me go through it, I just couldn’t do it this time because of detention.”

“Oh” Madam Pomfrey said, remembering Remus that she was still there. “I can talk to Minerva about that.”

“Thank you, Poppy... er, Madam Pomfrey” he corrected himself when he saw his father and uncle scandalized stare. As ex-students of Hogwarts, purebloods as a cherry on top, they probably couldn’t fathom calling Poppy by... Poppy.

“Remus, cariad, I-I know that Hogwarts is important to you, but you have to understand that we almost lost you. We were terrified, baby” she moved her hand from his hair to his face, holding his chin in an affectionate gesture. “It’s your life, and you are old enough, so, for now, it’s your choice. Taking you from Hogwarts without you agreeing to it is too risky as well. Putting you under stress it’s not what we need right now. But I want you to promise me, that if anything happens again, you are coming home, okay?”

“Okay, mum” his mother was right, this was stressful. Now that his stay at Hogwarts was no longer compromised, relief brought a headache. He hadn't been able to feel it before because of the adrenaline, or at least he hadn't paid any attention to it, but now that his body had relaxed he could feel his skull compressing to the point where it felt like it was going to crack. If even the potions couldn't improve his pain, Remus didn't want to have to imagine the state in which Madame Pomfrey had found him and the damage the wolf had caused. He pressed his hands in his eyes trying to soothe the pain a little, helping a bit but not enough.

“Now that we know that you are ok, we should let you rest” said Alphard, getting up and helping his father and mother follow his steps. “I will talk to Sirius, I know this is not one sided, Madam Pomfrey told us, but you are right. There is some things that I have to do.”

Remus nodded and smiled weakly at him. “See you next summer?”

“Sure, boy” Alphard left without waiting for Remus parents, but not before stroking Remus' head. Madam Pomfrey left after him, promising him that she would be back.

“Mom” he whispered. He missed her, he missed all of them, even if they were only four months without seeing each other. She hugged him without putting any pressure on his body and gave a little peck in his hair. He wished he could savour more of her warmth, a maternal embrace that he craved more than he was aware of.

“Oh, my boy” she pulled away and wiped the tears that had managed to escape Remus's eyes, tears that he hadn't even realized were there before. “Everything is going to be fine. You have me, your father, Alphard, James... There are so many people who love you and I need you to trust us, okay, cariad?”

“I do, mum, but sometimes things happen, you know?” he spoke tiredly.

“Oh, I do” she chuckled slightly before whispering: “Your father want to speak with you in private, so I must get going, but remember, baby, we all love you, okay? I need you to remember that.”

He nodded and she kissed his hair again before going away, giving Remus and his father the space they needed.

“Dad”

“Hey, son” he sat beside Remus in the hospital bed without touching him. Different then his mother, whose face was washed in relief, his father’s was pure dread and guilty. To be expected but nothing Remus blamed him about, his father never lied to him about the reason he was beaten. He couldn’t lie to him, not when he got all depressed and spent a week without looking Remus in the eye, causing Remus to feel unwanted, when in reality his father was the one feeling undeserving. When Hope noticed what was happing, she demanded Lyall talked to Remus and let Remus choose for himself whether he wanted to talk to his father or not. Remus didn’t, but it lasted a week, he missed his father.

“If you are going to apologize, dad, don’t. It’s not your fault” Lyall closed his eyes and pressed his hands together, tears streaming down his face. “You weren’t wrong from saying werewolves are monsters when the werewolf in question was Fenrir Greyback, he only proved you right when he did what he did.”

“How can you say that after I almost lost you?”

“Da, you were doing your job. You were trying to make a better world to your son and other kids, and no one believed you. If anyone has any fault in that, beside Fenrir, is your colleagues that let him walk away that day.”

“I will never know what I did right to deserve a son like you” he whispered, a small smile contemplating his face. “I want to say sorry, nevertheless, even though you don’t blame, if it wasn’t for me... We wouldn’t be here today.”

“Well, if it wasn’t for you I sure wouldn’t” Lyall chuckled in disbelief and took some courage to touch his son’ arm, as if needing the contact to be sure that he was really there.

“I know I am not your mother, but I hope that you could write to me every day?” he blushed “Okay, every day is a little too much, I will be content if it’s only every week or every month. You can even tell me what prank you pulled on Alphard’s nephew, and I will not even punish you. I just need to know how you are.”

With his eyes wide, Remus supressed a smile. He couldn’t complain about his dad in terms of affection, but seeing he nervous when asking his son to keep contact with, was extremely endearing. His dad was all confidence till Remus was involved.

“Sure, dad. Only with you promise to not punish me and give me some ideas”.

“Well, I don’t think your mother will approve me giving you ideas, but I think I can manage” Lyall put his hand on his chin, looking like he had several ideas running through his head. It was one of his mannerisms that Remus picked up from him.

“Then I’ll write you every week” he took his hands out and presented to his father, who took it and closed their deal. His handshake was weaker than usual, taking care not to hurt Remus.

“I will let you rest now, your eye is doing the thing that you do when you got a headache” he got himself up, and kissed Remus’ forehead. “I will be waiting for you owl.”

And he left, letting Remus alone for the first time since the full moon. Well, not completely alone, he could hear now Madam Pomfrey talking to another resident, but he didn't dwell on it too much. The pounding on his head begging him to close his eyes and go to sleep. He knew he should wait Madam Pomfrey, but he believed he could do that just fine if his eyes closed.