It wasn't supposed to end like this—before it even began. Children weren't supposed to die before their parents, and in Sirius Black's opinion, Harry was as good as his son. It just wasn't right. He was only fifteen, for Merlin's sake. His life was just beginning. He had the two best friends anyone could ask for and a bright future ahead of him. He was supposed to follow his dreams of becoming an auror. He was supposed to fall in love and have children of his own, watch them grow up, and watch them start their own families. He was supposed to grow old. But in the blink of an eye, all those dreams that should have become a reality for the young wizard were cut short.
It had been a month since Harry had died in the Department of Mysteries, and not a day went by that Sirius didn't miss him. He missed his letters, talking about everything from how bored he was to the things troubling him in his dreams. He missed his smile, which was so much like James's, and the way his green eyes lit up when he was excited, just as Lily's once did. He missed the late-night conversations they had shared over the holidays, when neither one of them could sleep. He even missed the teenage angst. He would give anything to see his godson sulking around the halls of Grimmauld Place or to hear his shouts coming from upstairs as he yelled at his friends. But most of all, he missed the knowledge that his godson was alive, and he missed the hope for a future.
Sirius made his way to Godrics Hollow, where James and Lily had been laid to rest. He looked to the right of their graves, his eyes lingering on the newer gravestone.
IN LOVING MEMORY OF
Harry James Potter
Born
31st July 1980
Died
18th June 1996
It had been just over a month since Harry's death, but today was the first day he had managed to force himself out of bed and visit. It was raining hard, but that didn't stop Sirius.
"Happy Birthday, Harry." He said softly, his eyes filled with unshed tears. "I wanted to bring you something, but I thought that flowers were far too popular of a choice. By the looks of it, I was right." He glanced at the many flowers by his godson's grave, many of which were likely from fans of the 'Boy Who Lived' but some from the Weasley's.
"I decided to bring balloons instead." He said as he tied the red and gold balloons to the post beside his grave. "I also decided to bring a bottle of firewhisky. I planned to let you try some this summer, seeing as your father and I were sixteen when we first drank." He pulled out two glasses and filled them to the top. He set one glass down before downing the other. "Well, that's a lie." He chuckled. "I was fifteen, but what kind of responsible godfather would I be if I let you drink that young?
"Merlin, Harry," Sirius sighed. "There are so many things I want to say. Things that I should have said before but didn't.
"First of all, I want to tell you how proud I am of you. Not because you're the 'Boy Who Lived' or because of your fame, but because of who you are as a person. It would have been easy for you to let the fame go to your head. Merlin knows your father, and I would have. But you're different, Harry. I once told you that you were less like your father than I thought. The truth is, you're better than him. At least, you're better than he was at your age. You are kind and thoughtful, and you would never think of bullying someone for being different. You're the person I wish I was at your age. The person I know your parents would have been proud of. They would have been proud to call you their son, Harry, and I'm proud to call you my godson."
The silence that followed this speech was long. Sirius poured himself another glass of firewhisky and downed it. There were so many things he wanted to tell Harry. Things he should have told him when he was alive to hear them.
"I also want you to know how much I love you, Harry." Sirius said after a while of silence. "I don't think I ever told you, and for that, I'm truly sorry. I have a feeling you didn't hear those words nearly enough growing up, if at all, and I should have been the one to tell you. The thing is, I was never told those words growing up either. I suppose that's why it's so hard for me to say them to someone else. This shouldn't have stopped me from telling you, Harry. And I'm so sorry you aren't here to hear me say them. But I really do love you. I couldn't have loved you more if you were my own flesh in blood."
By now, the rain had stopped, and a beautifully bright rainbow hung in the sky.
"I'd like to think you're up there, Harry," Sirius said, looking up. "Looking down right now. I like to imagine you with your parents. I bet the three of you are having a great time. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish I were up there with you. After you died, Harry, I..well, I thought about ending it. It should have been me who died, not you. But then I thought about what you'd say if you were here. You wouldn't want me to end my life, and neither would your parents. In fact, your dad would be rightfully pissed. And although Remus tries not to show it, I know he's really struggling. I couldn't leave him alone. So although I want to see the three of you more than anything, I'm afraid I'll just have to wait."
Sirius downed the rest of the bottle of firewhisky before grabbing the glass that was for Harry. He looked down at the still-full glass and sighed. Then he dumped it on the ground.
"My name was cleared, you know." He said. "It doesn't really matter now. You were my one reason for wanting to be free. But I know you'd want me to be happy, so I promise you, Harry, I'm going to do my best to live my life like I know you'd want. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure Bellatrix pays for what she did, and I'm going to help bring Voldemort down or die trying."
"Padfoot?"
Sirius looked up at the sound of his one remaining friend's voice. Remus was making his way towards him with a worried expression on his face. He knew it was only a matter of time before the werewolf made it over to him. So he looked at his godson's grave one last time.
"Happy Birthday, Harry.” He whispered. “I love you...son."