Chapter 2
The room was dead silent after the words left his mouth. It was as if the world stopped for a moment, trying to understand the gravity of its meaning. The bustle of the main street outside their apartment, the obnoxiously loud footsteps of the tenant living above them, the neighbours edging towards a divorce. It all fell away. Leaving behind the silence to suffocate them, much like Regulus’ absence had.
“You- what?”, Sirius breathed. His eyes were wide, lips parted. You wouldn't think he'd spoken if not for the crushing silence surrounding them.
“I-”, James broke off, releasing what he thought was a strained chuckle, but was a rather wet sob. “He- he was the fucking owner of the Apothecary. Remus, you worked down the street from him for two fucking months and you never ran into him once?”
His body was shaking with sobs but he could almost think he was laughing at the absurdity of it all. The man he had spent the last eight years looking for, thinking about, had barely any clue of his existence!
“And you know what the best part is, Pads?”, he wiped his tears and turned to his best friend who had tears brimming in his eyes. They had probably guessed the meeting hadn't gone too well, but reality was a bigger bitch than imagination. “He didn't fucking recognize me.”
That gave them pause.
“What do you mean he didn't recognize you?”, Remus asked, always the first to be pragmatic in an emergency. “How could he not? That's not possible.”
“One word.”, he said leaning forward, pausing for dramatic effect, because that seemed appropriate to his mind at the moment. “Obliviate”.
James returned to his wet laughs as the colour drained from their faces.
“No.”, Sirius said, forcefully. Like he could make it true through pure will. “That's not possible. Maybe there is something else at play here, you can't be sure it's Obliviate, right?”, he was hyperventilating, and James should feel guilty for not being able to help, but he could almost feel his sanity slip away from him.
Regulus didn't remember him. He didn't know him. Didn't love him.
Back at Hogwarts, James would often use the Marauders’ Map to find Regulus sitting alone in a hidden alcove, reading. He'd always act annoyed at the disturbance but would diligently make room for James and answer any and all questions he would have.
James had quickly realised Regulus was a sucker for a good tragic romance. He always talked about how even though it wasn't meant to be, it was that fact in itself that made it so lovely in the first place. Half the characters, in a normal setting, would end up losing the other, but in a tragedy, you could remember that person with fondness and love, instead of their memory being tarnished by a break up.
He had asked him once if he deemed them a tragedy, James still remembers his response.
They'd been laying on a picnic blanket on the Quidditch pitch, still panting from the race that Regulus had (sadly) won.
The cold winter air was a chill against his sweaty body, both a relief and a pain, as he shivered and before he could get up to pull on his jumper he felt warmth enveloping him from a whispered charm.
They continued to stare at the night sky. The stars that were obstructed from the clouds this autumn night and before he realised, James blurted out the question that had been circling his brain for days.
“Are we a tragedy?”, he asked, his breath misting in the cold wind and getting carried away, like a secret no one but they were to know.
Regulus had turned to him, with a small line between his brows, “What?”
“The other day you said that you like a tragedy because the characters get to remember the other fondly and with love, rather than through hateful memories of a break up. Do you think we're going to be a tragedy then? Is that what you want?”, he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. He chewed on his lip, a nervous tic he'd learnt from Regulus, a frown on his face. He could feel his heartbeat doubling up in fear of the response. He didn't want Regulus to be his tragedy or to be a tragedy for him. He wanted to hold the boy close and keep him away from his cruel parents and this messy world. To hide in these silences where he's learnt peace and love and hope and warmth and Regulus.
“I don't know what we will be.”, he had answered, his beautiful eyes mesmerising in the moonlight, searching in his own hazel ones. “I don't know where life will take us. If it will be kind or cruel. But if you ask what I want, James, I just want forever with you.
“I don't wish for anything but peace for us. But as long as I get to grow older with you beside me, for as long as luck, time and fate will allow me, I don't care about how it all ends for us. I just want to be with you. I pray we have a happy ending, but even if we don't, I don't think it's possible for me to ever regret you.”
James had asked that question in a moment of curiosity. He'd never known he could be describing his own life at that moment. They'd talked about that peace for their future a lot after that night. They'd argued over dogs or cats, the colour of the bedroom walls, the number of children they would have. But no matter what they disagreed over, they knew they wanted it together.
That moment had been the reason he had had so much faith in them these past eight years. The words Regulus had spoken to him, had sworn to him, were the reason he hadn't completely lost his shit. But now, Regulus didn't even remember those words. Did they even hold any meaning anymore?
“-ames, James!”, Remus’ voice brought him back to the present. He and Sirius were staring at him with concern in their eyes. Sirius had tear tracks down his face and both their eyes were red rimmed. He wasn't the only one losing his shit, clearly.
“Tell us everything, right now.”, Sirius said, finally having composed himself.
So, James did. He told him about the little girl at the counter, of Regulus talking about his daughter (They had to pause for Sirius to stop hyperventilating again and get over the fact that he was an Uncle). About the new scars on his body and the loss of his vision. About the past that he described to James, of being homeschooled and attending Durmstrang. About the friend that had stopped by and the question he had been asked.
“He asked you about your thoughts about Lycanthropy?”, Remus questioned, bewildered and a little pale. “Why?”
“Apparently he also sells Wolfsbane. But not only that, he offers it for free for Werewolves who don't have the financial capability to buy them. The friend of his must be one too from the scars I saw. He also told me he worked with organisations that helped keep Werewolves safe and provided them shelter, so if I ever came across one who ever needed his services or needed some help, I should contact him.”
Remus looked stunned at that, while Sirius was watching Remus warily for any signs of discomfort. Just as he opened his mouth to ask though, Remus burst into tears.
Now, given the fact that James and Sirius had literally just wept an hour ago, their shock was not because of some social stigma about men not feeling emotions. Their shock was because of the fact that Remus never cried.
They were all aware that Remus was big ol’ softy, but he rarely teared up. The last time James had seen him cry was a few days after ‘The Prank’, when his boyfriend's betrayal had finally hit him. That was nine years ago.
So, the fact that he had burst into sobs, hiding his face in hands, was disconcerting to say the least.
“That fucking bastard!”, he cried, his voice muffled in his hands. He continued swearing at (James presumed) Regulus, until Sirius finally calmed him down.
“Alright, mate?”, James asked tentatively.
Remus remained silent, before standing up, his jaw set and shoulders squared. “I'm going to see him.”
“What?!”, Sirius asked before following Remus to the door. James after him.
“I'm going to see him. Well first, I will go to Gringotts to have access to my financial records and then I'm going to participate in his… thing.”, his voice firm as he stuffed his feet into shoes.
“Remus, we can do that some other time, why do you need to-”, Sirius started before he was interrupted by Remus whirling around.
“Because!”, he almost shouted, before looking away and looking back at the two of them. “Because in his last year at Hogwarts he'd confronted me. Told me he'd known about me being a Werewolf since his first year, and when he was old enough, he would like to join us at moons. He told me about a potion that was at early stages but could be revolutionary for Werewolves. They could keep their human state of mind even after a transformation. And how he just knew the ministry would fucking monopolize on that shit. He-”, he cleared his throat, looking down before returning his gaze. “He made me promise that the moment he learned to make the potion, I would let him make it for him, for free.
“I protested but the stubborn fucker made me swear on our friendship that I would do it. Now, I don't know what will happen with Regulus, if he will ever even remember this promise, but I- I need to do this. If not for this Reg, then for the old one.”
James hadn't ever heard about this from Regulus. But from Remus’ reaction he could tell this meant a lot to him. After all, he was close to him as well.
Remus and Regulus had a friendship unlike he had ever seen before. Unlike James and Sirius, who would build on each other to become more energetic, more enthusiastic, more excited, those two were always more comfortable simply being with the other.
They would talk and debate about their favourite books. Have entire conversations through eye contact and a twitch of a brow.
They would never outright say they loved the other, but would defend the other like no one's business. They snarked and bantered and insulted each other. They were cut from the same cloth, and given the opportunity, James was sure they're friendship would have been absolutely beautiful to witness.
So, James understood why Remus was so affected by this. This was a glimpse at the Regulus that Remus had bonded like no other with. He wanted the entire view. He did too, he couldn't blame him.
Sirius hugged Remus and pressed his face into his neck, to soothe him. When he stepped back, he turned to see James again. “We're going to see my brother, want to join us?”
James just cracked a grin. Like he would ever refuse a chance to look at him.
After they exited Gringotts, Remus’ documents in his arms, they made their way to the Apothecary that held a part of their past, and a part of their future.
Just as Remus was about to open the door, Sirius halted him.
“What if he remembers me?”, he asked looking a little pale. “He said he'd been homeschooled, so he would think I'd gone to Hogwarts. God, does he think I abandoned him? Of course he did, that bitch would make him think that.”, he rambled.
Remus tucked the documents under his arm, and held Sirius by the shoulders, locking eyes with him. “Do you want to see him again?”, he asked. Sirius opened his mouth before closing it again, and nodding. “Then that's a risk you'll have to take, sweetheart. Come on, we're right behind you.”
Sirius stood still for a moment, his hand hovering over the handle, before breathing in deep, squaring his shoulders and entering, him and Remus following behind.
The shop was the same as before, given barely two hours had passed since he had exited it. Regulus was standing behind the counter, stirring a cauldron, a wide smile on his face as Lyra babbled about something, her face was split in a grin and her laughter echoed in the small shop. There was a plate of cut apples before her that she seemed to be munching on.
Their conversation stopped when they entered, the bell ringing again to notify their arrival. Regulus quickly put the potion under a stasis charm before turning to the door. He wiped his hands on the apron and stole a slice of apple before addressing them.
“Welcome to Vega's Potions and Apo- Oh, James! Back so soon?”, he asked, eyeing the trio. He paused at Remus, but didn't seem to recognize Padfoot.
“Um, yes hi. Well you told me if I knew someone with Lycanthropy that I should-”, he started but stopped when Remus stepped forward, holding out a hand.
“Hello, I'm Remus, I work at Flourish and Blotts. James told me you offer Wolfsbane to werewolves who are unable to afford it? I wanted to apply for that, if it was possible.”
“About time, you came to my shop.”, Regulus smirked, taking his hand and gesturing them to take a seat. Sirius, sat in front of Lyra, glancing back and forth between his brother and niece. “I've seen you smoking in the back alley behind the store. I almost approached you a couple times when you looked wrung out, but I didn't want to overstep.”
“Wait, you knew he was a Werewolf?”, Sirius asked, incredulous. Seriously, did Regulus have a radar for this stuff?
“Well, I've spent a few years of my life around Werewolves. Durmstrang is open to students with Lycanthropy, so I know the signs. I met some great people there, it's one of the reasons I wanted to offer Wolfsbane for free. Instinct doesn't erase guilt and if there is a way to help ease that guilt for werewolves and reduce attacks, it seems ridiculous to not at least offer the option.”, he answered matter-of-factly. “I'm sorry I didn't catch your name.”
Sirius swallowed, before offering his hand with a grin. “Sirius Potter. I'm the hunk's boyfriend.”
Regulus’ eyes widened for a moment, freezing for a moment. He seemed to search his brother's face before shaking his hand. He turned away to Remus but he'd already caught on that something was wrong.
“I'm sorry, are you alright?”, he asked, glancing between him and Sirius.
Regulus waved them off, “Sorry, it's just that- that was the name of my older brother, so it caught me off guard.”
All three of them froze. If Regulus knew about Sirius, why wouldn't he recognize him? They looked eerily similar!
“You have an older brother?”, Sirius asked, trying to sound nonchalant, but the hope in his eyes was unmistakable.
“Had. He, um. He passed away when I was four years old. Dragon pox.”
James glanced at Sirius, ready to grab him and leave if necessary. He looked as if he'd been stabbed in the heart, but he smiled and pushed through, “You must miss him then.”
“I do. He was a great brother, he was the most caring and protective person I've ever met, even though he was barely two years older. It's hard but I wish he was here. Life could've been very different. He would've made a great uncle too.”, he said, stroking a hand over Lyra's back, who was observing and munching on her fruit. She looked up with a question in her eyes but he just shook his head. She patted his hand nonetheless and he huffed through his nose, his eyes a little wet.
“I'm sure he is proud of you.”, Sirius sounded more and more choked up.
Regulus just smiled before turning back to Remus.
James wanted nothing more than to hold Sirius close, to take away his pain. He had been there for his brother. Everyone knew it, even though Sirius refused to accept it. James himself had heard Regulus talk about his brother, like he himself had hung the stars in the night sky. No matter the banter or the arguments. No matter the hurt and the pain their parents caused, James knew Regulus loved his brother, deeply and unlike any other.
James wanted to comfort him, but Sirius had zoned out, no doubt lost in his head. He gently rested his hand over his, not pushing him to come back, just grounding him to know he can, when he wants to. With that, he turned back to Remus and Regulus, who was currently examining and waving his wand over the former's documents.
He hummed, flipping through the pages, “Everything looks alright. I see you've experienced being forced to jump jobs like your friend there. If you ever need some work you can come to me by the way. I'm always looking for some help around here, even if you're shite at potions.”
“I'll keep that in mind, that's very kind of you.”, he replied, a smile on his carefully neutral face.
“I just need to ask you some questions about your Lycanthropy now. If you want we can move to my office to have some privacy. Whatever you're comfortable with.”, he asked, handing back the papers.
“It's alright, my friends already know. Are you fine with your daughter hearing about this?”, he asked, nervously glancing at the little girl who was listening attentively.
“She's grown up around Werewolves, she knows about them, and doesn't mind if you don't. Right, monchiot?”
“Oui! Jeffy, Nora and Spinny tell me about the things they find when they go exploring with their friends on the moon! Once they found a lake that would glow blue at night, and they took me there for my birthday and it was so cool! I swam with the fishes and with papa. They've found lots of cool places like that and they always take me, and papa said when I'm older and super strong, I can come with them too!”, she rambled, a huge smile on her face with her big eyes lit up bright.
Remus looked so taken aback by that, James feared he would start sobbing again. But he seemed to grab a hold of himself and with a smile on his face, said, “That's really cool, beautiful.” He turned back to Regulus and with a more sober tone said, “It's really great that you're maintaining this image of Werewolves for your daughter.”
“I'm not maintaining anything. Being a Werewolf doesn't make you a bad person. You're a werewolf for 12 nights in a year, mate. If you're a dick the rest of the time, it's not because you sometimes have a tail.”, he said drily
Remus cackles at that. The kind of laugh James hasn't heard in eight years. The one that only showed up when Regulus made a comment, a seemingly throwaway statement, said so deadpan that it leaves you in stitches. A chuckle from his right showed that Sirius must've rejoined them. He squeezes his hand gently, receiving a squeeze back.
“So, if you're okay with talking here, we'll get started.”, Regulus said, waving to get a brown, leather bound journal flying across the room to him. His face has not twitched throughout out the conversation but James can see the mirth in his eyes. “I'm assuming you're Unregistered?”
“Is that a problem?”
Regulus simply snorted, and continued, “Age when you were bitten?”
“Five.”
“Ever taken Wolfsbane?”
“No.”
“What are your normal symptoms a week leading up to the moon. Now I want you to really think about this, list even the smallest, most insignificant, bearable problem and rate it out of 10, 1 being you barely notice it and 10 being unable to even move at all without considering death.”
Remus cracked a grin before listing everything out. He talked about the migraines and the aches in his gums and his temper and zoning out and violent thoughts. He talked about all of that and more and Regulus diligently listened, taking down notes and making dry comments sometimes to keep Remus at ease, when he started getting anxious.
“Alright, do you spend the moon with a pack, or in confinement?”
“With a pack.”
“The number of wolves in the pack?
Remus hesitated for a moment, his eyes flitting sideways to him and Sirius for a split second, but it was enough for Regulus to catch on. He smirked and asked, “My bad, number of animagi in the pack?”
“I- I'm sorry?!”, Remus exclaimed, his eyes almost bugging out of his head. He felt Sirius grow tense under his hand.
“It's more common that you'd think. There a lot of people in other countries that tend to become one to keep their family or friend company, when they can't find a pack or don't wish to join one. Your secret is safe with me. Now, your pack size, excluding you?”
“Um, three. A stag, a dog, big enough to direct the wolf and a rat.”
Regulus hummed, “A pretty solid pack, good for you. Where do you spend it?”
“We apparate to a forest and ward off an area large enough to keep humans out and let us roam and run freely.”
“Alright, I think I have everything I need. Now, I'm going to offer you two options, either of which you choose is fine with me. From what you've told me, you could really use some pain relief leading up to the moon as well as something for your high temper and your drive in the bedroom”, Remus went a bit pink at that and glanced at Lyra, who looked completely unbothered and was observing the whole conversation like it would appear on a test.
“I have been fiddling with Wolfsbane in the past few years, adding certain ingredients to help with the intensity of the symptoms. I can add some to help with some of your issues, though it may make you a little lethargic. They don't actually suppress the symptoms like pain potions or calming draughts tend to do. They actually work with your wolf to try and soothe it. To calm it down so that it's not itching to rip out of your skin. And because the wolf is so close to the surface with the greater Lunar pull, it will soothe the symptoms and make you a bit sleepy, tired or feeling lazy. It's completely normal.
“Obviously, I can offer you the simple Wolfsbane that has been tried and tested if you're uncomfortable, but if you wish to, I can just as easily customise it slightly for you. Obviously, we're not going to start out with that if you do, first we'll see how your moons go with normal Wolfsbane and I can slowly tweak it to see how it works for you. You can ask me to stop whenever you want, or if you change your mind. I'm just making it, you're the one who is drinking it. So, if you wish I am happy to offer whichever option you trust.”
Remus just looked at Regulus for a long moment. Absorbing it all in. Then he said, in a voice more gentle than James had ever heard from him. “I trust you, Regulus.”
Regulus seemed a bit taken aback at the statement but nodded nonetheless. Looking down at the notebook to hide the shine in his eyes.
“Alright, um, if anything feels wrong, and I do mean anything at all Remus, toughing it out will not be a wise choice for you, and if you make me responsible for your death because of your tough-guy act, I will do things to you that I can't talk about in front of my daughter.”, he threatened, decidedly intimidating to James and from the looks of it to Remus a bit too. He was swatted at by his daughter as she chastised him for scaring the nice man, to which he cracked a smile, apologized and continued. “If you feel anything is wrong, you can come to me. Even after hours, in case of an emergency. I may not be a incredible healer but I have enough potions here to bring a cow back to life.”
He passed him a piece of parchment with his address on it, as well as instructions on how to use the potions that will be delivered.
“I will give your week's worth of potions, as well a couple of blood replenishers, dreamless sleep, healing potions and skeli-gro, for after your transformation. If there is some serious injury and the potions are not enough, you can come to me and I'll do my best to patch you up.”
“Do you seriously provide that much for every Werewolf that you work with?”, James couldn't help but ask. He knew that Regulus was being generous but this seemed way beyond that.
“What do you want from me? My daughter spends half her day at school, I don't like people and I have my family's money to spend on ingredients.”, he said shrugging as he closed the notebook and turned back to his station. Chopping something. “Also, the answer is yes. You are trusting me to make your life easier and safer, before the transformation, my job continues after it too.”
“But I can't accept all that! That's too much-”
“Oh enough. I'm not being special to you, its a part of the package I offer everyone. If you want to compensate get me and Lyra an ice cream when you come to pick your potions up.”
Sirius snorted when Lyra lit up. “Yes! Papa likes mint chocolate and I like cookies and cream, what about you?”, she asked, asking all three of them.
They sat and chatted with Lyra, and a little with Regulus. She asked them about their jobs and if they had any kids she could play with (she wilted a little but when Sirius promised they could play with her she lit up like Christmas had arrived earlier). They asked her about her school and she told them about her friends and a girl who always pulls her hair and how she cut hers off in retaliation and how her papa had scolded the teacher when he had been called (Sirius preened at the fact that her niece was a trouble maker. James couldn't fault him, he felt proud too).
In that time, Regulus finished the potion he was working on, cleaned up the station, counted out the register and made a note of it. All the while listening in and sometimes participating in their conversation. He didn't even mind when the three men didn't leave after business had been dealt with.
He did interrupt when the conversation eventually lulled to a stop.
“I hate to break this up, but its lunch time. Would you like to join us? We're heading down to muggle London.”, he offered, untying his apron and helping Lyra get off her chair.
He was about to agree, when Sirius piped up, “It's kind of you too offer, but we already have plans.”, he said, ignoring the looks from Remus and James.
“That's alright, it was nice meeting you. Feel free to stop by whenever. And Remus, remember you need to pick up your potions at least eight days before the moon.”, Regulus said, rolling down his sleeve and buttoning the cuffs. Merlin, why the hell was that sexy?
“Will do.”, Remus replied with a nod and they all got up to greet him and Lyra goodbye. They exited the shop and Sirius immediately apparated away, not waiting for the two of them.
Sharing a worried glance with Remus, James followed, landing in the alley beside their building. Remus followed a second later and they both rushed to their flat, entering to find Sirius’ door closed. They tried calling out for him, asking him to open up, but it was clear that he needed a moment alone. So, reluctantly they walked away, into the kitchen, Remus immediately getting behind the counter to put the kettle on.
No one spoke for the time Remus danced around the kitchen, preparing all he needed for tea for the two of them. When the kettle whistled, and the tea was steeped he finally sat down, staring into his cup like it may have the answer to this mess.
“Regulus has a kid.”, he said, not looking up. “He's a father.”
James just nodded, unable to speak. As much as he would love to be near Regulus, talk about him to plan how they would get him back- because he refused another option- he felt so tired. The ever present ache in his chest was better and worse altogether. He was grateful that his love was safe, accessible, even happy from the looks of it. But he couldn't hide the pain that he felt having been forgotten.
The worst was his traitorous mind. Twisting what was surely a move by Walburga into something, just to cause himself pain.
Was I that easy to forget?
Were we that insignificant to be so easily brushed off?
Was I alone in what we were?
James had to physically shake the thoughts away, despite them clawing to stay and spiral further. He knew that was false. Regulus had loved him. He knew that. He was willing to run away for Sirius and James and for himself too. He wanted to be free and instead was trapped and they could do nothing about it. They couldn't save him. They left him-
James stopped himself before he could spiral again.
He was broken out of his thoughts by Remus casting a Patronus. His wolf stalked a little, before sitting down, ears alert to any order by his caster.
“We found something about Regulus. It's- it's really complicated but it's good so everyone, come by the apartment after lunch, we'll catch you up.”, he sent the Patronus off to its many recipients. He took a sip of his tea, a new found determination radiating off of him. It was times like these that James was really glad that Remus was a very stubborn motherfucker.
“You have a plan, don't you?”, James asked, trying to tamp down his excitement.
“None. But I don't care.”, Remus said, looking up at him as he sipped his tea. “I'm getting my reading buddy back, I'm tired of you guys pretending to understand my fucking rants.”
He couldn't help the laugh that rumbled out of his chest. He knew this could all end hopelessly. He knew there was no guarantee that it would work. He knew it could go wrong in a million different ways but he didn't care. It was worth it. Regulus was worth it.
Remus joined in his crazed laughter and soon the both of them were clutching their sides, folded over the counter as they tried to contain themselves, then glancing at the other and starting all over again, tea forgotten. They must've laughed loud enough to draw the third inhabitant out of his room, his eyes red, and his face pale, looking a cross between pissed and amused at their laughing faces and the tears rolling down them.
“What's going on?”, he demanded, ‘annoyed’ at their display.
They glanced at each other again, gaining control of themselves. Then Remus turned to his partner and said:
“We're getting your brother back.”