Shelly sat next to Vee, smiling. They were practically cuddling together, but Shelly didn’t care. The only thing that was important is how happy she was in this moment. To be next to her, to have no worries, to finally have a break from reality. The couch was as comfortable as the warmth coming from Vee. There was a crisp cinnamon scent in the air from a dim candle in the distance. This moment was perfect.
Her gaze turned towards Vee. “So, what do you wanna watch?” Her voice was sweet as she beamed.
“I’m not too sure. You choose.” Vee’s eyes went higher, observing every inch of Shelly. From the close-up perspective, she was more beautiful than she ever realized. The girl was remarkably kind, too… Why was Vee thinking all of this? Yes, it was a basic analysis like always, however… Something was different. There was a weird indescribable feeling in her chest that was making her strange.
“I asked you because I wanted you to choose.” Shelly moved the slightest bit closer to Vee. In reality, she simply had no idea what to watch, but getting more chatter with Vee was always a pleasant experience. Besides, her voice was unique, always drawing her in and making it easier for her to leave all her attention on Vee.
Vee chuckled, “Shelly…” She gently grabbed onto both of the girl’s hands. Shelly’s heart fluttered. “I’ve felt terrible ever since you told me how bad you’ve felt recently. I want this night to be all about you and what you like. Let me make it up to you, okay?” Seems like Vee remembered her tendency to be ashamed to share what she likes. That little detail made her face light up.
“Well, I guess I can choose some documentary on dinosaurs then…” She looked down. “Are you sure you don’t mind? I mean, you know all of the facts—“
“Shelly.”
She fiddled with the remote, “Fine, fine… Thank you.”
Vee nodded in response as Shelly flipped through different shows. A good majority she had already seen which was not surprising. Her eyes were trailing Shelly’s every movement once more. It was cute when she twirled that remote in her hands every now and then. …Did she seriously just call something “cute”? Well, she’s too far deep to back out now. What other things were adorable about her? Vee always appreciated the aesthetics of her outfit. They were vastly different in terms of fashion. That was one of the reasons why she liked Shelly though. She contrasted Vee in a good way. Not to mention that once Shelly finally opened her up to hugging it… Wasn’t the worst. Maybe she enjoyed it a little. Vee’s thoughts were interrupted when she saw something that caught her eye.
“Ah.” Vee’s eyebrows furrowed, “What was that?”
“What?” Shelly tilted her head, looking around the room.
“No, on your arm.”
…Shit.
Shelly’s calm expression dropped in an instant as her heart sank. She didn’t want anyone to find this out, especially not at a time like this.
Vee placed her fingers onto her sleeve in which she pulled away. Her tone got more concerned with every word she spoke. “Shelly?”
She moved her hand underneath the blanket they shared. Everything all of the sudden was so much louder. Every noise was piercing through her. That candle now seemed brighter. She couldn’t stop looking at it, and it was making her eyes water. That was it. Nothing else. She was fine and there was nothing at all to hide. She was doing a terrible job at gaslighting herself. Tears were filling her eyes already that she desperately held back as she muttered out, “It’s nothing.”
“If it’s nothing, why can’t I see it? You told me sometimes when you say you’re fine, you aren’t, so I’m just checking on you.” Crap. Why did she tell her that. It felt good to get that confession out, and she always wanted someone to tell her that, but not when it came to this. The tears were getting to be too much. “Shelly…”
A tear was now visible, moments away from streaming down her cheek. “N-No,” She choked out, “really, I am…”
Suddenly, Vee did it. She pulled Shelly into a tight embrace quickly, like she would always do for her even when she didn’t need it. Vee couldn’t believe what she was doing. She didn’t think it through and assess all the consequences and things this meant like usual. Just a burning need for her to be happier. “I want to help you and take care of you, but I can’t if you don’t tell me directly how you feel. I’m here for you.”
Those words made her crumble.
The tears were now dropping down onto Vee’s sleeve, seeping into the fabric and narrowly avoiding her robotic hands. Shelly had a self-deprecating laugh. “I… I just don’t know what to do anymore! I know you want to help me, and yet my mind wants to do everything but help itself!” Her smile faded as it turned into a sob. “I’m so pathetic!”
Vee slowly lifted up Shelly’s sleeve, nodding along to make sure she had permission. Deep cuts and scars were covering her entire arm, from her wrist to her shoulder. She gasped.
“You probably think I’m some insane person now!”
She pulled her into an even tighter hug, though the crying didn’t stop. There was an aching sensation in Vee’s chest. What was that? There were too many new emotions to process in such little time. “Shelly! Why would you do this to yourself?!”
“T-There’s,” She sniffed, “there’s too many reasons. You shouldn’t be worried about me… I don’t deserve it…” Shelly’s hysterics died down a little with the squeeze.
“Stop treating yourself like you’re nothing! You’re everything to me! You’re the most important person I know!”
“Don’t lie to me…”
“I’m not! I won’t sit by and let you destroy yourself because I know that’s not what you want. That’s not what’ll make you happy, Shelly!”
Shelly wiped her eyes. “But I don’t know how to stop,” Her voice cracked, “I’ve been doing it for so long because nobody cares about me. Even if you do, you shouldn’t! I’m not worth it…”
Vee got quieter, falling to a comforting whisper. “I don’t understand why you believe that. You’re the most gorgeous girl I know.”
“Vee..!”
“I mean it! You’re intelligent, you’re kind, you’re beautiful, and I despise whoever makes you feel like you’re not!”
“It’s me..! I know I’m delusional, but I just can’t stop thinking this way..!”
Vee took a deep breath, attempting to calm herself in order to convince Shelly. “I’ll help you through it, I swear…”
“Part of me doesn’t want to stop though…” Her eyes dropped in a truthful shame.
She paused despite not thinking about what she was going to say. “…Do you love me?” …Vee didn’t care anymore that the words she uttered didn’t make any sense. She could try to explain these feelings a million times and they still wouldn’t make any sense. All she cared about was Shelly.
She looked up into her eyes. A weak gasp escaped her lips. “…What?”
“Do you love me?”
Shelly looked down for a moment. Everything that she would say about Vee would indicate it was love. Was she asking because… “…Do you?”
“Yes.”
“I do too… But why—“
“I want you to love yourself. For me. Okay? If you really care and love for me, then I believe you can do it. Just try your best and I’ll be with you no matter what.”
Shelly didn’t know how to respond. She nodded, another tear falling. “Just… Hold me like this longer… Please…”
“However long you need.”