Andy had got caught again. She didn’t want any help in sneaking off to go see Ted. She had thought she could do it herself. Silly girl. Somewhere in my head I knew this wasn’t my fault, I had told Andromada I would help. But Andy wanted to do it alone. Yet no matter how hard I tried to listen to the voice saying I’m not to blame, the sounds of Andromeda's screams countered it saying,
“It is your fault! You’re to blame for your sister’s pain! Why couldn’t you do more to help? She’s hurting because you were too lazy to do more!” and almost ironically, the voice sounded a lot like mother’s. As the screams intensified, so did the voices. It got to the point that all I could hear was the chanting. The smashing and the screams smashed together.
I was standing on the opposite side of the door from Andy. I had an ear pressed against the wall. If I got caught I would be in so much trouble.
“Bella!” I heard Narcissa whisper-yell from behind me,”How much longer till it’s over?” Her face was tear stained and puffy.
“Cissa! You shouldn’t be down here!” “I know b-” “If they catch you, you’ll be next!”
“It’s just so loud! I can hear it from my room. I can’t sit still, I can’t eat, I can’t even think. Please..”
I look my baby sister over. She was never supposed to go through something as terrible as our family. She should be playing in flower fields, talking to friends over tea, playing with dolls for merlin sake! Instead she was here. Being forced to listen to her sister’s screams. It wasn’t fair.
It wasn’t fair.
It wasn’t fair.
It wasn’t fair.
It wasn’t fair.
It shouldn’t happen. Especially not to someone as sweet and innocent as my Narcissa. After a pause I knelt down to Cissa’s level.
“Please what baby?” Narcissa moves to lean against my shoulder and whispers into my neck, “Please make it go away…”
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I had carried Cissa up to my room and laid with her. A simple spell blocked out all noise. After a few minutes she was out cold. I knew what Cissa had meant by ‘make it go away’. She had meant this. A silencing spell and some affection that she didn’t have to ‘earn’. Yet as I laid down on my bed, my sweet baby sister next to me, all I could think about was how this could easily happen again in a few hours. In a few hours mother could go on another tantrum over something we had done wrong. It could be me, or Andy, or even Cissa.
This was never going to stop. It was never going to ‘go away’. Not unless I did something besides cast a simple spell.
So I dislodged from Narcissa’s small arms, and I crept over to Andromeda’s room. I had heard the small whoosh of snuffy the house-elf aparting Andy to her room a few minutes ago, soI knew she was in there.
When I opened the door I saw Andromeda on her bed, with the foot of the bed facing the door. She was fast asleep. I was so glad. SHe couldn’t feel any pain she had from mother’s wand when she was asleep. I hated to wake her, but someone needed to watch over Cissa. ANd I knew that Andy would hate both herself and me if something happened to our baby sister because I didn't wake her.
“Andy!” I whispered while shaking her, “Andromeda. Ptss, Andy!”
Andy started to wake and I shook her shoulders slightly harder so she wouldn’t fall back to sleep.
“Merlin Bella! What could you possibly want!” Andy scream-whispered.
“Andromeda, go to my room. Cissa is laying in bed. Lock the door and try not to wake her. If you hear anyone coming towards the door and it’s not me, appart both you and Cissa to Sirius’ room and make sure he gets Regulus.” Andromeda is now wide awake and her eyes are clouded with fear. It’s almost ten and she’s had a long day. She’s probably exhausted I think to myself.
“Bellatrix, what the he-”
“Andromeda!” I snap, “Do as I say!”
Andy nods, “But how will I know if it’s you?”
I think for a minute. “I’ll knock on the walls the whole way when I come up.”
We share a nod and Andromeda moves to get up. She rushes to my room and I hear the click of the lock. I then hear the whisper of a protection spell. Smart girl. After I know Narcissa has someone to protect her I send a patronus to Sirius,
“Sirius! Grab Regulus and take him to your room. Don’t alert your parents though. Be careful and quiet. Then hide in your room with your wand out. I got to stop them, but right after we’ll come for you two. Be ready. And be safe!” I dress the last command. Merlin, they're just so little. And if they weren’t in any danger I would leave them out of this. But sadly their situation is all too similar to ours.
As I send off my little fox patronus and make my way down our stairs, wand in hand, I think to myself. Why did it have to happen to us? What did we do? We’re just kids. Regulus is only 8. Sirius is 10, Narcissa 13, Andy 15, and I’m only 16. We’re just kids.
My slipper makes contact with the rug at the base of the stairs. I’ve reached the living room. I don’t know what I plan on doing. All I know is what I want. I want it to be fast and easy, and I want to win.
When I reach my parents’ room I take a deep breath. Turning the doorknob, I try to make my heart beat slower. I need to be confident. I need to have courage. My sisters’ lives are at stake.
Once I shut my parent’s doorI raise my wand. My mother starts to sit up and reaches for her wand.
“Accio wands!” I say with confidence I don’t really have.
“Bellatrix! What is the meaning of this?” My mother screeches. Maybe she can sense my intentions, maybe she can start to see the grim reaper in the corner of the room. However, I pay no attention to the shake in her voice.
Instead I focus on my father. While my mother has never shown simple affection toward us, my father has always had a ‘soft spot’ for us. I remember when we were little, Andy and I weren’t even old enough to attend hogwarts. Narcissa couldn’t even walk. My mother had left for the day, she was attending a friend’s party, and my father had taken us out to hogsmeade. We had gotten butterbeer, candy apples, and even a toy each. The special occasion? My father was sober for once. Mother had forced him to sober up for the day to watch us. It was one of the few times he was lucid enough to care for and about us.
Maybe that is why I hesitate, tears forming around my eyes, maybe I am searching for a glimpse of that dad he was when he wasn’t so sloshed he could barely walk. Yet no matter how hard I look into his eyes all I see is the man who stands by and watches as his wife curses his children. All I see is the coward of a man who never stands up to his children’s abuser. All I see is rage when I look at him.
I can feel it. The moment my determination blazes up. I’m sure they can see it too. I’m sure my features drink up the moonlight when my eyebrows furrow, my eyes turn from wide to arrows. I'm sure they can feel the way my magic swells within me. I’m sure they can see the way my hair starts to move from side to side as if gusts of wind are blowing from both sides.
“The meaning of this mother is to give my sisters something you never could. A happy life!”
“You wouldn’t dare!” My mother tells me, eyes narrowing. I can see why people say I look like her, “Without us you have nothing! You. Have. Nothing.”
Just then I remember something, something my mother used to tell me.
“A shovel and courage is all you need to solve your problems.”, that's what she always said. If you have a bully, a teacher failing you, a news reporter who knows too much. It doesn't matter who they are or what they do. All that matters is if you have enough courage and will to make your problems go away. “Learn that Bellatrix, and you’ll be almost as unstoppable as me.”
“I may not have much, mother; but I have courage and will. And I’m sure I can find a shovel somewhere.”
Maybe that night is the night I truly started to go crazy. Maybe it was that night that planted the seed of insanity that would soon incase me in a scarier, more powerful version of myself.
Maybe, maybe, maybe.
However, I do know that that was the last night I ever let those two monsters touch my baby sisters.
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Somehow as I walk upstairs I have the right mind to remember to knock on the walls so as not to get blown to pieces by a scared shit-less Andromeda. When I do turn the knob to my room I am met with a wand in my face and a determined Andromeda behind it. Narcissa nowhere to be found.
“Andy, where is Narcissa?”
“Prove you're Bellatrix first.” Andromeda commands with no fear to be found in her voice.
“And how the fuck am I to do that?” I snap stressed from the murder of our parents.
“I don’t know.” great “Tell me something only Bella would know.”
“Fine.” I sneer totally done with this. “Two weeks ago we went to the pond we found behind the fence and we jumped in even though it was only 50 degrees out. Which is why we were coughing with runny noses all last week. Not from the flu.”
“Oh thank god!” Andy exclaims and runs at me, embracing me in a bone-crushing hug. “We heard a lot of screams and then it was completely silent! I was so scared I shoved Narcissa onto the roof outside the window when we heard you come up!”
“You what?!” I exclaim worried yet also so incredibly proud of her quick thinking.
Andromeda looks down sheepishly,” I wanted to make sure she was hidden.”
I start laughing my ass off as I go to the window and motion for Cissa to come back in.
“Merlin and Morganna I’m so proud of you both! Now come on we need to get to Sirius an Reg. Grab anything you are going to miss and hurry!”
Both girls rush to do so. As they do I start to plan. I can’t just leave our parent’s lying in bed dead. It could be traced back to me.
Maybe anyways, I don't actually know. It's not like I’ve ever killed anyone before. I think to myself.
“Bella? What are we going to do with our stuff?” Narcissa asks, Andy behind her.
“Well…we’ll bury it outside by the gate, so we can dig it up once everything cools down.”
“Right, but what do we say about *all this*?” Andy motions around the house with her hands.
I think for a moment, “We’ll say there were burglars who came in and killed mum and dad. We’ll say we broke out the window and aparted to Sirius’ room, and after we apparted the burglars burned down the house.”
Both girls nod but after a beat Andy says,” But the window isn’t broken.”
I shove my slippered foot through it. “Now it is. Now come on. We’ll go through the front door. We need to hurry before Sirius gets worried.”