Gasping
James woke up to light streaming though the windows. Feeling the warmth of his partners he settled back into the warmth. He tried to fall asleep however the events of last night caught up with him and he began to struggle to breathe. Gasping for breath he tried to get out of the bed. “Breathe with me love” came regulus’ sleepy voice and James felt his hand pressed against regulus’ chest. James felt Lily sit up and exaggerate her breathing as well. When James managed to calm down regulus helped him sit between his legs his back against regulus chest. “How’re you feeling this morning honey?” James stayed silent but snuggled closer to regulus. “Alright sweetheart. Shall we have breakfast?” James nodded to this. Waffles perfectly cooked and drowning in syrup arrived in front of them and they tucked in, regulus feeding most of his to James as he didn’t care much for the sweetness. When they’d finished and the plates had disappeared they all relaxed into the comfort of the pillows. “Honey, can we talk about yesterday?” James nodded. Regulus began “I understand it’s a coping mechanism sweetheart. But it’s not healthy, it’s dangerous. Can we talk to madam pomfrey and see if we can get a better coping mechanism?” He felt James freeze in his arms. This time it was Lily who spoke “I know it’s a scary thing to talk about and face darling. But we need to get you some help baby, you deserve it. As much as your brain might be telling you you do deserve it, you don’t deserve this pain” James began to relax. Regulus continued to hold him and stroke his wild hair while Lily held his hand to keep him grounded as they let him think things through. “Okay, I’ll see what poppy says but only if you are both with me? I don’t think I can do it alone” immediately both his partners agreed and they all headed for the shower. All three of them relaxed under the spray of the shower. James looked at both his partners and felt so grateful that he had these two amazing people in his life. Lily washed his body treating him so carefully and regulus gently washed his hair. Both of their actions were filled with love and affection that James almost cried. When they left the shower. James was wrapped in a soft warm towel and Lily produced a calming face mask (as they always helped James calm down and relax) she applied it to his face and then to regulus’ and her own and they all sat together on the floor just enjoying each others company and relaxing. Once the face masks were carefully wiped off. Regulus sat in front of James. He looked at regulus in confusion. “Baby, can we clean your cuts?” James froze feeling himself tense up. Lily seeing this came and sat behind him. “It’s okay sweetie, it’s just us, we want to make sure they’re clean and safe, that’s all my darling” James settled into lily’s embrace. Regulus began to clean his cuts as Lily kept talking to him about random things from how she fancied chocolate chip cookies to their future together as the three of them. When regulus was done, he cleared away the equipment and give James a kiss on the lips. “Okay my love, we should all get dressed, I don’t think madam pomfrey would be impressed with 3 naked students turning up to the hospital no matter how old they are” this got a laugh out of James and they all got dressed. Leaving the room of requirement was harder than James thought it would be. It was his safe haven, a bubble of warmth and love and leaving it to go back to the real world with its expectations terrified him. Lily and regulus waiting for him outside the door patiently. Taking a breath. James stepped out into the corridor.
Walking into the hospital at lunchtime on a Saturday morning was a strange experience. James wasn’t quite prepared for it. Madam pomfrey walked over. “Hello you three, how can I help you today?” James swallowed and looked at his partners helplessly. “Hello, do you have a private room where the four of us can talk?” Regulus asked giving James a reassuring smile and Lily squeezed his hand. He could do this. They walked into madam promfreys office. “Do sit down loves” they all sat on the sofa with James in the middle. James nudged regulus for him to start. “James has been struggling with all the expectations of others and responsibilities he’s been given.” Regulus stopped to look at James who was looking at the ground almost as if he was ashamed of himself. “He turned to less than healthy coping mechanisms which we only found out about yesterday. We encouraged him to come for help and he agreed.” Lily carried on. Madam pomfrey knew what she meant but hoped that she was wrong with her assumptions, this is the smiling laughing boy who was the sun personified. He was always there for Remus and all his friends helping whenever he could. He couldn’t be- could he? “Can you show me sweetheart” madam pomfrey said kindly. Shaking James shrunk into the sofa. “Do you feeling like you can baby? Do you want some help?” Regulus asked. James nodded. Madam pomfrey watched as Lily and regulus helped James out of his Tshirt to show the nurse. Poppy felt sick. How hadn’t she noticed. Seeing the boys face looking at her in pure panic. She smiled kindly. “Thank you for showing me sweetheart. They look clean which is good. However; I’m going to have to let professor McGonagall know as she is your head of house. She can help us choose where we go from here?” James nodded and poppy cast a patronus explaining what has happened. Within 5 minutes professor McGonagall was sat in the room and James was once again asked to remove his T-shirt. “Now then James. We need to explain to your parents that you’ll be needing treatment. There are a couple of options-“ James didn’t hear the rest of the sentence. His mind too caught up in panic. His parents can’t know they’d be so disappointed, disgusted to have a pathetic son like him, he’s not worth it. He should- “breathe love” regulus’ voice cut through his internal monologue. “You’re safe, we’ve got you darling” Lily reassured from his other side. Nodding James focused on breathing. “Sorry professor” he muttered. Professor McGonagall smiled gently, “that’s no problem James. There are a couple of options here. You can be seen by madam promfrey and she can have weekly sessions with you or there is a group that meets every Tuesday night at st Mungos who struggle with similar things. It’s completely your choice” James considered it. “Can I go to St Mungos please. I would be better with other people I think?” Professor McGonagall nodded and smiled. “Of course. We do still need to let your parents know as you are underage” James nodded exhausted and ready for sleeping. “Very well. Please come to my office mr potter at 7pm and we can floo to St Mungos together for your first session” James nodded. As they left. Regulus took one of his hands and Lily took his other and they headed to the room of requirement once again. Climbing into bed all three of the stripped naked as they all needed skin to skin contact after today. James drifted into a peaceful slumber.