silence and violence
The last two weeks of school were a busy time of studying, late nights, and soul sucking exams,
but eventually it was over and the last night of school were apon them.
“your gonna write me, right?” James asked from where he was sitting on his bed,
“of course, James.” Sirius sighed, folding one of his shirts and putting it in his trunk.
“good, and are you absolutely, 100% sure you cant come over to my place for a bit? My mum would love to meet you-”
“we cant.” Sirius and Remus said in unison, they had been having this conversation for a good two hours at this point, and it always circled back.
“my family wont let me.” Sirius sighed,
“and my sisters a muggle who lives in London, we cant get to the country side over night, and my sister cant close the shop for more that a day.” Remus nodded,
“but-” James flopped back on his bed,
“its gonna be so boring- no offence pete.”
“none taken.” Peter was sitting on the floor, struggling to get his shirts to fold themselves and go into his bag.
“oi, Remus, will you cut my hair on the train?” Sirius stood straight up, just realizing that he needed his hair cut before his mother saw.
“why?” Remus asked, standing up as well, stretching his arms and back.
“my parents will absolutely kill me if they see my hair like this,” Sirius explained,
“oh, okay then.” Remus shrugged, grabbing his scissors and putting them in his shoulder bag.
Once all the boys had gotten on the train and found an empty compartment, Remus went to work on Sirius hair.
Sirius was sitting on the floor in between Remus’ legs, facing James.
“how short do you want it?” Remus asked once Sirius had gotten situated, he looked over Sirius hair, running his hands through it and combing it with his fingers.
“dealers choice.” Sirius shrugged, “so long as it’s short enough for mothers liking.”
When Sirius got off the train, his hair was much shorter than when he had gotten on, his hair was just long enough to cover his eyes, it had re-gained a lot of its curl, and he dearly wished it was long again.
His head felt to light, the back of his neck was cold and he didn’t like the curl of it.
But Remus had done a fair job of it, not as good, but good enough.
There really isn’t any explaining the joy Sirius felt when he saw regulus,
or the loss of hope he felt when he saw his mother looming over him.
“hello brother.” Regulus nodded as Sirius approached.
“mother, father, regulus” Sirius greeted with a bow of his head
Two weeks after he was home, he messed up, or more accurately, Narcissa said something and now mother and father knew he had messed up.
“why should Sirius get to mingle with mudbloods if Andy is getting in trouble for it?” Narcissa asked in the middle of dinner.
“your sisters name is andromeda,” her mother chided,
“sorry mother.”
“what?” wilaburga asked, looking up from her near nonexistent plate of food and conversation with Bellatrix to look at Sirius, or, glare at Sirius really.
“re- lupin is a halfblood narcissa.” Sirius corrected quietly,
“but that lola girl isn’t,” narcissa clarifyed, “maybe im crazy as bella, but-”
“hey!” bellatrix scoffed, “you could never even shine a light on my insanity.”
“Lola isn’t exactly my friend, more an acquaintance.” Sirius shrugged, “quite like how father bears talking to mr. potter at work, or when mother gets her dresses tailored at that muggle shoppe”
“no, it is not.” Orion said darkly, scowling at Sirius.
Once all the cousins and aunts left, wilaburga drew her wand on her eldest son.
“you have no right to scorn the name of Black” wilaburga shrieked, “laciro!”
she punctuated her words with puncturing Sirius skin with gashes.
“you horrid!” a cut on his cheek “wretched!” a cut on his arm.
“disobedient!” on his collar.
“child!” on his calf.
“go to your room.” Orion barked, grabbing Sirius wounded arm with his white gloved hand, pulling him up from the ground where he had crumpled.
Sirius dragged himself up the stairs to his bedroom. The image of his fathers bloodstained glove curling into his cut flashing in his mind mixed with the stinging memory of all the other times this type of thing had happened.
“five more years of this shit.” Sirius whispered to himself “five more years.”
He quickly took off his jacket and shirt when he got to his bathroom, looking at the cuts.
his entire right arm was numb, blood ran down his jaw and neck. Tears were swimming in his eyes, the salt from them burning the cut on his cheek.
“siri?” regulus came in the bathroom, scanning Sirius cuts quickly, then shouting
“kreacher!” he called, running could be heard from outside the room before the house elf entered.
“yes young lord?” kreacher bowed as he entered.
“go get the med kit from my bathroom.” Regulus ordered, not looking away from Sirius,
kreacher nodded and sprinted off.
“why do you have a med kit in your bathroom reggie?” Sirius asked as kreacher bandaged his arm.
“figured it would be helpful someday.” Regulus muttered, smoothing out the chest of his shirt.
“oh.” Sirius nodded,
“why didn’t you write me on my birthday?” regulus suddenly asked, looking at the floor.
“mother told me not to talk to you, I told you that-” Sirius shrugged.
“but you sent your friend letters over Christmas after mother told you not to.” Regulus whispered,
“but you didn’t care enough to get around the rules for me.” He looked up, tears welling up in his eyes.
Sirius stayed quiet.
He stayed quiet when regulus left his room.
he stayed quiet as kreacher left.
he stayed quiet the rest of the summer.
but he cried every night.
All in silence.