Regulus and James aren't dating. Not really. Not yet. Sure, James has flirted with Regulus a couple of times, and Regulus had never told him to stop, and sure, they share hidden glances every time the other is on sight, and sure, they meet every night in the same corridor. Unintentionally of course. Technically it's not a lie, it was unintentional at first, and then it wasn't anymore. Then it was expected to find each other and make their way up to the astronomy tower. They never said much, they mostly didn't say anything at all, even James who has always a need to fill empty silences if its with the most meaningless conversations there to have. He needn't interrupt this one.
Sometimes still, the silence they held was broken, not out of necessity, but out of want. James would ask a question, and Regulus would answer.
"What's your favorite color?"
"Green."
That was the first time they talked, and it didn't go further than that. Later on this would become a routine, unspoken, but there regardless, one they followed every few nights or so, James would ask his one question, and Regulus would undoubtedly answer.
Regulus never asked any of the questions.
This day had been carefully, and slowly, planned over the span of the last few months. Valentines day, to James' delight, was during a Hogsmade weekend, which meant he only had to convince his friends to go have nice date with butter beer, and convince Peter to go get him something from Zonko's with only an excuse. They would stay there until late night, they always did. This was good 'cause that meant James had time to prepare. Well, he already had a whole speech written down in flashcards, and he had practiced it, a lot. He had chosen an outfit that looked casual, something he would wear on a normal occasion, but that he hadn't used a lot so it would be something different as well. So the time to prepare he had before he met Regulus in the corridor below the astronomy tower was really only being used as pacing time.
James Potter didn't get nervous. Not ever, and certainly not when asking people out. Regulus Black was not just people. He was Regulus, he was bright, and beautiful, and sarcastic, and once you caught a glimpse of the person behind the cold demeanor shown, you could never look away. That's what had happened to James. He had stared long enough to realize that there was far more kindness, and softness in Regulus than anyone would imagine. Except maybe Sirius, he probably knew, used to anyway. Oh Sirius, he would fucking kill him. But it was worth it.
He kept pacing. What if he said no? What if James ruined anything that might've been? What if Regulus hated him after this? They had been talking more lately, some days still went by in silence, but more talking was being done, Regulus had even started teaching James a few words in french when he had asked if he would. He didn't want to wreck that.
At last, the awaited hour came closer. James took a deep breath. He put the flashcards in his pocket along with his wand. It was still a bit to early to leave for the corridor. James never left this early, but then again, this wasn't any day, so off he went. Down the stairs into the common room, past a studying Lily Evans, who funnily enough had become his friend the moment he started falling for Regulus. It was a bit cruel really, that she stopped hating him when he would no longer want what he'd longed for since first year, that he could have had a chance with her if Regulus hadn't come along and swept him off his feet. He was fine with it though, Lily was an amazing friend. Scary if you got on her bad side, but incredibly kind and forgiving, they wouldn't have worked out anyway.
"-going, James?" She had said something. James had no idea what she'd said, he was too far into his brain to process sudden outside information.
"huh?" He stupidly answered looking to her with a blank expression. Lily chuckled, and James broke into a smile, nothing was better than making people laugh, even if it was only the slightest bit. "Sorry" he shrugged "wasn't paying attention. I didn't think there'd be anyone here, you know, with the whole, valentines in Hogsmade thing."
Lily smiles fondly, yet some disappointment hides in her smile. "Yeah, we- wait. Did I tell you about Mary and I?"
"I don't think you did" James was surprised. He--for a short moment--thought that maybe he ought to feel jealous. He didn't. In fact he was quite happy for Lily."But do tell," yes, he was totally late to his set time with Regulus, yes, Regulus would glare at him when he arrived, and yes, he was absolutely putting off the plan he had so carefully crafted. He pulled a chair to sit beside Lily.
"Oh, well, really there's not much to tell, we started dating a few weeks back, went on a couple of dates, she's amazing, and beautiful, and generally it's just been, well, it's been great," She looks genuinely delighted, she's even got a light blush on her face, and it makes utter sense that they ended up together because if they can make each other that joyful with a mere memory of the other, then it's clear how decidedly they deserve each other.
A thought crossed James mind along with the latter.
Was Regulus ever happy when he thought about James?
Better question.
did Regulus ever think about him?
At James silence Lily kept talking, "Anyway, we were supposed go to Hogsmade today, but she got assigned some stupid, if you tell anyone I said that I'll hunt you down and kill you, potions assignment," she looked at James expectantly, "don't get me wrong, I still love potions, just- I really wanted to go to Hogsmade."
"Oh? I had no idea that star student Lily Evans had it in her to not appreciate a potions assignment," he ginned, "But really, I'm happy for you Lils."
Lily snorted, and rolled her eyes, "Whatever, thanks, Potter," she seemed to remember right then, how this conversation had started, she tilted her head with a curious look, "Why are you here? Are you telling me that THE James Potter doesn't have a date for valentines day?"
James gaped for a second unable to come up with a reasonable answer that wasn't: oh yeah, I'm asking my best friends brother to go on a date with me, and we've been kinda-sorta meeting every single night to stare at the stars, and I am totally, completely not in love with him.
She patiently waited for an answer. James waited for an answer to come to him. And fuck he was late, he was so late.
"ah, well, you see," the answer would come. Hopefully. I am late to see Regulus, "Why look at the time, Lils," he stood almost tipping the chair backward, "I must be off on that date, that I do have," he walked backwards towards the entrance of the common room, "gonna have lots of fun, see ya," he waved his hand goodbye, disappeared through the portrait hole, and he ran. Ran like his life depended on it, because this was Regulus, so it possibly did.
Past the portraits, through the hallways, down the moving staircase. Regulus was already waiting for him. As soon as James turned the last corner and made his way to the middle of the corridor Regulus was glaring at him, evidently annoyed.
"You're late."
"And yet you waited for me, you obviously love my presence, Reg" He stopped in front of Regulus, and smiled that radiant smile that he wore solely for Regulus.
Regulus rolled his eyes, because of course he did, "Fuck off, Potter," and he started walking they're usual path up to the astronomy tower without another word, James trailing only s few steps behind. When he turned though, when he thought James wasn't watching, he smiled, a little, hardly there, but there nonetheless.
"Wait, I thought we were way past 'Potter' at this point," he caught up to Regulus, but didn't wait for a reply, it wasn't uncommon to not get one. "You know, Reg, it's Valentines day today..."
Regulus made a face, and sighted. He didn't seem surprised, not at all, that James had brought this up. He did however look like he would rather jump off the astronomy tower than have the conversation they were about to have.
"Well, I was just thinking that we could- " James fumbled in his pockets for the cards he had stuffed in there. He didn't have enough time to figure out the order in which they were to be read.
Regulus asked a question.
This distracted him completely, letting the cards fall back into his pocket, and forgetting instantly what he was doing.
"What?" It was a question asked in authentic confusion, he truthfully had no idea what had just happened.
Regulus looks away, "I asked what your favorite color is?" Strangely enough he appears vaguely embarrassed, exasperated too, but that's normal. James has never seen Regulus Black be embarrassed.
James stares wide-eyed at this unusual scene happening before his eyes. And because he's James Potter, and because Regulus Black is far too cute being embarrassed, he forgets too, that a question was asked, and that when a question is directed at you there's an answer that must follow.
The silence drags for a second longer until another immensely unusual event happens, Regulus, and not James, feels the need to fill the silence.
"It's- well, it's the first thing you asked me," he reminds James like he could ever forget that single moment that meant too much, that meant something for the first time, that meant a start, "I said 'green'" he continues as an afterthought.
"You...remember that?" James smiles, pure, sweet, and beautiful, and warm, and he's shining so bright with happiness that no one would dare question why he's the sun, and Regulus the star.
"What do you think?" He rolls his eyes, but a tiny smile once again makes an appearance on his lips, he does nothing to hide it this time.
A silence holds over them again, longer this time. James glances at Regulus, he thinks of what they're future would like if it were ever to happen. First they would probably date the last few years they have at Hogwarts. They'd go to Hogsmade every weekend allowed, and buy candy for later to eat at the astronomy tower, but it would never make it there because they'd eat it all on the way back. They could go drink butterbeer with Sirius and Remus, Sirius would hate it at first, but he'd come around. James would plan the absolute best dates for them, they'd have picnics on the borders of the forbidden forest every other day, they would go hide in the room of requirement when they wanted alone time, and they would practice quidditch together, and Regulus would make fun of him for nearly crashing into a tree while he was trying to impress him, and Regulus would fall of the broom once, James would never let him live it down.
It would be perfect.
It didn't matter if it didn't happen like that, it would still be exactly what James wanted.
Anything would be perfect if it was with Regulus.
That was all James really wanted.
Regulus.
"Red," the earlier conversation had been lost to the silence, and so James has to clarify, "My favorite color I mean."
The both step to the top of the Astronomy tower, and just stop. They both stop, and they look through the arch in front of them at the countless stars, at the moon, at the dark sky that isn't dark at all with the shine of each star across. Stars are beautiful things, lights in the unceasing darkness of the night, bright when nothing else is. Today, James is gazing not at the stars, at least not the ones in the sky. Regulus looks out to the constellations in the sky, and James looks at the brightest star standing beside him, and it is vastly more beautiful than any other he's ever seen. Sirius would argue. Regulus turns his head, and his eyes lock with James. James beams.
They keep walking until they're beneath the arch. In a practiced routine they sit right were they always sit, shoulders, and arms pressed against the other. This is of course unnecessary, they could sit farther, put distance between them. They don't. It's an active choice, for Regulus to allow a simple touch, if nothing else, and for James to gratefully melt into whatever small contact he is granted. It was never agreed upon, one day, it just was.
Regulus seems to understand that today is different, that today something will shift, because he leans his head on James' shoulder. He leans his head on James' shoulder, and James leans his head on Regulus soft hair without hesitation.
They stay like that, and James can't tell if its been minutes, or hours, or if no time at all has passed. The stars keep on shining, and the wind makes a small breeze that ruffles their hair, and James can hear Regulus' breathing, and he can feel the weight of his head on his shoulder. James takes a deep breath lifting his head, and grabbing for the cards in his pocket.
"Regulus," the cards lay in his hands now, Regulus looks at him, he looks unusually scared of the words that may come out of James' mouth, "Look, I- I have something I've got to ask," he shuffles the cards nervously in his hands, they got mixed up, and he can't seem to find the right one. He glances up at Regulus with a sheepish smile, then back down to the cards. He shuffles the cards faster, still looking for the right one, and one moment he's holding them, and the next they're slipping out of his grasp, falling quietly the long distance from the top of the tower down to the ground.
"fuck," James says loudly in the silence. Regulus snorts turning his head away, trying not to laugh, and undeniably failing. Suddenly James' gaze is snapping to Regulus, gaping, "You laughed," he was incredulous.
Regulus is now back to his neutral expression, "I did not."
"Did too!"
"Shut up"
"Never," He really meant that, he would never shut up about the fact that he had made Regulus laugh. He had made Regulus Black laugh; making people laugh was one of James' greater joys, as it turns out, making Regulus laugh is a thousand times better.
"What were you going to say?" Regulus asks, and James is almost sure he knows, and is only asking to torture him further. Almost.
"Oh, well, I just, I had this whole plan you know? And it was supposed to be perfect, but then Lily was there so I was late, and then the cards fell and I ruined-"
"James." Oh he was definitely torturing James.
"Right, okay. I wanted to-" He breathed deeply again, "Will you go on a date with me? Like a proper one, not just the Astronomy tower, don't get me wrong I love this, I do, but just, you know, to make it more real?" Hope raises inside James as he searches Regulus' face for rejection and finds none.
Regulus examines James, then turns to look at the stars. No answer. Silence overtakes again, but this time James hates it. Hates that this silence could mean nothing, or it could mean everything, hates that silence is not a yes, and it's not a no, hates that this silence could mean, maybe, or i don't know. Hates that silence could mean I'm sorry.
"Yes."
The words are so abrupt, and quiet that James almost missed them. He didn't process them at first, he was just blank.
And then they hit.
A dam broke. James had never been so terribly happy. Regulus wanted James, maybe that should have been obvious since they started wordlessly meeting in the hallways, or maybe it should have been obvious when Regulus no longer avoided James' touch, but sought it, leaned into it. James had known, somewhere in him that he wasn't, couldn't be, the only one that felt something, couldn't be the only one that wanted something more. This realization though, was still a relief, a breath of air in his lungs that he didn't know was missing.
Regulus wanted him, and James wanted Regulus.
James didn't have to look from afar, and selfishly wish that Regulus would look back because when he looked Regulus was already looking back.
This time they didn't look away.