James looks over at Regulus, where he’s sitting beside him, the moonlight painting his pale skin with an ethereal glow. His hair, dark and wild, falls into his eyes, obscuring them just enough to make James wonder what he’s thinking. The jumper he’s wearing is far too big, sleeves swallowing his hands, and James recognises it as his own. The sight sends a pang of longing through him, sharp and bittersweet, because it’s so achingly ordinary. For a moment, James allows himself to pretend—just pretend—that this is real. That Regulus is here. That this is just another quiet night together.
He ducks his head between his knees, hiding his smile as he takes it all in. Regulus, beautiful and serene, gazing at the lake as though it holds all the answers he’s been searching for. This moment is perfect, a fragile bubble of stillness. It feels like a secret, sacred and untouchable. Only James gets to see him like this. Only they have this.
“I can feel you staring,” Regulus murmurs, his voice soft, teasing.
James grins, lifting his head. “Hmm. Can’t seem to stop.”
“James Potter, you are… something,” Regulus replies, shaking his head, though the corner of his mouth twitches like he’s fighting a smile.
“And you’re glowing, love,” James says, the words escaping him before he can stop them.
Regulus turns then, finally meeting his gaze, and lets out a soft, breathy laugh. His features soften, the guarded edges slipping away, and he leans his head against James’ shoulder. “You’re so warm. I could sleep here,” he whispers, his breath ghosting over James’ neck.
“Then sleep,” James murmurs, tilting his head to rest atop Regulus’. “Stay here forever.”
But Regulus shifts, sitting up slowly, and James feels the loss of his warmth immediately. He turns to face James, his expression unreadable, and James’ stomach twists. There’s a heaviness in the air now, pressing down on him like the weight of all the unspoken words between them.
“James,” Regulus begins, his voice quieter now, hesitant.
“Yes, love?” James asks, his heart thundering in his chest.
Regulus hesitates, and when he finally speaks, his words are a plea. “Jamie… please.”
James closes his eyes. He knows what’s coming. It’s always the same, every night. The moment breaks, the illusion shatters, and reality comes crashing down around him. He doesn’t want to hear it. He doesn’t want to open his eyes. Not again. “Don’t make me do this,” he whispers, his voice trembling.
“Jamie, open your eyes.”
James feels the ache in his chest deepen, a hollow, gnawing pain that never truly goes away. He squeezes his eyes shut tighter, as though he can will this moment into permanence. But the voice calls to him again, soft and insistent, and he knows he can’t resist. He never can.
When he opens his eyes, the sight before him is both familiar and devastating. Regulus is there, but not as he was. His hair is wet, clinging to his pale, sunken face. His clothes are torn and soaked, streaked with dirt and blood. His body is twisted, broken in ways that make James’ stomach churn. There are bruises blooming across his skin, deep and angry, and his eyes—once so sharp, so full of life—are empty now, void of the fire that James loved so much.
“Jamie, I need you to let me go,” Regulus whispers, his voice cracking like he’s begging, like it’s the hardest thing he’s ever had to say.
James shakes his head, tears streaming down his face. “No. No, I can’t. Don’t ask me to do that.”
He’s trying. God, he’s trying so hard. He gets up every day, forces himself to eat, to move, to exist. His friends are worried, and he knows they have every right to be. But they don’t understand. They think it’s grief for Sirius, for the war, for the countless lives lost. They don’t know the truth. They don’t know about the nights James spent with Regulus, the promises whispered between them, the love that was always hidden in the shadows.
James clenches his fists, his nails digging into his palms as the memories flood in. Regulus had always been an enigma, a boy who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders but never asked for help. He was brave in ways James had never understood, quiet and unyielding, and so, so scared. James had wanted to save him, to give him the life he deserved.
“I’ll get you out of there, love,” he’d said once, so full of hope, so sure of himself.
“Hm. That’s a nice thought,” Regulus had replied, his smile tinged with sadness. “I’ll hold you to it.”
But James had failed. Regulus had slipped away, lost to the cold, unyielding depths of the lake. They’d searched for him for weeks, but James had known, deep down, that he was gone. Still, he had kept looking, clinging to the desperate hope that Regulus would somehow come back to him.
“Where did you go? Why won’t you tell me?” James asks, his voice breaking. It’s the same question he asks every night, and every night, he gets no answer. Because Regulus isn’t really here. He’s a fragment of James’ mind, a cruel trick played by his grief and guilt.
“James,” the apparition says again, softer now, almost kind. “You have to stop this. You have to let me go.”
James shakes his head violently, his tears falling faster. “No. No, I can’t. Don’t make me.”
A ghost of a smile crosses Regulus’ face, the kind that always made James’ chest ache. “You liked it when I was mean,” he says, his voice teasing but faint, like a memory slipping through James’ fingers.
James chokes on a sob, the weight of the past crushing him. “I did,” he whispers. “I did.”
The present tense is gone now, replaced by the harsh reality of what’s been lost. Regulus isn’t here. He’s never coming back. All James has left are these moments, these fragile, fleeting glimpses of a boy who was so much more than the world ever gave him credit for.
“Come back to me, love,” James pleads, his voice breaking. “Please.”
Regulus doesn’t respond. Instead, he leans in, his voice soft and full of a tenderness that makes James’ heart ache. “Fall in love for me, will you? Make sure they deserve you.”
James squeezes his eyes shut, and when he opens them again, the spot beside him is empty. The ground is cold, untouched. The lake stretches out before him, silent and still.
He sits there for a long time, staring at the place where Regulus had been, the tears streaming down his face. He cries for the boy he loved, for the promises he couldn’t keep, for the life they could have had together. And when the sun begins to rise, casting its golden light over the water, James makes a promise.
He’ll try. For Regulus. For Sirius. For all the people who still need him. He’ll find his spark again, even if it feels impossible now. He’ll keep living, keep fighting, because Regulus would want him to.
And because, despite everything, James knows that Regulus still lives in every memory, every quiet moment by the lake, every breath he takes.