Guilt
The first thing that Remus registers is the courtroom.
Remus has never actually been to a Wizengamot trial before. In his worst nightmares before the full moon, he sits in courtrooms where he is convicted for biting someone, killing someone, or wreaking havoc on the wizarding world. But those courtrooms are always bleak and dull, devoid of any colour or light. This courtroom is just the opposite, warm and emitting a soft light similar to the kind Remus enjoyed in the Hogwarts library. There are papers strewn on stacks or lying randomly around the entire room. The wood furnishings of the steps remind Remus of the church pews his Mam would bring him to when he was a kid. The low hums and murmurs of the wizarding populous as they file in remind him of how the church had sounded before her funeral. Nobody spoke too loudly, nobody smiled.
Beside Remus sits Dumbledore, and beside him, Mad-Eye. They both are staring intently at the centre of the courtroom. Remus refuses to follow their gaze, scared of what he might see. Mary is crying quietly at the back of the stands. Most of what is left of the Order sits around her. Remus recognizes several of the Aurors standing guard around the whole room. The Minister of Magic sits morosely at one of the raised podiums in the second row. Remus briefly remembers reading something about him wanting to resign. Who was he going to be replaced by? Something...Fudge? Barty Crouch is at the centre of many of the tall stacks of paper. The files seem to emanate from him like waves. He is organizing one of the smaller stacks, probably the ones relevant to the man sitting in the centre of the room.
And when Remus finally does look, his heart breaks all over again. There he was. Sirius Black. In his sharp, beautiful aristocratic glory. His eyes are sunken and red-rimmed, staring at the ceiling, unseeing. He had clearly been crying recently. He did not cry now. He did not even acknowledge the wizards around him. A bruise was blooming on his temple, probably where he had fallen after being stunned. His body sat poised against dark leather straps that bound him tightly to a wooden chair. Even on trial, having the second worst day of his life, he looks so beautiful.
"Please state your full name for the record," Crouch intones, keeping his voice level, immediately silencing the remaining buzz of the crowd. Sirius' lips quirk into the ghost of a smile at the sudden attention.
"Sirius Black." His voice is scratched and raw, like he had been yelling repeatedly just before.
Crouch nods at the supposed compliance, "According to Section IV, Article XII of the Emergency Protocol for Expedition of Trials Involving Death Eaters, you have been accused of the murder of Peter Pettigrew-"
"THE RAT-" Sirius suddenly bursts out.
"-and 12 muggles-"
"I SHOULD HAVE MURDERED HIM WHERE HE STOOD. I SHOULD HAVE KILLED THAT FILTHY DISGUSTING FUCKING RAT"
"-outside of the muggle town of Ipswich in the early hours of the morning." Crouch continues without breaking off.
Sirius' face fixed in a maniacal grin. Remus finds himself stepping around Dumbledore, trying to get down so he can see Sirius' face better. He is still murmuring in broken sentences so quietly that only Remus' ears could have picked it up, "rat in the Order...disgusting filth...should have killed him..."
"You have been accused of willing passing information to Lord Voldemort, and acting on his behalf as a Death Eater."
The smile had evaporated from Sirius' face. Remus was now just a few strides away from him and could see his lip curling.
"Finally, by passing this information to Lord Voldemort, you have been accused of aiding in the deaths of the McKinnon family, Dorcas Meadows, Caradoc Dearborn, Edgar Bones, and James and Lily Potter."
Nothing but a cold, burning rage was left in Sirius' eyes. It was all-consuming, all-encompassing. His eyes finally seemed to focus on Barty Crouch. And he starts to laugh, a cold, dead, mean laugh that Remus has never heard come from Sirius' mouth in the decade of knowing him. It sends a chill down Remus' spine.
He laughs all the way through Crouch's next statement, "Several muggle witnesses have testified against the brutal murder of Peter Pettigrew, and several wizarding witnesses, including Albus Dumbledore, have provided ample evidence of involvement in these crimes. Before the Wizengamot passes its verdict, the accused is legally entitled to testify in front of the jury. Mr. Black, do you have anything to say before your verdict is passed?"
Sirius is still giggling maliciously at this point, no mirth is left in his smile. "Is this a joke?" He croaks out.
"Is that your official statement Mr. Black?"
He barked out a cackle, "You want a statement? I'll give you a statement." Sirius takes a deep breath. The entire room seems to sit on the edge of their seat. Sirius' eyes sadden, all glee leaving his features. When he finally speaks, his voice is shaky and strained, dropping all of its bravado. "It's all my fault."
And there it was. The only thing that could break Remus more than he already was. Remus drops to Sirius' knees. He pleads desperately, unheard, for an additional remark, some kind of proof that his lover is not guilty. He doesn't receive it. Sirius only stares down past Remus' left ear, leaving him unseen, unheard. Remus notices that his shoulders are shaking.
"Well then," Crouch announces, "There you have it. According to The Ministry Of Magic's High Order of Wizengamot, Sirius Black is found guilty of First Degree murder by a Blasting Curse and acting as an accomplice for Lord Voldemort as a Death Eater. He is charged for life in Azkaban." Crouch's gavel sounds and suddenly the room is ablaze with noise again.
Sirius, seeming to register Crouch's words, starts struggling desperately against his bindings. He looks entirely lost, "No! You don't understand! It wasn't- I didn't-" The Aurors are grabbing him by his arms now. "Please, you have to listen to me!" Just before the stunning spell hits, he manages to choke out, "It was the FUCKING RA-".
Suddenly the trial room is fading away. Dumbledore is getting up and heading for the doorway, turning his back on the scene before Remus.
And the world goes dark.
And Remus is suddenly back in his kitchen, staring at the sink full of unwashed dishes.