No. 13, Waltz of the Flowers
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806–61)
James ran down the hall, catching up with Remus and Sirius. The hall looked like a chamber or a sewage pipe. Underground tunnels winded like a maze. They’d never find Regulus at this pace.
“Fuck,” Sirius breathes out. “My brother.” He puts a hand over his mouth like he’s fully realising the gravity of the situation.
“I shouldn't have left him.” Tears threaten to spill over and James grabs him by the shoulders just like Pandora had done only moments before.
“You can’t take back what happened, and what happened wasn’t your fault. Just don’t leave him now.” James looked into his eyes. “You told me not to hurt him, now let’s keep him from getting hurt.” Sirius wiped the tears from his eyes and kept walking through the labyrinth of tunnels.
Everything was so silent. James strained to hear a noise that could possibly point them in the right direction. A scream. Regulus. They all ran to the source of the noise. Regulus was still screaming by the time they reached the heavy metal doors. Remus threw his body against it, trying to open it. The doors opened with a bang.
—
He was still screaming. The trephine was pressed to his head. Just a few seconds and he’d be gone. Heavy footsteps made their way down the hall. They were running towards him. They were coming to save him. Regulus stopped screaming when he heard the footsteps, the trephine was pressed closer for a second until the doors were opened. There stood Remus who rubbed his shoulder from the force of the door. Behind him was James and…
“Sirius?” His voice was small, raw from all the screaming. His brother pummelled his body at Dr Burke, effectively knocking him over and kicking the trephine from his hands. James and Remus came to undo the leather around Regulus’ hands, feet and torso. Regulus wrapped his arms around James, needing to know if it was real. If what was happening was just another hallucination.
“I’m here Reggie, I’m real,” James whispered into Regulus’ hair.
“So am I,” Sirius said from behind him.
“Siri,” Regulus burst out into tears and wrapped his arms around his brother.
“Reggie.”
Over Sirius’ shoulder, standing by the open door is...
“Peter.” Regulus starts a small smile before registering the wrench in Peter's hands and Remus’ unconscious body on the floor. Sirius barely turns around before he is hit over the head by Peter. Regulus just lets out a scream before he’s out too. Darker. Darker. Darkness.
—
The escape was easy. They ran through the halls and pushed open doors until they finally made it to the gate, which Pandora had opened for them. Pandora joined them as they ran down the street. They ran for a few blocks, laughing as the wind whipped through their hair and they felt the cold deep into their bones. Regulus has never felt so free.
—
When he woke up he was tied down again. Except around him, James, Remus and Sirius were tied to chairs. Remus had woken up and was tugging at his restraints. “You fucking traitor,” Remus spat out at Peter who stood holding a trephine across the room. Peter looked at ease. Fucking rat. Remus shook in his restraints. Sirius and James blinked their eyes open.
“I have to say I never expected your dead brother to be Remus’ lover,” Peter said, wiping the grime off to drill. “It makes it easier for me. One less person to kill.”
“Why?” Regulus’ voice had gone, the screaming had made it horse and croaky.
Peter walked closer to him examining the trephine.
“Pye said he’ll let me go, Maybe if I fix everything he’ll do it sooner.” Peter's voice sounded far away, wistful. A far cry from before.
“Fix everything?” James asked.
“Pye wants you all dead, so I'll kill you.” The trephine was placed against Regulus’ head. Sirius struggled with the leather straps on his hands and ankles. He yelled out for Peter to stop but the words fell on deaf ears. James tugged and tugged. His eyes caught Regulus’ and for a moment they bid their goodbyes. Until the moment they’d be reunited. James had wanted to give Regulus a life. James had wanted Regulus to travel the world and then, when the day came for them to meet again, tell him all about the adventures he had. The pressure of the trephine against his head proved that all of this was real. Not some dream he can escape with the act of waking.
The doors burst open, Poppy stands there with Barty at her side. Peter drops the trephine with surprise and backs up to a door on the other side of the room. He tugs he tugs and tugs but it does no good. “Barty, hold him down,” Poppy glances at the boy. While Peter struggles against Barty, Poppy puts a needle in his neck. His body goes slack. Barty moves over to James and lets him free. James surges forward to free the leather-bound around Regulus’ arms and ankles. It leaves blisters and red in its wake. James cradles Regulus in his arms. “My love,” James sighs. Finally, it's over. “Poppy,” Remus says, having been freed by Sirius. “This is Sirius,” He takes his hand and pulls him over to Poppy. She smiles. Like she knew it all along. “Nice to meet you Sirius,” She turns her head to James and Regulus, “James. I presume?” Regulus nods, smiling. Footsteps are heard from far away in the underground pipes. They echo down to them. Soon they’d be found. “Let’s go,” Barty takes a few syringes from the shelves, pocketing them and walking toward the door. He is stopped by Poppy who just puts out her hand and raises her eyebrows. Barty groans and hands her the syringes. Regulus chooses that moment to speak up. “I thought you hated me,” he’s talking to Barty, the boy who in all facets of the world hated him. “I do, I just hate him more,” he says, nudging the boy on the floor with his foot. The footsteps had gotten louder. “Come with me,” Poppy takes them through a door at the back of the room that leads up a set of stairs. The stairs are dusty from years of non-use. Regulus can't help but cough when the dust makes its way into his lungs. His hand clings to James’ like it's a life force. Finally reunited. Finally free. When the sight of the night sky is shown above, Regulus takes a deep breath in. Once out of the tunnel, they walked down the street. Remus and Regulus share a look. They did it together. They're free together. And freedom never felt so free.
—
The lights at the station are bright at this time of the night. There's a late train to Kent that they’ll board. Poppy brought them jackets and shoes, then bid them farewell and returned to the Asylum. The silence between them all was thick as they boarded the train. Barty sat on the other side of the aisle. Regulus, James, Sirius and Remus sat across from each other. Barty flicked through a damaged book he’d found lying on a bench. Other people boarded, some carried suitcases, some only small bags. They all looked so alive. The hustle and bustle still going late into the night. The seat across from Barty was empty while all the passengers boarded. They all took one short look at him and walked the other way. A blonde-haired man sat across from him. Regulus paid no mind as to what was happening. He just let himself fall asleep against James’ gentle warmth.
—
The church bells rang and Regulus awoke from his sleep, he was in a cottage, one that James’ parents had owned, in the far countryside. He’d slept the entire train ride. The exhaustion from the night already dragging him into slumber. The sun shone through the window, higher up in the sky than usual. He’d slept half the day away. But James had stayed with him with his arms wrapped around his waist and breath fanning over his neck. As his eyes adjusted to the light he looked around the room. The faded yellow wallpaper and flowers on the bedside greeted him.
A far cry from his cell at the asylum. Out the window all he could see was green. Green fields. Green trees. Green everywhere.
A soft knock settled on the door across the room. James stirred from sleep as Sirius poked his head in.
“Moony’s making breakfast for us if you’d like.” The nonchalance of it reminds Regulus how much he really misses his brother.
“It's already lunch through,” Regulus said. Sirius just shrugged his shoulders with a grin and closed the door behind him.
James turned his body toward Regulus and looked him in the eyes. Silently they just watched each other. Until James took his hand and connected their hands. They lay on the bed in each other's arms. Regulus’ eyes filled with tears.
“You died,” he said before promptly bursting into tears. He rested his head in the crook of James’ neck. James held him closer.
“I know, but none of this was fake, I love you.”
That’s the first time they’d ever said that. The first time James said that. And it was real. James did love Regulus. Enough to break him out of an asylum. And Regulus loves James. Enough to still love him in death.
“I love you too, Jamie.”
—
Three things happened over the four weeks they had left with each other:
The first to Barty, the boy with the devil in his eyes. On the train, a blonde boy sat with him. They talked the entire ride and Evan, the boy, had invited him over to his house in Crawley. The boy was a Duke. After hours of travel and at around four in the morning Evan had let it slip that his father's death might not have been completely by accident. Barty’s psychopathy did not have a care in the world whether the boy was a killer or a snowflake he just wanted to be near. Maybe love is the biggest mental illness of all.
Second was a girl with messy blonde hair. James and Sirius had been sitting on the sofa talking much to Regulus’ dismay. They had become friends. Regulus sat with his body against James and a book in his hands. Remus had just been cooking when a loud crash open of the door made him drop a plate. The blonde girl looked over at him and scrunched her nose. “Oops, sorry,” She waved her hand and the plate stood unshattered on the countertop. Remus just stood there, his mouth open in shock. “Marlene,” Sirius started as he got up from where he was sitting. He took Remus’ hands in his and addressed the unknown visitor.
“Sirius,” she said back. The visitor had turned out to be Sirius’ guardian. Much like James had Lily and Pandora, Marlene was Sirius’. She had stayed for dinner and conversed with them like it was the most natural thing in the world. Before she had gone she told them they only had four weeks left before the both of them, Sirius and James, Had to move on. “I wish I could do something about it but death is inevitable.”
The third caught them all by surprise. On a Sunday morning, when the sun had reached its peak, Sirius reached over to pick up his teacup from the table and his hand had gone right through. Silence washed over everyone. Sirius didn't say a word. Remus clutched his book tighter and James could feel himself slipping away too. That was only the start. Little things started happening around the house. One second Sirius and James would be solid and the next they’d start to fade. In the end, he was barely able to touch Regulus. They had to go. All of them knew it. The weeks they’d had were spent in the cottage, laughing and dancing. Sirius and James needed to move on but Regulus thought they’d have more time. More time to finally reconnect with his estranged brother. He wishes he could have more time. But time isn’t something you can have and control. It is something you deal with. James doesn’t want to say goodbye, but he knows he has to.
“I’ll find you again, I promise,” he whispers against Regulus’ lips as they kiss goodbye.
“In another life?” Regulus held onto James’ jacket like it were a leash
“Of course, my love.”
Goodbye went unsaid. Because it wasn’t a ‘goodbye’, it was a ‘see you soon’.
—
So when James leaves he is met with the same nightmare. Only this isn't a nightmare. This is his end. He lets it happen. Knowing that soon, he’d be with Regulus again. Before he goes he remembers Moll Dyer. And the curse she called on the town she was exiled from. A stone stands before him and he places his hand on it and raises the other to the moon
Every man who condemns something they do not understand shall look a fool.
May you live a fool's life and die a fool's death.
And may you beg for mercy.