Breaking Point

The week between testing and the first race always felt like a kind of torture. Officially, you were free to do as you pleased, but it was impossible to ignore the palpable excitement buzzing around the paddock. The drivers were swamped with media duties, friends and family began to arrive, and Lily was caught up in meetings twice daily. Meanwhile, Remus found himself becoming increasingly tense.

It was always a challenge to get back into the swing of things. Once the first race was over, he would find his rhythm, moving from country to country, always occupied with something. But before that, it felt like the first day back at school after summer vacation; you knew things would fall into place soon, but getting started on the first morning was tough.

With Lily busy and Peter choosing to use his last bit of free time for studying – he had taken up mechanical engineering last year, aiming for a spot on the engineering team rather than staying a mechanic – Remus didn’t have much to do. Staying cooped up in his hotel room became depressingly monotonous, and he knew better by now. So instead of rotting away in misery inside, he decided to do it outside. And that’s how he ended up on the nearest beach, lying on the sand with an open book in his hands, struggling to keep his focus on the words. Once upon a time, at the early age of fourteen, Remus spent almost every waking moment with but his node deep in a book, then it became too hard, too demanding and he lost the ability to escape into all those made-up worlds and lives.

His attempt at reading was short-lived as a familiar voice caught his attention. He sat up, trying futilely to blend into the nearly empty beach's surroundings. And, as luck would have it, Sirius Black noticed him right away and, for some unfathomable reason, chose not to leave him in peace.

"Enjoying the sun, are we, Lupin?" Black called out.

Remus responded with a weak wave, shielding his eyes from the mentioned sun with his other hand.

"Quite pale, aren't you?" Black continued, his smile coy. "You're British, right? Not much sunlight there."

"That's rich, coming from someone who looks a bit like a vampire."

"It's just the contrast. The black hair makes me look paler."

Remus rolled his eyes, only then noticing Sirius wasn’t alone; he was accompanied by none other than James Potter, Ferrari’s new star. Both wore sunglasses, shorts, and white shirts rolled up at the sleeves, looking like they were headed for a fashion magazine shoot.

“A bit of colour would do you both good,” Potter chimed in. “I’m James, by the way, since this egocentric bastard won’t take the effort to introduce us.”

“I know who you are,” Remus scoffed, because he couldn’t help it. “I’m Remus.”

“Nice to meet you, Remus,” James said with a warm smile, extending his hand, which Remus shook. James's hand was soft and warm, radiating the same warmth and kindness he was known for. His charisma and talent made it clear why he had such a substantial fanbase.

“We were just looking for a spot on the beach,” James continued. “Mind if we join you?”

Remus wanted to refuse but at the end of the day, he was a people pleaser at heart, so he just nodded. James flashed him a beautiful smile and sat down on the sand, then he unzipped his backpack and the next moment there were two hard seltzers in his hand. Sirius followed the other driver’s example while James offered Remus one of the bottles.

“Aren’t you supposed to be on a strict diet and all that?” Remus asked, accepting the drink and opening it with one of his rings. Black watched him during the trick like it’s some miracle he’d never seen in his life.

“Hard seltzer is low-calorie,” James defended. “Besides, we’ve got four whole days to ourselves. We’re not spending it all on self-torture. We’ll have plenty of time for that.”

“Relax, Lupin,” Black winked. “Now tell me, what are you doing for a living?”

The question was obviously a joke, but Remus wasn’t in the mood. “I fix the damage you keep causing.”

James chuckled. “That’s a well-deserved burn, Black. Maybe you should reconsider your driving style.”

“I wouldn’t call ‘crashing into walls at every given opportunity’ a driving style,” Remus added, feeling unexpectedly bold.

“That’s what I’ve been telling him for twenty years,” James said.

“You’ve known each other that long?”

“Or longer,” Black confirmed. “We’re like brothers by choice.”

This was new information to Remus Everyone knew Black was carting at a young age but after that it was like he didn’t even exist until last year. But now, as it turns out, he existed in James Potter’s world.

“We started karting together,” James explained. “We hit it off right away. My parents took Sirius in when he was sixteen.”

Sirius cleared his throat, and the two exchanged a glance, clearly having a silent conversation.

Now, Remus could have let the topic drop. Ignore the new information and change the subject or wait for the two drivers to change the subject themselves. But at the core, he was no better than anyone else working in Formula One – the thirst for gossip and secrets was in his blood.

“What about his own parents?” he asked, fighting with his anxiety. At worst, he is not going to get an answer.

After a brief pause, Sirius sighed and faced Remus, his smile returning as if he hadn’t a care in the world. “Let’s just say they weren’t fond of me. I had to leave.”

“You ran away?”

Sirius shrugged dismissively. "A bunch of fucking narcissists, that’s what my family is. They believed the Blacks were superior and made our lives about racing before we could even properly talk."

"Isn’t that how most drivers start?" Remus asked, his tone cautious now.

James was the one who responded. "True, but there are significant differences in parenting approaches. My parents are incredible – they're the reason I fell in love with racing. They've been supportive and encouraging my entire life. What his parents did to Sirius was more like abuse.”

"I wouldn’t go that far, Prongs," Sirius interjected, still smiling, but only mechanically – Remus noticed the lack of warmth in his eyes. "They're just a bunch of dicks, really. Full of themselves, racist, homophobic. I hope one day my brother realizes just how toxic those bitches are."

The topic of his brother was clearly a complex one for Sirius, so Remus decided not to pry further, despite his curiosity.

"What did you just call James?" he asked instead, shifting the conversation.

Sirius's grin returned in full force. "Prongs. It's a nickname from our karting days. His hair would stand up in a funny way whenever he took off his helmet, resembling antlers."

"But keep that between us," James winked at Remus. "I don’t need fans calling me that. It’s too personal."

Remus understood that sentiment. He often wondered what it must be like to be as famous as the drivers. While Lily, Mary, Minerva, and some of the more sociable mechanics had their fans, none matched the drivers' following.

Marlene despised the spotlight, and it was widely known that Regulus Black did everything possible to avoid public attention. James seemed adept at handling fame, and Sirius might even revel in it, though it could be a facade. Regardless of their feelings about the attention, no one wanted every detail of their personal lives exposed.

After that, they didn’t mention Sirius’ family again.  Conversation shifted to more mundane topics like favorite books and general interests. Remus hadn't really connected with any drivers before. He had a nice relationship with Marlene, but they never met up outside of the race weekends and he wouldn’t go as far as calling them friends.

But James was incredibly amiable, chatting away as if they were old friends. He seemed a little nervous when speaking at length, but Remus didn't mind; he was more of a listener anyway.

In James's company, Sirius Black transformed into a different person compared to his Red Bull garage persona. Though he maintained his sarcasm and self-assuredness, but he was also smart, and Remus loved sarcasm, spoke it like a second language.

Their interaction was very much like that of two brothers. Remus began to suspect they could almost read each other's thoughts, a trait that was occasionally annoying, but also meant he didn't need to engage in every part of their conversation, as both drivers seemed to enjoy the sound of their own voices.

Remus learned that despite racing under the French flag, Sirius had grown up in London, enduring homeschooling until he moved in with the Potters, which he profoundly disliked. Both young men attended university – James studied Biology, while Sirius dabbled in various fields, driven by his restless nature and the hiatus from racing at that time in his life.

The question of how Sirius remained so adept at driving despite years away from the sport hung in the air, unasked, as it seemed to be a sensitive subject.

As the sun set completely, leaving them under the stars with the soothing sound of the sea, Remus felt decidedly tipsy. The stars seemed to dance, his eyelids grew heavy, and everything became more and more funny with time.

Eventually, James and Sirius's supply of hard seltzers depleted, and nature's call reminded Remus it was time to head back. They all agreed to wrap up the day. Although they were staying in separate hotels, James insisted on walking Remus back, noting that he was the one living on his own.

"We should do this again, Lupin," Sirius said, offering a casual salute as they parted ways.

Back in his room, Remus quickly changed into his pyjamas and collapsed into bed, overwhelmed by exhaustion. He felt certain he'd spend the next few days simply catching up on sleep, the events of the evening swirling in his mind as he drifted off.

✩*⋆☾⋆｡°✩

But Remus didn't end up spending his remaining free time sleeping. Surprisingly, James and Sirius followed through on their suggestion to meet again after their night at the beach. Since his two only friends were occupied and Remus was prone to falling into depression after too much time alone, he decided to join them.

He found himself enjoying their company. It was reminiscent of his instant connection with Lily back in school, where there was no need for awkward small talk or cautious circling. Normally, Remus found it exceedingly difficult to make friends, a realization that had led him to give up trying altogether at a young age. And now James Potter started to become his friend, dragging Sirius Black with him, not even asking if Remus wants it or not.

Sirius didn't mesh well with the other drivers. His newcomer status, apparent arrogance, and disdain for playing life by the rules made him a pariah. He respected the sport but was unapologetically frank, often giving the marketing team a run for their money.

In contrast, James got along with almost every driver, but his sociability had its limits. He often preferred spending his free time with his adoptive brother rather than in larger groups.

Remus couldn't fathom why these two drivers had decided to pick him up like a stray dog on the beach, but for the moment, he didn't mind. He anticipated that they would forget about him once the race weekend started and everyone returned to their usual routines. But for now, it was nice. He found himself genuinely liking James and, surprisingly, not hating Sirius as much as he had thought.

By Wednesday, James and Sirius had invited him to their hotel room, as fans were starting to arrive for the race weekend. Remus had made it clear he would flee if he had to endure the drivers interacting with fans. This was their last full day together, with media duties starting on Thursday and Remus returning to the garage. They lounged on the couch, listening to music – Sirius hated silence – while James worked on a puzzle he’d received from his mother as a ‘farewell gift’. James asked for help, but neither Remus nor Sirius were particularly interested in puzzles.

"It calms your nerves," James explained. "Perfect for relaxation before the weekend."

"I'd probably throw it out the window in frustration," Remus admitted.

"You sound like a grandpa, Prongs" Sirius teased. "What’s next, crossword puzzles?"

"Nah, not a fan. Sudoku, though..."

Sirius threw a pillow at him which James caught gracefully in the air and threw back instantly at his friend.

“Anyway,” Sirius said, taking a pause for a theatrical yawn “We’ve told our entire lives to you Remus, and we know nothing about you. You can’t possibly think that’s fair.”

"I didn’t ask you to tell me anything," Remus replied, half-joking but feeling his heart rate quicken. He was not fond of talking about himself. He didn’t even knew who he was, really.

“Come on, tell us something!” Sirius went on. “We know you’re from London, but nothing else.”

“You also know I’m a mechanic” Remus flashed a weak smile. “And that once I accidentally locked myself in the toilet and my friend panicked and called the fire brigade.”

“Your job and one embarrassing story you told us just because of a game doesn’t count.”

“Sure as hell it does.”

“Come on! Where did you go to school? Have you always wanted to be a mechanic? Do you have siblings?”

Feeling increasingly overwhelmed, Remus hesitated before replying, "I don’t have siblings. Just my parents and me."

"You have decent parents?" Sirius inquired.

"Yeah, they’re fine, I guess," Remus lied, avoiding eye contact. He knew almost nothing about his parents; his father had left when he was barely able to talk, and his mother died when he was six, leading to his placement in an orphanage. He could have shared this truth – there was no shame in it – but he despised the pity that usually followed such revelations.

He had been the orphan boy all his life, always alone, always bullied. Now, sitting beside two wealthy, famous athletes who could get on with people effortlessly, with wonderful parents, even if in Sirius’ case they weren’t technically his parents by blood. But they were parents who wanted him – something Remus had never had.

Because Remus was a difficult child with his meltdowns and social difficulties. Sometimes he wouldn’t speak to anyone, other times he was so annoying no one wanted to be around him. He lost his temper easily and couldn’t act nice if his life depended on it, which didn’t attract adoptive parents.

When he became a teenager, it was just even more difficult. Parents wanted small children, not a lanky teenage boy with insomnia, outbursts and scars on his arms.

But he couldn’t tell James and Sirius that. This thing between them wasn’t going to last anyways, so there is no harm in not telling them the truth.

 "They live in London. Dad's an engineer, and Mum's a Maths teacher."

Hope Lupin was a teacher, so there it was, a little truth in every lie. Remus even had some fain memories of her loving teaching. It seems like she didn’t love it enough.

Remus shook his head a little to snap back to reality.

James, sensing the shift in mood, tried to steer the conversation back to safer waters. "So that’s where your interest in cars comes from? Engineering and Maths?"

"Sure," Remus nodded, still avoiding eye contact.

"When I’m done with racing, I want to learn all about cars," James shared. "Biology seemed interesting at the time, but it lost its appeal along the way."

"And your parents are okay with you being a mechanic?" Sirius asked, his curiosity evident. "No offense, what you do is incredible, but parents like that usually have specific expectations for their kids."

"Well, mine don’t, okay?" Remus snapped, feeling the walls closing in.

"Remus, it's fine, Sirius didn't mean to..." James began.

"It's just casual talk, no need to get defensive," Sirius added.

That was the last straw for Remus. He was so upset he could cry, but punching something was his ‘go to’ move instead of crying and he definitely didn’t want to do that now, so he just stood up instead, ready to leave.

"I didn't force you to talk about your family, did I?" he asked, his voice strained with frustration. "You were clearly uncomfortable, and I respected that. Why can't you do the same? Besides, I don’t owe you anything. We barely know each other; you just picked up the first person you found to mess around with!"

"Remus, that's not true!" James protested, sounding desperate.

"Forget it," Remus said dismissively, shaking his head. "I should head back to my hotel anyway. I'm meeting a friend."

That, too, was a lie, but Remus didn't care. He left the room without looking back, his mind a whirlwind of emotions.

At least he hadn't been alone in his last days off, right?