The air in the waiting room of the hospital was tense. There were several other people there as well, minding their own business, looking just as nervous. Caitlyn paced back and forth, hand unconsciously pressing into her lower gut, off to the right.
It was where she’d been stabbed in the Piltover-Noxus war a year and a half ago. It was the entire reason why they were even here. Vi was much more at ease, just staring concernedly at Caitlyn but letting her work through her stress in her own way.
Today was not just a regular test. Not just a checkup, the regular vitals taken or bodily examination. No, this was entirely more important. After the war, when things in Piltover had begun to settle, Caitlyn realized how much she wanted to have a life. She was twenty-four, grown enough to know how fast things could slip away. Though, she supposed, you unfortunately didn’t have to be grown to realize such things.
She had a wife now, had an honest-to-christ purpose in this world, and she’d be damned if she wasted it waiting for what she wanted. She wouldn’t. Back when the war had been in full force and she’d been carted off to an emergency health unit to tend to her wounds, sweaty and bloody alike, the physician had simply stitched her up enough and sent her to rest.
Just her luck though, right as she realized that she wanted a family with her wife, she remembered that her wound was never properly assessed. She’d never followed up. She’d recovered just fine and there was no lingering pain, but it was awfully close to her uterus…to close to chance.
So there they were, waiting for the results back to see if she was infertile or not. Her palms moistened and she wiped them harshly on her pants, flapping a bit. Caitlyn kept it to a minimum though, she didn’t want to draw any more attention to herself than she already was, pacing in circles.
“Cait”, Vi started finally, rubbing a hand down her face, “C’mon. Sit. You’re stressing me out just watching”
Caitlyn huffed, but returned to her original chair. It was unfair how slow these things could go, how much worry and anticipation they left her with. If she was infertile, she reminded herself with a calming breath, it wasn’t the end of the world. There were plenty of other options. Vi, for one, could still have kids. She would, too, she knew that. Or there was adoption. Plenty of kids were orphaned after the war, and it would greatly help the community to take any one of them in.
She knew all this, yes, and yet she felt like she needed to prove something to herself. That she could achieve what she wanted. She didn’t want to just settle. Caitlyn wanted it all. A wife, a kid, a house and a career she was passionate about. After all, she had three of those four things. But…to grow a life inside her. To wake up in the morning and know she was part of something bigger than herself, it was the most beautiful thing she could imagine.
Despite her somewhat strenuous relationship with Cassandra, she loved her mother dearly and she was cared for. She grew up loved and paid attention to and held. She was held, and she wouldn’t trade it for anything. She wanted to be a mum so bad it hurt. To cradle her baby in her arms, to watch them grow. Their first steps, the first time they said mum, their first bath. She looked forward to all the firsts, but also everything that came after.
Seeing them grow into a person. Watching them make friends like she never had, see the world in a way she’d been kept from, find a passion like she finally had, fall in love as she did…she wanted to be there for a little baby mix of her and Vi. Wanted to see what they’d look like, to get to know them. It was all so enticing. Vi, surprisingly, shared her dream. Maybe it was just that her wife didn’t exactly seem the type, or that she had a rotten past with young kids. Still, this would be different. It had to be.
Caitlyn knew she was dangerous. She knew she’d killed, and that she’d fought, and that she’d broken pieces like they were meant to be in two. She knew the pain she’d caused and the damage she was capable of. She saw it every day, tracing the scars in the streets, where buildings had been rebuilt, the dented sculpture of the counselors, she felt it more than anything. But she could redirect that danger. That anger, that hurt she could inflict. She could keep her own safe, that’s what she’d use it for. Her kid was gonna have a change, she’d make damn well sure of it.
As Caitlyn sat with all these thoughts racing through her mind, Vi’s hand found her thigh and rubbed, but she squirmed away, instead playing with her fingers. Her wife understood, readjusted, letting Cait do as she pleased. Touch was selective at times, now being one of them.
As the clock ticked by, her leg bounced faster and faster. Suddenly, she wheeled on Vi.
“Why are you so calm about this?” Caitlyn demanded, dropping her hand, “Does it just- I don’t know, not matter to you? It’s not like its your body that could be defective, is that how it is?” Even as she spat the words, she knew they were unfair and deeply out of line.
Vi scoffed. “Jesus, calm down. Of course I care. I know how much this means to you, how much it means to both of us. But you gotta take a breath, yeah? Don’t come after me just ‘cause you’re tense. This matters to me too, more than you know” She didn’t seem so much angry as she did disapproving. Like she was just upset Caitlyn would even say something like that to her.
Caitlyn sighed, rubbing her temples, guilt flooding her chest and heating her cheeks. “No, I…I know that, love. I’m sorry. That’s not what I think” Hesitantly, she took her wife’s hand back, this time rubbing it slowly, before placing a kiss to her knuckles, and holding it to her cheek. “You’re in this just as much as I am. I’m just tense. I apologize, truly” The tension simmered down, and Vi nodded.
Now, the tension faded a bit, even if it was just between them. A sick sort of feeling pooled in her gut, and she fought the urge to puke, instead swallowing thickly and shutting her eyes, counting to ten. The room was spinning a bit. She hadn’t been getting any sleep lately, the nervousness plaguing her nights as much as her days.
For weeks now, she’d been puking up her meals, fatigued, sore. Like her mind was punishing her body for her stupid mistake. Who came out of a med tent straight from war and didn’t think to check up on themself after? Only an idiot, surely.
“Violet” She piped up, uncertain.
“Hmm?”
She paused, getting her bearings. “If I’m infertile…I still want to do this. I still want a baby, I still want a family with you. It can look however it looks, I don’t mind if you don’t-” Vi cut her off.
“I’ll carry, Cait. If you can't, I will” Her eyes welled up, and she gripped her wife’s hand harder. It was one thing to think about it, but to hear it was a whole other. Vi leaned forward, a bittersweet smile on her lips, and kissed her head. “I’d hafta work through a few things before I could, but…but anything for you, Cupcake. For us”
The reassurance was nicer than she thought it’d be, like morphine to a burn patient. Caitlyn exhaled, and while it didn’t erase her nerves, it eased up on her conscience. Maybe one day they’d adopt, but Caitlyn wanted at least one kid who was truly theirs. That came from their very blood and flesh. Despite the emotion of the situation, her stomach growled embarrassingly. Lately, her appetite had been rapidly growing. Maybe she should get a regular checkup here soon. Regardless, she covered her stomach instinctively at the disruption.
Vi just chuckled. “I’ll get you a snack from the caf. You wait here, kay? I’ll be quick, try to relax”
She didn’t bother to protest, just leaned back in her chair and nodded. When she was being cared for, she found, it was more work to try to deny her wife than to just do it herself. She was starving anyway, so it was mutually beneficial. The red-head seemed to take a certain kind of enjoyment out of taking care of her, much to Caitlyn’s dismay. She liked remaining in control, but if it made Vi extra happy, she could let it slide.
No more than a minute or two after she left, the doctor called out her name. Her eyes widened, and she knew Vi’d want to be there. Still, she couldn’t very well ignore it, could she? She sprang up, and in the most calm and collected manner possible, she sprinted toward the door.
“Yes, yes I’m here” She reassured, “I’m here for my fertility results?” The doctor she was met with was a middle aged, dark skinned woman, who seemed to be incredibly at ease. That at least relaxed her a bit as she read a chart.
“Right, Mrs. Kiramman. Well, we got your results back from the lab. Congratulations, Mama. Not only are you fertile, you’re pregnant”
Caitlyn swore her heart stopped. And without another word, she excused herself from the room and sprinted all the way back down the hall, nearly trampling other patients and crashing into Vi in the cafeteria line. Her arms wrapped around her in an instant, so tight it was practically strangling. Vi let out a pained ‘oof’, but didn’t let go.
“Cait, hey! Woah woah, what’s going on?” She asked, muffled by her wife’s chest.
“I’m pregnant! I’m actually pregnant, love. We’re going to be mums”
Vi dropped the tray, and squeezed her just as hard. They’d definitely need that snack after all. There was one more, itty-bitty mouth to feed. Just like they’d dreamed of.