-62-
All of the second years of every House has gathered around the Great Hall, around the dueling table. The room is filled with light chatter and whispers. Moody yells over the noise as he stomps along the dueling platform:"Alright, listen up! Professor Snape and (Y/L) here has agreed to give you kids a short demonstration before you go on blasting on each other one by one.". Every student got surprised by the parring. None of them could have ever expect that it'll be us to do it. To be honest, neither did I, but here we are. Both of us put our capes onto the side before climbing up the stairs onto the dueling table. Even I'm having this calm appearance, I'm fuming on the inside. There is this part of me that don't want to be doing this, but then there is this other side of me that... Wants to kick his ass.
With that in mind, Snape and I step on the platform from both sides. Mad-eye Moody stands on my side slightly further away to watch. After he had explained the students what they are about to see and the rules of dueling, the room gets quiet and they all watch us. The Potions Master and I are staring in each others eyes from the distance. The grip around my wand tightens and I do a calm exhale thru my nose. "Professors." Moody gives us the sign we can now approach. Without taking our eye off each others, we start walking towards. It's hard to read from Snape's face what is going thru his mind right now. It's not sad or mad or happy. It's just... Cold. When we finally come to stand in front of each other, we draw our wands up to our faces and pause for a moment. My heart starts raising, but I try my hardest to ignore it.
Right after the small pause, we lower the wands onto the side. The opponent does a small bow, I simply jerked my head. Then, we sharply turn our backs and start taking the five steps away from each other. The students are amazed already. Some of them even have their mouths open. Each step I take, a memory with him flashes by. The moment he placed the book on my head he let me borrow. The moment he rest his forehead on my shoulder. The moment we interlocked our fingers before Umbridge walked in. The moment he caressed side of my cheek after he had made me feel better. The moment when... The image of us dancing at the night of the Yule Ball starts to shake and turns into the moment I confessed my feelings for him and how he just... Walked away.
Stern look on my face, heart shielded, I turn to the opponent and position myself as a sign I'm more than ready to duel. Snape is in his position too, which is surprisingly less theatrical than mine. After all, he's the one who loves the drama. Moody smirks corner of his mouth after watching us for a quick moment. Then, he starts the count down:"One... Two...". There is straight contact between each others eyes. Neither of us blinks. "Three." The D.A.D.A. teachers voice echoes. Giving Snape no change to even open his mouth, I point my wand:"Everte Statum!". Flash of spell shoots right at him, but he's quick to block it. It angers me. As fast as I can, I shoot another spell. The children around us gasps at the same time. It was agreed that we'll do a spell one each, so they got off guard I did two in a row. He blocks it again, only this time there is a slight change on his face. He's surprised. Confused even.
Moody won't say anything to this. It's more like he enjoys this moment more than anyone else in this room. As expected, I don't see any of the expressions on their faces. My only focus is the man in front of me. And to get him down on his knees. Without giving him the change, I keep on casting spells. Spell after a spell, he always manages to block them. Feels like he isn't even trying to fight back. C'mon..! Until finally, he uses Protego to bounce one of my spells back. Quickly, I block it and the sudden wave of air makes my hair float for a moment. The students goes 'ooo' and starts clapping, thinking it's all over. But no. Keeping the eyes on the target, I start casting spells rapidly and do couple strides towards him. Every spell goes flying somewhere up the ceiling. I hate this.
There is this... Anger, in me that I can not explain. I feel so betrayed. Deceived. I hate this. If there is any way to make him feel physically as bad as I'm feeling from the inside, I could go back to my chamber and feed my niffler in peace. I hate this! Different kind of colored spells keeps flashing and gets tossed around. I HATE..- All of sudden, Severus grabs me by the wrist I'm holding the wand in and brings his whole body close to mine. Heart escapes to my throat by the surprise. Eyes wide, I stare back into his black eyes, all frozen. You. It appears that he had made his way to me while blocking the spells. I was just so blinded by anger I didn't see he was getting closer and closer. Too stunned to speak, my lips apart and I try to stutter something out. Severus keeps his hand around my wrist while staring down at me. Not saying a word.
Everyone around us looks confused. Even Moody himself is speechless. Then, they all turn to the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. He quickly clears his throat:"Well, guess we could call that a draw. Thank you, Professors. You are dismissed.". Can feel how the grip around my wrist loosens, so I quickly break the touch between us and walk away from him. The Potions Master stands there for yet another moment, watching me getting further away. Merlin, that was embarrassing!!! Got so quickly out of there I even forgot to take my cape with me. With fast steps, I head towards the chamber. I need to go and calm myself down. "(Y/N)." Snape's stern voice echoes behind me other side of the hallway. Pretending like I didn't hear him, so I just keep on walking. Hoping he would leave me alone. I can't face him - or anyone right now!
About to walk faster, he uses the Apparate spell and appears right in front of me. Our bodies almost brush against each other. My eyes goes wide and I freeze. Didn't think he would ever pull that move. He's looking down on me with some anger mixed in his eyes. "We need to talk." he growls, voice oozing authority. Without even trying, my head shakes its own:"No we don't.". Try to walk past him, but he blocks the way. He stands there like a tree:"(Y/N).". There is no way I can look him directly in the eyes, not after what just happened out there. "There is nothing to talk about." I answer while having my gaze down. It angers him more. "Listen here..-" Snape grabs me by the chin and forces me to look up, directly in his eyes. "No!" I push him away, but he won't give up. Then, he holds onto my arm and does the Apparate spell again. Only this time, he brings us both to the Potions classroom.
As soon as the spinning stops, Snape swing his wand and the door to the class shuts. "What the hell?!" I hiss. Right after that he casts another spell at the door:"Myffliato.". That was one of the Half Blood Prince's spells. He then turns to me, looking so angry:"Now sit your arrogant arse down!". "NO! I am not going to stay here and listen more of your lies!" I exclaim. "When have I ever lied to you?" he raised his voice, sounding offended. "Oh, I dunno. Not telling me how you are the Half Blood Prince?!" I snap back. We stare each other in pause. Looks like he got a bit off guard, but quickly composes:"It is not my fault if that damaged brain of yours didn't get it in the first place.". "Hah! So now it's my fault?" I frown. "Don't change the subject!" he snap back. How on earth did we get into this kind of situation?! All I can feel is anxious, frustration, sadness and this one feeling I can't describe. All I know it's driving me crazy!
Snape starts lecturing:"What you did out there - at the Great Hall, is no way to act in front of students. Do you have any idea how you made us look like?!". I have arms crossed over my chest and gaze down as he keeps on fuming. Finally, I have enough of this. All of it. "You could get in trouble because of this, (Y/N)!" he huffs. Lift my eyes on him with stern stare:"That is for Dumbledore's to decide.". His eyes widens for a split second. Perhaps he didn't expect that kind of answer from me. After a small pause he asks in way more calm manner:"Don't you even care?". Almost sounding defeated. Then, I shut my eyes and shook head:"I don't even understand why I'm even having this conversation with you.". Right after that, I start storming towards the door. Severus won't move a muscle. "Because you like me." he simply answer. Huh?
My heart goes down and comes right back up. What did he just say? He turns to me, his face being unreadable:"Isn't that what you said at the night of the Yule Ball?". Is he now making fun of me?! We stare at each other for a moment in silence. He is waiting me to say something. "Clearly a mistake from my part." I answer with coldness in my tone. That made him raise a brow:"A mistake?". Don't know what's going on inside me right now. It's at the same time empty, but still full of everything. Tears started to come up, eyes going glossy, breathing getting harder. I clench my hand into very tight fist. Then I give him the numb look:"There is no doubt I have mistaken your feelings towards me as well. So I do apologise the awkwardness it have caused between us. I promise it won't happen ever again.". No answer. The silence is so loud.
Taking the last shuddered breath before doing a small nod:"Goodbye, Professor Snape.". With that, I turn around and head to the door. So this is how it ends. I'm holding onto these tears to not fall down. Not before I have locked myself in my chamber. Once again. Just when I'm about to grab the door knob, I feel the big, heavy hand on my shoulder. Huh?! With strong move, I get spun around sharply and pushed against the door. The wooden door makes a thud sound as my body hits against it. My eyes widens out of shock and confusion. Severus is gritting his teeth as he stares down to me with that dangerous shine in those dark eyes. "So what are you telling me... That whatever I feel about you is... Just a misunderstanding? A mistake?" the tone of his voice sounds calmly dangerous. Too stunned to speak, I just stare at the man confused. He's quick to continue:"Do you have any idea what kind of torture I have been living in?". Torture?
The grip around my shoulders tightens a bit, like he's trying to hold back. "The agony you give me each day when I don't know where you are. How much it hurts not be able to touch you... Be near you." he keeps going with the calm, soothing tone that still carries hint of sadness in it. Then, his right hand slides up to caress side of my cheek. There is now a lot softer look in his eyes:"There are no words to describe how I feel about you, (Y/N). I don't just like you. ...I adore you.". What? With that, Severus leans in, closes his eyes and places lips against mine. My heart skips a beat. His lips are so soft. The touch of his hand against my cheek is so tender, yet firm enough to make me feel its presence. My heart flutters and I close my eyes, hands sliding on his chest gently. Can feel the fabric of his clothes on my fingertips. And most of all... I can feel his heart. It's beating so fast it could burst out of his chest any second now.
Electric waves keeps going up and down inside of me. I don't want this moment to ever end. Without breaking the kiss, Severus removes his hand from my shoulder on my back, pulling me closer. When his other hand slides from my cheek behind my neck, deepening the kiss. Now there is no any space between us. Like we just melt into one. Both of us inhale thru our noses as the kiss keeps lasting. My mind and heart are going crazy, don't know what to do here. All I ever wanted for so long is to have this moment with him. When all of sudden, the image of that woman he had on Christmas Eve at his house pops on my mind. The thought there is the change he is in a relationship with the other person, I get washed over the sadness again and break the kiss while shoving him a bit away:"Sev...". He won't take his hands off of me, but looks down to me slightly confused why I stopped.
My hands are still resting on his chest as we stare into each others eyes. Eyes flickering between his, looking for the truth. "Tell me what's on your mind." his deep, soothing voice brings back the tears and my lips apart a bit. As soon as I feel him caressing side of my cheek with this thumb, I lean away:"...I...". He won't say anything and waits me to speak. A tear rolls down my cheek after I blink:"You can't do this. N-not if you have someon..-", "If you are referring to that woman you saw on Christmas Eve, I can assure you, I am not involved with her in any romantic way." he answer before I could even finish the sentence. Before I can open my mouth to ask anything else, he quickly adds:"You have my word. I can go and brew Veritaserum, drink it and proof you that I'm not a liar.". So I guess he is speaking the truth then.
Severus has his hands loosely around my waist as we stare each other. "So... She's a friend of yours?" I ask. "That'll be an exaggeration. More like someone I haveto tolerate." he simply answer. Raising an eyebrow a bit:"Tolerate?". He sighs:"It is a long story which I would not like to bore you with.". "You could never bore me, Sevy." I answer sincerely while looking up to him. Calling him by the nickname creates lighter mood and his brows raise:"Oh? Now I'm 'Sevy', am I?". My cheeks goes red after realizing I just called him that. I said it without thinking! Then, he pulls me close and kisses me again. It got me a bit off guard, but quickly melt into it. It's like sparks are flying. After the sweet and tender kiss, he folds his arms around me, holding me so tight. Severus... While he's hugging me, a light shade of pink raises on his cheeks and he frowns:"Don't ever ignore me like that again, nor talk to me like we are strangers. Understood?". With the smile on my face that I can not control, I nod against his body:"Understood.".