-42-
I sharply inhale thru my nose and shoot eyes wide open. Half of my face is facing the pillow. What the..? Lift my head up to look around. Slowly it all comes back to me what happened last night. After a minute of just laying there, I get up and do a little stretch. Despite the dream, I did sleep pretty well. Walking up to the window and take a peek behind the curtain to see outside. It's quite foggy day. Then, I hear a fade clinking sound, like someone's moving some dishes around down stairs. With barefoot, I quietly go down to the kitchen while wearing the white shirt Severus gave me. The hem of the shirt is just above the knees. When I come to the kitchen, I see how Severus is working on the kitchen counter, making something while having his back facing me. Right next to him is the sink, where there is a dish brush cleaning up some dishes by magic. There is also a pot warming up some water right above the stove. While standing here at the doorway and looking at him, I feel some sort of peace.
"Are you gonna stand there for long?" Severus suddenly asks without turning around. It makes me jump a little. How did he know I was here? I didn't even make a sound. Taking a step forward, so I'm now fully in the kitchen:"...Good morning.". "I figured you'd be up soon, so I made something for you to eat." he says with his usual monotonic tone and finally turns to look at me. He made me breakfast? "Thank you." my voice sounds little bit raspy. Severus pauses for a moment when his eyes lays on me. Guess he didn't expect to see me still wearing the shirt he gave me - talk about how messy and puffy my hair got during the night. Those black eyes visits on my bare legs. "The... Pants you gave me were little too big for me." I chuckle awkwardly, yet try to keep the mood light and casual. "I see." he says and continues to work around the kitchen.
For some minutes we sit around the table in comfortable silence while I'm eating the breakfast he made me, and he's reading the news paper and drinks some coffee. Sometimes I take a glance at the moving pictures that are on the news paper he's reading in front of me. Surprisingly, this all feels so... Natural. "...Do you think she's alright?" I break the silence. Severus flops down top of the news paper to see me. We share a look. Then he lift the paper back up and continues to read, or at least pretend to read it:"If you are referring the Carrow's twin, I suggest not to waste your time thinking about her condition. After all, she was the one who attacked you.". Guess he's right.
Fidgeting my fingers while having my hands resting on the table:"Even so, I didn't mean to..-", "As someone who'd wish to be an Auror, you are quite too sensitive." he cuts me off, not taking his eyes off the papers. After a small pause, I open my mouth:"Don't you ever think about the consequences of your actions then?". Severus stops for a moment, then he folds the paper and tosses it on the table. "Wondering such things won't help what has been done. It won't bring anyone back, no matter how much you'd wish for it. The reality is the present moment." he says, sounding almost like I hit the nerve. After he said that, he gets up and goes to put the cup into the sink. It makes me feel like the words weren't said directly at me. My gaze following him all time:"Sounds to me you got something on your mind.". No answer. He just stands beside the sink, staring outside of the window. Or someone? "What happened to them?" I dare to ask. There is a small pause, before Severus lowers his shoulders, still keeping his gaze towards the window:"...She died.".
My heart sinks and mind goes all over the place after he said that. He lost someone. Someone he... loved. There is a moment of silence. Quietly, I do an inhale and exhale thru my nose while keeping my eyes on him. Wish I could know what's going thru his mind right now. Him opening up like this - even just a little... It means the world to me. And I want him to know it. "I'm sorry to hear that." I say softly. No reaction. He just keeps staring outside of the window. Part of me wants start asking more questions about his past, but I know that would just shut him down immediately. What can I say to make it better? Or... Do. It's almost like my body is moving on its own. I slowly get up from the chair and walk up to him. My mind can't even catch up with what I'm doing at this second. Next thing I know, my hands wraps around him from behind and I press myself against him. Severus's eyes widens as he gets off guard by the sudden hug from behind.
Both of my hands are resting against his chest while the left side of my face is up against his back. The hug is sweet and tender, yet I'm putting enough pressure for him to know I'm here for him. Severus keeps his arms down, staying still. Even I can't see his face right now, I can tell he's surprised, but... Not irritated. His heart is beating fast. I can feel it. There is no way I could ever know or understand what he has gone thru. All I can tell is that there is pain inside this man. And if giving him a hug like this would give a moment of peace and sense of comfort to him... I'm here for it. I get slightly startled when I feel his hand gently placing on top of mine. For a second I thought he's about to push me away, but he actually holds onto my hand and gives it a squeeze. Almost as a sign as a thank you. Like he's giving into the hug itself. Maybe this is just something he needed.
We stay like that for a moment. Neither of us saying a word. There is no need. Severus then softly breaks the silence:"If it makes you feel... Better, you can call me by the nickname you said previous night.". Sounds like he said that with half gritted teeth. Lifting my face up to see the back of his head:"Hm?". It takes me a quick moment to understand what he meant by that. Then my eyes starts to sparkle again:"Really?". He quickly turns to look at me over the shoulder, partly breaking our hug:"But only when there is no one anywhere near us!". Then he fully turns around to face me while frowning, showing he's being serious about this. The touch between us breaks, but we stand really close to each other. The half annoyed, half flushtered face he's making just makes me laugh:"Alright, I promise to keep it between us. Sevy.".
Severus sighs half heartedly:"You are quite insufferable badger.". "Ey!" acting like I got hurt and give a playful shove. Then, something I never thought to see or hear happens; he lets out a soft chuckle and smiles. Woah! My eyes widens out of surprise for split second. This is the first time he has ever shown such a positive emotion. Severus sees the look on my face and depresses the smile:"What?". "Nothing." I clear my throat a bit and try to put on a casual smile, even I'd like to start to celebrate this event. Even he has his whole face back to the neutral expression, his eyes are still smiling. He looks like he would like to say something, but keeps it to himself. "You got a train to catch." he suddenly reminds. "Oh! Right. Almost forgot about that." I chuckle. Then I start heading up stairs. "I still think the school should provide you the Remembrball." he teases. "Haa-haa. Aren't you the funny one." I roll my eyes and keep on going up the stairs.
After I changed back to the dress I had yesterday, I came back to the downstairs and Severus walked me to the front door. Just before he opens the door for me, I turn to face him while smiling:"Thank you again, Sevy. Don't know what I would have done without you.". "Died. Most likely." he answers bluntly. Frowning at him half joking way:"Ey, I have you known if I had my wand with me, they wouldn't have stand a change! I am pretty good at dueling, you see.". He stares down on me with half smirk:"Is that so?". I nod with coy smile. He opens the door for me:"Then I guess I have no choice, other than take your word for it.". "What? You don't believe me?" I laugh. "You are quite the bragger, badger." Severus let out a soft chuckle while watching me walking out of the door. Then I turn around to face him, still smiling:"Wanna find out, sneaky snake?". It sounded way better in my head. Both of his eyebrows raise after I said that. Guess he wasn't expecting for me to play with words like that.
Then, he sighs while trying not to smile and press down the light blush:"You really are... Unbearable.". "Better get used to it, Sevy. I'm gonna be an official professor someday. Then, you can't get rid of me." I joke and laugh at my own words. "Is that a promise?" he says for my surprise. Lift my head up to meet his eyes. There is soft look on his face which I wasn't expecting to be honest. My cheeks starts turning burning red:"I...-", Severus quickly does a little open and shut emotion with his left fist while it's resting casually on his side, almost like it hurts all of sudden. "I'll see you at the castle." he says, then just shuts the door right in front of me. "Ah..-! Eh... Yeah." my voice goes small, still baffled by all of this. With that, I head to the train station to catch the train. Luckily Severus had given me the right directions, written down on a small piece of paper to make sure I won't get lost. Even I told him I can remember if he just told me the right directions, he still wanted to put it down on a paper. Guess he didn't wanna risk it. He really is... Something.